Chapter 15

guide your kids on digital life

When my husband and I take our family out to eat in a restaurant, it saddens me to see kids who once they sit down flip out their iPads or smartphones at the dinner table. They’re so busy with technology that they can’t possibly spend quality time with their family, or enjoy conversation, sharing, and laughter.

Digital exposure as a whole is on the rise, with one study indicating that the average eight- to ten-year-old spends almost eight hours per day on social media, while preteens and teenagers spend more than eleven hours per day. All of this screen time brings on health problems. Take a look:

Weight Gain. Kids glued to their tablets, smartphones, or computers for hours on end may be more likely to become obese, suggests research from Illinois State University. Researchers asked more than seven hundred kids to wear pedometers (to gauge how much they moved around), plus report on how much time they spent watching TV and playing video games. The researchers found the greater the kids’ screen time, the less they exercised and the more weight they gained.

Risky Behaviors. Canadian researchers found that young people who spent more than three or four hours a day at their computers were 50 percent more likely to engage in risky behaviors such as drinking, smoking, drug use, and unprotected sex than kids who spend a minimal amount of time at the computer. Why was this? The researchers suggested that kids who use computers can be regularly exposed to many examples of dangerous behaviors, which they may then emulate.

Psychological Health. Tellingly, the more time teenagers spend using a computer or watching TV, the weaker their emotional bonds are with their parents. That’s the conclusion of a study of more than three thousand teens published in the Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine. On the other hand, teens who spent more time reading and doing homework reported feeling closer to their moms and dads. The researchers noted that when kids feel a healthful attachment to their parents, this boosts psychological health and reduces participation in risky health behaviors.

There’s an upside to gadgets, however. They can help our kids grow and learn. There are lots of educational and creative apps and programs that can be downloaded to challenge children’s creativity. When your kid is concentrating on a game, for example, he or she is actually improving mental capacity. In experiments comparing “gamers” to “nongamers,” scientists discovered that frequent players (gamers) have sharper vision and faster reaction times and that they’re better at multitasking and have better concentration than nongamers.

As for cell phones, they are great for safety and peace of mind for us parents. When kids are out with friends, the cell phone can be a lifeline in case of an emergency.

As parents, we need to be mindful of what our kids share online and what they may choose to post. We may think we can’t live without our technology, and to a certain extent we can’t in our increasingly fast-paced world. However, I think kids need a digital detox too. If your kids and teens are head down over their electronic devices or glued to their games more than you’d like, it might be a good idea to set some boundaries and guidelines.

ENCOURAGE NONDIGITAL ACTIVITIES

When your kids are playing electronic games all the time, they aren’t getting much fresh air. They’re not reading books, having face-to-face interactions with peers, or playing creatively. Videos, computers, apps, and portable games are here to stay, but let’s not forget the value of simple play outdoors with bicycling, ball games, and other physical activities.

Also, getting your kids involved in after-school activities, whether sports, dance, music, or art, helps reduce too much online interaction.

KEEP TABS ON KIDS’ ONLINE ACTIVITY

It’s important to screen social media use, both in terms of time spent and types of sites visited. Actively monitor usage and set limits on time used. Consider establishing a maximum time that may be spent on social media in a single day, or insist on shutting off all electronic devices after a certain time. Have talks with your kids about what they encounter online, and openly discuss what types of sites are and are not considered acceptable.

Also, keep computers in an open part of your home (like a kitchen workstation). That way, you can check on what your kids are doing online and how much time they are spending there.

STRESS REAL RELATIONSHIPS

Kids need to be taught that the most meaningful conversations take place face-to-face—which is why it’s a good idea to limit the use of digital devices. It’s important for kids to be connected to people and family members and not just isolated in their own rooms. Social media is great, but you also have to get out there and interact with people.

SET EXPECTATIONS

As a parent, it’s your responsibility to determine how and when devices can be used: only x number of texts a day, for example, or no social media during homework or during dinner. Mealtimes are important occasions to really connect with one another without the technological distractions that can be so overwhelming throughout the day.

Some families insist that all children’s laptops and cell phones must be in charge mode in the kitchen during overnight hours. Others make a rule that cell phones must be turned off by 10 p.m. Basically, our goal as parents is to help our children develop a healthful relationship with technology.

HELP YOUR KIDS BE SAFE ONLINE

Make it clear to your kids that online interactions should be limited to only people they know and that personal information should not be shared without first talking to you. And encourage them to speak up to you if they feel harassed by anyone online.

Talk to them about the serious consequences of online bullying. If your child is the victim of cyberbullying, take action with the other parents and with the school, if appropriate. Attend to your kids’ emotional needs promptly if they are being bullied online, and consider taking them off social media sites where the bullying occurs.

The digital world can be a wonderful place for learning. But it also is a place where kids can run into trouble. Make sure kids of all ages know that it is inappropriate to send or receive pictures of people without clothing or sexy text messages.

“Friend” your kids on social media sites they use. That way, you can monitor their online presence.

Don’t hesitate to use parental controls. They’re a useful tool in the effort to ensure responsible usage. Most smartphones and laptops come with either built-in controls or easy-to-download apps that can help parents control how, what, and when their child uses his or her new gadget.

CREATE A PERSONALIZED MEDIA PLAN

Check out the link HealthyChildren.org/MediaUsePlan. It helps you create a personalized Family Media Use Plan that works within your family’s values and busy lifestyles.

This interactive tool developed by the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) includes a Media Time Calculator that can give you a snapshot of how much time your kids are spending on such activities as sleeping, eating, doing homework, exercising, and using social media. It also includes AAP recommendations on screen-free zones, media manners, and much more.

Remember that your kids are watching you, so it’s important to set a good example with your own digital usage. If you’re engaging your child in conversation, then don’t pull out your phones and start texting—you wouldn’t let your child do that to you. We have to remember that as adults, it’s our responsibility to be great role models for our children.