The very thought of facing Paul made her feel faint with terror. She’d be destroyed if he rejected her. There was nothing she could say that would justify her behavior. What she had done, the way she had deceived him, all that was inexcusable. The only things she could do were to put her trust in the power of love, and hope for Paul’s understanding and forgiveness.
For the moment, however, she had to put her troubles on hold and get into the party spirit for Suzy’s sake. Later, she’d take Marigold’s advice and sleep on the idea.
Meanwhile, there was cheesecake to eat and tea and coffee to drink. And maybe she could switch over. Let Serendipity reign for a little while.
Suzy wore a smile all the way back to Jade’s apartment.
“That was so unexpected, so much of a surprise. Imagine Steve organizing my baby shower!”
“It was great of him to do it all. Much better we had it there than in my dreary apartment.”
“Oh Jade.” Suzy glanced over. “Have you decided whether or not to put in an offer on the other place?”
“I’ll make my final decision on Monday. That is, if the house is still available by then. Betty told me there’s another offer in.”
“That’s a whole four days away. How will you survive the suspense?”
“I was thinking maybe I’ll fly home,” Jade said. “The trouble is, my two sides don’t agree on this.”
“What do you mean?”
“First of all, there’s Jade. She says I can’t afford it, that my traveling budget is all used up for this month. From her point of view, I’d be crazy and irresponsible to go. But then there’s Serendipity.”
“Yes?”
“She says, what the hell does all that matter when my whole future happiness is at stake?”
“Your whole future happiness? This must be about more than finding somewhere to live.”
Jade kept silent for a while, then she added, “Here’s my problem, Suze.” She drew in a deep breath. “I’ve fallen in love with Paul. But he, if what he said is true, has fallen for Serendipity, not Jade. He probably loathes Jade … me … for deceiving him. If I want him, I have to show him who I really am. Sometimes I’m not even sure myself. Lately, I like Jade less and less.”
Her friend slowed. Turning the steering wheel, she drew to the curb, switched off the motor, and turned to look at Jade.
“It sounds to me as though Serendipity and Jade are one and the same. Together they make up the best parts of you. All you’ve got to do is reconcile the two.”
Suzy was right.
“Then,” Jade said slowly, “maybe we can have a chance together. Otherwise … ” her voice hitched, “ … otherwise, not.”
“You really need to get up there. See Paul. That’s the only way to find out.”
For a while there was silence.
“What I think,” Suzy began, “is that, in times of trouble, there’s no substitute for a mother. So my advice is, go with Serendipity and get your butt up there.”
“Maybe I will.”
Jade thanked Suzy and got out of the car. She shut the door and stepped away to wave. Suzy buzzed down the window.
“I’d like to meet her sometime.”
“Who? My mother?”
“No, I meant Serendipity.”
As she drove off with a wiggle of her fingers, Jade thought Suzy already had. Serendipity was mostly who she was when she was with her friend, just as she had been with Paul over their magical weekends. Those were the times she was happiest.
• • •
Jade woke knowing that heading up to the lake was what she had to do. Hopefully Fred would be able to squeeze her in, but she didn’t think the chances were good. This was the weekend he’d booked the fishermen, so it could be a kind of test. If he said he had space for her, that would surely be A Sign.
“Dipity, hi there. I was going to call you today. I’m all mixed up now, don’t know what’s happened to our every-other-week arrangement.”
“I’m hoping you can fly me up tonight, Fred.”
“Not unless I get a cancellation. Remember, I made that slip up last time? I’ll check with these guys. Let you know by midday.”
At last the call came through. Seeing Fred’s name on the display, she snatched up the handset.
“Dipity, it’s a go.”
She felt glad and sick at the same time.
“What about the fishermen?”
“One of the three can’t make it, so you can take his place. Mind you, no boasting of your skill in the angling direction. Can’t have these city types feeling inferior, can we?”
She gave a polite giggle, thinking of Paul hauling ’em out.
“Same time, same place?”
“You betcha.”
Okay. There was the sign. She was going.
Jade spent the rest of her lunch hour surfing the Internet for information about the sport of fishing. A small nugget of an idea was forming in her brain.
• • •
Frank leaned his forearms on the dining room table. Jade sat opposite him, finishing up the last of the chicken dinner Marigold had cooked. The flight from Buttonville had been bumpy, but Jade knew the uneasy, queasy feeling in her gut wasn’t entirely due to the airplane ride.
Her father spoke. “I was right, Dipity. Kip’s retiring. He offered me the store.”
She put down her fork and wiped her mouth on the paper napkin. “You’re going to say yes, aren’t you?”
“Don’t see how I can.” Frank fiddled with the cut-glass salt-and-pepper set. “There are two things at issue here. First, there’s the money. Although Kip would give me a good deal, there are also his other four stores. I could never raise the necessary cash to get them all.” He looked wistful. “Sure, I know all about how to sell fishing supplies, how to check on stocks and order and stuff. What I don’t know is the business side. Keeping the books straight and so on.”
Jade opened her mouth. “But I know all that.” She blinked, surprised at her words. They’d just seemed to pop out. Probably because of the way she’d been thinking, although her idea wasn’t fully formed as yet.
Frank’s expression changed from one of worry to wonder and delight. “You’d help me then?”
She couldn’t take the words back. No, rather, she’d have to make good on them. “Why not?”
“Why not?” He sat back and she saw the caution return to his expression. “Because you’ve got your career in the city, that’s why not.”
“But Dad, — ” she shifted on the bench seat “ — this could be exciting. Did you know fishing’s the fifth most popular sport in North America today? Think of the possibilities if we owned a small chain. And there’s always the money I’ve saved for buying a house.”
Frank looked stunned. “You’d consider investing too?”
She gave a big sigh and shook her head. “I don’t know. There are some things I have to work through. Give me a little time before I commit myself.”
“I don’t want to pressure you, Dipity. But you doing the business side, well, that would be the answer to a prayer.”
• • •
Jade finished clearing the table. In the kitchen, Marigold was about to tackle the pile of pots and pans. She squirted eco-friendly dishwashing liquid into the sink and ran the hot water.
“Here, I’ll do it,” Jade offered.
Her mom moved to one side. “Thanks. Then I can dry and put away.”
Jade picked up the brush and began the task of scrubbing away all the residue of cooking. Mother and daughter stood side by side.
“Are you feeling okay?” Marigold asked.
Jade lifted out a wooden spoon and put it in the cutlery drainer. “The flight was bumpy. But I feel better after the food … . The dinner was delicious. Thanks. I don’t think I’ve eaten properly the whole week.” The brush made small circles as she scrubbed away.
“Something’s still worrying you. We didn’t expect you to come home this weekend.”
Jade lifted a pot out of the suds, rinsed it, and placed it upside down on the dish rack.
“Yeah.” She rested her hands, clad in yellow rubber gloves, on the edge of the sink. Hanging her head, she looked down at the frothy water, the tiny bubbles bursting, one by one. “Two things really. I have to make up my mind about the house. But what’s really troubling me is what to do about Paul.”
“You love him. I can see that.”
Jade swallowed and nodded.
“Tell him how you feel, Serendipity. It’s the only way to go, your only chance for happiness.”
“If only I could.” Jade slumped forward. She looked at her mother. “He’ll never forgive me. I deceived him; didn’t tell him the truth of who I was. Not only that, I took away his livelihood.”
“Come on, Dipity, losing his job is not going to be that terrible. So he has to bum around for a bit. Would that be so very bad?”
“It was bad for me, when you did that.”
“I know. I’m sorry, poppet.” Marigold put her hand on Jade’s back and rubbed it soothingly. “It’s hard to explain the appeal of that time, of the gypsy life we led.” She leaned against the counter, a faraway look in her eye. “We were so idealistic, believing in freedom and love, that we could change the whole world. We scorned the materialistic outlook and values of our modern society. Going against established ways seemed almost like a mission. And I still believe a lot of that was good, and valid. It was only a pity that it got kind of sidetracked into a dropping out and turning on kind of thing, which meant for some people it deteriorated into a drug culture.”
Jade turned away from the sink and hugged her mother.
Marigold released her and looked into her eyes. “What are you going to do?”
“You’re right. There’s only one way. I have to tell him, have to beg for another chance. Oh God, I’m so scared … . Do you think he’ll be able to forgive me?”
“No one can say. But this I can tell you, there’s a kind of affirmation that happens when you tell the truth. Somehow strength and rightness flow in. You just have to do the courageous thing. If everything works out, don’t you think that would be worth it?”
Jade stared at her mother. Why had she never appreciated or realized how wise Marigold was before? During the teen years, she’d gotten into the habit of deriding and mocking her, and somehow that had stuck. She hadn’t moved on to see the real person there. Her mom might have been flighty and irresponsible when Jade was little, but she’d been very young herself then. Over the years, she’d changed and grown into a woman her daughter could admire. And even hope to emulate.
“Will you go to him right away?”
Jade took a moment to consider. “I don’t think so. At the moment, I’m feeling too jittery and unsure of myself. Also, there’s something symbolic I need to do first.” She turned back to the sink and picked up another pot. “I’ll go tomorrow.”