Because Cancerians have no life of their own, they just love to hear about others people’s problems – and they are gullible enough to think they might be of some help. How can they be when they have had no real experiences? They’re supposed to be good home makers – this is a myth – but they’ve spread this rumour because they’re just too scared to go into the real world and find out what it’s like. They think they have exquisite taste – but their style is old-fashioned, dark and boring.
* They think they have exquisite taste – but their style is old-fashioned, dark and boring
Their idea of a good night out is a dinner party – at their own house. Clinically they are agoraphobic although they invariably claim they are merely home-loving. They are the sign of the crab – do you want to know why? Because the sea that they live near is the perfect representation of their emotional state: wet, vast, capable of sinking pretty well anyone and unfathomable.
They are self-pitying, weak, pathetic, emotional limp rags. They wear their heart on their sleeves and by golly isn’t it a wet one.
* The sea they live near is the perfect representation of their emotional state: wet, vast, capable of sinking pretty well anyone and unfathomable
They are extremely clingy. Don’t let them get too close or you’ll regret it. They claim to be intuitive (they spy on people), protective (they smother people), cautious (they are afraid to take risks), excellent home-makers (agoraphobic), sympathetic listeners (they just want your gossip) and imaginative (no sense of reality).
Cancers are moody and will snap at you for no apparent reason. To get back in their good books you will have to ritually humiliate yourself, go down on bended knee and beg forgiveness, promising them you’ll never do it again. And you’ll never know what it was you did wrong. The reason for all this is they are simply control freaks. They want you uneasy, uncertain, afraid to put a foot wrong. They emotionally blackmail you to get whatever it is they want – and that can change from moment to moment – just to keep you on your toes. For Cancers life is one big drama and they just love to be theatrical, which probably explains why they go to the theatre so much.
Oh what a wet mess they’ll make of this. Cancer in love? You’ll never hear the end of it when it comes to matters of the heart; they’ve met the right person or the wrong person; they’ve fallen in love at first sight, or after a long-term friendship; they’ve fallen for someone unsuitable, or completely suitable. I think they mistake us for someone who gives a damn. But still they’ll go on about their love affairs, their broken heart or mended heart, their cute kids. It’s all the same, emotional drivel.
* If you value your life don’t forget any anniversary
Whatever you do don’t make the mistake of looking bored or as if you’re not listening. That might be the last straw that sends them off. They hate to be ignored. When it comes to love, they hate not to be taken seriously. Special care must be taken when dealing with a Cancerian lover – you musn’t mock them or tease them or poke fun at them. God forbid. They can’t take a joke. They have no sense of humour and very little sense of fun.
They make a pretty big song and dance out of anything to do with love – soppy poetry, flowers, gifts. romantic locations, rings, tokens. body language, signals (conscious or unconscious, you’ve been warned) – and will stifle any sense of freedom, fresh air, time away from them, your own space, a day off, a night off or even daring to watch TV while they’re talking to you. If you value your life don’t forget any anniversary.
Now you’d expect them to be prudish, cautious, sensitive, delicate, discreet, straight-laced. No way. They keep their desires pretty quiet until they’ve hooked you and then they’ll expect you to perform all manner of bizarre acts of sexual debauchery.
They like to make love in chalets by the river, country house hotels, exotic hideaways. Once there. they will be busy taking notes on the décor while you’re busy trying to satisfy their insatiable needs.
Once the first flushes of lust have worn off for them they’ll switch all their attention to gardening and leave you alone completely. Or they’ll take up some bizarre sport such as tennis and insist you play as well instead of having sex. Completely bizarre, but that’s a Cancerian for you.
* Cancer and sex is all a matter of extremes - extreme lust or extreme tennis
Cancer and sex is all a matter of extremes – extreme lust or extreme tennis. And you’ll never know which so don’t be getting any ideas, you’ll be wrong.
Cancerians work well if you give them lots of direction, orders, rules, rituals, things to fetch and carry – otherwise they are bossy, arrogant and self-opinionated. You can never tell which sort you’re going to get before you employ them. And if you are unsatisfied you can’t sack them – you’d ever hear the end of it, never stop them crying and clutching hankies.
If they work for themselves they are highly methodical, excessively neat, unbearably tidy, and organized. They colour code everything and make endless lists – they even have lists of their lists.
* They can earn quite a lot of money – all of which they spend on themselves or on their over-large brood of excessively cute kids
In business they do quite well servicing other people – organizing dinner parties, organising tours, massage parlours, counselling, that sort of thing. They actually do quite well in a funny sort of way. They can earn quite a lot of money – all of which they spend on themselves or on their over-large brood of excessively cute kids.
They often don’t have to do any work at all as they marry rich spouses or inherit wealth or just find it in the street. They will never play the lottery as they think gambling beneath them. Their homes have too much velvet in them.