They have too many dictionaries and reference books. They could try reading a few of them. They are picky, sharp and bad-tempered if they don’t get their own way. Their need for cleanliness and order is obsessive. They have few friends and those they do have, they criticize constantly. They have no emotions and might just as well be replaced by a machine. No one needs to wash their hands, or brush their teeth, as much as they do.
The sign of Virgo is supposed to mean the virgin. Rubbish. The true sign of Virgo is a brick wall. They build barriers around themselves. Good. Let them rot behind them. Who wants to break down that wall to find an accountant lurking there? And that is invariably what you do find – accountants, number crunchers, computer geeks, button pushers, book-keepers and office managers. How boring.
Virgo and personality in the same sentence – that’s an oxymoron. Does cash have soul? Do coins cry? Cut a bank statement and does it bleed? No, of course not. They lock their emotions away in money boxes and keep their feelings firmly between the pages of their cheque books.
They have all the exhilaration of a filing cabinet.
* They lock their emotions away in money boxes and keep their feelings firmly between the pages of their cheque books
Virgoans are supposed to be discriminating, meticulous and tidy. The truth is they are just plain picky have to be in control. Look inside their wardrobe. Have you ever seen anything so unnaturally neat? This is obsessive behaviour. And they have too many jumpers.
Their idea of excitement is one glass of wine in a wine bar or a barbecue with a few friends – well four friends actually, always exactly four, never five or three, only four. It has to be neat and orderly. If they really want passion, excitement, daring, danger, they’ll take a trip to a home furnishing store. They think wearing a paper hat at Christmas is terribly daring.
They do have a problem with humour which seems to have got stuck somewhere around the school playground level. They are surprisingly coarse and like nothing better than jokes about people being sick or going to the lavatory. For some strange reason they seem to think this is funny. It might just be because they never do such things themselves. It wouldn’t suit their image to be seen doing bodily functions.
They are fussy, obsessional and hypercritical hypochondriacs. They like to break in rather than break out. They always seek conformity and traditional values. They like to fit in, to belong, to blend in. They have far too many cushions and too many gadgets in their kitchen.
* They like to break in rather than break out
They are over-concerned when in love and will need constant reassurance. You have to tell them how much you love them every twenty minutes without fail or they will feel threatened and lacking in self-esteem. They need constant reassurance that every thing is perfect in their little perfect worlds. Wipe down the kitchen surfaces a lot if you want them to feel loved.
Cute, sickly, passionless, adorable and sweet. That’s your Virgo in love for you – sickly-sweet. Golden syrup-sweet. They like to hold hands with their intended, a lot, far too much. They giggle and bat their eyelids and that sort of thing. They like to feed their lover and do helpful things for them like putting toothpaste on their toothbrushes. Being in love for a Virgo means having someone to tidy up, smarten up, look after. They don’t need a lover, they need a child. They like to look at magazines a lot – especially glossy ones to help you plan your wedding, or re-decorate your home.
* They don’t need a lover, they need a child
Once they have got their ideal partner – and don’t worry if you aren’t, they’ll soon mould you to fit – they set about altering your eating habits. They do like their organics and their faddy diets and their over-sweet drinks. Nothing too grown up for them, so forget a decent steak or a bottle of beer. They drink herbal teas, so if you want to make a really big impression on them suggest a cup of hot water, that’ll get them.
If you like going to bed surrounded by teddy bears and stuffed animals you’ll do fine. If you like quick clean sex you’ll be fine. If you like anything out of the ordinary, sexy, adventurous, or fun, then you’re going to be very unhappy I’m afraid. Sex for the Virgo is a bit like going swimming. It’s all cold and clean and a bit wet. You’ll need a good rub down and a shower afterwards and it’s all so healthy, so unbelievably healthy. And no, you can’t lie there afterwards having a cigarette – heaven forbid.
* If you like going to bed surrounded by teddy bears and stuffed animals you’ll do fine
And boy do they like routine. Touch this bit first, do this next, follow up with this. Each and every time. You’ll get no surprises here. You’ll stick to the script or they’ll sulk – boy are they good at that. They don’t like spontaneous sex either. You’ll do it at the right and proper time, once a week, in the right temperature controlled circumstances. No out of door sex for the Virgo, or being cold or sweaty or taken by sudden passion. They have lots of inhibitions.
* You’ll stick to the script or they’ll sulk – boy are they good at that
Oh yes, you’d better be good at it. They can be very picky lovers. Make sure you wash first, lots of nice smells – they don’t really like bodies so be clean and hygienic. Keep your bedroom spotless and make sure there’s lots of tissues, they like tissues. They don’t like to eat in bed, too many crumbs.
Imagine your tax inspector and you have pretty well your perfect Virgo. A busybody. A stickler for rules and regulations. They would make a good car park attendant – ‘You can’t park there’. Do you get the picture?
How many times can you say accountant? That’s it really. Anything without excitement, danger, hard work, responsibility, creativity or free thinking. They make good food hygiene inspectors – busy poking about in other people’s fridges. They don’t like to be in charge and would much rather be told what to do – and have lots of rules. They do like rules.
* They make good food hygiene inspectors – busy poking about in other people’s fridges
Remember those lovely old films set in hospitals with the big bosomy matron – that’s your Virgo that is. Bossy, highly-organized, scary, intimidating, neat. They like to smell of carbolic soap. They never go into business on their own unless it is to set up a secretarial school where they turn out neat little Virgos in neat little business suits.
When they aren’t at work they are restless little people who like dull activities like shopping, gardening, or walking. They like to be busy. Trouble is, they like everyone around them to be busy as well, you don’t get away with anything. They make good slave drivers.