One day a Capricorn will take a risk and the world will stop in shock. They are cool to the point of frozen; self-possessed to the point of wooden; and sceptical to the point of not even believing in themselves. They are the old-fashioned type – stuck in another era, another time warp. They are staid and boring, tight-fisted and mean. They have no true emotions. They have no real sex life.
Capricorn is the sign of the goat – wild, capricious and at home on the mountainside. Rubbish. Capricorn is really the sign of the crocodile – dangerous, greedy and nasty. They like to make money, make some more money and finally make a bit more just in case. They lavish any emotional life they have on their finances.
* They lavish any emotional life they have on their finances
They are a cold-blooded reptile – ambitious, ruthless, determined and cunning. They look ahead and upwards and plot how to get there. They never worry about keeping up with the Jones’s, they are the Jones’s. They like you to know how much they are worth, what their house is worth, and what their car cost.
* They are a cold-blooded reptile – ambitious, ruthless, determined and cunning
They aren’t very people-orientated and can come across as distant, aloof and somewhat disapproving. They do like people to hero worship them though, it makes them feel superior. They need to spend a bit more time outdoors as their skin is a bit pasty. They could also do with looking at themselves from behind in a decent full-length mirror.
They like to hoard, and fear having their savings being taken from them – all this wealth could be stolen, the markets could crash, there could be a run on the bank. They lie awake at night listing all the things that could go wrong. Consequently they do like to invest in burglar alarms.
They are very serious and like nothing better than serious discussions – about the exchange rate, the run on the currency, the bank’s interest rates and how much to invest in coffee beans.
* They lie awake at night listing all the things that could go wrong
In their thinking they have all the flexibility of a steel rod – you try getting one to change their mind. They are a fixed sign – fixed in thought, word and deed. They do nothing spontaneously. If it hasn’t been diaried then they won’t do it. They do like order – in fact they make the Virgo seem positively reckless and messy. They are supposed to have a very dry sense of humour – never seen a sign of it myself. They are miserly, dour, pessimistic and a bit of a wet blanket. They are fastidious about germs – Howard Hughes was a Capricorn, no surprises there then.
What a depressing thought. A goat in love. How very sad. They have all the passion of two people watching TV, and no doubt they would watch some dreary programme on the stock market. They like to sit on sofas drinking tea together in matching cardigans. They like slippers.
You would think they were shy seeing as how tongue-tied they seem, unable to speak in the presence of the opposite sex, looking at the floor, all that shuffling from foot to foot. But shy they are not. They are just so robotic that they don’t have emotional responses. That’s why they try to appear shy, it’s a cover up for the fact that they don’t know how to be, or how to act when confronted with emotion.
They don’t do romance or trivia or small-talk or baby- talk or endearments. They do serious. They do ponderous. They do weighty. Falling in love with one of these is a bit like falling in love with a rhinoceros – heavy, grey ... and horny.
* They are just so robotic that they don’t have emotional responses
The one area in which the Capricorn lets their hair down is in the bedroom. They do like their sex. In fact they can be a bit like the proverbial pig at a trough. These are very private people who don’t like being asked what they are thinking or what they are feeling, but take their clothes off and they lose all inhibitions. They won’t take their own clothes off, mind – they don’t initiate anything – so you’ll have to set the ball rolling. Once you do they’ll surprise you with their stamina – and exhaust you with their energy. They don’t have a great deal of finesse but by golly they have staying power.
* Take their clothes off and they lose all inhibitions
If you like being wooed, flirted with, seduced, romanced and teased, better find another playmate; Capricorn are direct and blunt.
They do like one lover at a time and preferably a long-term one No one-night-stands for them. They are faithful to the point of boring, they don’t even commit adultery in their heads. When it comes down to it, all a Capricorn wants to do is play good old-fashioned missionaries.
Plod, plod, plod. That’s a Capricorn thinking out loud. They make great bankers, and can be found lurking in the basements of big grey buildings, working on their numbers.
Give them a task and they’ll relentlessly trawl their way through it until it is done. Give them a challenge or an idea or a new thing and they’ll be hopelessly lost. This is not the brightest button in the box. This is not the sharpest of knives in the kitchen drawer. Sure they can follow an instruction manual – they’re brilliant at putting flat pack furniture together or making model aircrafts – but they do get a bit lost if you ask them to think for themselves. Now I’m not saying they’re stupid – far from it – but a bit slow? Yes, that’s it. A bit slow. You can, however, trust them, they don’t have the wits to steal from you.
* This is not the brightest button in the box
At work they are serious and always on time. They do occasionally make jokes which throws people completely, mainly because they don’t expect it and because the jokes are so terrible – their sense of humour is sadly lacking. Their sense of timing is awry. Their story-telling abilities are non-existent. But don’t tell them – they think they are brilliantly funny.