Things I have been called by professionals:
Bipolar
Compulsive
Catholic
Depressed
Dyslexic
Efficient
Gifted
Impulsive
Obese
Obsessive
I’ve been baptized twice/washed over/still gay/no choice/no christian/no cure/girl/no daddy/daughter/no dresses/jamaican/no accent /girlfriend/no boyfriend/won’t tell a lie/but I’m always swallowing truth/want to run for congress/but ain’t made a move/stand for something even when I’m sitting/I want to go out/while staying in bed/cuddle without touching/fuck without loving/love without fighting/I’m hungry with no appetite/wide awake/with my eyes shut/so tired/won’t sleep/bathed/still dirty/like my sloppy neat/I like my neat never/smile when I’m angry/cry when I’m happy/spend what I don’t have/living when I want to die/trying to die when I’m supposed to live/I’m the strongest woman you know/in her weakest moment/I’m allergic to peanuts and have been stabbed with an EpiPen/swallowed 30 times the prescribed amount of antidepressants stood smiling over my weeping almost dead body/my mother calls me fearless/my father doesn’t call/built by a broken home/the only thing I’ve ever been afraid of is my lack of fear/my emotions are an 18-wheeler in rush hour/if home is where the heart is I owe back rent to my own chest/I never knew how or forgot along the way to wash the dishes put the pain in the dryer/I’m only breathing because the enemy wants me dead/turned my back on the devil to advocate for someone who actually needs it/I walked away from the cross to have a Godson named Lucifer and he’s a fucking angel/our hugs are crowbars and a part of me is broken into/choosing to learn/to love another good boy who will grow into whatever he chooses/I had to choose me/choose to live/there’s a chance he’ll need my kind of monster to scare away the bad & I’ll be ready & never alone/every best friend I’ve ever had is writing these poems with my hands/so I’ll never have to work again/for now death is behind the back of my mind LIVE scrolls LED bright across the marquee of my eyelids/I’m the rolling credits after a sunset/my memories are deleted scenes/I’ve held a pistol to my head but never brought one home/the only shotgun in my possession is a passenger seat aimed at anyone down to ride for me the clip is endless/& the door is unlocked