from the one who left
Used to say I been beaten
but I’m still here
fight ain’t over
I never died
The trauma did
“No one is to approach any close relative to have sexual relations.” Leviticus 18:6
he said it was a nightmare
he said it was a nervous tic
he said it was a game
he never said I couldn’t tell
I think, that’s why I didn’t
something in me knew
this was not
good news
worth sharing
so i swallowed it & him
Used to say I been beaten
but I’m still here
fight ain’t over
I never died
The trauma did
but was born again
of another man’s mouth
“Do not envy a violent man or choose any of his ways.” Proverbs 3:31
he said you are
your mother’s
daughter
but you are my mistake
said if you didn’t turn around
the shoe would have hit your head
not split your lip
said if you ever tell a soul
you will need more than a few stitches
so i tucked this deep
Used to say I been beaten
but I’m still here
fight ain’t over
I never died
The trauma did
but was born again of
another woman’s fist
“Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord.” Romans 12:19
she said i asked for it
she said i made her
she said it wouldn’t be abuse
if I would just fight back
said the bruises would fade
but the love would grow stronger
she said i just happen to be around
at her worst times
she said playing the victim only makes her hit harder
she said no one in love
should have to beg for sex
she said this isn’t kidnapping
I just gotta get through her if I wanna leave
so i stayed
I used to say I been beaten
but I’m still here
therapist on speed dial
41 empty pill bottles later
sleepless nights turned morning
countless exhales
trauma will never have
as many revivals
as triumph
“The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon Me, because the LORD has anointed Me to preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound.” Isaiah 61:1
Victory is the moment I looked my father in the eye and didn’t swing
Victory is the moment I looked my ex in the eye and didn’t jump
Victory is the moment I looked my molester in the eye
and didn’t shoot
Victory is the moment I look myself in the eye
& lived
& loved
blessed are the wicked
for they shall inherit
the courage to love
bloodlessly
Blessed are the captive
for they shall inherit
the courage to escape
still breathing
i
walked free
a chance to live again
the difference between death
& survival
how you can dance
at your own grave site
the beaten are where they always were
trying to fight/fuck their rage out of the good around them
they keep checking the tomb for my remains
& each time I am gone
There’s a decade of resurrection Sundays
buried underneath my tongue
i am the good news
consider me the burning bush
you damn right I’m on fire
I’ve been carrying the sun on my spine
intending to light the way
for the ones who stayed