I think love is a hotel room
everything used
but new
I arrive with arms full of gifts
The most precious wrapped
inside of my chest
the lampshades bow and the tv won’t even look at me
I am never more useless
than in the arms of a woman
who will check out
before i even know the sun has risen
I keep falling for the same women
dying or dead
with hearts on
do not deserve
I know I am no god
I know nothing of forgiveness
I carry such a sadness
for all the sorries I’ve never received
to know I cannot hold you close
to know I cannot forgive
is to know you are no longer with me
there are no crossroads
no latent reunion
You had no desire to be a lover
we, a casualty of human nature
sometimes love is letting you die
do not disturb
There must be a way to remind myself
this bed
is not a casket
oh, lucky you
who gets to be spirit
I’m forced to remain human
But we are both daughters
to someone
//a glimpse//
of everything that is good
and just
and right
We right
& write
until the world knows of this unspeakable tenderness & our undeserving need
to be known as legacies
as daughters
of daughters
who may beget daughters
My pastor once told me,
in prayer
I have to use the only words that work
today it’s fuck
today it’s die
tomorrow it may be live or love or or or
either way you will not respond
I am learning my posture of worship is my head thrown back
two middle fingers in the air
screaming fuck the unworthy
There are things that I’ve said that did not sound godly
there are places I have been that look nothing like heaven
I have been begging a deafened lord to write messages over your heart
but your funeral is not my burden
love is no religion
this is no church
it’s just this hotel room
where—like me,
everything is used
but seemingly new
we are significant and other
the door is calling
& it’s time
to check out