In the little Provençal perfumery studio I was doing as promised, taking risks, blending notes I usually wouldn’t pair up, experimenting, and thinking outside the box. As a mentor Sebastien had given me something money couldn’t buy, confidence! He made me think about perfumery in a completely new light. Every stage was crucial from the farms themselves, to the extraction techniques, and even the mood of the perfumer. Suddenly the block that had been holding me back lifted, and I felt like I had half a chance of staying in the competition, if only I could hit the brief.
‘You must be happy in the moment of mixing, and shut off any outside worries. If you’re angry, sad, frustrated, it will show in the perfume. It’s all about temperament.’
‘What?’ I cried, it was such a whimsical thing for him to say. ‘What do you mean, temperament?’
Sunlight shone in the window behind him turning the black of his hair silver. ‘If the perfumer isn’t happy, it reflects in their product.’
I cocked my head, and held a laugh in check. Nan and I had a few fragrance quirks between us but I didn’t expect Mr Serious to believe in something so frivolous. Secretly I felt the same, but I couldn’t help tease this whimsical side of him out more. ‘And how can that possibly be?’
‘Well,’ he said, his cheeks pinking. ‘It’s like cooking with love, that’s a common saying isn’t it? If the cook is rushed, or harried the food tastes bitter. The same with fragrance. If the perfumer isn’t happy, then their sense of smell is off, and they can’t blend perfection. It will always be tinged with that unhappiness.’
Somehow I managed to keep a straight face but my heart just about exploded. That! That was passion! That didn’t sound like the words of a man who wanted no part in perfumery… My nan would have jumped up and cuddled the guy. The idea crossed my mind too.
‘I agree,’ I said.
Goosebumps prickled my skin, and I had the most curious sense someone was standing just off in the distance… It dawned on me that Vincent knew all along what his son needed.
While Vincent might not have been as available as he should have, he still knew his son’s heart. Aurelie too had had a hand in it. I had to resist the urge to clap a hand over my mouth as all the puzzle pieces fit into place. The competition was never about finding an unknown perfumer, even though it would open doors and be a great benefit to us, it was about helping their son rekindle his love for perfumery, without his father.
The man who broke his heart was attempting to put it back together – from the afterlife.
That’s why they suddenly opened up their long-closed doors to us. For their son, the boy who’d stood at that doorway lost and alone. Vincent knew he’d made a mistake in not spending time with Sebastien and he was trying to fix it the best way he knew how…
Instead of feeling duped I felt this great sense of complicity. I could be a cog in the machine that helped Sebastien let go of his past and live for his future. The love he had for his craft shone in his eyes, and I knew he just had to open his heart to it once again.
The Lecléres had sacrificed the one thing they cherished, their anonymity, by offering the winner a chance to design a perfume range for the house. It seemed a fitting compromise, and I loved them all the more for their foresight.
So now under the guise of mentoring me, I had to lead him back to the world in which he claimed he wanted no part of.
‘So shall I leave you? To experiment some more?’
‘Oui,’ I said, watching him walk away, a smile on my face. I needed time to think! How would I go about helping him rediscover his love for fragrance? Perhaps I could make a restorative for him to wear that would help things along… An oil blend of black spruce, coconut, vanilla, and juniper would invigorate his senses, give him clarity once more. I set to work, shelving my own perfume for later, and made it with all the love I had in my heart.
When it was done, I sat back, smiling. I had the feeling things were on the up for Sebastien, but he just didn’t know it yet.
My phone beeped with a message. Jen!
Hey Del,
I’m just falling into bed after a long shift but all is well here in sleepy-ville. Grandpop says hi. Mom and Dad are on some road trip to visit some of their tree-hugging hippy friends for a full moon party… James and I are going well, too well, and sometimes I wonder if I’m dreaming it all up. How can a man make you feel just so? Anyway, I know we’re both busy, but let’s talk as soon as possible? Miss you like crazy.
Jen xxx
I replied: Miss you too. Give Pop a hug from me and tell him to keep an eye on the snail mail. And about James…you deserve a guy who sweeps you off your feet and makes your heart sing. May it long last.
Urgh, may it long last, sounded like a line from The Hunger Games. Suddenly I understood her a little better though. As if this time apart had given me room to grow without her.
I spent the next few hours with my lavender perfume, happily lost inside my mind, concocting this and that, hoping to find a balance between risk and reward. As it often did with perfumery, time slipped from my grasp.
When I finally came up for air, he was there, a silhouette in the doorway, Sebastien patiently waiting for me.
‘Would you like to take a walk, Del?’
‘Sure. It’s just what I need,’ I said, tidying my things away. ‘I made you this.’ I handed him the little bottle. ‘It’s just an experiment, nothing to do with the competition…’
His lips curved into a deep smile. ‘Merci.’ He removed the stopper and dabbed the oil on his pulse points. ‘A perfect blend…’
‘I hope you’ll wear it and it makes you smile.’
He thanked me again and I beamed, hoping the blend would do its trick and awaken the dormant perfumer in him.
We wandered through rows of olive trees, their trunks reflecting a diaphanous orange of a setting sun. Down to the lavender fields, the flowers waving in the wind like they were saying hello. Something had changed, and I couldn’t decide if it was me, or my perfumery, or Sebastien and his journey. But I felt lighter, like I was letting go of the reins, and that was OK. Or maybe it was trusting in the process more and enjoying the ups and the downs.
The sun sank behind the mountain range, orange glowing above it like the tips of a jeweled crown.
He turned and looked so intensely at me, a flush crept up my cheeks. He was so close, a half step away. I knew right then, I needed to express these feelings, one way or another. The sun had set and the blue of sky deepened to lilac. I wanted to feel his lips against mine. Just this once, just to feel the emotion in my heart, my soul.
‘Del…’ he said my name like an invitation.
Before he could say anymore I stood on tiptoe and pressed my mouth against his. I could taste the sun and the sea, the earth and the sky on his breath. His fragrance was musky with desire. I kissed him as long as I could, melting against him.
I broke away, breathless, but he caught me again, and kissed me back softly this time. My legs already jelly-like, threatening to bow under me, so I held him tight, and all the while wished the moment would never end. But of course it did. Abruptly.
‘Del, we shouldn’t. It’ll ruin everything.’
I blinked back surprise. What had I expected? He’d already told me in so many words! The unfairness of it all made my chest tighten. Why now, why him, and why could it not be reciprocal? Mortification colored me scarlet.
Seriously what had I been thinking? ‘Sorry,’ I said. ‘You’re right. It would complicate things.’
‘It’s not that I don’t feel…’
I pressed a fingertip to his lips. ‘I know.’
That wasn’t in the five-year plan, was it? Silence fell and I reminded myself of it, to get it through my thick knucklehead once more.
Step one: win the competition. Step two: find a job as a perfumer. Step three: build own perfume empire. Step four: be fabulous. Step five: I’d forgotten step five. But regardless, there was no love on that list. And no time for it.
And yet…
The next day I waited for Sebastien in the perfume studio, but he didn’t appear until mid-morning, once again with cell phone pressed to his ear. He wore a besieged expression as if Paris was pulling him back.
With a sigh he hung up the phone and pocketed it, opened the studio door.
‘Del,’ he said apologetically and I knew what was coming.
‘Good morning,’ I said, having noted he was wearing the oil blend I’d made for him the day before. ‘Why the long face?’
‘I have to head back to Paris, the situation with the copied formula has become more complex, and the management team have asked me to return to talk to our lawyers. I’m so sorry about this. I’m not being much of a mentor to you.’
My heart dropped at the thought of leaving, but I understood. ‘It’s fine,’ I said, waving him away. ‘We had a great session yesterday, and I think I’m on track anyway.’
‘Would you like to continue working on your perfume here, or in Paris?’
‘I’ll stay,’ I said, staring past him, through the window, to where lavender shimmied and swayed in the breeze like a hula dance. ‘This perfume is all about Provence, and I’m inspired here.’ As much as I’d miss him as a mentor, a friend, and whatever else I couldn’t quite name, I wanted to soak up the atmosphere, and pour that feeling into my work. The quiet sort of crept up on you here and seeped into your bones, making you relaxed and sort of starry eyed with it all.
‘You’ll be happier, Del.’ He had a sparkle in his eye I hadn’t picked up on before. Was he relieved I was staying and he was going? That we wouldn’t have to sidestep around each other? And then we’d avoid talking about a kiss that shouldn’t have happened? ‘Jean Marc will return for you.’
I turned away. ‘Safe travels.’ With a lump in my throat I went back to work, only stopping for a moment when I heard the crunch of tires on the gravel as he left.
Stop kissing him then, Del!
I returned to my perfumery, but had to stop and let that lonely feeling pass lest I taint my perfume with it. While I contemplated it came to me… I should have known all along, lots of people dealt with heartbreak, loneliness, fear, and grief, and I’d been trying all along to make a blend to help them heal, making tonics, tinctures, aromatherapy oils. But surely they needed a perfume that bolstered them, boosted their mood and made them remember the good times, the fact that love was always worth it no matter what it cost you?
Invigorated, I set to work, recalling the mentoring session from the day before and everything Sebastien had taught me…