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Another month passed quickly. Dylan continued to escape the wrath of Herr Zoe as often as he could. He took refuge more often in Heath’s garage where the band was continually practicing. At first, it had been tense. Heath, in particular, had been adamant about the “privacy and sanctity of band practice”. Some stern words from his mother, Joy Gibson, had shut him up. Jordan seemed to be easier going. Not happy about the audience, but adaptable.
The band seemed pre-occupied, working on some new songs. Dylan found listening to them talk mind-numbingly boring. He opted to take a lawn chair out in the sunny driveway to work on sketches. Occasionally, Sarah joined him. It was abundantly clear to anyone with eyeballs that she was only there to ogle Heath. If the man had any qualms about her presence in or near the garage, they went unspoken.
Near the end of July, the guys had packed up a rental van with their equipment. They were congregated in the Gibson’s driveway for their send off. It was blazing hot, at only six o’clock in the morning. Joy was insisting on a long tearful goodbye filled with warnings of driving safely and not stopping at any shady truck stops. Dylan and Tyler were a little further from Heath and his parents saying their own goodbye. Jordan was already behind the wheel, having said goodbye to his own parents before heading down the street to the Gibson’s.
“I’m glad you came to see us off.” Tyler had stuffed his hands into his pockets. “I’ll text you while we’re on the road.”
“Cool,” Dylan tried for a breezy tone. “Have fun. Don’t do anything dumb. Drive careful and all that.”
“We’ll be fine.”
“I know.”
“I’ll miss you.”
“You’ll be too busy to miss me,” Dylan’s cheeks took on a hue of pink that was not caused by the heat.
“Can’t you pretend like my being gone is going to bother you?”
“I would, but lying isn’t my thing. I’m overly frank with the truth if anything.”
Tyler gave an exasperated sigh. He pulled the younger man in closer. “Come here and kiss me.”
Dylan obliged, but only briefly. “Seriously. Have a good trip and hurry back. I’m going to be stuck under house arrest the whole time you’re gone. Hopefully none of us will have gone insane and killed everyone.”
“You’ll be fine. You can text me whenever you need to. I’ll try my best to get back to you when I can. We’re going to be driving quite a while today, so I’ll be all ears. At least, until my phone dies.”
“I’m sure.” Dylan rolled his eyes.
Tyler kissed him again. Then, they both turned as they heard Heath thump his palm against the hood of the van.
“Let’s get going! We’ve got a schedule to keep, Ty.”
“Yeah, lets hit it!” Jordan was in the driver’s seat for the first leg. He turned over the engine and the van sputtered to life.
“See ya. And have fun.” Dylan leaned up for a third and final kiss. “I’ll see you when you get back.”
“Bye.” Tyler hugged him tightly. He made his way over to the van, hauling himself into the back seat.
Dylan stood next to Joy; a petite redheaded woman. Obviously, Heath’s mother on appearance alone. The two waved the van out of the driveway and watched it disappear down the street.
“Dylan, isn’t it?” She asked, once the van had disappeared. “Would you like to stay for breakfast? The house is going to be so quiet with the boys gone.”
Dylan thought for a moment before nodding. “Yeah, okay. Why not?”
***
The drive from Tynan to Milwaukee was roughly 18 hours, including pit stops for gas, leg stretching, snack breaks, and other miscellaneous tomfoolery that whoever was driving was talked into stopping for. They switched off every couple hundred miles. Around ten P.M. they pulled the van into their cheap Motel 6, a few miles away from the festival grounds.
“Okay guys,” Jordan unclipped his seatbelt, “I’ll go get us checked in. Be right back.”
Tyler stretched, unclipping his own seat belt. “After we get settled in, should we go get food or just turn in?”
“We’ve got set-up and sound check at seven,” Heath reminded him. “Mom packed us some food; we can eat that. Room has a microwave and fridge.”
“That works,” Tyler agreed. “You excited for tomorrow?”
“Yeah, I think it will be fun. And maybe we’ll off-load those last couple boxes of our demo. They’ll be sweet collector items in a couple years, yeah?”
Tyler laughed. “I hope so.”
“Maybe we should have explored printing up t-shirts or stickers or something.”
“A bit late for that revelation now,” Tyler reminded him.
“But for next time? When we’re here with a real album, playing as a popular band.”
“Let’s make it through our first time before we start planning future visits, huh?” Tyler asked.
“Yeah, yeah,” Heath admonished. “I’m just super amped up for this.”
“Me too.” Tyler grinned at him. “This is going to be a great trip.”
The passenger door opened again and Jordan slipped back into his seat, “We’re all set. Room One-twenty-seven, around the back of the complex.” Jordan jerked his thumb in the general direction. “I don’t know about you guys, but I’m going to take a little jah-kooz and then crash.”
“I don’t think I even have the energy for that,” Tyler grumbled. “I’m fine chilling out in front of the TV for an hour and unwinding.”
He parked the van in front of the door to their motel room. Heath opened the back and waited for the other two to come around to the door. He heaved out each of their bags, and a large cooler to bring into the room. Finally, he hauled himself out and stretched his arms up above his head, working the kinks out of his back and shoulders.
“Hey, ah, I know we don’t want to talk about shit lately, but you two are still cool sharing, right?” Jordan asked, pulling out the room key. The lock clunked and he swung the door open to reveal the two double-beds.
“We’ve had our issues, but anything is better than sharing with you,” Heath teased. “You blanket hog.”
“Sleep farter,” Tyler chimed.
“Kicker.”
“Heat seeker.”
“Okay, enough! Like you two are a dream to bunk up with,” Jordan exclaimed. He dropped his bag onto one of the beds, claiming it for his own. “I just don’t want this trip to go south, you know?”
“We’ll be on our best behavior,” Tyler promised, making an X across his left pec. “We’re cool.”
“Good,” Jordan confirmed. “Then, I’m going for a swim.” He pulled his shirt off before rummaging through his bag for his swim trunks. A few minutes later, he was out the door in a pair of flip flops and a towel over his shoulder.
“What you said,” Tyler started taking a seat on the edge of the other bed. “Are we really cool?”
“I don’t like fighting with you,” Heath replied. “I couldn’t just abandon you. My shit is my own and I can’t take it out on you.”
“Agreed.”
“Let’s just have a good trip and concentrate on the music.”
“Of course.”
“And maybe we try to stick to our own sides of the bed, huh?” Heath requested. “I know you like to cuddle, but...”
“Oh.” Tyler blushed. “Yeah. Whatever. It’s way too hot for that anyway.”
“I’m gonna take a shower,” Heath pulled a kit out of his bag and some fresh clothes. “Why don’t you see what’s on TV and find something to eat?”
“Sure thing. Have a nice shower.”
Heath gave him a quizzical look before nodding slowly. The bathroom door closed behind him and Tyler groaned, pulling one of the pillows over his face. He fell backward onto the bed, groaning into it.
Have a nice shower?! What the hell, Norse! He silently berated himself. The pillow got flung back across the bed. He pulled himself up and went to see what was in the cooler and move it into the mini-fridge. He left out a couple of sodas and two single-serve plates that Mrs. Gibson had made up for them with leftovers.
The microwave beeped to completion just as Heath emerged from the bathroom. He’d gotten dressed in a pair of basketball shorts, but the only other thing he wore was one of the stark white towels, draped over his hair to soak up water.
“Infomercials, really?” He asked, spying the TV.
“Hey, the Ninja Blender is an amazing feat of ingenuity.”
“There has got to be something else on.” Heath scrubbed at his hair with the towel for a moment before pulling it back to rest over his shoulders. Tyler tried not to notice the ringlets of hair curling around his ears. Or how the water beaded up on his skin as it dripped from those soft curls.
“Your mom packed meatloaf. Yours is in the mic,” Tyler finally spoke. “And I took out a soda for you. Or there is water in the fridge.”
“Great, thanks.”
Heath picked up the fork from the top of the microwave. With his plate of hot left overs, he took a seat on the bed to dig in.
“Hey, Heath?”
“Yeah?”
“You remember last month? We were fighting before that big meeting. Before I went to New York with Dylan.”
“Uh huh.”
“I’m sorry that I made you feel like I was just using you for sex. That was never my intention.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“I just want to make things go back to normal.”
“What is normal?”
Tyler was quiet for a few moments before he admitted, “I guess I’m not sure.”
“Then I can’t help you, Ty.”
“Am I going to get punched if I tell you how hot you look right now?”
“How would Dylan feel about that?”
“Honestly? I feel like Dylan would say you looked hot too and tell me to have a good time. After reminding me for the hundredth time that he isn’t my boyfriend.”
“Yeah? Well, let me remind you that I am not your boyfriend either. And you can’t just decide when I’m a convenient fuck.”
“Shit. Sorry.”
“Stop apologizing. Just be a better person.”
“Could you put a shirt on then?”
“Am I distracting to you?”
“You know exactly what you are.”
“Get over it,” Heath retorted. “You’re a grown up. You can restrain yourself.”
Tyler blew out a breath. “I gotta deal with three days of this?”
“Apparently.”
“You’re mean.”
“Yep.” Heath popped a bite of meatloaf into his mouth.
“Be real with me. If the last couple of months had been different, would we be hooking up right now?”
“Ty,” Heath gave him a wry smile, “we’d already be done and taking round two in the shower. But you made a decision. It wasn’t me. And I’m trying my hardest to get over it.”
“I’ve really hurt you, haven’t I?”
It took him longer than he expected to get the word out, but finally Heath pushed out a soft, “Yes”.
Tyler got up from the end of the bed. He re-sealed the dinner and put it into the fridge. “Remote is on the table.”
He pushed his suitcase into the bathroom and closed the door behind himself. Each of them now sequestered into their own thoughts once more, they replayed the conversation in their minds. By the time Tyler emerged from the shower, Jordan had returned.
“Can I turn some of these lights off?” Tyler asked. “I think I’m turning in.”
“Go ahead,” Jordan agreed. “Just leave a lamp on for me so I can find the bed.”
“That okay with you?” Tyler turned his query to Heath.
“Yes.” Heath had finished his dinner and drink. He leaned over to flip off the lamp on their side of the room. “I’ll turn the TV down for you too.”
“Thanks.” Tyler moved to the far side of the bed. The covers got tugged out from under the pillows and he slid between the thin sheets as he got comfortable on his side.
The room was quiet for a full, tense, minute. Quieter still when Heath flicked the TV off, casting the room into further darkness. Tyler felt the bed shift as he rose to pull out the covers from his own side and got under them. From the bathroom, they heard Jordan start singing under the shower spray.
“Ty?”
“Hmm?” Tyler grunted.
Heath shifted, hesitantly pressing a palm to Tyler’s back. “I’ve been an asshole for quite some time.”
“Hm.”
“I miss how things used to be. You know I’m not always good with certain change.” His fingers flexed gently against Tyler’s skin. “You didn’t mean to hurt me; I know that. I shouldn’t be so sensitive.”
“I like that you’re sensitive, Heath,” Tyler finally spoke. “Everything is just messed up right now. I think I’m using sex to de-stress. And that’s not fair to you or anyone else. You’re right to say no.”
Heath edge closer, pressing his lips to Tyler’s shoulder. “You’re not using me if I’m willing. And god, I’m more than willing. But I can’t promise there won’t be consequences.”
“Like?”
“Like: what about Dylan? And my needy attitude? And Jordan being a tool bag.”
Tyler snorted. “Dylan wouldn’t give two shits about it. And I’m already used to the other stuff.”
“Have you really thought about what happens when Dylan goes back to New York?”
Tyler rolled half-way over, looking up at him. “Can we have a B-F-F Real Talk?”
“Of course.” Heath retreated slightly and Tyler rolled over completely to face him.
“When we were in New York last month, I told him that I loved him.”
“Yeah?”
“He told me I was stupid and didn’t know what I was talking about. He wants nothing to do with a committed relationship.”
“Then you need to access if you can do a non-committed thing.”
“That’s just it, I don’t think I can.”
“Then maybe it’s best to call it quits at the end of the summer?”
Tyler sighed. “I don’t see an alternative, but I also can’t seem to believe that has to be it.”
“Just because you call the fling over in September, doesn’t mean you can’t stay friends. And who knows, maybe in a few years he’ll mature and you’ll reconnect? My Aunt Rhoda; she got married at eighteen to my Uncle Don for six months. Divorced. They both married new people. Uncle Gary Died, Uncle Don got divorced. Ten years later, they reconnected and now they’ve been married for like twenty years.”
“It’s a nice thought. I know we both have a lot of growing up to do. I shouldn’t expect so much out of him.”
“If he isn’t ready for it, he’s not,” Heath shrugged. “You can’t force maturity on someone.”
“I know,” Tyler admitted. “I’m just so tired of being alone all the time.”
“Ty, you’re not alone.”
“Rachel is never home anymore. I hang out all day with you guys or Dylan. But I always end up in an empty house.”
“You can stay at my house any time,” Heath replied. “My parents love you. My Mom would be crushed if she—”
“It’s not just about the empty house.”
“Then what?”
“For a while now, I’ve just felt like something is wrong. Missing. The only time it all seems okay is when I’m with, well, you or him.”
“And by ‘with’, you mean...?”
“Not always, but a lot of the time that’s what we’re doing,” Tyler admitted.
“That’s not healthy.”
“I never said it was, but I’m coping.”
“Did something happen? That you didn’t tell me about? Ever since you got laid off from your job, you’ve been off.”
“I don’t think so. Sometimes there just isn’t an answer, you know?”
“If it’s been that long, you should talk to somebody. Like a professional. Don’t they say that if you have feelings of depression for more than two weeks, you should see a doctor?”
“Is that what this is? Depression?”
“It sounds like it could be.”
“But I’m still functional. More than functional. We’ve been playing great and no bedroom issues.”
“That doesn’t mean anything,” Heath rolled his eyes. “Don’t you pay attention to anti-depressant commercials? Depression affects people differently.”
“I’d rather focus on the band than start popping uppers every day.”
“Fine,” Heath agreed, “but, if this thing doesn’t get better by the end of next month, you have to go see a doctor. Promise me.” He stuck out a pinkie.
Tyler considered for a moment before he heaved up a sigh. He wrapped his own pinkie around Heath’s and gave it a shake. “Okay. Promise.”
“All right. Now, can we sleep? Jordan’s going to be done in a minute and you know how he gets when we leave him out of stuff.”
“No kidding. His epic whine is the only reason we have a bassist.”
They both snickered, then sobered slightly as the bathroom door opened in a wave of steam. Jordan emerged in a white tee and a pair of boxers.
“Maaaan,” he paused, taking a look at the pair. “Are you having a Real Talk without me?”
“Hard to have a Real Talk and complain about you if you’re part of it,” Heath teased.
“Mean!” Jordan hissed. He took a seat on the edge of his bed. “Do I get to join?”
“What do you have to Real Talk about?”
“What do you?”
“Fine, get in here.” Heath drew back the covers. Jordan whooped, climbing over top of him and settling between his friends.
“What’d I miss?”
“You want to tell him?” Heath pressed.
Tyler took a deep breath, “Okay. Ten second recap. I told Dylan I loved him. He doesn’t want a relationship. Heath thinks I might be depressed because sex is the only thing keeping me going.”
“Well shit,” Jordan folded his hands on his stomach. “Starting at the top, I think your best option is to just cut off clean with Dylan. You deserve more. Second, depression is serious. What are your symptoms?”
“Are you a doctor now?”
“No, but considering my Mom is a walking pharmacy, I might have some insight.”
“Generally, just this empty feeling. And I haven’t felt like doing stuff outside of band practice lately. No writing, or extra playing. I’ve just been off.”
“Hmm,” Jordan pondered, steepling his fingers under his chin. “You want me to see if Mom can you get a referral when we get home?”
“I can handle it,” Tyler assured him. “What do you need to Real Talk?”
“I put in my two- week notice at work,” he replied.
“What? Seriously?” Heath looked shocked.
“Yeah. I want to be able to focus on the band, and it will really free up my schedule.”
“Good,” Tyler declared. “If it makes you happy, then I’m happy for you.”
“Totally. Good for you man,” Heath agreed.
“You got anything you need to get off your chest, Heath?” Tyler pressed.
Heath thought for a moment before shaking his head, “Nothing that can’t wait for daylight. Let’s get some sleep.”
“Agreed,” Jordan nodded. He crawled back over top of Heath, making him grunt. “But, you owe us.”
“Remind me when we’re done with the festival, okay?”
***
The first day of the festival started at seven AM but seemed to go by very quickly. They were on a stage, nearest to one of the entrances; which meant a lot of foot traffic. Dark Little Town was one of three bands playing in hour blocks until the big openers and headline performers after dusk. When not on stage, they took turns in the little booth nearby, selling their demo CDs and talking to people. After five o’clock, they sought out food and listened to a couple of other bands that were playing. Knowing they’d have to repeat the process the next day, they were back at the motel by eight.
“Man, did you guys see the group on the Bank America stage? They had like twelve people up there with them,” Jordan was gushing as they drove back. “They sounded great, but it has to be a nightmare to collaborate.”
“We have a rough time with the three of us,” Heath agreed.
“Especially considering you two spend a third of your time arguing,” Jordan added.
“We’re never fighting,” Tyler explained. “Simply having a difference of opinion. Sometimes loudly.”
Jordan snorted. “When we get back, are you coming to the pool with me? There were some cute girls there last night, Heath.”
“Nah. I don’t really like pools. I feel too self-conscious about the chub,” he slapped his belly. “Particularly when I’m dripping wet and trying to hit on women.”
“You never seem to have a problem with me,” Tyler reminded him.
“That’s because I already know you like it.”
“Well...”
“Oh, shut up!”
Jordan laughed. “What about you, Ty? I didn’t see any dudes last night, but you never know.”
“No thanks. I think I’m gonna shower, chill, and drink some tea. My throat could use the rest.”
“Fine,” Jordan drawled, “I’ll go alone. Don’t be alarmed if I’m not back by midnight. Those girls said they were saying a couple days too and I might see them again.”
“He’s such a dog,” Tyler stage whispered to Heath. “Why do we put up with him?”
“Because he’s the only bass player we know.”
“Do we really need a bass player?”
“Cleaning Day would sound really weird without him, and it’s a crowd pleaser.”
“Damn it!”
“Would you two knock it off?” Jordan finally cut in. “I know trios don’t usually work out and this is why!”
“We’re just teasing you,” Heath squeezed his shoulder. “Let us know if you’ll be really late. Don’t do anything dumb.”
“I’m a grown man,” Jordan reminded him.
“I know,” Heath nodded. “But as a man, you are still liable to be very dumb.”
“Mean,” Jordan hissed.
Once back at the motel, Jordan took a quick rinse before heading out to the pool again. Tyler wound down with a paper mug of herbal tea, thanks to the microwave. Heath foraged through the fridge for something to snack on.
“Last night,” Heath finally spoke up, a pudding cup in hand, “err, we had our chat. Is everything cool now?”
“What’s up?” Tyler asked.
“You want to come take a shower with me? This might be the only alone time we get,” Heath hinted.
Tyler sighed into his cup. “Heath. We have a really messed up dynamic.”
“I hadn’t noticed,” he replied dryly.
“Last night, I took a shot and you turned me down. Tonight, you’re asking?”
“Hey, that’s why I confirmed about our discussion.”
Tyler drank down the last of his tea before setting down the cup on the side table next to the bed.
“We hook up, it stays between us.”
“Of course.”
“Are you really okay with it just being fun between friends?”
“Yes. God, Tyler. I know we can be dramatic and angsty, but I really just wanted to have sex with you. I’m not looking for a ring or anything.”
“I don’t want you getting upset when it isn’t more,” Tyler leveled with him.
“Fine. If you change your mind, I’ll be in the shower.”
Tyler winced as the bathroom door snapped shut. He picked up his cup, tipping it back one last time, hoping for a few more drops of tea. The water in the shower turned on and he reached for the remote. He spent another minute or so flipping through the channels. When that had finally been exhausted, he pulled himself up from his seat on the bed to go knock on the bathroom door.