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Jack left Hughes Castle the next afternoon, still a virgin. Dylan saw him off, more confused than he had been the night before. They’d had fun. A lot of fun. He hadn’t felt that close to someone, sex free, since...ever.
The memory of the conversation with Tyler still bugged him. Jack had been distracted with Heath, which Dylan didn’t blame him. Heath could be very distracting when he cleaned himself up. Heck, even he had been a bit distracted, and he was sure he and Heath were as close to being mortal enemies as was possible.
Dylan flopped back on his bed. It had been neatly made in the time that they’d eaten breakfast and he’d seen Jack through the front door. He’d decided not to tell Jack that Tyler had made him a proposition. One honest, real, date. If it didn’t go well, he’d never have to see him again. It was different to be sure.
He was curious. Obviously, he had an attraction to Tyler that wasn’t easily quelled. But what was happening with Jack wasn’t easy to ignore either. He was conflicted in the worst way possible. He knew the right thing to do was to not be an asshole. To be honest to all the things he’d been saying to Jack. He wanted to be true to him. But, as much as he hated it and as much as he tried to stamp it out, ignore it, and forget about it, he knew he’d been lying to Tyler the whole time they were fighting. He’d fallen, hard, in love.
Dylan scrubbed his face with his palms. He was a complete shit, and he knew it. But he wanted to give in to Tyler, badly. He didn’t want to hurt Jack, but he had to do something, didn’t he?
He continued to hem-and-haw about it throughout the rest of the week. He couldn’t even bring himself to enjoy the Rocky Horror show performance, though he forced out some sense of being entertained. Jack, if he noticed, kept it to himself. Although the amplified make-outs that they’d moved into may have helped quell any reservations.
For Dylan though, something about all of it just felt wrong. And he knew that part of it was because of stupid Tyler getting into his head. Finally, more-so to prove to himself that he could in fact just have dinner with the guy, he called Tyler and arranged the date. He felt sick after ending the call. Although, whether it was sick with anticipation or sick because he knew he was basically pond scum, he wasn’t sure. Whichever was happening, he didn’t tell Jack.
***
“So, what made you agree?” Tyler met him at a restaurant near the southern end of Central Park; a halfway point between home for both them. They’d made pleasantries after being seated and ordering. Now, it seemed Tyler was ready to get down to business.
“I need to get you out of my head,” Dylan admitted.
“Isn’t a date going to make it worse?”
“You get one last hurrah. Make it worth it.”
“Stoic as always, eh?”
Dylan took a sip of water and pushed some food around on his plate. “How’s the band?”
“Good. We’re playing some small venues in town right now. Getting a little air play on the college stations, mostly. Our manager is setting up a couple of tours.”
“Exciting stuff.”
“How’s the art stuff going?”
“Good. Jack and I have been going to a lot of museums and art shows to look at the hyper realists. It’s been enlightening to examine some works up close.”
“Is that all you two do? Look at art.”
“No,” Dylan replied. “We eat out. We’ve gone to some readings. A show or two. We saw a Rocky Horror revival for Halloween.”
“Really? That must have been fun.”
“It was very entertaining.”
“Did you dress up?”
“It wasn’t that kind of show.”
Tyler hummed, giving a nod and taking a bite out of his burger.
“Are you seeing anyone?” Dylan pressed.
“No one new.”
“What does that mean?”
“After you left. While we were in Wisconsin. Since before you.”
It clicked and Dylan laughed. “Heath. Of course.”
Tyler shrugged. “It’s just convenience. He’s my best friend. Has been. Always will be.”
“But he loves you. Unconditionally.”
“He thinks he does.”
“You think you love me.”
“True enough.”
“So, you don’t feel the same away about him?”
“Maybe. I mean, I keep coming back to him, don’t I? But we aren’t monogamous to each other. We never have been. He’s liable to fuck anyone he fancies, whether I like it or not. We’ve come to our agreements about it in the past.”
“Would you want to be monogamous?”
“I never thought about it until I met you. I admit, he’s wanted more, and I turned him down. I guess I did the same things to him that you’ve done to me. I knew you were leaving. That’s the only reason we hooked up in Milwaukee. I felt guilty as hell about it.”
“You asked for it from me. I never asked for it from you.”
“So, you’re not even mad? I cheated on you, Dylan.”
“Do you want me to be?”
“Maybe. Yes. Show me that it bothers you.”
“Sorry.” Dylan shrugged, nonchalant. “Shit happens. Besides, I can’t be upset with you. It would be hypocritical of me.”
“You cheated on me?”
“We aren’t a couple, so no, but,” he took a deep breath, “I didn’t tell Jack I was coming to see you tonight.”
“Really?”
“I knew it would just worry him.”
“No, what will worry him is if you come back to my place after dinner.”
“Why would I do that?”
“To see my new apartment. Heath and Jordan at are out. They’ve discovered they like clubs. We’ll have the place to ourselves.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Dylan demurred.
“Sure it is.”
“So you can lure me into bed with you?”
“Would that be so horrible?”
“I have a boyfriend. Whom I like very much.”
“And how is he between the sheets?”
“More than adequate.”
“Really? He looked inexperienced when I met him.”
“He’s a military brat. He could probably teach you a thing or two.”
Tyler threw back his head with a laugh. “Now I know you’re lying to me. Have you even been with him yet?”
“We’ve done plenty.” Dylan felt his cheeks redden.
“But not what you’re best at,” Tyler teased. “What has happened to the little spitfire I met at the grocery store?”
“Nothing, except that I have shit tons of self-respect now. Isn’t that what you wanted for me?”
“I wanted you to have a sense of self preservation. I suppose self-respect is a start in the right direction,” Tyler agreed. “I still want to take you home with me.”
“To what end?”
“Does there have to be something sinister?”
“No good will come of my going to your apartment, Tyler.”
“I think a lot of good, clarity even, could come of it.”
“Clarity?”
“You don’t know until you have an experience.”
Which is how Dylan found himself in the car with Tyler, headed toward Alphabet City. There was an early November rain happening. The sound of it hitting the car, and the swish-swish of the wipers made Dylan feel a bit melancholy.
“David, we could have taken a cab,” Tyler spoke up as the car slid into a parking spot in the underground garage.
“It’s my job to see Mr. Montgomery home safely,” David quipped, ever professional.
“Well, thanks.” Tyler scooted out of the car, leaving Dylan alone with his driver for a moment.
“Sir,” David turned around in his seat, “I know it’s not my place, but I don’t think this is a good idea.”
“Thirty minutes,” Dylan told him. “If I’m not back by then, come and get me. Drag me out if you have to.”
“Sir.”
“I know this is stupid, but I’m going to do stupid things, David. It’s inevitable.”
“A lot can happen in thirty minutes.”
“Tyler talks a lot.”
“Dylan, please.”
“David, you have to let me make my own choices.”
“And usually, I do. Proven by the past three years. But someone’s going to get hurt here, no matter what happens up there.”
“I’ll be fine,” Dylan assured him.
“I’m not necessarily talking about you, Dylan.”
“Point taken.”
And with that, he slid out of the car.
“What was that all about?” Tyler was waiting at the rear of the car.
“Nothing. You have twenty minutes and he’s coming to get me.”
“A lot can happen in twenty minutes.”
“You talk a lot.”
Tyler laughed, “True. C’mon, the elevator is this way.”
The ride up was quiet. The elevator opened to a short hallway with three doors. One was clearly marked UTILITIES. Tyler led him to the one nearest the elevator and unlocked the door with one of the keys he pulled from his pocket. The door opened into a small foyer area. The guys had their jackets and an assortment of shoes in the open closet that the door opened in front of. Turning to the left gave a view of the living room and the balcony that overlooked the street.
“So, grand tour.” Tyler shrugged out of his coat and kicked off his shoes before ushering Dylan into the living room. “Living room, balcony with a view of the Chinese place across the street. Turning to your left, our dining nook, kitchen, and then down the hall is Heath’s room on the right, across from the narrowest bathroom known to man, and then my and Jordan’s rooms at the end of the hall.”
“Classy.” Dylan ran a hand along the back of one of the matching brown leather oversized chairs. A solid cherry oak entertainment center housed a TV, stereo system, and what looked to be every gaming system made in the last twenty-five years.
“Thanks. We like it.” Tyler watched him circle the chair before taking a seat. It practically enveloped him, making him look demure in its size.
“Comfy.”
“For eight hundred bucks a piece, they better be.”
“Did you bring me up here to gloat about how you have money now?”
“No, I brought you up here hoping to crack that icy wall you’ve put up between us.”
“You brought me up here to sleep with me.”
“And?”
“And you’re wasting your time.”
“Am I?”
“I have a boyfriend.”
“Yet you agreed to this date anyway. You agreed to come up stairs. You’re sitting in my chair.”
“I did. I am.”
Tyler crossed the room, lowering himself into Dylan’s lap. His hands cupped Dylan’s face, and he leaned in to kiss him. Of their own volition, Dylan’s hands moved to pull Tyler against him. It felt right, being together. Of course, it did. They had undeniable chemistry. That wouldn’t disappear just because they were apart. If anything, Dylan gave the fleeting thought, it had grown more intense.
Tyler’s hand moved down to the front of Dylan’s shirt, pulling at the hem so he could feel bare skin.
You should stop him Dylan’s brain was suggesting. The rest of him wasn’t paying the slightest bit of attention. In fact, his mouth opened in a gasp as Tyler’s lips moved to his neck and an audible “Fuck yes” emerged.
“No time for pleasantries,” Tyler hummed. They all but fell out of the chair to the floor. Dylan’s hands worked his own belt and Tyler was already pulling them down while simultaneously pulling a sample-size packet of lube and a condom from his own pockets.
“When did you become such a boy scout?”
“Wishful thinking?” Tyler mused. “Shut up before you change your mind.” He covered Dylan’s mouth with his own, pushing him back onto the carpet.
Everything in the next few minutes was fast. Rushed. A blur. Before either knew it, they were sweating and wasted, lying apart on the rug. They were still mostly dressed, their shirts stretched over their heads and their pants to their ankles. As the blood returned to where it was needed, Dylan’s head cleared for the promised clarity.
“Shit. What the hell just happened?”
“You want a repeat? I’ll need a few more minutes,” Tyler was grinning as he reached above his head for where his phone had gotten tossed as he’d shimmed his jeans lower. “Ah, your guard dog will be coming for you.”
“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Dylan sat up, pulling his shirt back over his chest. He felt disgusting. He wasn’t sure one shower would do the trick. Honestly, he wasn’t sure the scum was strictly sex based. He tripped slightly and caught himself on the edge of the chair. He yanked his jeans back up, already making his way for the door.
“What? Dylan, c’mon.” Tyler sat up too, watching.
“No. Shit. I knew this would happen. I knew and I agreed and I came up here, even though there was no other possible outcome. I hoped I was better than this! I hoped you were better than this. I just—goddamn it, Tyler!” Dylan ran his hands through his hair. “Stay the hell away from me.”
“Dyl, what the hell?”
“No. I have a boyfriend. A sweet, funny, boyfriend that is my own age, that shares my interests. And he’s never asked me for anything except to be honest. So now, I have to tell him I did this shitty thing and hope for the best.”
“A boyfriend that slipped your mind the minute I kissed you.”
“I know. That just makes this worse. I can’t control myself around you. I don’t know why. I need you to stay away from me. Do you understand? If I mean anything to you at all, you will not call me or text me. Nothing! Understood?”
“No, I don’t understand.” Tyler closed the distance that Dylan had attempted to put between them. His fingers gripped the younger man’s shoulders, digging in harder than he meant to. “I will never apologize for harboring feelings for you. You came up here knowing how I feel about you. Why do I have to be the bigger person all the time?”
“I have to go or David’s going to come break down this door,” Dylan shoved free. “I mean it this time, Tyler. You make me feel like such an idiot.”
“You and me, we work. I can’t explain it either, but—”
“No, and that is final.”
Dylan let the door slam behind him. He pressed the button on the elevator until it opened. He was half-expecting Tyler to be following behind him. Half hoping? No, he shook his head, stepping into the lift. He’s not good for me. It’s done. Last Hurrah. All that jazz. He’s out of my system.
He tried to feign a relaxed smile when the doors opened again in the garage. David was waiting at the rear of the car, his hands in his pockets and looking tense.
“Everything all right, sir?” He asked, opening the back door for him.
“Is anything ever okay, David?”
“Hardly ever,” David admitted. He snapped the door closed behind Dylan after he was tucked inside. He slid into the driver’s seat once more and looked into the rearview mirror. He dropped his professionalism for a moment to give him a serious look. “Do I need to go kick his ass? He’s my friend, but I’ll do it.”
“No,” Dylan replied, “but I might have you take a swing at me later.”
“Any time.”
The car slipped out of the garage and back into the rain. They were half-way back to the castle when his phone pinged. He pulled it out, staring down at the screen.
[TYLER:] I’m here when you’re ready.
He pursed his lips, swiping across the screen to clear the message and then tossing the phone across the car. David didn’t react, other than to glance up in the mirror again.
“Sir?”
Dylan blew out a sigh, reaching up to straighten the collar of his t-shirt. Everything he was wearing felt twisted and uncomfortable. Constrictive. He realized, as David pulled off the road, that he was suddenly breathing very heavily.
“Dylan.” David turned around his seat to look at him.
“I don’t know what’s wrong,” Dylan panted. “I just. I can’t breathe all of a sudden.”
“I think you’re having a panic attack,” David spoke calmly. “Lean forward and just take some deep breaths. In... Out... In... Out.” He coached.
“Why? I’ve never had a panic attack before.” He was having a hard time fathoming what David was suggesting.
“Stop.” David instructed. “Just focus on catching your breath and calming down. There isn’t always a reason.”
Dylan tried to block out everything except the intake and exhale of his lungs. David’s voice seemed far away as he leaned forward, pressing his forehead to the back of the seat. His chest still felt like it was being squeezed, but after a few minutes, it seemed to release.
“Better?” David asked.
“Maybe.” He leaned back again.
“Here.” David reached under the passenger seat. He pulled out a bottle of water and handed it over. “Drink this.”
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?” David frowned at him.
“Everything. Being such an idiot, for making you and my parents worry about me all the time. For treating you like garbage.”
“Dylan,” David started, “you take things too far sometimes, sure. But you don’t have to apologize to me.”
“Yes, I do. I should do it more often.”
David rolled his eyes. “You had a panic attack. You didn’t witness the second coming. Just sit back and relax. When we get home, you should go lay down for a while.”
“Right.”
The rest of the drive felt uneventful. Dylan escaped from the car at the front, making his way as quietly to his bedroom as he could. Relieved to have not run into his parents or one of the staff, he closed the door tightly behind him. He shed his clothes on the way to the bathroom, gathering them all and shoving them into the trash can. He brushed his teeth while he waited for the shower to heat. He flinched, stepping under the water; practically scalding himself. But he didn’t fiddle with the temperature. He let it hit him and he sank down onto the tub floor. The textured tape that lined the bottom bit into his skin.
He wasn’t sure how long he’d been doing it when he realized he was sobbing. Worse, he couldn’t comprehend why he was doing it. As he caught his breath again, he brought himself shakily to his feet. He felt better. He wasn’t sure what or when he was going to tell Jack. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do about the feelings he still had for Tyler. And he really didn’t know what the hell he was going to do about the rock that was settling in the pit of his stomach.
He flipped the water off, leaning his forehead against the warmed title as he drew in a breath.
“Tomorrow’s problems,” he hummed himself. “All of it can be tomorrow’s problem.”