When Rose arrived home from work that night, her gloomy mood returned. Somehow everything reminded her of Jacob.
Rose knew she was in a depression and she couldn’t pull herself out of it. She had been dumped; she had been cheated by the man she thought she would marry, and no one except Tulip understood.
The twins weren’t sympathetic because they didn’t understand how she could develop real feelings for someone in such a short space of time. They poked fun at her and told their mother that Rose was just trying to get attention. Her mother was worried about her, and her father always stayed out of what he called, ‘girl problems.’
After dinner that night, while they were washing up, Rose’s mother told her she wanted to have a chat with her. The twins and Tulip were sent to sit with their father in the living room.
“I’m troubled about you, Rose.”
“Why? I’m fine. There’s nothing to worry about.” Rose dried the plate too many times back and front until she noticed her mother staring at her. She quickly put the plate with the other dry ones.
“You’re not yourself.”
“I am, I’m the new me. This is how I am now.”
“Don’t be like that. Just because you’ve had one bad experience with a man doesn’t mean you’re never going to find someone who suits you.”
“I’m not going to marry, and I don’t have to. Even the Bible says that people don’t need to marry if they don’t want to. I think it was Paul who said it was preferable not to marry but if people had to do so, then it was okay. So, I’m going to be like Paul and stay single. It’s a Godly choice.”
“Leave the dishes. Let’s sit at the table. I’ll have the twins do it.”
Rose sat down and her mother sat opposite.
Then her mother’s fingertips drummed on the kitchen table. “You’re not making your decision out of a Godly choice. You’re making it out of hurt. Besides, Paul was a man. Maybe things were different for men and women back then. Those were different times and in a different culture.”
“Ask Dat about it. He’d know. I’m sure it’s okay for a woman just as it would be for a man not to marry. No one can force me; it’s my choice.”
“I just want you to be happy, and in an ideal situation you would be happily married.”
“That’s not what I want anymore, Mamm. I thought I did, but it only leads to disappointment. I want to be happy and being in love is okay when it’s gut, but I don’t think I’ve ever been so low. I feel as though there’s no point to life, almost.”
“Honey, that was just one man. They’re not all like that.”
Rose swallowed hard. “He was the only man for me and then it all turned bad.”
“Is he the only man you want?”
Rose nodded. “He is.”
“Do you think you should find out if he and Jessica are still engaged? They had a rocky relationship, so maybe they’re off again. I could make some calls and—”
“Nee, I don’t like him anymore! I wouldn’t marry him now. He could change his mind about me just as easily as he changed his mind about her. The perfect man for me would never have walked away and left me.”
Her mother was silent for a while before she spoke again. “Your vadder and I have talked about it and we’ve arranged for you to speak with Bishop John and his fraa.”
Rose leaped to her feet, knocking the chair over as she did so. “Talk to the bishop about my personal things?”
“We’re worried about you. And we both think it’s best that you speak with him and tell him how you feel.”
Rose picked up her chair and sat back down. Maybe talking it over with someone would help her sort out her feelings. “I guess it wouldn’t hurt if that’s what you want me to do. But I’m not sure what you think it’s going to accomplish. I can’t be the only girl in the community who has chosen never to marry.”
“It’s not only that. You just don’t seem to be yourself.”
“And what do you think the bishop can do about that? I’m upset, that’s all.”
“He has a lot of experience about everything—all life’s situations. He’ll give you some good advice, I’m sure.”
“I can’t imagine what about.”
“See that there—that attitude? That ‘don’t care’ attitude? I think you’re feeling sorry for yourself. You’ve never spoken out like that to me before. You’ve always been so polite.”
Rose didn’t make a comment. No one cared about her, so why should she care about herself? “And when have you arranged for me to go and see them—the bishop and Olga?”
“On Thursday, after you finish work. Dat will collect you from work and take you there. You can tell Mrs. Walker tomorrow that she won’t need to collect you on Thursday night.”
Rose shrugged, too tired to be bothered with arguing. “Okay, Mamm. Whatever you want.”
The next morning, Rose couldn’t wait to tell Mark that her parents were sending her to talk to the bishop and his wife. Mark had overprotective parents as well, and he’d have a good chuckle about it with her.
When Rose got to her stall, Mark was nowhere to be seen and he always arrived before she did. Instead of Mark, she saw his younger brother, Matthew.
“Matthew, what are you doing here?”
“I thought Mark would’ve told you. I’m taking over the store from him.”
“What? Why?”
“He got an offer to learn the trade from Onkel Harry. He’s going to be making buggies.”
Rose frowned. Just when she really needed Mark, he’d left her. “Isn’t that what Jacob was doing?”
“Jah, but Jacob has gone and … so it goes.”
“Jacob and Jessica have gone now?”
“They left yesterday. Didn’t you know?”
“I did. I was just making sure. Jacob told me they were leaving. I was just checking that they’d actually left.”
“No one had heard about Jessica until she showed up here.” Matthew laughed. “Jacob will be under the thumb soon if he doesn’t watch himself.”
“What?” Rose frowned. “What do you mean?”
“She snaps her fingers and then he goes running back home. He was supposed to be here for a few months.” Matthew shook his head as though disgusted. “I don’t know what happened there.”
Rose kept silent and set about readying the stall for the day’s trade. She tried to make the display as attractive as possible.
She glanced over at Matthew and knew it wouldn’t be as much fun working there without Mark; she knew that right away.
Rose had been right—the day dragged by without her friend.
She wondered if Mark was angry with her. “Matthew, why does Mark want to work with your onkel?”
“I dunno. He doesn’t have a lot of choices. He doesn’t like to work in the dairy. That’s why he chose to work here, and now he’s gonna make buggies.”
“I know he doesn’t like to work in the dairy, but he never said a thing about wanting to make buggies.”
Matthew shrugged his shoulders. “Like I said, I dunno. Maybe that’s not his ideal thing, but we’ve all gotta work.”
“I suppose that’s right—it is a job. And what were you doing before you came here?”
“Working the dairy.”
It was Rose’s worst fear that Mark and she would grow apart. Now she would only see him at the young peoples’ ‘singings,’ the fortnightly Sunday meetings, and the various social events. “When did he decide to work with Harry?”
“You sure ask a lot of questions about my bruder.”
Matthew smiled at Rose and she knew he thought that she liked Mark. She did, but not in the way that Matthew might have thought.
He finally answered, “When he heard Jacob was leaving was when he said he’d work with Harry. Harry had been asking him for some time.”
“Do you think you’ll like this job?” Rose only asked because she had to talk about something other than Mark.
“Anything that will get me away from the dairy is good. The dairy is hard work. Not that I mind the work; it’s just nice to have a change.”
Mark and Matthew were fortunate to be the youngest of the Schumacher boys. The older ones had all worked in the dairy at some point. Rose considered that Mr. Schumacher must be pleased to have had so many boys to help with everything.
Toward the end of the day, Rose remembered that there was a volleyball game on that night. Normally she wouldn’t attend, but tonight she’d go and hope that Mark would be there. Seeing his friendly face would make her feel better.