CHAPTER 27

 

Allie sat in the beer garden of the local Berry pub, a crisp white wine in front of her, deep in her own thoughts. Two days earlier she’d packed a bag and left her cottage with no real idea of where she was going, just knowing that she had to leave before Meg returned. She’d booked into a local bed and breakfast and had spent her time walking along the beach, trying to redefine the last forty years and come to terms with the predicament she’d found herself in.

She knew she was running away, but she still hadn’t formulated exactly how she felt about the discussion with Bella and Pat the previous week. She’d tossed and turned for nights as Meg’s pending return drew closer. Bella’s words kept running through her head: “The six million dollar question is, do you love her?”

If this scenario had played out three months ago, Allie’s answer would have been an unequivocal yes, but with Meg’s heart attack, it felt as if everything had changed.

She thought back across the years that she and Meg had known each other. The adventures, the near misses, the fun and laughter they had shared. The only time they had really been apart was after Allie had started her relationship with Julia. Much to Allie’s distress, Meg and Julia had never gotten along. Three days after Julia announced she and Allie were moving in together, Meg came by to say she was leaving for Paris. Nothing Allie could say would change her mind, and two days later, Meg flew out of her life. Other than a few postcards and the occasional phone call, nearly two years went by without any contact from Meg at all.

Then just as suddenly as she had left, Meg was back, with Francoise, a tall, gorgeous French woman she’d met in Paris. They set up house several suburbs away from Allie and Julia. At first, Allie had just been thrilled to have Meg back in town, but she’d soon found herself resenting Francoise and what she perceived as her leaching off Meg’s good nature. With Meg’s return, Allie’s relationship with Julia had begun to deteriorate, and six months later, Julia’s resentment had finally boiled over.

“All you want to do is spend time with Meg. Honestly, I don’t know what you have to talk about. You don’t do anything except cook at that stupid restaurant!” Julia accused her angrily one night.

That smarted. Allie’s five-star Sydney restaurant was always convenient to drop into conversation when Julia was trying to impress a friend or colleague.

“Perhaps the fact that she appreciates me and my skills has something to do with it,” Allie replied. “You’ve always been jealous of my friendship with Meg.”

“I thought when we started going out together that I would have all of you. Unfortunately, I was wrong, because the bigger part of you has always belonged to Meg and that’s never going to change.”

Allie threw her hands in the air. “Again with this conversation. When are you going to let this go?”

Julia took a breath. “All right, let’s do this, right here, right now.”

Allie frowned, feeling her anger build. “Do what exactly?”

“I’m giving you an ultimatum. I want you to cut your ties with Meg totally. We can just go back to how it was before Meg came back from France. Can you do that?”

Allie stared at her in amazement. “Are you serious?”

“As far as I’m concerned, it’s the only way this relationship can keep going. I’m sick and tired of playing second fiddle to another woman. If you love me enough, you’ll give her up. Otherwise, it’s not fair to ask me to stay.”

Allie continued to stare at her in disbelief, then started to laugh. Suddenly, the whole situation seemed to have resolved itself with a clarity that surprised her.

Taken aback, Julia smiled. “Is that a yes?”

Allie shook her head, still bemused by Julia’s suggestion. “No. I’m sorry, but I could no more give up Meg than I could give up breathing. She’s my closest friend and has been for nearly twenty years and I don’t give up my friends for anyone. The fact that you would even ask me shows that this relationship is even more doomed than I thought.” She paused for a moment, studying Julia’s surly expression. “I do, however, think you’re right about one thing. It is unfair of me to ask you to stay, so please, feel free to leave whenever it is convenient.”

When Julia packed her belongings and walked out two nights later, Allie realised the enormity of what she’d done. Her instinctive reaction was to ring Meg. Within the hour, Meg was on her doorstep, offering sympathy and a shoulder to cry on. For some reason, Allie was reluctant to tell Meg of Julia’s accusations regarding their friendship, instead alluding to general jealousy as the reason for their breakup.

Within weeks, Meg and Allie easily fell back into their old routine and it was several months before Allie realised that Francoise was no longer around.

“She went back to Paris,” Meg confessed when questioned.

“Why didn’t you tell me? What happened?”

Meg shrugged. “It ran its course; it ended. No big deal.”

Allie shook her head at the memory. That was so typical of Meg. She had an ability to just walk away from lovers when relationships ended, seemingly without a backwards glance. Allie, on the other hand, usually weighed up the pros and cons, discussed, agonised and changed her mind at least twenty times. Finally, in frustration, Meg would ask her the same question: “Do you love her?”

Thinking back on the relationships she’d had over the years, Allie could honestly say that while there were several women she had been seriously in lust with, there weren’t any that she had truly loved. There was only one person in her life she had loved, one person she knew better than she knew herself and trusted with her life.

“Meg!” she whispered into the cool quiet of the deserted beer garden.

As she finally acknowledged the reality, Allie felt the last of her defences crumble. Now it was out in the open, Allie knew she had to take the biggest risk of her life.

Leaving her half-drunk wine, she walked back to her rented room, collected her bags, checked out and headed home.