Josh sat down at his computer and hit Print . His sermon for tomorrow morning was complete and it was a good one, he could feel it. It was about finding everyday miracles and recognizing them for what they were—not coincidences, not flukes. God intervened in everyone’s lives, and part of the trick was detecting it. As the printer churned out its pages, he let his mind drift to the very subject that he had forbid it from exploring over the last few days—Regan.
He loved being with her, and she seemed to have fun when they were together. She was someone he looked forward to spending more time with. Was she “The One?” The one God intended for him? He had no idea, but he was sure willing to explore the options further.
Except that, at the coffee shop, her mood had changed from happy and carefree, to silent and tense, in the space of a minute or less. And he was quite sure that he’d instigated the drastic sweep. When would he ever learn? He sighed and kicked back in his desk chair. No wonder he’d never married. He was clueless when it came to dating. When he thought back to how he’d gone on and on about wanting a woman to love to make his life complete—to Regan yet, the new woman in his life—he could stomp on his own foot.
What was he thinking? Regan was recently divorced and still dealing with that pain, and here he comes, a little over a month into their new relationship, talking about falling in love and getting married.
Idiot!
Plus, how sure could he be? If he really examined his feelings, he’d have to admit he had doubts about Regan being the right one for him. He and his future mate (if he ever got one) would have to present a united front to the church—a team—two people with strong faiths to lead his congregation members to lives devoted to God. Regan couldn’t do that. At least, not right now. Did God intend to change that?
He shook his head and rubbed his whiskered chin with his hand. Honesty may be the best policy, but he really needed to learn how to rein it in sometimes. No wonder she’d gotten that scared look in her eye, and she’d practically headed for the hills. Who could blame her? They were at different spots in their lives, he and Regan. She was recovering from a bad breakup, and he’d been waiting for Ms. Right for a good long time now.
And yet, there was something irresistible about Regan. And despite the differences in what they were looking for, he intended to stick around to find out if the two of them could write that great American love story. If he hadn’t completely scared her away.
He collected his pages and was sticking them in his folder when the phone on his desk rang. Maybe it was Regan, and he’d have a chance to set her mind at ease. He could apologize for rushing into such a deep topic of conversation, and try to convince her that he wasn’t looking for immediate commitment—he was willing to go at her pace.
“Hello?”
“Hi sweetie. Haven’t heard from you in a while.”
He couldn’t help his heart dropping a little when the voice wasn’t the one he’d expected—hoped it’d be. “Hi Mom. Yeah, I’m sorry about that, it’s been a busy week.”
He settled back into the chair. Some things about his mom never changed, including the fact that she was a talker. No detail about her day-in, day-out life was too mundane or infinitesimal to mention over the phone. He knew he was committed for at least the next half hour.
She started in. What she ordered at a lunch out today with her neighbor. What her friend chose from the menu. Precisely what was wrong with each entrée. A verbatim conversation she’d had with a woman who was the aunt of a girl he’d dated back in the tenth grade, who wondered what he was doing now. What the long-forgotten girl, who was now married, was doing, where she lived, and the names and ages of all three of her children. And her Labrador retriever.
His eyes had long passed their glazed-over stage when suddenly, her talking stopped. It took him a moment to realize that either she’d hung up or she’d asked him a question. And he didn’t hear the dial tone.
“What was that, Mom?”
“I said, are you dating anyone now, Joshua?”
He sighed. She presented him with this very question on a monthly basis. Maybe she marked it on her calendar. The third Monday of every month, come rain or shine…
He hadn’t told her about Regan because, well, because she was still so new in his life and he hadn’t wanted to jinx their sprouting relationship by telling his mother. Something about putting it into words and setting it out there for his mother’s scrutiny made him nervous.
On the other hand, his mother was a female, and therefore, much more capable than him of understanding the female mind, and interpreting a woman’s words and actions. Maybe he could tell his mom about their afternoon today and see if she had any insights.
“Yes, Mom, as a matter of fact, I am.”
He heard a small gasp from his mother and rolled his eyes. It wasn’t like he never dated. He’d gone out with many women over his adulthood, he had just never found the one he’d consider settling down with.
Until now.
He brought his mother quickly up to speed about how he’d met Regan, their first date, about her job and her son. He thought it was going pretty well, and his mom was taking it all in with a modicum of optimism until she said, “Is she one of your congregation members?”
A loaded question if he’d ever heard one. “No, Mom.” And he’d just leave it at that.
A pause ensued, just long enough to make him think she’d move onto another line of questioning. “So what church does she go to?”
He had to hand it to her. She had the stealth of Agent 007, delving into one of the areas that was a potential snag in their budding relationship. He decided his best game plan was to keep it casual. “She’s not a regular member anywhere, Mom. She just moved into the city, and hasn’t established herself with a church yet.”
“When? When did she move in?”
So much for glossing over the lack of a regular church in Regan’s life. “She moved in several months ago, Mom. Maybe four?”
“Four months and she hasn’t found a church yet? I can’t imagine. A week or two maybe, but
months?”
Josh sighed.
“Is she a Christian, Josh?” His mom was prodding and had hit the heart of the matter.
“Sort of,” was his response, and then he cringed. You couldn’t be a “sort of” Christian. How many times had he counseled people on that point? He’d even preached a sermon on it. You were either in, or you were out.
And his mother wouldn’t let that one slide. Not that he’d expected her to. She had the tenaciousness—and tact—of a piranha. “My goodness, Josh. Listen to yourself.”
He took a deep breath and tried to pull his thoughts together. If he wanted his mom’s honest opinion, he needed to be entirely truthful with her. “Mom, she’s not an active Christian, or a practicing churchgoer. But she does believe in God, and I think she’d be open to a relationship with God if she knew more about Him.”
“And you think it’s your job to teach her?”
He started to disagree, and then he stopped to ponder his mother’s words. He chuckled. “Well, yes. Isn’t it my job to teach as many people as I can about God?”
“Do you love her?”
Wow. Talk about being a straight shooter. Did he love her? He longed to spend more time with her. He’d dreamed about a future with her. Those were all indicators that he loved her, right? “I don’t know, Mom. It’s pretty new. But yeah, it’s a possibility.”
Evidently not the answer she wanted. “No, Josh. She’s not right for you.”
A flash of anger surged within him, despite the fact that he wondered the same thing himself.
“How do you know? You live a thousand miles away. You’ve never even met her.”
His mother was never one to cower from straight talk. Her answer was firm. “I don’t need to meet her to know that she wouldn’t make a good mate for you.”
“I’m not talking about marrying her.” But even to his own ears, the words sounded shallow and untrue. Of course he was talking about possibly marrying her—someday. At his age, he dated women with one main purpose in mind: to see if she was someone he could fall in love with, and make a future together. He’d dated for fun long enough. He wanted to find the one woman God intended for him, and God willing, start a family. If Regan weren’t the one, he needed to move on so he’d have half a chance of continuing his search.
So, why did the idea of not seeing her anymore make him so sad?
“Josh, listen to me. Don’t rush into a commitment with this woman. You sound like you’ve got it bad for her, but broken hearts are painful to fix. Sometimes it’s better to be safe than sorry. You hear me, son?”
One thing was sure. He was done with this conversation. In a well-practiced maneuver, he further sacrificed his mood by changing the subject to one that would take his mother’s mind off Regan, “Tell me about the last few movies you’ve seen.” And she was off and running.