Late that night, Josh closed his well-worn Bible with a thud. The comfort he had sought in I Corinthians, the love chapter, hadn’t come. He’d been walking around in a daze all afternoon and evening. Fortunately, no one had noticed, or at least, he didn’t think they had. But he was sure aware of the empty pit his heart had become.
It had happened again. Another woman had walked out on him because of his faith in God, and the occupation that he had chosen to serve Him. Why, Lord? Why did you send me a woman like Regan, and put hope in my heart that she was the right woman to share my life with, if it was going to come to such a premature and painful end?
But even as he sent the silent words heavenward, he knew the answer. God hadn’t caused the pain in his heart. Being a Christian and following God didn’t guarantee a pain-free life. In fact, sometimes his faith required him to endure pain that, without his faith, he would not have to endure. It was just part of the bargain. If he were a truck driver, a teacher, a baker or a candlestick maker, he wouldn’t be facing the pain he was today. He would be free to fall in love with Regan, and maybe she would love him back, without the barrier of his faith throwing her for a loop.
But even thinking it caused in him a jab of disloyalty. He wouldn’t give up his faith in God for the love of any woman in the world. Even Regan. Given the choice between the two, he would choose God every time.
But why does there have to be a choice, God? I felt strongly that Regan was the woman You had chosen for me. Was I way off base? Or was it just my own wishful thinking?
Josh turned off the light and settled into bed. As much as he wanted, and needed sleep, he could tell it would not come easily. He lay quietly for a few hours, pondering the situation he suddenly found himself in. Eventually he uncovered a little bit of comfort.
God, I feel You want the two of us to be together. If that’s true, You need to help Regan realize it. She needs to know You, Lord, on her own. I can’t force her. In Your perfect time and wisdom, bring her to You as one of Your flock. And then, God, maybe there will be a place for me in her life.
And then he ended his day with the same prayer that he ended every day with, Your will be done, before he fell asleep.