Aberystwyth was driving north on Highway 400, two hours outside of Toronto, and had just passed Wood Landing when a stone flew out of the gravel truck in front of her. It cut through the air so sure of itself, as if it already knew where it was going. She had never before seen an object move like this. The stone displayed so much confidence. She stared at it, envious, studying its progress. Then it struck her windshield, creating an elliptical chip and scaring the hell out of her.
Aby clasped the steering wheel until her knuckles were lime green and used both feet to push down on the left pedal. She pulled onto the shoulder while the car still had considerable speed. When the white Honda Civic became motionless, so did Aby. A large transport truck passed, causing the car to shake. Lifting her trembling index finger, Aby touched the chip. Her skin turned dark green. She had not known glass could break, and she suddenly felt extremely vulnerable inside the white Honda Civic.
Aby got out of the car, supporting herself with the open door, and surveyed the horizon. Directly in front of her was a field where cows were chewing grass and ignoring her. Looking past them, Aby focused on a maple tree that stood by itself in the middle of the field. Taking tiny steps, she walked down the small hill between the highway and the field. She noticed a series of short wooden posts standing two or three feet apart. A thin line of string connected them. It looked like the string would cause little resistance, but when she touched it, a sting more painful than that of any jellyfish went through her. Aby let go of the string. She looked at the fence. She touched it again, this time grasping it firmly, which only made the sting more painful.
Aby looked around and noticed the tall wooden poles that lined the highway. Aside from the maple tree, these were the tallest objects in sight. She crawled up the hill and made her way to the nearest pole. The poles were connected by strings far above her head. Tentatively Aby reached out her hand and lightly touched the pole with her index finger. When she felt no sting, she pushed a breath of air through her lungs, lowered herself onto her back and shimmied her body until the top of her head was firmly against the pole.
When Aquatics are overwhelmed, they seek out the tallest object in view, lie on their backs, put their heads against it and look up. The ritual is called lítill, and its purpose is to remind believers that they are actually quite small and, therefore, so are their problems.
Craning her neck, Aby looked up to the very top of the pole. While the height of the pole did make her feel small, she had to stare for some time before she began to believe that her problems were also small. She continued to stare. Then, knowing that if she didn’t get back inside the white Honda Civic soon she never would, Aby stood. Her steps were stumbly, but she did not fall on her way back to the car.
Starting the engine, Aby ignored the sick feeling in her stomach, put the car in gear and depressed the accelerator. The white Honda Civic gathered speed on the shoulder. Looking at the side-view mirror, Aby saw a car approaching. She still found it extremely difficult to judge the speed of objects in the distance. The car looked small in the mirror, so she pushed the gas pedal to the floor. The engine made a high whiny noise. The tires spun in the gravel. She found steering difficult. The speedometer told her that she’d reached a speed of 60 kilometres per hour. Aby knew it needed to read 100. In the rear-view mirror, the car behind her continued to approach with great speed. Her speedometer read 80 and she decided this was close enough. She jerked the steering wheel to the left. As the tires grabbed the pavement, the car began to swerve.
The white Honda Civic veered through both lanes, and Aby heard the left wheels go into the gravel. The tires slipped as small rocks hit the inside of the wheel well. Her right wheels remained on the road. A car behind her grew large in her rear-view mirror. She depressed the right pedal, but the white Honda Civic would not go faster. Hunching her shoulders, Aby closed her eyes and heard a horn honk in one long monotone.
There was no impact. Opening her eyes, Aby watched the car, now in the right lane, speed ahead. In her panic, she hadn’t anticipated that the vehicle would simply go around her. Slowing down, Aby steered to the right until all four wheels rolled on the asphalt. Feeling that immediate danger was over, she refocused her eyes on the chip in the windshield. It was at this point that the off-ramp for Exit 168 came up, and Aby, having no idea where it would take her, took it.
This was the first time she had chosen to deviate from Pabbi’s directions. Her fingers ached when she relaxed her grip on the steering wheel. Once off the freeway, she continued to drive without a destination, choosing roads that took her away from any buildings, and at 5:57 p.m. Aby passed a river. She decided that this was where she would spend the night. She pulled over.
Opening the door, Aby turned sideways in the seat. Her legs were so stiff that she had to use her hands to move them. She stretched them outside the car. With the rest of her still inside, she pulled off her pants and her underwear and her shirt. Taking tiny steps, Aby walked towards the river. The ground was uneven. She stepped onto the edge of a rock and was knocked off balance, which forced her to take another step, which caused her to take another, which caused her to fall. But she was close enough to the river that she fell forward into it, and the instant she hit the water, her grace returned.
Aby submerged. She performed a series of somersaults. She swam with the current and built her speed, caressing the rocks as she swam around them. She tacked against the current and then, spinning on her back, hovered just beneath the surface. She opened and closed her gills. She pulled fresh water deep into her lungs for the first time.
Pabbi had said that her biggest challenge wouldn’t be breathing air, or the distance she’d have to travel, or the driving or even her colour (the longer she stayed out of salt water, the more her green would fade). It would be her legs. He warned her to stretch them as much as possible, but not to push them and never to trust them. Aberystwyth had not listened.
As she continued to float just below the surface of the river, Aby’s greatest fear wasn’t for her soul but for her legs. She was overcome with sadness: this was decidedly not how she’d intended to spend her forty-first birthday.