CHAPTER FOURTEEN

“WHERE ARE WE GOING?” Cassidy peered at the blur of orange and red trees as Daryl drove along an unfamiliar back road. A brilliant sunset exploded on the horizon, the light turning soft and purple. He’d been oddly quiet since visiting Aunt Suzanna, but the hand gripping hers was firm and the familiar rough, calloused skin reassuring.

“It’s a surprise.” His fingers tightened around hers. When he glanced her way, a smile played on his full lips.

“What kind of surprise?” Hardly anything stunned Cassidy given her career, but her jittery stomach and fast-beating heart had her on edge since her editor’s phone call.

“If I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise,” Daryl drawled. His warm, teasing tone settled her nerves a bit, and she dropped her head back to rest on her seat.

Brenda’s assignment filled Cassidy with both dread and anticipation. A deep dive into the Mexican drug war, and the Nuevo León families caught in the crossfire, was the kind of story she loved best. Lots to expose about the suffering citizens held hostage by vicious cartels more powerful than the agencies protecting them. As happened often, the story’s outline formed in her mind, a plan to interview clergy, police, families, politicians and even, if possible, ex–cartel members or current ones willing to talk on condition of anonymity.

She’d have to leave Carbondale, Emma, Noah and—oh, Lord—Daryl, however, to do it. The country store was on secure ground now with the new hires proving themselves more than up to the task, yet she’d miss it, too.

A tearing sensation sheared her heart; it pulled in two directions. Her connection to Carbondale had deepened with new relationships, and no small part of that was Daryl’s patient acceptance and encouragement. While she’d begun a follow-up story to her displaced manufacturing workers piece, an in-depth look at the effect of automation on small, family-operated ranches, she wasn’t sure it’d challenge her. She couldn’t reach the pinnacle of her career reporting on small-town Westerners, let alone win a Pulitzer Prize.

Although in some way that kind of success had started as her father’s dream for her, it’d become hers. She couldn’t imagine coming this far and giving it up.

Could she still have a fulfilling and meaningful life if she stayed in one place and dialed back her schedule? Despite her happiness at Loveland Hills, the answer still eluded her.

Daryl’s blinker clicked on and they turned down a rutted dirt road. Her teeth bumped together as they bounced down the narrowing lane until it ended on an open field littered with scarlet leaves, some drifting lazily from the surrounding trees.

“Pretty!” she exclaimed, taken with the juxtaposition of red and green, the sky deepening to twilight.

“You haven’t seen anything yet.” With a wink, Daryl ducked from the truck and disappeared around back. The tailgate opened, then closed with a metallic clang.

Excitement pebbled the skin on her arms. If she returned to her job full-time, this might be one of her last nights with Daryl. She’d make the most of it. As she reached for the handle, the passenger door opened to reveal a beaming Daryl.

“Right this way, darlin’.” He helped her down, then led her across the meadow, her hand tucked inside his. A large picnic basket hung from his opposite arm.

The air was clear and sharp; the afternoon rain was gone, and the huge trees were washed clean. Soggy leaves gave way underfoot. Roosting birds called from a copse of pine trees. Nearby, water rushed over stone, the sound like tinkling crystal in the evergreen-scented air. It filled her with peace.

“I’ve never been here before.” Her voice emerged hushed. Deferential. As if they’d entered a grand cathedral and witnessed a miracle.

“I came across this spring last year when searching out more watering holes.” In the growing dim, Daryl’s even white teeth glimmered.

“I hear it, but I don’t see it. Oh—” Her exclamation fell from her rounded mouth as the ground dropped off ahead. A natural spring tucked in a narrow ravine materialized. “How beautiful,” she breathed. The first stars glimmered on its dark surface, diamonds on velvet.

“Not nearly as beautiful as you.” He stopped at the ravine’s edge, leaned close and captured her lips in a brief, heart-stopping kiss. Her hand crept around to the back of his neck to pull him closer, craving nearness, but he shook his head. “Not yet. Follow me.”

Carefully, he led her down the embankment, across the spring’s shallowest spot and up over the other side where the mountain protruded in a rocky ledge jutting over Carbondale. She gasped at the stunning, panoramic view. Ranch lands rolled out to the horizon, the distant town lights glowing softly in the early night, and emerging stars burst overhead in infinite numbers. Her soaring spirit expanded and shrank, as if she could touch the rising moon despite being just a speck on life’s canvas.

Daryl retrieved a blanket from the basket. He laid it on the ground, then tugged her down beside him. Her eyes widened as he retrieved a bottle of sparkling cider, a platter of cheeses, crackers and sliced apples, and dark chocolate brownies he must have picked up from the country store’s bakery.

He poured cider into champagne glasses, handed her one, then clinked his rim to hers. “Here’s to lovers everywhere—the have-beens, the are-nows and the may-bes.”

“And what are we?” She sipped the bubbling, slightly tart drink.

He ran the back of his knuckle against her cheek. “Are-nows, I’m hoping.”

“We should add a fourth category. ‘Always have-beens.’”

“Forever.” He fed her a piece of sweet apple with sharp cheddar.

Her mouth exploded with flavor, her heart with love. Daryl was a skilled rancher, a rugged cowboy and a doting, playful father. This romantic side, though, was one she hadn’t seen since college and the nostalgia of first love, forever love, burned in her chest.

“We believed in ‘always’ once before.” She broke off a piece of brownie and dropped it in his mouth. Warmth coiled inside when his lips closed around her fingers, the contact electric.

He rose over her and looked into her eyes. “We were kids then.”

“True.” She stared up into his beautiful face. “Some things haven’t changed, though.”

“Not this.” He threaded his fingers through her hair, tugging it slightly, and brushed his mouth against hers. The world spun as he intensified the pressure, kissing her all the way down to the blanket until his body rested against hers, shoulder to shoulder, hip to hip, feet tangling.

She gasped when his lips slid off her mouth to trace her jawline. “No one’s ever made me feel the way you do.”

“Don’t go to Mexico,” he said hoarsely, his voice a mere whisper against her ear. She shivered at the vibration followed by the sensation of his mouth teasing her sensitive earlobe.

“You overheard my call with Brenda.” She eased away.

His hands were gentle on her cheeks. “It’s a dangerous assignment.”

Her lips twisted. “Don’t worry, cowboy. It’s not my first rodeo.”

He chuckled, but there was a morose tone to his laugh. “I don’t want you at risk.”

“Is this about starting a new life together or keeping me safe?”

He buried his face in her hair and breathed deep. “Both.”

“Now that actually does scare me.”

He drew back. “You’re afraid to walk away from a high-stakes job, of not being ‘someone.’”

Air rushed from her. “Maybe.”

Definitely.

He gathered her close. “You’ll be Emma’s and Noah’s ‘someone’ and my everything.”

Her resistance crumbled and it seemed like her heart leaped from her chest into Daryl’s. That was how fully she gave it to him. Tears stung her eyes. She pressed a hand to his bearded cheek. “I want to.”

With a whoop, he swept her up and twirled her around before setting her back on her feet. “You’ll call Brenda and turn down the assignment? Ask her for one less dangerous?”

“Is that the only way we—” she gestured between them, backing away “—can work?”

The look on his face was desperate and he took a pleading step toward her, arms wide, palms out. “It’s not just about me. Emma, Noah… They’ve already lost one mother. I don’t want them suffering again.”

“You don’t think I can look after myself?”

“There’s no one I believe in more, but you can’t control every situation.”

“How about a compromise? You come with me if Joy’s strong enough to watch the kids. You’re a great photographer. And bodyguard… I saw your moves at the factory with those thugs.”

He reached out and grabbed her hand. “I’m committed to the ranch.”

“Not to me?” She swallowed down the old hurt, the memory of their last parting.

“To you, too.” He drew her hand to his lips and pressed a soft kiss into her palm. “Just not your riskier assignments. How about doing local stories, or less dangerous ones? You don’t have to be the most daring journalist in the world.”

Didn’t she, though?

She’d been raised to fly as high and as far as possible, and Daryl’s protectiveness could be suffocating in the future. She might end up hurting him again by leaving if he couldn’t come to grips with his issues about stability. Security. She loved him but didn’t want his fears to limit her career.

On the other hand, she might have been drawn to those assignments as an excuse not to get stuck in one place, going nowhere like her father. He’d sacrificed to guarantee she wouldn’t repeat his grim life. But this was her life, not his. Maybe she should give Daryl and life in Carbondale a chance.

“I—I—” She hesitated. She loved Daryl and Emma and Noah. Even smelly old Beuford… “I don’t know if I can give up all of what I do, who I am, for you.” Her throat tightened. “I’m an adventurer who seeks the unknown, truth, justice. Hazards come with it.”

“And knowing your day before it starts, your community and family comes with me, along with my heart if you’ll accept it.”

The rising moon spun in his dark eyes and she glimpsed their peaceful future together. She’d pushed him away once before and regretted it. Would she again? “It’s a lot to decide.”

“It’s up to you.” He lowered his face to hers and their lashes tangled. “It’s always up to you.”

“I wish it were that easy.”

“Then let me do some more persuading and give me your answer when you’re ready.”

“Yes,” she sighed just before his lips captured hers again in a toe-curling kiss. She enjoyed the persuading. The deciding, not so much.

* * *

“TOO TIGHT!” NOAH wriggled free of Cassidy’s hug and glanced over his shoulder at the approaching school bus the following morning. “And boys don’t hug.”

“Unless it’s your little teddy,” Emma guffawed, then flung her arms around Cassidy and squeezed. “Love you, Aunt Cassidy,” she whispered before tearing down the road to the bus stop.

“Beuford loves you, too.” Noah toed a circle in the dirt.

Cassidy raised a brow. “Just Beuford?”

“Me, too!” he blurted, then flung himself into her arms again, the judgmental classmates in the approaching bus forgotten. A lump rose in her throat as he clung to her. “Will you be here to pick us up?”

“I always am.”

His thin face relaxed. “Don’t forget the Flamin’ Cheetos!” he shouted, then followed his sister up into the bus.

The door swished closed and the vehicle rumbled off. She watched until the yellow bus disappeared, then climbed up into Daryl’s pickup and drove slowly back to the cabin. Her eyes stung. Her shoulders hunched. She’d barely slept last night as she’d mulled over her options, uncomfortable with another request from Daryl, one which would stifle aspects of her life’s work.

It was different this time, though, and there was more at stake. But was it enough to make her stay?

Starting up the country store helped her connect to this land and this large, loving extended family. The heart-melting pictures the children drew her, their growing happiness as they embarked on family excursions, their cooking catastrophes that ended in giggles and sticky messes added up to such joy. She loved them deeply.

As for Daryl, no one made her feel more cared for and accepted. His arms felt like home, his kisses the world. The love she felt for him was no longer the youthful spark of their college years, but something sturdier. Meant to last.

After drifting around the globe, she’d finally found where she belonged, the place she’d like to settle…yet if she stayed, would she eventually feel stifled? She didn’t want to put Daryl and the kids through more heartbreak. Whatever she decided, she’d need to commit to it.

Back in the cabin, she lifted the Crock-Pot lid and sniffed. She added more bay leaves to the simmering beef stew she’d begun before waking the kids for school. Before making breakfast alongside Daryl. Before a delicious goodbye kiss when the kids disappeared to dress.

Her daily routine.

One she could keep the rest of her life.

Leanne’s dream.

Guilt shaded her happiness as she delivered folded laundry to the master bedroom. Leanne should be here, and Cassidy should be in Delhi, Chad, Guatemala… Her sister’s flip phone caught her eye. Wanting some connection, she grabbed it and opened her sister’s email app again.

Clicking through folders, she stopped on “Drafts” and realized they’d never thought to check it. She glanced inside. The top saved note was addressed to her, dated several months before the accident.

Heart pounding, Cassidy opened the draft.

Cassidy stared at the blurred screen, her chest tight, her heart shattered. It was almost phenomenal in its strength, this pain that gripped her. Leanne must have decided to call her instead of sending the note. Cassidy swiped at her streaming tears and hung her head, shoulders shaking as she sobbed. She’d never known she’d made Leanne feel inferior and resentful. Her sister’s betrayal finally made sense.

She grabbed her coat, snatched up the car keys and raced outside, devastated and needing distance to think. With a white-knuckle grip, she drove silently, twisting around the mountain roads, up and over, down and around.

“Why, why, why?” she moaned aloud, her breath coming in jagged gasps. Her whole body jerked and shook as she cried. “Why did we lose each other?”

Heaviness built in her chest to an unbearable degree. A fog fuzzed her brain and spots appeared on the edge of her vision.

A horn blared, and she yanked the car back in her lane, heart beating out of her chest, narrowly missing an oncoming tractor-trailer. She slammed on the brakes. The momentum, however, sent her veering onto the shoulder and down into a shallow ditch. At last, the vehicle rocked to a stop. The engine hissed in the sudden quiet.

Voices rose, echoing in her ear.

Hers and her sister’s.

In an instant, Cassidy was back in the white Jeep, Leanne beside her, as she drove at breakneck speed down Avalanche Road to make her sister’s flight. She had a ticket to Tennessee, where she planned on staying with an old childhood friend.

“Don’t leave him, Leanne,” she heard herself say, tearing her eyes from the slick road wet with a heavy bout of rain. The wipers swished against the torrent of water streaming down her windshield. “It’s not too late.”

“It’s always been too late,” Leanne argued back. Red blotches covered her face. “Daryl and I were never meant to be. Leaving him, getting you here, is my chance to make it right.”

“You don’t need to do that. I told you, I forgive you.”

Leanne reached over and squeezed Cassidy’s hand on the wheel. “I don’t deserve it. Not yet. With me gone, you two can finally be together… It’s what you’ve always wanted, isn’t it?”

“No,” Cassidy had denied despite the gnawing suspicion her sister was right. “I want you to stay together. Think of the children.”

She put on her blinker, intending to take the next turnoff. She’d agreed to bring Leanne to the airport only as a stall tactic.

“I am thinking of them!” Leanne cried. “They’re unhappy seeing Daryl and me so miserable. Why do you think I leave half the time? I don’t want them to see us arguing. I’m going to give them a new life once I figure out my own. Please understand… Let me go…”

“No! You’re being selfish—like always.”

Leanne’s sharp intake of air snapped Cassidy’s attention back to the road. Entrenched in their argument, she failed to notice a sharp turn and cranked the wheel too late. Tires squealed. The SUV swerved. A bone-jarring crash, then black…

It cast Cassidy back to the present. She scrambled from her car, stumbled toward a tree and grabbed the trunk, embracing it, holding herself up and holding on at the same time. The cries that came out of her were loud and wrenching.

Her last words to Leanne were denying her the life she wanted…calling her selfish for wanting something else.

Worst, she’d driven recklessly. She’d caused the accident.

She’d killed her sister. In more ways than the final one.

“Cassidy?” A firm, gentle hand gripped her shoulder. “Are you okay?” Travis’s kind eyes peered from beneath his wide-brimmed sheriff’s hat.

“No.” She was nearly doubled over by the sudden crushing pain of memory, of loss.

“Are you injured?”

“I’m not the one who’s hurt,” she cried, thinking of Leanne.

“Is someone else in the vehicle with you?”

“No. Not anymore.” She felt as though she was going to collapse to the ground. Just lie there in the dirt long enough to perish, to be with her sister. No. To take her place.

Travis’s thick eyebrows drew together as he glanced from the empty vehicle to her. “I’ll get a towing company out here and call Daryl to get you.”

“Yes” filled her mouth, but she swallowed it back, tasting only the bitterness of her regret. How could she become a mother to the children she’d orphaned? A partner to the man she’d widowed?

Did she deserve the happiness she’d denied her sister, a sister who never got to feel special with Cassidy garnering all the attention? She’d blamed Leanne for her misery, never realizing her sister had been desperately unhappy, too.

Cassidy needed space. Time to think. One last assignment to help her deal with the guilt and give her time to forgive herself before she faced Leanne’s family. Could she live with her culpability in her sister’s death if she and Daryl reunited?

How would she tell the kids? Daryl? Would he even want her if he knew the truth? She couldn’t answer these questions with the weight on her shoulders. She had to leave Carbondale. Now.

“Cassidy?” prompted Travis.

“I killed Leanne,” she blurted in a watery hiccup. “We were arguing, and I wasn’t paying attention to the road. I didn’t see the turn until it was too late.” Another sob shuddered through her body. “Now it’s too late, and it’s my fault.”

“It was an accident.” Travis yanked off his jacket and draped it around her shaking shoulders.

“No. We were arguing. I was yelling at her…” Travis might call it an accident, but she didn’t see it that way.

“Hang in there, Cassidy.” Travis squeezed her shoulder. “It’ll all be okay. Let me call Daryl.”

“I need to talk to Joy.” She didn’t dare speak to Daryl or risk blurting out the horrible facts she struggled to process. The first time she left, she’d hurt Daryl; this time was worse. She’d taken her sister from her family. How could they want her now? They’d hate her when they learned everything.

Once she left Daryl a note, arranged for Joy to pick up the kids from the bus stop, she’d board the next flight to Mexico.

Her heart, however, would stay right here in Carbondale.

She had no need of it without Daryl or the children.