CALLIOPE JONES WASN’T a coward.
At least that’s what she kept telling herself following that kiss she and Xander had shared in the lobby of the Flutterby. Just because she hadn’t left her farm and cottage for the past two days. Or that she’d finally found time to do all those tasks she’d been putting off for months. Record-keeping, cleaning, organizing. She’d set aside a part of the garden by the greenhouse as a sandbox for Marlie, Charlie and Stella to practice their sandcastle skills. And they were becoming quite adept with various pans and molds from the kitchen, not to mention the shells, flowers and plants from the farm. The girls were a nice distraction and reminder of what was important in life.
When she found herself using manicure scissors to trim tiny weeds off her bonsai, however, she realized she was wrong.
She was absolutely a coward. At least when it came to Xander Costas.
Her bridesmaid dress hung on the door to her closet, a constant, visible reminder of how much she’d loved being in his arms; how utterly and completely at peace she felt despite the tornado spinning inside of her whenever she looked at him.
Even the phone call from Hildy had been a distraction, albeit not a welcome one. She’d had to accept it was time to begin making preparations for alternative care. The unpredictability and erratic behavior had increased.
“It’s time,” Hildy told her. “It’s not that I don’t want to help, Calliope, I do. But she’s gone beyond anything I can do for her.”
“I understand,” Calliope had told her. “I’ll work things out with Mama’s doctor and we’ll get this resolved as quickly as we can.”
Quickly meant finding a place in a facility that could take her in on short notice. Calliope’s good luck seemed to have kept pace with her hopes for once. The Stanhope Clinic was even farther away than Hildy’s home, a three-hour drive, but the facility specialized in psychological disorders. It would cost more—significantly more—but if what Emmaline’s doctor said was true, sadly, it might not be for long.
Which was why Calliope found it so difficult to sign the admission papers that had been emailed to her. Once she did, it was as if she’d finally given up. But if she didn’t…there simply wasn’t an alternative. Not if Calliope was going to give Stella the life she deserved.
“Hello?”
The familiar female voice brought a smile of relief to Calliope’s soul and she clicked off the computer monitor and set aside the papers. “Alethea.” She stood up from her desk and walked to the open door. “Hello. Welcome. Please, come in.” She ushered her inside and automatically turned on the stove for the teapot. “What brings you by?”
“Well, my brother was raving about this place. And you, of course.” Alethea turned in a slow circle, her wide blue eyes filled with wonder. “Every time I walk down a new street in this town I find something even more amazing,” Alethea sighed. “I feel like I’m in Ireland or something.”
The cloud of despair had dissipated around the young woman. Her face was bright and shining, her eyes bereft of the shadows that had echoed so much heartache. “That is the highest compliment I could receive, thank you. Please. Sit down. Have you had lunch? I baked some bread this morning.”
“Oh, I’m good, thanks. I’ve been making a pig of myself over at Jason’s restaurant. Xander asked him to give me cooking lessons. Did you know that?”
“I did not. But they seem to agree with you.” When the kettle whistled, she pulled it off the stove and poured water into the pot with the cinnamon-apple tea she’d been drinking for the holidays. “How is your brother?”
“Acting stranger than usual,” Alethea mumbled. “Sorry, that’s partly why I’m here. He’s locked himself in the cottage. Apparently the other night at poker he got inspired about the sanctuary. He’s been sitting at that table ever since. All I hear from him are grunts and mutterings.” Calliope pressed her lips together to stop from laughing. Why did it not surprise her that Xander was the kind of man who would get completely obsessed with a project? “I’m sure he’ll be fine.”
“I’m not so sure. I’ve never seen him like this. He literally cannot stop working. And it’s weird. I mean, yeah, he stops to eat, because I make him, and I think he’s sleeping. But I was wondering if maybe you could talk to him? Get him to take a break long enough for his brain to settle? There’s the bonfire tonight? Maybe he’d go with you?”
Calliope shook her head. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea, Alethea.”
“I’m not playing matchmaker, I swear.” That Alethea would have even thought such a thing told Calliope she was right to say no. “He’s just not listening to me. He’s ignoring calls from Antony and my mom. He’s making me talk to them and all they keep telling me is how they can’t wait for me to come home. I need him to surface long enough for him to get them off my back.”
“Ah.” Calliope pushed the untouched mug closer to Alethea. “Drink. And take a deep breath. Now that we’ve gotten to what is really bothering you.”
“Oh, Xander’s bothering me.” But Alethea did as Calliope instructed and drank. “When I first got here, he was all about me figuring things out. Now that’s changing, going back to how it was before Talia died. I don’t want that.” She took a deep breath and let it out on a shudder. “I don’t want to go home.”
“For Christmas,” Calliope clarified.
“No.” Alethea’s blue eyes shone with determination. “I don’t want to go home at all. I mean for visits, sure, maybe, and I suppose I can’t get out of Christmas because of Dad, but… I don’t know how to explain it.”
Calliope reached out and covered the young woman’s hands with hers. “Try.” With a gentle push of energy, she broke through the worry and uncertainty, just enough for Alethea to work free of the walls of expectation that had been built around her.
“I’m not who I was before Talia died,” Alethea whispered. “I can’t just go back to school and take classes I don’t care about for a career that doesn’t interest me. Do you know how many times I’ve changed majors? I finally settled on prelaw because it seemed easiest with Dyna being a lawyer and my talent for arguing.”
Calliope didn’t want to smile at that.
“But that’s not living. And as much as part of me wants to just crawl into a hole, I need to live. Not just for me, for Talia too. I need to find what’s really me.”
“What is really you?”
“I’m still working that out, but ever since I got here to Butterfly Harbor, I feel like there are new possibilities, you know? And now…” She took a deep breath. “Jason’s offered me a job. As his sous chef. With all the construction that will be going on with the sanctuary and the tourist business picking up, he’s thinking about getting a food truck for the restaurant. He’s offered it to me to manage, if I want it. I mean, I’ll have to take some business classes and learn that side of things, but I can do that online. He…believes in me. I don’t know that anyone other than Xander ever has before. Though my folks are trying.”
“This is all good, Alethea.” Calliope gave silent thanks for Jason Corwin. He was passing it forward. “If cooking is something you want to do, if it is something you love doing, then you should follow your heart. That is how I started this farm. And I’ve never once regretted that choice. And I don’t think you will, either.”
“Except now I have to tell my family I’m dropping out of college and not going to law school so I can be a cook.” Alethea winced. “Compared to everyone else it just sounds so…ordinary.”
“There is nothing ordinary about following your dreams, wherever they may take you. But it takes courage to do so.” Courage Calliope knew she didn’t possess. Courage she needed to find. And fast. “Just as it will take courage to tell your family. You do not want to look back on your life and have regrets, Alethea. Don’t be one of those people. Talk to Xander. He’ll understand.”
“I’m not so sure.” Alethea drank more of her tea.
This time the doubt and trepidation she saw on Alethea’s face had nothing to do with grief and everything to do with the fear of disappointing a sibling she loved and admired.
“Take it a step at a time. Go home with Xander for Christmas. See your family. Talk with them. Tell them what you’ve told me. If they’re worried about where you will live, you’re welcome to stay with me and Stella until you find a place. We have a spare room available.” And now Calliope had an excuse to bring her grandmother’s old room back to life. “But know that you are the only one you will ever have to answer to. Living your life according to other people’s expectations will never give you what you need. More importantly, it may prevent you from ever getting what you want.”
* * *
XANDER STOOD ON the front porch of the guest cabin and stretched, trying to remember what his spine felt like. He’d lost track of time, and now, as the sun began to set on Friday—what had happened to Thursday?—he could finally breathe again.
He’d done it. It was perfect—well, as perfect as it was going to get as far as practicality went. The question was, would the mayor like it?
No, Xander corrected himself with something that sounded like a laugh. Would Calliope like it?
Xander shook his head. When had the sanctuary design become all about impressing Calliope? Fulfilling her wishes and ideas. But as he’d sketched and measured, and filled out the details, he’d kept asking himself what Calliope would think, what she would say.
How it would make her feel?
The second the questions came to mind, he caught the flickering of light beyond the gate. Her butterfly. Her messenger. He smiled. No. More than one. Five, six…he lost count. She was on her way. To him.
As it was an unseasonably warm day, he hurried inside and flung open the windows, scrambled to clean up and take a quick shower, change and wash off the unending hours of eye-burning determination. He hadn’t slept in he didn’t know how long and yet he felt invigorated. He felt alive. As alive as he did whenever he kissed Calliope Jones.
By the time he returned to the porch, she was walking through the gate, the familiar sound of her thin-soled sandals echoing against the paving stones. Her dress was one of phoenix colors—orange, red and a brilliant fuchsia. Colors that melded and complemented her hair, which once again tinkled with the tiny bells she’d threaded into her braids.
He’d never seen a more beautiful or welcome sight in his life.
She stopped when she saw him, as if surprised to find him there. “Hello.”
“Let me guess. Alethea sent you.”
“She might have stopped by to voice some concerns.” She slowed in her approach, peering around him inside the cottage. “You seem…okay.”
“More than.” He felt like a kid on Christmas morning. “I did it. Well, I think I did it. The idea, it just came to me in this flash, like my brain just exploded and…”
She kissed him.
Xander gasped and smiled against her lips as he held her and did what he’d been wanting to do since that day at the inn. “Is that your way of telling me to shut up?” he murmured against her mouth as he took inordinate pride in the glazed look in her eyes.
“That’s my way of telling you to show me.” She kissed him again, briefly, then pressed her fingers to his lips. “Show me.”
Never had two words exhilarated and terrified him more. He slipped his hand into hers, drew her inside the cottage and let her take the final steps to the table on her own. He stood back, at the window, as he listened to her riffle through the diagrams and sketches, wondering if her sharp intakes of breath were of approval or horror.
“Xander.”
He closed his eyes. And smiled. Every doubt, every question in his mind went silent. “You like them.”
“How could I not? It’s exquisite. What made you think to build the sanctuary and education center around and through the trees?”
“Poker chips.” He grinned and joined her at the table. “Long story. But I couldn’t get what you said out of my mind. That we couldn’t destroy part of the habitat that they need to survive. So we survey, and we find the best way to cut around them and build around the places that the butterflies have already claimed as their own.”
“It’s going to cost,” Calliope said. “It won’t be cheap.”
“And that will no doubt be the deciding factor now that Gil is accepting other bids on the project.”
“He’s what?” Calliope’s face clouded. “Since when?”
Xander was too hyped up to worry about it. “I think he was just trying to make sure I was still interested. And I’m sorry, but yes, we will have to cut some of those trees down, but I’ll recommend a survey first, have an arborist come in and evaluate. We can recycle whatever we remove and use them in the structure itself. The flooring, the framework. Benches for an observation area. Sky’s the limit. We can literally make the sanctuary out of the butterflies’ natural habitat.”
She hugged his drawings against her chest and turned glistening, tear-filled eyes to him. “And here I was convinced you were the wrong man for the job.” She laughed through the tears that sparkled in her eyes. “I’ve never been so happy to be wrong.”
“If I’ve earned the committee’s approval, all that’s left is to present it to Gil.”
“Oh, you’ve earned it. I’m tempted to say let’s get this to his office right now, but he’s gone out of town on an emergency. The second he’s back, we hit him up. And leave all those other architects in the dust.”
“Why, Calliope Jones.” He plucked the papers out of her arms and hauled her against him. “That sounds rather competitive of you.” He kissed her quick to soften the accusation. “You’re not suggesting…”
“I’m doing more than suggesting. I’m saying it outright.” She held onto him and looked into his eyes. “In the immortal words of Charlie Bradley, you’re going to kick their butts. Now, how about we go to the bonfire tonight to celebrate?”
* * *
THE CROWD CHEERED as another cord of wood was thrown onto the burning pyre. Blue tipped flames exploded up, sending sparks of excitement and the promise of the season into the chilly night air. Xander had to admit, it was a pretty spectacular way to officially ring in the Christmas season.
Careful not to spill either cup of hot chocolate he’d obtained from the self-service set up near the stairs, Xander navigated through the sand back to Calliope. The treat was free, but for anyone wanting to show their gratitude, a collection jar was already filled to brimming and designated for the teen youth center expansion. In the spirit of the season, Xander had done his part and offered a smile to Kyle Winters who was overseeing the fund-raising.
For the past few hours they’d watched Luke and his deputies manage the setup, eating turkey sandwiches, nibbling on offerings from Calliope’s garden, and drinking homemade apple cider that had a bit of a kick. Stella had disappeared almost the moment they arrived, running and playing with Charlie, Marlie, Simon and a lot of other kids he didn’t recognize.
He spotted Paige and her deputy husband Fletcher laughing and enjoying the fire with Lori and Matt Knight. Luke, still on duty as Sheriff, had bundled up his pregnant wife Holly to the point she looked like a giant pink marshmallow. Jason Corwin was cuddling with Abby a bit away from the rest and Xander felt his cheeks warm when he caught sight of them kissing.
The Cocoon Club, the ever-growing group of town seniors, had lined up beach chairs along the sidewalk to watch the festivities from above. It was as if all of Butterfly Harbor had opened their doors and spilled out under the moon and onto the fire lit beach.
But it was the sound of his sister’s caught-on-the-wind laughter as she chatted with new friends Willa and Ozzy that filled his heart with the most joy. He lost count of the faces and voices who smiled and toasted him as he passed while the faint sound of “Jingle Bells” being sung added yet another layer of holiday cheer.
He hadn’t thought anything could compete with the ski trip and gingerbread-building competitive holidays with his family, but listening to the cheers and amusement echoing up and down the beach as the residents of Butterfly Harbor reveled, he had to admit, this was pretty darned perfect.
But it wasn’t home, he had to remind himself. No matter how tempting, no matter how magical, real life continued to call in the back of his mind, reminding him he couldn’t allow himself to lose sight completely. But tonight wasn’t made for thinking or worrying. Tonight was all about being alone with the only person he was interested in. Tonight was all about Calliope.
Even before he sat back down he could see Calliope rubbing her arms as she shivered. “We can move closer.” He offered her one of the cups, looked over his shoulder for a free space by the bonfire.
“No.” She beamed up at him, her smile as warm as the cocoa in his cup. “I like it here. It’s a bit quieter. I like to hear the waves.”
“In that case.” He set his own cup down and retrieved the quilt she’d brought from home. He dropped down, not beside her, but behind her and drew her back against him. He wrapped the quilt around them and counted himself lucky when she didn’t resist, and instead, snuggled into him. Oh, yeah. Definitely a perfect evening.
The wind trapped a tendril of her hair and he caught it, tucked it securely behind her ear before pressing his lips to the soft skin of her neck.
She shivered, lifted her shoulders even as he felt her skin warm. “Xander,” she murmured, and lifted a hand to his head. “I’m glad you came with us.” She drew the blanket tighter around them and snuck her hand beneath the edge to lift her cup to her mouth. “This is one of my favorite times of year.” She took a deep breath, let it out as he tightened his arms around her waist. “Every moment is ripe with possibility.”
Xander rested his chin on the top of her head, listening for the waves crashing beneath the continued good cheer of the town.
“Thank you for having shared it with me.” He hadn’t meant it, but the words felt a bit like a goodbye.
She turned her head, looked over her shoulder and found him watching her. There was such affection in her eyes, he felt the walls he’d built up around his heart crumble. She didn’t say another word, simply curled into him more securely. But he knew she was thinking the same thing he was.
He couldn’t stay.
No matter how much he might want to.
* * *
“CALLIOPE?”
“Yes, poppet.” Calliope glanced over as Stella came inside from the garden. She was muddied from head to toe, her hair a tangle of curls, but her cheeks were pink from the crisp December air and the promise of the holiday market a few hours away. “You and the girls finished practicing your sandcastles?”
“Yes. Calliope, what’s happening with Mama?” She walked over to where Calliope was wrapping Abby and Jason’s wedding gift, a handmade dream catcher threaded with dried lavender and thyme.
Calliope needed the boost, the distraction, from the growing unease that a new bank of storm clouds were on the horizon, none of which had to do with Alethea or anyone else’s heartbreak other than her own. Her time with Xander, the happiest days of her life, was coming to an end.
She’d felt it the other night at the bonfire. Could feel it as easily now as she felt the sunshine on her face or the wind against her skin. “What do you mean about Mama, Stella?”
“I saw the papers by the computer. Is this because of me? Did I make Mama sicker?”
“What?” Calliope had never imagined Stella could think such a thing. “Oh, my beautiful girl, of course not. Come here.”
She turned on the bench and held out her arms. Stella came over and sat on her lap, not fitting as well as she used to.
“Goodness, you’re getting so big.” She tucked Stella into her arms and stroked her hair. “I want you to listen to me, Stella, because you need to believe this. I will never, ever lie to you. Ever. What’s happening with Mama has nothing to do with you. Her illness has gotten to the point where we can’t manage it anymore. Hildy and Mama’s doctor both agreed she needs to be someplace special. But Stella…” Calliope swallowed hard. “We won’t have her much longer. Her mind is shutting down. She’s not really with us anymore. She hasn’t been for a very long time.” She pressed a kiss to Stella’s temple. “And it has absolutely nothing to do with you.”
“It’s not because she hates me?”
“She doesn’t hate you, poppet.” Calliope squeezed her eyes shut and struggled for the right words. “I don’t think she even knows who you are, what you are to her. Just as she doesn’t recognize me anymore. Whoever Mama was, she’s gone, Stella. And soon, her body will be, too.”
“Are we going to go and say goodbye?”
“Would you like to?” Calliope hadn’t been sure, not until now, if she should even give Stella the option.
“I think maybe I would. I know she won’t know who I am, but I don’t want to regret not saying goodbye. Isn’t that what you’re always saying? Don’t live with regrets?”
“It is what I say.” And yet Calliope had the feeling she’d be living with a lot of them. “If you want to go, I will find us a car and get us there. But it’s okay if you change your mind.”
“I bet Xander would take us,” Stella said. “He likes us.”
“He does, doesn’t he?” As evidenced by the unbridled attention he’d paid Calliope and Stella since his triumph over his stifled muse. He’d come to the farm yesterday to help with the market, fitting so perfectly into her world it had felt someone showing her what she could never have. “But remember what I told you, Stella. He won’t stay. He can’t. He has a life somewhere else.”
Stella shrugged. “Maybe he’ll change his mind.”
“Is that what you want? For Xander to stay?”
“Yes. I like him. He almost feels like…” She ducked her head, as if worried about speaking her mind. “He almost feels like what I’ve imagined a dad would feel like. Does that make sense?”
“It does.” Watching Xander with Stella the last few days, seeing the patience and enthusiasm he’d shown working with the girls on their sandcastles, had filled her heart with so much joy she feared it would burst. “But Xander’s life isn’t here in Butterfly Harbor. He has his family, his job, back in Chicago and New York.” She rocked her sister like she used to when she was an infant. “It wouldn’t be fair of us to ask him to give up all that just for us.”
“I suppose not. But that doesn’t mean I can’t stop hoping.”
“No,” Calliope agreed with a stiff smile. “No, it does not. Now, are we all settled on what’s bothering you?”
“Yes.”
“Good. Then we need to get ready for those market vendors. Why don’t you head on out and open the gates? I bet people will start arriving to set up anytime.”
“Okay.”
Stella walked slowly to the door, as if her thoughts still weighed heavily on her. “I had the dream about the owls again.”
“And?” Calliope prodded.
Stella cringed. “I’m sorry. I was still scared.”
“It’s okay, Stella. You want to know a secret? I’m scared about some things, too. But we’re going to be okay. Because we have each other.”
Stella nodded and left the house.
Tears burned hot in Calliope’s eyes. She hadn’t thought there was room for more love than she had for her sister, but she was wrong. Xander Costas had taken up residence inside of her, heart, soul and spirit. And with every day that passed, she was that much closer to losing him.
Hands trembling, insides shaken, she followed her sister outside, but instead of heading to the gate where early comers were arriving, she detoured back and around the far end of the property, over to the field of lavender and milkweed that bordered the thick grove of eucalyptus trees. In the stillness of the air she could hear the calming whispers of wings as the butterflies brushed against one another. She removed her sandals and sank her feet into the rich soil, clenching her toes as the dirt covered her skin.
“Help me,” she whispered as she turned her face to the sun and held out her hands, palms up. “Help me survive this.”
The butterflies in the trees, dozens of them, hundreds of them, took flight to encircle her. Some landed on her fingers, her arms, in her hair. She sank down, dropping to sit in the soil that had given her so much, finally lying down as her beloved butterflies continued to flit around her. She closed her eyes and waited. Listened.
And as she shed a solitary tear, she accepted what was to come.
* * *
“OUR FLIGHT LEAVES at noon tomorrow,” Xander called as he headed from his room into Alethea’s. He’d promised to get to Calliope’s to help with the holiday market hours ago, but he’d gotten waylaid by an impulsive visit to Liberty Lighthouse. Before he knew it, he’d lost most of the afternoon talking with Kendall, sharing the information he’d received from his friends back east. The lighthouse, keeper house and guest cottage were ripe with possibilities. Kendall’s impressions had been correct: the lighthouse had excellent bones and a lot to build on for an authentic restoration. Too bad he wouldn’t be around to help.
Not that he wouldn’t be coming back to Butterfly Harbor. He couldn’t explain it, but he knew, he knew, his design would be the one chosen. The extra expense could be dealt with. The uniqueness of the project, the dedication to environmentally friendly and sound construction would serve to bring added attention and exposure to Butterfly Harbor. So yes, he would be back, occasionally at least, to check on the progress and see his design come to life.
And to see Calliope. He wasn’t even gone yet and he was already missing her and Stella.
He tugged the hem of his black T-shirt over the waistband of his jeans and scrunched his toes into the new sneakers he was still breaking in. From everything he heard, the holiday market was as casual as it got in Butterfly Harbor. “Are you all packed?”
“Yes.” Alethea sat in the rocking chair in the corner, her feet propped up on the bed, his tablet computer on her lap. “Before we go, we need to talk.”
“Okay.” He sat on the bed, anxious to get going. The sun was already setting. “But we need to hurry up if we want to make the holiday market.”
“I know. But this is important. I’ve decided what I’m going to do. And before I tell you, I need you to understand that I’ve made up my mind.”
“Okay.”
“I’m not going back to school.”
“Okay.” Xander took a long, deep breath and let it out slowly. Didn’t do much to unravel the knot in his stomach. “Okay. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t expect something like this. We’ll look into transferring you to another university. One that doesn’t have quite so many…memories.”
“This isn’t about Talia.” She stopped, closed her eyes for a moment. “This isn’t all about Talia. This is about me. How I need to find what works best for me. School doesn’t. Butterfly Harbor does. It works really well. Which is why I’m coming back here after the holidays. I have to do what feels right. I want to be happy again, Xander. This place makes me happy.”
His pulse quickened. “I know it seems that way now—”
“What do you mean now?” Alethea interrupted. “You seem to have been happy. For now.”
“Happiness doesn’t come with a paycheck. Look, I get it. This place, it makes you see possibilities, but those possibilities have a practical side to them, Alethea. A practical side like an education. Like a college degree. How do you expect to become a lawyer—”
“I don’t.”
“You don’t what?”
“Expect to be a lawyer. I don’t want to be one. I never did. I just did it because it seemed to make everyone happy.”
“You…all right.” Xander took a deep breath, banked his frustration. “Okay, so no law school. We’ll figure something else out. Once we’re home, you can sit down with Mom and the rest of the family and we’ll—”
“I know what I want to do and what I want to do is stay here.”
“How will you manage? California isn’t exactly cheap.”
“Have you ever noticed how everything comes down to money with you? Not all of us are ruled by the almighty checkbook.”
“Said the girl who’s been overdrawn three times in the last year. If you don’t want law school, fine. But—”
“I have a plan, Xander. And I’ve made up my mind.”
“Sounds to me like you’ve been spending too much time with Calliope.”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” Alethea frowned. “But yes, I did talk to her about this because I knew you wouldn’t understand. I don’t want to live my life based on what all of you think I should be doing. I’m not like you or Dyna or Ophelia or Antony. I don’t do corporate. I don’t like business, not business that stifles all of you the way it does. I want to live on my terms. Do what I want.”
Yes, she definitely sounded like Calliope. And for the first time, he didn’t find it enchanting at all. “And what is that exactly? What are you going to do for money? Or are you planning on setting up camp down at the beach?”
“I told Calliope you’d react this way. She didn’t believe me.”
Xander looked away.
“What happened to being supportive?” she asked, disappointment shining in her eyes. “What happened to being the brother I can always count on to listen to me and have my back?”
“He’s just been told you’re throwing three years of college down the toilet because Calliope’s thinking and all that magic has gotten into your head.”
“That’s not fair. And you didn’t seem all that offended by that magic when you were kissing her at the bonfire the other night.”
Well, she had him there.
“I’m not stupid, Xander. I’ve thought this through. And for your information, I’ve been offered a job. A really good job.”
“Doing what? You aren’t exactly qualified for…” The light dawned. “Jason. Did Jason offer you a job?”
“As his sous chef, yes.” Her chin inched up in pride. “And I accepted. I start the second week in January. Once he’s back from his honeymoon. Feel free to be impressed. Jason Corwin just hired me.”
He was impressed. But still not totally convinced. “That doesn’t solve your other problems. Where are you going to live?”
“Calliope said I could stay with her and Stella until I got on my feet.”
“Of course she did.” Up until this moment, he’d found Calliope’s “interference” charming. Now it just irritated him. What had she been thinking, talking to Alethea about this without discussing it with him first? She knew how he felt about his family. How hard he’d been fighting to keep them together. Could she not relate? “I suppose you already accepted the job?”
“Yes.”
“And I’m supposed to go along with this. Because you’ve decided.”
“Yes.”
Xander’s mind buzzed. What was it about this town that turned people like Alethea, people like him—staid, stoic individuals—into starry-eyed dreamers?
“You know Mom and Antony are going to lose it over this, right? You’re only a semester away from graduating. What’s wrong with finishing your degree and then coming back here for a break before graduate school if you still have this cooking thing in your system?”
Her eyes narrowed. “Because it’ll be six months of wasted time and I don’t want to waste a minute more. I know they won’t understand. I definitely know that, given your reaction, but if there’s one thing Calliope’s taught me, it’s that I have to do what’s right for me. No matter who might disagree.”
“Right.” There was no arguing with her. How could he even try when he’d lectured both his brother and their mother about letting Alethea take the lead and decide where she wanted to go with her life? But that didn’t mean he could go along with these choices. “Okay. Good talk. We need to leave.”
“You’re mad.”
“With you? No.” But there was an interfering redhead he wanted to have a few words with. “I promised when you came here that I would support you in whatever decision you make. And I will. But not financially. You want to do this, you do it on your own. No plane tickets home. No help with rent or food. If this is what you really want, then you go all in. Alone.”
“I already knew that.” She flinched but nodded. “You can come back, too, you know.” Alethea called after him as he headed to get his keys and phone. “I’m not the only one who can follow their heart.”
He’d be lying if he said the thought hadn’t occurred to him. But as much as he cared about Calliope and Stella, as much as he’d enjoyed his time in Butterfly Harbor, this wasn’t his home. He didn’t belong. He couldn’t afford to belong. Not with so much hanging in the balance. He had the Costas family legacy to think about; without him, the firm his grandfather had built would disappear and he couldn’t allow that to happen.
“Unlike you, I have responsibilities back home, Alethea.”
“Even if there’s something or someone you want here?”
“Calliope probably neglected to mention this, Alethea, but in the real world, we don’t always get what we want.”
* * *
CHRISTMAS MUSIC FLOATED out of the outdoor speakers Luke and Matt had set up around the farm. Dozens of stalls and fabric tents had been erected around the perimeter of the gardens and Calliope’s home. Butterfly Harbor residents were selling everything from handcrafted tree ornaments to homemade jams and baked goods to crocheted rugs and wraps. The crowd was steady and had been since before they’d swung open the gates.
Calliope inhaled the aroma of hot apple cider and freshly roasted chestnuts. Popcorn exploded in the old-fashioned machine manned by Jake Campbell as he raised money for the teen youth facility.
Despite the uncertainty swirling inside of her, the evening was shaping up to be absolutely perfect. Thunder rolled in the distance. Deep and dark. Threatening. And yet…not a cloud in the sky.
And not a sign of Xander.
“Uh-oh. Someone’s on a rampage.” Holly, halfway through her second piece of pumpkin pie, nudged Calliope’s arm and motioned to the front gate. “You and handsome have a fight?”
“No.” Calliope’s stomach twisted as the fog of the future began to lift. The future she couldn’t see before Xander Costas arrived in Butterfly Harbor was coming into focus now. And it was filled with loneliness. “But I believe we’re about to.”
“You want me to distract Stella?” Holly waved to get Abby and Paige’s attention. Not an easy feat as they were currently arguing over who would buy the last bag of chocolate cashews.
“If you wouldn’t mind. Don’t worry,” Calliope insisted when concern crossed her friend’s face. “I’ve been expecting something like this.”
“We’re just a shout away if you need us. Stella?” Holly called to Calliope’s sister, who was playing ping-pong goldfish with Marlie. “Honey, can you help me find Simon?”
“Sure.” Stella flicked her gaze to Calliope before she hurried off to help Holly.
It might have been Calliope’s imagination, but she swore the crowds parted for Xander as he approached her.
“We need to talk.”
“Certainly.” She swallowed hard and turned toward the cottage, cringing as she closed the door behind them. Clearly now wasn’t the time to tease him about being late. “What’s wrong?”
“Alethea. She’s moving here. To Butterfly Harbor. Because you told her to.”
“I most certainly did not.” Irritation slipped through the impending heartache. “I told her to follow her heart wherever that might take her.”
“Same difference. She needs to get back to her life, not keep hiding from reality.”
“You mean she needs to get back to your life. The life you and your family have mapped out for her.” She sat in the chair her grandfather had made, the rocking chair her grandmother had rocked her in. The chair she’d rocked Stella in while she’d cried out the pain and anguish over the mother they’d never have.
“It’s practical and logical for her to finish school,” Xander’s voice sounded tight, as if he were barely holding onto his temper. “Surely you see that.”
“No, actually, I don’t.” Who did he think he was talking to? “Not if it makes her unhappy. What’s practical in wasting years of your life for something that will never enrich it?”
“Says the woman who grows vegetables and plays with insects.”
His words drove the air from her lungs. “It’s a living.”
“It’s a fantasy for anyone other than you, Calliope. What were you thinking filling her head with these dreams? She has a life waiting for her back in Chicago. Or Virginia. Or even New York. That’s where all the possibilities are.”
His possibilities. Calliope chose her words carefully. “First, life can be a fantasy for anyone who chooses it to be, and second, I didn’t fill her with anything. She was empty when she came here, Xander. You know this. You saw it. This place brought her back to life. I completely understand why she wouldn’t want to leave.” She certainly couldn’t. Nor did she want to. She only wished he felt the same.
“Do you know what my family is going to think when she tells them her plans? They’re going to think this is my fault!”
“Why is it anyone’s fault?” Before her eyes, the man she’d fallen in love with was fading, replaced by the cool, detached businessman who wheeled and dealed for a living. “What is so wrong with Alethea wanting to live her life on her own terms?”
“She’s not you, Calliope. She’s not independent and headstrong and stubborn. She’s been provided for and protected her entire life. She doesn’t know that life will screw you over every chance you get if you don’t have a solid, cemented foundation.”
“No, she’s not me. But I think we can both agree she is well aware of how harsh life can be.”
“You know very well I wasn’t talking about Talia.”
“No, you weren’t. You’re talking about yourself and how Alethea’s choices are affecting you. So what if your family blames you? If Alethea is happy, or even if she isn’t, she’s becoming independent. I thought you liked that about women. You certainly seem to like it about me.”
“I need you to talk to her again. You need to get her to change her mind. I’ll help her find a new school. I’ll do whatever it takes to solidify her future, but not here. Back home where she’s safe and where she’s needed.”
“Where she will suffocate.” Calliope folded her hands in her lap and sat stone-still. “I will not tell her she’s wrong, Xander. I can’t. Because I don’t believe she is.”
“Why? Because Stella isn’t enough, you want to drag my sister into this magic-butterfly world of yours? It isn’t real, Calliope.”
Calliope took a long breath and as she exhaled, she tried to force out the pain. But it had already lodged, solidly, in her heart. “If you truly believe that then you never understood me at all. I will not interfere with anyone’s free will. Not Stella’s, not Alethea’s and not yours.” She angled her head to look at him. “You’re scared, Xander. You see something possible, something you never thought you could have, but you don’t want it because it messes up your neatly planned life. You’re free to leave anytime. No need to feel guilty about it. I’ll be fine.”
“Don’t do that. Don’t go getting into my head!”
“I’m not in your head. I’m in your heart.” Just as he was in hers. Forever.
Xander looked away. “This is about Alethea. This isn’t about us.”
“Isn’t it? Your sister has made a very mature decision to take charge of her life. And yet here you stand, railing against me because you think I’ve influenced her. Maybe I have. I will accept that with pride because she’s an exceptional young woman and one I’m proud to call my friend. But do not think because I fell in love with you that gives you the right to dictate my behavior in any way. I am who I am, Xander Costas. I’m who I always was, and who I will always be.”
“What?” He took a step back. “You can’t be in love with me. I’ve only been here…”
“I fell in love with you long before you arrived. Long before I ever knew your name.” She got to her feet and walked past him, unable to bear the confusion and disbelief on his face. “And before you go dismissing my feelings, I’m not asking for you to believe me. I don’t expect or want anything in return you’re not freely willing to give. My feelings are my feelings. This is what it is. Fate delivered you to me and, just as it always does for the women in my family, fate will take you away. I suggest you leave now, before you say something else we’ll both regret.” And can never forget.
“Calliope.” He reached for her arms and turned her to face him. “Why didn’t you say anything? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Does my loving you make a difference? Or does it just add to your sense of obligation and responsibility?”
He searched her face, but his confusion only increased, as if he couldn’t find the answer he was looking for. “And if I said I love you, too? What would that mean?”
“Nothing.” It broke her heart to say it, but she couldn’t lie. Not to him. “Because it doesn’t change anything. You have your life and I have mine. And I understand that, Xander. I do.” She touched his face. “I’ve known from the moment you arrived that we’d never be able to make this work. That you’d never stay. I can’t change my feelings for you and I wouldn’t want to. I do love you. But you can’t love me and not understand Alethea’s desire to be free.”
“You’re not one of your butterflies, Calliope. You can go wherever you want. Do whatever you want.”
“And is that what you want? Is that what you expect? For me to leave the only home I’ve ever known, the only home generations of my family have ever known, move Stella to a place that will kill her spirit slower than it would kill me? Why? I don’t belong in your world, Xander. More importantly, I don’t want to. No matter how much we might love each other, this is where I belong.”
“So that’s it? This…you and me, we’re just…done?”
“I’m sorry.” She stared at him, memorizing every feature, every glint in his eyes, every line on his face, because she knew the image of him would be the only thing she’d have for the rest of her life. “But, yes. We are.”