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The heat wave continued during the next few days.
And so did the deep freeze between Helen and Nathan.
This was exactly the reason she hadn’t intended to tell anyone. Cancer changed everything, and while Helen told herself dealing with it on her own was what she’d wanted, what she’d planned all along, it still hurt. She would never have insisted on his undivided attention, as her mother had demanded of her, but since he had badgered her into telling him, the least he could have done was offer encouragement.
Not that she blamed him. She had deserted her own mother, after all. How could she expect anything different from anyone else?
Over the last lonely while, though, she had come to realize how much she depended on Nathan’s steadfast companionship. The gaping hole it gouged in her life was a chasm she didn’t know how to fill.
When the knock sounded on her door at ten o’clock Sunday morning, the last person she expected to see was Nathan. Yet there he was, standing cool and confident on her front step. She swallowed back an exclamation of relief and joy, the sensation of rightness blossoming in her chest both welcome and terrifying.
The half-smile curving his lips faded as his gaze swept down and up her body. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed you’d still come golfing with me.”
Confused, she looked down at the maxi-dress sweeping her bare feet, and then back to Nathan. “Golfing?” Her eyes widened as his meaning clicked. “The Mount Morgan Mining Charity Tournament. That’s today?”
He nodded while the corners of his mouth pinched. “I’m sorry,” he repeated, taking a step back. “I’ll go on my own. It’s not a problem.”
“No!” Now he was here, she wasn’t going to let him get away. The drive to the golf course was the perfect opportunity to try and mend things between them. She couldn’t lose her best friend, not yet, not now. “It totally escaped me, that’s all. I can be ready in a minute.”
“Don’t come if it’s going to be awkward.”
She smiled with slightly manic brightness to offset his grim tone. “It won’t. I’ll be right there. My clubs are in the garage. Do you mind getting them for me? You know the code to open the door.” She raced up the short flight of steps leading to the main floor and her bedroom.
Helen dragged off her dress and wriggled into a sports bra, a white sleeveless collared shirt and a hot-pink athletic skort. She hustled out of the house as Nathan loaded her clubs on their three-wheeled cart into the back of his SUV. He glanced over and without comment rounded the vehicle to the driver’s door. In matching silence she climbed in beside him and latched her seatbelt as he reversed onto the street.
She waited in a welter of mingled impatience and reluctance until he’d navigated out of their neighbourhood. The course hosting the tournament was about twenty minutes away. She hoped it would be long enough to set things right.
“I’m sorry I upset you.” She was thankful he had to keep his eyes on the road. It gave her an excuse to avoid looking at him. “I didn’t intend to mention the biopsy at all, but I couldn’t not tell you, not after you...” She didn’t want to make things worse by pointing out he had insisted, rather forcefully.
He had no trouble filling in the blank. “Wouldn’t take no for an answer? You have nothing to be sorry about, Helen. I should have respected your privacy.”
“Well, yes.” Too late for that, now.
Nathan slowed as the road swept around a wide, arching curve and under the twin double-lane bridges that spanned the Fraser River flowing at her right. “I’m sorry I reacted the way I did. But your refusal to tell me made me imagine all sorts of horrors. Not that I imagined this.” He sighed. “I do wish you’d told me before...”
It was her turn to fill in the blank. “Before we had sex. I know. I should have been honest. But I never intended it to go further than one night. I was only thinking of myself, and that wasn’t fair to you. I should have considered what you might think it meant.” She was still a little astonished he had wanted to be with her again. Flattered, but astonished.
“Helen.”
She clasped her damp palms together and looked at him, chin raised. For the moment he allowed his attention to waver from the street, his gaze was warm, direct, and rueful. When he turned away, she shuddered from a searing sense of loss.
“I wasn’t angry you rejected my offer of an affair,” he said. “My reaction had nothing to do with that. I am angry you didn’t trust me with your news. And I am worried about you. For what you might have to go through. And what that might mean for us.”
Unwanted hope flared at his words. She didn’t want—couldn’t want—their relationship to become an us. But he wouldn’t say something like that if he wasn’t willing to maintain their friendship.
“I still want you in my life, if you can bear it. But I’m not in the right mental place to start a new relationship.” Helen wiggled her fingers in a helpless gesture. “That night I needed...I just needed. And you were there.”
A low growl emanated from the driver’s seat and Helen’s eyes flew wide. “Oh! I didn’t mean it that way!” Burying her head in her hands, she spoke through muffling fingers. “I am trying to fix things, and I keep making them worse.”
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HEARING HELEN BUTCHER her unnecessary apology tickled Nathan in a black, ironic way. It appeased a tiny, selfish need to see her as discombobulated as he was.
Lifting one hand off the steering wheel, he gently gripped her wrist and tugged. “It’s okay, Helen. I’m not insulted, if that’s what you’re thinking.”
She dropped her hands into her lap and straightened from her hunched position. “How could you not be? I basically said any faceless stranger would have done that night.”
Thinking of Helen with another man made him queasy. He didn’t want to examine why. “You didn’t mean it that way. Don’t you remember what you said last Wednesday?” He could feel her gaze on his profile, bright and intense. “You asked me because you knew I wouldn’t take advantage of you. So not any man would have done, right?”
For several seconds, the only noise in the cabin of the vehicle was the hum of the tires and whoosh of the air conditioner. Then Helen released a soft exhalation. “You’re right. Sorry again. I’m not usually so melodramatic.”
“It’s okay.” He patted her thigh in what he hoped was a friendly, unloverlike gesture. “We’re good?”
“We’re good.”
As if drained by the conversation, Helen leaned back in her seat and stared out her window. The silence gave him time to recalibrate his own emotions and get ready for the day ahead.
The Mount Morgan Mining Charity Golf Tournament was a major fundraising event for the local hospital, drawing in reigning and would-be politicians, professional athletes, powerful businesspeople, and the general public. When he’d signed up weeks ago, he had seen it as a way to get to know the company’s ethics, meet some of the staff in a casual, relaxed setting. Since his meeting on Thursday, every interaction now had a deeper, more intense repercussion. One wrong word could cast a black cloud on his presentation—or, more positively, a good impression could pave the way to accepting his proposal and launching him into his promotion.
A promotion Helen knew nothing about yet.
He slid her a sideways glance. He’d been relieved when she hadn’t ducked out of the tournament, taking it as a sign she was willing to forgive his boorish behaviour. Now he realized it was because she’d completely forgotten about it. And here they were, just learning how to be comfortable with each other again, and he had to rock the boat by telling her he might be leaving town.
He had to do it, though. If they hadn’t been at odds recently, she would already know. And as thankful as he was that they’d managed to work past the conflicts of the last few days, she couldn’t stay in ignorance any longer, no matter what her reaction might be.
He made the last turn into the golf course and negotiated the parking lot, buzzing with golfers, carts, and vehicles, and searched for a free space. Spying an open slot, he slipped his SUV in. Before he could draw breath to make his revelation, Helen escaped the cab, opening the hatch practically before the engine died. Her golf clubs rattled as she dragged them out. In the rear-view mirror he watched as she unfolded the collapsible cart and dug her shoes out of one of the bag’s zippered pockets, her face set and weary.
They may have patched the hole between them, but it didn’t look like Helen was quite ready to go back to their old easy habits, yet. That didn’t bode well for what had to come next.
Telling himself not to be a coward, he rounded the rear of the SUV and took out his own clubs. Helen sat on the bumper and slipped out of her sandals, keeping her face averted. “There’s something I need to tell you, Helen.” He unzipped a pocket on his golf bag and drew out his glove.
She stiffened and flicked him a glance from the corner of her eye. “Can we talk about whatever it is later?” she said, keeping her body angled away. “I’ve had enough drama for one day.”
He wished he could give her a respite, but it had to be now. “It has to do with the golf tournament.”
She tied her right shoe, set that foot on the ground, and raised her left. “Fine.”
“A position has come open in the Vancouver Island office of NIS. Regional Sales Manager.” He cleared his throat and fidgeted with his glove. “I have applied.”
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HELEN’S FINGERS FUMBLED on the laces of her shoe, thoughts tumbling in her brain, fighting for supremacy.
She couldn’t imagine her world without Nathan nearby. But his boys lived on the Island. And he’d wanted a management job for a long time. It would be a great move for him, personally and professionally.
Forcing a smile onto her face, she dragged her gaze to meet his. “Best of luck.” The words choked her but a good friend would say them. “I know you wanted that other position—” She broke off. Maybe she shouldn’t remind him of the opportunities he’d missed due to Wanda’s illness.
He didn’t need her to finish her thought, though. “Yes. This is probably my last kick at the can. I’m happy doing what I’m doing, but it would be nice to round off my career in a management position. And with the boys and my grandchildren there...” He raised a shoulder expressively.
“It sounds perfect for you.” Oddly, Nathan’s body language wasn’t reflecting the excitement she had expected. “It is perfect, isn’t it? What do you think, Nathan?”
He tucked his glove in his back pocket, took out his golf shoes and loosened the laces. “So much has happened in the last few days. You and me, your cancer, this new job. I don’t know what to think.”
“You have to go for it. You’d hate yourself if you didn’t.” She laid her hand on his, stilling his movements. Nathan stared at it. “If you’re feeling guilty about applying, don’t. Whatever is going on in my life has nothing to do with this.” Now she felt even worse for giving in to Nathan’s exhortations to tell what was on her mind. If he lost this promotion because of her, she’d—well, she didn’t know what she’d do, but she knew she would feel awful.
He shook his head, rather like a horse ridding itself of pesky flies. “The posting closes at the end of the month. This is where the golf tournament comes in. Melanie—you remember my boss, Melanie?” At Helen’s confirming nod he went on. “Melanie thinks I’m sure to get the promotion if I can close a sale with Mount Morgan.”
The lightbulb went on in Helen’s brain. No wonder he’d insisted on telling her this news right now. She straightened her shoulders. “So you need to make a good impression today. What can I do to help?”