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Helen stood framed in her doorway, the brighter light from inside the house forming a nimbus around her.
He knew the moment she caught sight of him. One hand raised, froze, and then dropped to her side. As he neared, he noted her pale face, her red-rimmed and shadowed eyes.
His need to take care of her was a physical ache. If he’d ever doubted his own feelings, he had none now.
She didn’t move as he approached, other than a slight widening of her tired eyes and the flex of her throat as she swallowed. He came to a halt in front of her and stood silent for a breath, readying for the confrontation to come.
“You lied.” Nathan kept his accusation gentle.
Her tightly pressed lips dropped open in a shocked O. “I did not.”
He was pleased to see a glitter of green fire light her irises. “You lied by implication. You told me you had cancer. You don’t know that for sure.”
He read her admission in the slump of her shoulders, yet she still faced him with defiance. “I just spent the last few hours arguing with Megan about the semantics, and I won’t spend the next few doing the same with you. When a doctor won’t announce the results over the phone, it is reasonable to make the conclusion I did. I know I’m right.”
He stepped forward and she held her ground. She stood on the slightly raised door sill, which made her almost eye-level with him. Her breath fanned his face and he caught the scent of rich red wine and spicy spaghetti sauce. “I don’t care.”
He’d surprised her again. He could tell by the flicker of her eyelashes. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t care if you have cancer. I don’t care about furthering my career. None of that matters. All I want is to be with you.”
A car whooshed by on the street behind him, thumping bass thudding in his ears for an instant. Or maybe that was his pulse, racing to the anxious beat of his heart. If Helen sent him away, he would have to respect her decision. At least for now. He waited, trying to still the nervous twitching of his fingers against his thigh.
Helen backed away and for a moment he feared she would slam the door in his face. Instead, she jerked a thumb over her shoulder. “Do you want to come in for a minute?”
Her tone wasn’t exactly welcoming but he would take what he could get. He stepped in and she shut the door behind him with a gentle click before heading to the kitchen. He followed, formulating his argument.
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HELEN’S MIND WHIRLED. Why wasn’t he angry with her? He should be furious for so many reasons. But she’d read the truth in his eyes when he’d declared he wanted to be with her.
Afraid to trust what her heart was saying, she took a seat in the corner of her sofa. The cushion dipped as he lowered himself beside her. “I think we need to make a few things clear.”
The back of her throat was tight and hot with hope and fear. Unable to look him in the eyes, she nodded.
“One.” He took her hand. “Cancer or no cancer, I’m here for you.”
A tiny sob escaped despite the leash on her emotions, but she’d shed enough surreptitious tears while Megan and Nora had visited and had no more left to give.
“Two.” He interlaced his fingers with hers. “I gave up the promotion because it was the right thing to do. For me.”
She couldn’t let that blasphemy go by unremarked. “It wasn’t. It couldn’t be. You’ve wanted it for so long, worked so hard to get it. How could refusing it be the right thing? If my health issues in any way influenced your decision, I will hate myself.”
“Ah.” He tipped her chin up with his free hand. “There’s one more thing you should know.”
“Don’t give me hope, Nathan,” she begged. “I won’t survive if you give me hope and then take it away.”
“Helen.” His voice was as gentle as the touch of his fingers on her hair. “I love you. And that is not going to change.”
“Oh, god.” She closed her eyes.
“That’s not the reaction I was hoping for.”
Was that amusement she heard? Her eyelids popped open and she frowned. “Are you laughing at me?”
“You have to admit, this situation is pretty ridiculous.”
“This is serious, Nathan. I have”—at his sternly pointed finger and fierce expression she corrected herself with a martyred sigh—“I may have cancer. You just gave up your dream job and probably ticked off your bosses in the process. What is so funny?”
“I thought by this stage in my life I’d be past all the drama. It’s either laugh or cry, and I’d much rather laugh.”
Helen knew exactly what he meant about the drama. After Aaron died, she’d grown to believe she’d reached a plateau in her life, that she would spend the rest of her days floating along, filling time with casual interests and family events. Now she was having a medical crisis, being urged to invest in a tattoo parlor, and was loved by a sexy, kind man.
Said man was staring at her with desire in his eyes, humour twisting one corner of his mouth. “What do you say, Helen?”
“We should wait until Monday.” Desperation tinged her words. “Don’t tell me you love me until after Dr. Chesley confirms the diagnosis, one way or the other.”
“Too late for that, isn’t it? I love you, Helen, and I’d like to hear you say it back.”
She shook her head frantically. “I can’t. Not until I know what’s going to happen.”
“Don’t you see? We never know what’s going to happen. No matter what your doctor tells you Monday, Tuesday I could get hit by a bus.” Helen flinched and Nathan added hurriedly, “You know what I mean. We can’t live our lives worried about what might happen at some time in the future.”
“I never used to be like this,” she said wistfully. “I used to take each moment as it came, certain there were good times ahead, ignoring the possibility of bad times. I don’t know what’s changed.”
“You have a better understanding of how fragile life is.” Nathan took her hand in both of his and pressed her cold fingers. “We’ve each lost people we loved. And we will again, there’s no avoiding that. But it doesn’t mean we should stop enjoying the days in between.”
She had to be certain. “Promise me you’re telling the truth about giving up the promotion. That it is what you want, regardless of what happens between us.”
He answered with no hesitation, and the band around her chest loosened. “I promise.”
She flung herself into his lap and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pressing her face into the curve of his neck. “I love you, Nathan. I didn’t want to, but I can’t help myself. I feel so selfish, needing you so much.”
“Never feel that way. I love you, too.” A tremor shook his body and she heard him swallow. “We’ll get through this. And we’ll do it together.”