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Blakely
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My heart thrums heavily against my ribs as I watch the train pull into the station. Tears sting the backs of my eyes, threatening to spill over at any moment. I’ve been dreading this moment for days. Ever since Asher told me that he was leaving town.
“What can I do?” I’d asked at the time, still believing that there was a way to change his mind.
“It’s something I have to do, B. Something I need to do,” he’d said, squeezing my hand so tightly the tips of my fingers had started to go numb.
I welcomed the sensation. It gave me something to focus on. Something to distract me from the feeling of my heart cracking open inside my chest.
Asher has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. We grew up down the street from each other. There’s barely a memory I have that doesn’t involve him. From playing in the sand box in my back yard to riding bikes around the neighborhood, we were inseparable as kids and only became more so as time went on.
He holds every single one of my firsts. My first friend. My first crush. My first kiss. My first love. He’s etched into my very core. He’s as much a part of me as I am myself.
“Well, this is me.” Asher blows out a heavy breath, his crisp blue eyes meeting mine for the first time since we arrived at the station nearly fifteen minutes ago.
I open my mouth and shut it several times before looking away, unable to find the right words to say while struggling to keep my emotions at bay.
I never thought I’d see this day. A day where I would be forced to say goodbye to the person that means more to me than anyone else in this world. I naively believed that we would always be together. That every road we took we’d always be side by side. But now I have to face the earth shattering reality that us together is no longer going to happen.
No matter how temporary Asher claims this will be, no matter how many times he swears he will be back before I know it, I can’t shake the feeling that when he says goodbye to me and boards that train, it may very well be the last time I ever lay eyes on him.
He has no family here anymore, no home, nothing tying him to the small town of Tomlin, West Virginia. Who could blame him for wanting to get out? But there’s the voice in the back of my head. The voice I’m too scared to let out. The one that’s crying out, “What about me?”
It’s something I’ve wanted to ask him for days. Why he can’t wait until I graduate? Why does he have to leave now? But after spending the last year and a half watching cancer eat his dad alive from the inside out, I don’t feel like I have the right to ask such selfish questions. He needs time to catch his breath and grieve his father. What kind of girlfriend am I if I can’t at least give him that?
“I’ll call you every chance I get,” he reassures, tipping my chin upward so I’m forced to meet his gaze. “This is goodbye for now. Not forever.” He slides his hand into the back of my hair the way he always does right before he kisses me.
“I’m scared,” I whisper right as his lips brush against mine.
He lets out a slow breath and drops his forehead to mine.
“I’m scared too, B. I’m scared to leave you. I’m scared to stay. I’ve never felt so upside down before.”
“You just lost your father.” My voice comes out weak.
“I did. And I know this is what he wanted. Why he took out such a large life insurance policy. Why he sold off everything he owned before he died. So that I could go see the world, do all the things he wished he had done at my age. But leaving you, B.” He pauses, pulling back just enough to meet my gaze. “Leaving you feels impossible. But I owe it to my dad to do this.”
“I know,” I choke. The tears I’ve been fighting so hard to hold back finally break free and streak down my cheeks. “I’m going to miss you.”
“And I’m going to miss you. More than you could ever possibly imagine. But I’ll be back. I promise.” He leans forward and presses his lips to mine once more before taking a full step back, adjusting the strap of his duffel bag on his shoulder.
My eyes sweep across his face. From his brown hair hidden beneath a backward baseball cap, to his perfectly straight nose, and full lips. Asher really is so handsome it hurts. He’s the perfect combination of his father’s rugged good looks and his mom’s pristine beauty. It’s sad that neither one of them will be here to see the incredible man he’ll continue to become.
“I should go.” He gives me a soft smile; one that I’m sure is meant to make me feel better but instead makes me feel a thousand times worse.
How long will I have to wait to see that smile again? How many minutes, hours, days, or months will I have to endure without being able to look into his eyes or feel his touch?
I fight back the sob that threatens to surface and lock my knees to keep my body upright. I knew watching him leave would be difficult, but I had no idea just how much until this very moment.
“I love you, Blakely Harris.”
“I love you too,” I manage past the thick knot in my throat.
He turns and I watch each step he takes, moving him further away from me. I want to cry out, beg him not to go, but instead I stand motionless, paralyzed. Forced to watch the only boy I’ve ever loved board a train, not knowing when or if he will ever come back.
