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Blakely
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“Can I help you take these out to the car?” I ask Mrs. Grayson, tying off the large bouquet I just finished arranging for her with a wide pink ribbon.
“Oh no, dear, I can handle them.” She smiles, hoisting the large vase into her arms.
“Well at least let me get the door for you.” I quickly round the counter and head to the front door.
“Thank you again, Blakely. The arrangement is beautiful. I know Cara will love them.” She waits until I open the door before stepping out into the warm summer afternoon.
“Make sure to tell her I said hello and congratulations.” I smile, offering her a small wave as she walks away.
I stand in the doorway for a long moment, loving the feeling of the warm sun on my face, before finally going back inside, the door closing behind me.
Since seeing Asher it’s been the longest two days in history. Yesterday, I spent my entire Sunday obsessing over my interaction with Asher. Replaying every word in my head a million times over, wishing I could go back and do it all again. Not because it would have ended any differently, but because there is so much more I still want to say.
Today has been no better. Only now, instead of obsessing over Saturday, I’m mentally preparing myself for what will come next. If what Asher said is true, and he came back for me, then I highly doubt this is the end of it. And to be honest, I’m not really sure how that makes me feel.
I’ve just entered my office when the chime over the front door sounds. Thankful for the distraction, I grab my cell phone off the desk before heading back out into the shop.
Pulling up Tyler’s number, I’m about to send him a quick text as I make my way behind the counter, but instead I stop mid-motion when I look up and see Asher standing next to the wall of floral coolers containing premade flower arrangements.
He doesn’t look in my direction as I enter, turning his back to me as he walks from door to door before stopping at the last one.
I watch the muscles in his back flex through the thin material of his light blue t-shirt as he slides open the door and pulls out a white peony bundle from the display case.
Heat flushes my face and I quickly look down at the open text box on my phone, not able to remember why I was texting Tyler in the first place.
When I look back up, Asher has already reached the counter. Setting the flowers on top, his eyes sweep to mine and I swear in that one look every ounce of air leaves my body.
How can he still hold so much power over me after all this time? It’s like no matter how much I tell myself no, I can’t stop myself from craving him on a level that I’m unable to understand.
“Is this all for you?” I ask, barely meeting his gaze as I drop my phone on the counter and ring up his purchase into the register.
“Is this what it’s come to? You’re going to treat me like I’m an ordinary customer?” There’s a roughness to his voice, and only when I really look at him do I see the dark circles lining his eyes.
God, even though he looks like he hasn’t slept in days, he’s still so damn beautiful it hurts. Dark scruff lines his jaw, and instead of sporting a hat like he normally does, his brown hair is uncovered, messy, and curling at the ends.
“How would you like me to treat you, Asher?” I demand, instantly hating how harsh my tone sounds.
I can’t help it. This man hurt me worse than anyone has ever hurt me before. The scars I carry from that run deep.
He looks at me for a long moment, no doubt choosing his next words carefully, but before he can speak, my voice cuts through again.
“Hot date?” I gesture to the flowers.
“Yes, B. I came all the way across town to your flower shop to buy flowers for another woman,” he says, sarcasm dripping from every word. “I think you know me better than that.”
“To be honest, I don’t really know anything about you anymore.”
His jaw flexes. “That’s not true.”
“But it is. You’ve been gone six years, Asher. Six years is a long time. People change.”
“And people move on.” His eyes dart to my engagement ring and I have the sudden urge to hide it from view.
“They do,” I confirm with a stiff nod. “Is there anything else you need today or will it just be this?” I redirect back to the flowers.
“Just this.” He sighs.
“Okay. That’ll be sixteen dollars and twenty-seven cents.” Asher reaches around and digs his wallet out of his back pocket before pulling out a twenty dollar bill. He drops it on the counter and picks up the bouquet.
“Keep the change.” He tucks his wallet back into his jeans.
“That’s okay.” I open the register, placing the twenty inside before pulling out three one dollar bills and change. “Here you go.” I extend the money to him, surprised when he takes it without argument.
The Asher I knew would have stood here and argued with me, insisting that I keep the money. Instead, he tucks it into his front pocket with his free hand.
“For the record, I’m going to see my parents.” He shifts the flowers to his other arm.
“Oh.” Guilt hits me like a sledgehammer to the chest. “I’m sorry about the date comment.”
“Don’t be. It’s far less than I deserve.” He shrugs. “For what it’s worth, I am sorry, B. I’m sorry for never calling. I’m sorry for being gone for so long. But I’m back now, and I’m not giving up on us. I still love you, Blakely.”
“You don’t know me anymore.” I try to hide the emotion welling in my voice.
“I know you,” he disagrees. “You can pretend I don’t all you want, but we both know you’re still the same girl I left on that platform six years ago.”
“You’re wrong. The girl you left on that platform went away the same day you did. And she never came back.”
“I don’t believe that.”
“I don’t care what you believe. You weren’t here. So you can stand there and argue with me until your blue in the face, but it still won’t change the fact that you no longer know a single thing about me.”
“Is that so?” He cocks his head to the side. “So you’re not the same girl that cries during sad commercials? Or the one that can't stand any kind of ice cream other than strawberry? The girl who loves cheesy comedies and whose only ticklish part of her body is the back of her knees? The girl who puts everyone’s happiness above her own, no matter what it costs her? You’re telling me there’s none of that girl left?”
By the time he’s finished I don’t know what to say. I shouldn’t be surprised that he remembers so much about me. Then again, I remember just as much about him. That’s what happens when you’ve known someone nearly your entire life.
“For your information, I’ve taken quite the liking to butter pecan ice cream,” I correct him, biting hard on my lower lip when that brilliant smile of his flashes across his face.
“My adventurous girl.” He chuckles.
“I’m not your girl,” I point out, unsure if it’s to remind him or remind myself.
“No.” His eyes once again go to my left hand. “I guess you’re not.” He shakes his head slowly. “At least not yet anyway.”
“I don’t know what you came back here hoping to accomplish, Asher.”
“Easy. I came to get my girl back. I thought we had already established this.”
“Then you’re wasting your time.”
“We’ll see about that.” He gives me a look that tells me this discussion is far from over before moving toward the door.
I stand frozen, not sure what to say or do. A part of me wants to call out to him, beg him to stay, beg him to tell me why he left and didn’t come back until now. The other part of me wants him to walk out of this shop and never come back. Though, that part of me is growing smaller by the second.
“Why didn’t you call me?” My voice shakes around the question.
I watch his hand pause inches from the door before his head slowly turns in my direction.
“Because I knew if I heard your voice I’d never be able to stay away.”
“So you just left me hanging? Not knowing if you were okay. Not knowing if you were ever coming back.” My chin starts to quiver and I take a deep breath to reel my emotions in.
“I told you I’d come back.”
“But six years, Asher? Do you have any idea how long I waited for you?”
“Clearly not long enough.” He gives me a sad smile before turning back toward the door, exiting seconds later.
Tears sting the backs of my eyes but I refuse to let a single one fall. I’ve shed far too many tears over Asher Evans. But that still doesn’t stop the emotion from pouring out of me seconds later.
Tears fall down my cheeks, one after the other. In some weird way I feel like my heart is breaking all over again.
Here I am, finally happy, and now is when he chooses to come home. When I’ve finally put him behind me. When I’ve finally moved on.
Only, if I’m being honest with myself, I don’t think I’ve moved on. Not really. Yes, I picked up and went on with my life, but I always carried Asher with me. There wasn’t a day that went by where I didn’t think of him. That I didn’t wonder where he was or what he was doing. Even though I told myself a thousand times not to, I couldn’t help it. He’s a part of me, always has been.
My cell phone buzzes to life on the counter, pulling me from my thoughts. I look down to see Tyler’s name flashing across the screen.
Wiping my cheeks with the backs of my hands, I take a deep breath before picking up the phone and pressing it to my ear.
“Hey, babe.” Tyler’s sweet voice comes across the line and a whole new swell of emotion rushes through me.
Here I have this amazing man and yet all I can do is think about the one I shouldn’t want. The one I shouldn’t need. The one I simply cannot shake.
“Hey.” I force my voice to sound normal.
“So, it looks like I’m going to be able to finish up early today and I know you’ve been dying to go see the new Bradley Cooper movie. What do you say I swing by and pick you up at eight? We can grab some dinner and catch the nine-thirty show?”
“I think that sounds amazing.” I twirl my engagement ring with my thumb, something I’ve found I do when I’m feeling uneasy or nervous about something.
“Perfect.” I hear the smile in his voice which causes my chest to tighten.
Tyler doesn’t deserve to have me spending my time thinking about another man. I have to shake Asher once and for all, even if it kills me.
“Oh, hey babe, I gotta go. My meeting is getting ready to start.”
“Okay. I’ll see you tonight.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too,” I say, guilt kicking me in the ribs.
“Was that Tyler?” I jump, startled by the unexpected sound of my mother’s voice seconds after I hang up the phone.
“Geez, Mom, what are you trying to do? Give me a heart attack or something?” I flatten my palm to my chest.
“Sorry. I thought you heard me come in the back.” She drops her purse right inside the office door before joining me behind the counter.
“Yes, it was Tyler,” I say, holding up my phone. “He’s taking me to dinner and a movie tonight.” I drop my cell onto the counter.
“Well, that’s nice.”
“What are you doing here, anyway?” I ask.
“I haven’t gotten to talk to you since Saturday. I wanted to stop by and see how you’re doing.”
“I’m doing fine. Why?”
“I just...well, you know. I wanted to see how you were feeling with Asher being back.”
I swear – I can’t escape it. It’s like suddenly he’s everywhere, even when he’s not directly in front of me.
“It’s fine. I’m fine. I mean, it’s a little weird but it’s fine.”
“Fine,” she repeats the word I managed to say multiple times in one short sentence.
“Yeah. Fine.” I slide past her, grabbing the Windex and paper towels from the cleaning cabinet before heading toward the floral coolers, needing something to do.
“Honey, you can talk to me, you know. Asher being back has to be confusing for you.”
“Actually, it’s not.” I spray cleaner on one of the doors and proceed to scrub it off with a paper towel. “I’m with Tyler now.”
“Just because you’re with Tyler doesn’t mean your feelings for Asher have gone away.” She steps up next to me.
“Really, Mom, it’s fine.” I huff.
“There’s that word again.” She gives me a knowing look.
“What do you want me to say?” I proceed to spray the next door.
“I want you to say whatever you feel.”
“That’s just it, Mom. I don’t know how I feel,” I say defeated, tearing off a new paper towel before setting the roll at my feet.
“It’s clear that him being back has affected you more than you’re willing to admit. That’s completely normal. Given your history, it’s to be expected really.”
“You mean the history he threw away like it meant nothing.” I take my aggression out on the glass, scrubbing it like it’s covered in grime even though there’s barely a smudge on it.
“Have you spoken to him?” she asks, reaching out to take the cleaner from my hand.
“He was just here.” I sigh, balling the paper towel in my hand before crossing the room and tossing it in the trash can.
“He was?” She seems surprised by this news. “Well that explains a lot.”
“He came to buy flowers. Said he was going to visit his parents.” I turn, heading straight into the office. I plop down in the chair behind the desk as she comes strolling into the room.
“And?” She takes the seat across from me.
“And what?”
“What did he say?”
“Not much, honestly. Just that he’s sorry for leaving.”
“Did he say why he stayed away so long?”
“No.” I lean back, crossing my arms in front of my chest.
“I’m sure he had his reasons.”
“Well whatever they are, they don’t change anything.”
“Blakely,” my mother replies gently, the way she always does when she’s about to say something I won’t like. “I know you’re still upset.”
“I’m not upset, Mom. I’m furious,” I tell her, fighting back another well of tears that swell behind my eyes.
“And you have every right to be. But you’re lying to yourself if you think Asher coming back doesn’t change anything. It does. It changes how you feel.”
“Not about Tyler,” I argue.
“I’m not saying it lessens how you feel about Tyler. He’s a great man and has made you happier than any parent could hope for their daughter. But honey, you need to deal with your feelings toward Asher before you marry Tyler. It won’t be fair to him or to you if you rush into this hoping to escape the way you feel.”
“The wedding date has been set for nearly six months. I’m not rushing into anything.”
“Did I ever tell you about my first love?” She abruptly changes gears.
“I thought Dad was your first love.”
“He wasn’t.” She shakes her head slowly side to side. “His name was Walter Hemmings. We went to school together. Had known each other since we were kids, much like you and Asher. We fell in love, and my goodness did I love him. I loved him so much that sometimes I felt like my love was going to swallow me up whole. Unfortunately, your grandfather never approved of Walter. We didn’t let that stop us. We’d sneak away when he thought I was at the library or studying with friends. We stole little moments every chance we could. We treasured that time together because we knew it was limited.” She falls silent, losing herself to her thoughts.
“So what happened?”
“He moved away after high school to work with his uncle in Pennsylvania. We tried to keep in touch. He’d write me every chance he got, and I him. Eventually the letters became less frequent and after a few months they stopped coming altogether. My friend tried to convince me to go visit him. She was willing to drive me the seven hours to see him, but I was too afraid he wouldn’t want to see me to get in that car and go.”
“Did you end up ever seeing him again?”
“No.” She shifts in her chair. “I stayed home. Started working here full time. About a year later I met your father. He was and is such a sweet man. It didn’t take me long to open my heart to him, but even still I found myself thinking about Walter. I’d wonder what he was doing. I’d wonder if he ever thought of me or wished that things had turned out differently. I ignored my need for closure and buried my feelings, finding it easier to pretend that they didn’t exist at all.”
“But you were happy with Dad.”
“I was and I still am. I don’t regret marrying your father. He gave me a wonderful life. He gave me you. And I love him with my whole heart. But in here.” She lays her hand flat to her chest. “In here is a little piece reserved just for Walter. I wouldn’t change the way things turned out, but if I had the courage to face my feelings head on and get in that car all those years ago, maybe I wouldn’t carry the regret I still have today.”
“Mom,” I start, not knowing what to say.
“I know our stories are different, but one thing is exactly the same. If you don’t deal with this now, no matter how wonderful your future may turn out, a part of you will always wonder what if. Life’s too short to live with regrets.”
“So what do you suggest I do?”
“Talk to Asher. Get the whole story. Give yourself the closure we both know you need. You owe it to yourself and to Tyler. I promise you, honey, you will be better for it in the end. No matter what happens.”
“Does Dad know? About Walter I mean?”
“He knows most of it. But I’ve never shared with him the regret I’ve carried all these years. It would only serve to hurt him, and at the end of the day it wouldn’t have changed anything. I’m not saying go after Asher, unless that’s what you want. I’m saying find the closure I never did. So that when you give Tyler your heart, you give it to him completely, knowing that he’s the only one you want.”
“Thank you for telling me about Walter,” I say, oddly feeling a little better.
“I know it may not feel like it now, but everything will work out the way it’s meant to. No matter what you decide.”
——
“You’re awfully quiet,” Tyler observes as we make our way down the sidewalk toward the flower shop where my car is parked.
“Just tired.” I smile up at him. “It’s been a long day.”
“Did you like the movie?”
“I loved it. I mean, come on, it had Bradley Cooper in it,” I remind him. “That’s an automatic win for me.”
“You and BC.” He chuckles. “Should I be worried that you’re going to run off to Hollywood and leave me for him?”
“Only if Irina divorces him. Then you might have cause for concern.” I wink, laughing when he snakes his arm around my waist and squeezes my side.
“You think you’re so funny, Miss Harris.”
“No, you think you’re funny. I know I am.” I stick my tongue out at him.
“Come here.” He stops abruptly in the middle of the sidewalk and spins me to his chest, his hands coming up to cup my face. “How did I ever get so lucky?” He smiles down at me.
“That’s a very good question,” I tease, finding it easier to joke and laugh than voice anything of any real substance.
Tyler laughs, his chest vibrating against me as he does.
“So funny.” He crinkles his nose, seconds before he dips his face.
The instant his lips touch mine a familiar hum drums through my body. The kiss doesn’t last long, but it’s enough to reaffirm that what I feel for Tyler is real. In the midst of the chaos and destruction Asher left behind, Tyler managed to find all the little pieces of my heart and slowly rebuild it from the ground up. That has to count for something.
