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Blakely
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My stomach is a ball of nervous energy as I slide into the Roadrunner next to Asher. I’ve talked myself out of going to the beach today at least a hundred times, yet when he pulled up outside of my parents’ house I couldn’t deny the excitement that swirled through my body at the sight of him.
“Morning.” He gives me an easy smile. One that reminds me of happier times- when spending time with Asher didn’t come with a cloud of guilt hanging over my head.
“Good morning.” I set my beach bag at my feet before sliding the seatbelt across my lap and latching it into place.
“You ready?”
“Yep.” I let out a slow breath, still not sure that I’m up for this.
Ever since Asher came back to town it’s like everyone has been waiting to see what I’ll do. But my future is with Tyler. I know that.
But even I can’t deny the way my hand aches to reach out and hold his. Or how impossible it feels to keep my eyes trained on the road as he pulls out of the driveway when all I really want to do is look at him.
I want to believe him when he says we can be friends, because I can’t stomach the thought of losing him again. But deep down I know I’m playing with fire. Every step I take in his direction, every time I choose to spend time with him, is only taking me further down the rabbit hole. A hole I will eventually have to dig my way out of if I want any hope of making things work with Tyler.
“You’re awfully quiet today,” Asher observes after several minutes.
“Just thinking,” I admit.
“What are you thinking about?” I feel his eyes slide to me but I keep my gaze forward.
“Just things.” I shrug.
“You’re going to have to do better than that, B. What kind of things?”
“Tyler is supposed to be home tonight.” I knot my fingers together in my lap, trying to keep myself from fidgeting.
“Okay,” Asher draws out, waiting for me to make a point.
“I’m going to tell him that I’ve been spending time with you.” I chance a look in his direction but his expression is unreadable.
“I didn’t realize he didn’t know. I’m guessing you think he’s not going to be happy about it?”
“If I was your fiancé, would you be happy about me spending time with my ex?”
“If you were my fiancé, it wouldn’t be a factor.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I cross my arms in front of my chest and shift inward so that I have him in my direct line of sight.
“Never mind.” He shakes his head, clearly rethinking where he was going with the statement.
“You’ve already said it. Don’t puss out on me now. Tell me what you meant.”
“It’s just, I think if we were together you’d only want to be with me, therefore you wouldn’t have the time or the interest in spending your days with another man.”
“Is that some kind of dig at my relationship?” I try not to get offended, but it’s hard not to.
“Not at all.”
“Sure seems like it.”
“It’s just different, I guess. You and me versus you and him.” He pauses. “But no, to answer you’re earlier question, I wouldn’t be happy. I’d probably be furious if I found out you were hanging out with any man, especially your ex.”
“Even if that man was just a friend?” I ask, genuinely curious.
“Even if that man was just a friend.” His eyes slide to mine for a brief moment before going back to the road.
“You’re not really helping your case here.”
“Perhaps not.” He grins. “But I can’t lie to you either.”
“So you think he’s going to be pissed is what you’re saying.” I huff.
“I’m not saying anything. I don’t know your relationship or him like you do. I have no idea how he will or will not feel about us spending time together. What I do know is that the last thing I want to do is spend our day talking about him.” He gives me a sideways glance.
“You’re right. I’m sorry.” I straighten, turning my gaze back out the window.
“Hey.” I jump when I feel Asher’s hand close around mine. Oddly enough I make no attempt to push it away. He waits until I turn back toward him before continuing, “I wasn’t trying to be an asshole. I know we’re trying this whole friend thing out, but there are pieces of your life I’m not sure I’m ready to talk about yet.”
“Fair enough.” I nod, having not really considered how talking about Tyler might make Asher feel.
I can’t imagine, if the roles were reversed, how hard it would be for me to hear him talk about another woman, let alone one he was planning to marry in just a few days’ time.
“So, I was cleaning out the car the other day. You would not believe some of the stuff I found.”
“Like what?”
“Check this out.” He releases my hand and I immediately miss the warmth of his touch.
Rifling through the center console, he pulls out a cassette tape moments later, waving it in his hand.
“What the hell is that?”
“A cassette tape.”
“No, I know what it is.” I shake my head.
“It’s my dad’s old mix tape. You remember? The one he used to always play whenever we’d go anywhere with him.”
“Seriously?”
“Seriously.” His smile widens as he pops the cassette into the old tape deck, the sound of Alan Jackson’s Summer Time Blues filtering around us seconds later.
“Oh my god.” I laugh, shaking my head.
“You remember this one?”
“Remember it? How could I forget?” I bust out the first line of the song without missing a single word even though it’s been years since I’ve heard it.
Asher chuckles as he reaches and turns the music up. We sing along to every word, laughing and leaning into each other like we always used to do when we were kids.
When the song switches to George Strait’s Check Yes or No, we sing even louder. Asher’s gaze bounces back and forth between me and the road the entire time, a smile stretched so far across his face it makes my chest want to burst open.
It’s been so long, too long, yet I feel like a single day hasn’t passed.
We spend the next hour singing along to every single song on his dad’s mix tape. Neither one of us have ever been huge country music fans, but because of his dad we know every song that comes on like the backs of our hands.
And for a while I forget.
I forget about the last six years. I forget about all the hurt and anger. I let myself live in the moment with Asher, the way I used to. Without even having to think about it.
——
“Did you put sunscreen on?” I push my sunglasses down my nose to get a better look at Asher’s shoulders as he slides down onto the towel next to me and stretches out.
“I think so.” He turns his face toward me but his gaze goes to his shoulder.
“I don’t remember seeing you put it on.” I laugh, reaching over to press my finger against his skin. I let go and the white imprint that my finger leaves behind instantly disappears and his flesh turns bright red again. “I’m pretty sure you didn’t.” I giggle, pressing up on my elbows to get a better look at him.
“Oh well. Won’t be the first sunburn I’ve had.” He shrugs.
“You’re ridiculous,” I tell him, sitting the rest of the way up. “We’ve only been here an hour and you’re already the color of a lobster.” I reach for my beach bag, dropping it in my lap before rifling through it for my sunscreen. “Come here,” I say, pulling the aerosol can out moments later.
“Seriously?” He looks at me funny.
“Yes, seriously,” I scold.
“The Blakely I remember never bothered with things like sunscreen,” he tells me, pushing up into a sitting position.
“The Blakely you remember was young and stupid and didn’t consider things like, I don’t know, skin cancer.” I shift, climbing onto my knees before inching in behind him. “This is probably going to be cold,” I warn him.
He jumps slightly when the cool mist of the sunscreen hits his red skin. I make sure to apply a liberal coat over his shoulders, back, and down his arms before moving back onto my towel.
“Here. Spray your front.” I extend the can to him.
“But it’s so much better when you do it,” he teases.
“Nice try, but I won’t do it any better than you can do yourself.” I roll my eyes at him when he flops down onto his back and stares up at me, his arms spread out wide. It’s his way of saying either you do it or it won’t get done. “Fine,” I huff, repositioning next to him.
I spray a thin layer across his chest, trying not to stare too hard as I move downward. Without thinking, I reach out and brush some sand from his rippled stomach, my fingers lingering on his skin way longer than I intend for them to.
I look up, meeting Asher’s gaze through the dark lenses of his sunglasses. In that moment, I swear he can see into my soul. Like he knows exactly what I’m thinking, what I’m feeling, and the thought is more than a little unnerving.
“Sorry. You had sand on you.” I try to play it off, giving his stomach a quick spray before dropping the can back into my bag and resettling on my towel.
This time, I roll onto my stomach so I can turn my face away from Asher. Only seconds pass before I feel a mist rain across my back.
“What the?” I jerk my head up to catch Asher hovering next to me, the can of sunscreen in his hand.
“Sorry. Did you not want me to spray you?” He cocks his head to the side, the smile on his lips telling me he knows exactly what he’s doing.
“I already sprayed myself.”
“Like an hour ago. Aren’t you supposed to reapply?” He waits for me to argue, but instead I lay my head back down as he continues to spray my back without another word.
He shifts next to me seconds before I feel the sunscreen trickle across the backs of my legs. My entire body tenses from the sensation. Not because Asher touches me, he’s very careful not to, but because I can feel his eyes as they slide across each inch of my skin as he sprays.
By the time he reaches my calves, I’m so worked up I have to fight the urge to squirm. Somehow I manage to remain eerily still until he finishes, at which point I quickly climb to my feet.
“Where are you going?” He looks up at me, thrown by my sudden unexpected movement.
“For a swim,” I tell him, turning toward the water, a few short feet from where our towels are laid out in the sand.
“You’re supposed to wait a few minutes after applying sunscreen, aren’t you?” he calls after me as I make my way through the sand.
“Says the man who until three minutes ago didn’t even put sunscreen on,” I holler over my shoulder before quickening my strides.
I hear his laughter in the distance seconds before I dive head first into the murky water.
