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Blakely
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“I can’t believe you went to see Tyler.” Mary reaches across the table and squeezes my hand. “That had to be incredibly hard.”
“It was,” I admit. “A lot harder than I thought it would be, truthfully. Why, if this is what I wanted, does it hurt so badly?”
“Because you loved him.”
“I did. I really did,” I agree. “God, what the hell is wrong with me? I had the perfect guy, a guy who would have done anything for me and I threw him away. And for what?”
“Because you know there’s more out there. Honey, there’s no shame in fighting for your fairy tale. You deserve to get the ending you want, not the one you settle for.”
“But what if I made a mistake? What if letting Tyler go ends up being the biggest regret of my life?”
“Then that’s a regret you’ll have to live with. But I think you already know that it wasn’t a mistake. Asher coming home only shed light on the cracks you kept trying to cover up. And I think the fact that you haven’t gone to Asher, that you’re giving yourself time to figure things out, is really commendable. If it were me I don’t know that I would have the strength to do that.”
“Speaking of Asher.” I twirl my finger around the rim of my wine glass. “Have you talked to him?”
“I have.” She nods, taking a sip of her cocktail.
“And?” I question when she doesn’t say anymore. “How is he?”
“He’s okay.” She looks at her fingers wrapped around the stem of her glass, clearly trying to decide if she should say more.
I guess I get it. Mary and Asher have become pretty good friends since he came back. I can understand her hesitance to play the middle man. At first their friendship bothered me, but now I’m glad he has her. I’m glad that he has someone he can turn to. Someone he can talk to.
“He got an apartment,” she finally blurts.
“He did?” I rear back in surprise.
“Signed the lease last week. Decided he wanted to stop wasting money at the hotel. That’s where he’s at right now, actually. He got the keys today.”
“Wasn’t he looking at houses?”
“He was. I guess he decided to wait for a few months until he gets everything going with the grill.”
“The grill?” I ask, not trying to hide my confusion.
“Ray’s. He bought it. Surely he told you that?” She cocks her head to the side.
“I knew he was thinking about it. I didn’t realize he had purchased it.”
“With everything that’s been going on, he probably never got the chance to tell you. His offer was accepted a little over three weeks ago. He’s been waiting for the financing to go through, which it did Thursday. It’s officially his.”
“Wow. He actually did it,” I say, a little surprised that he went through with it. Deep down I think I’ve been waiting for him to disappear again but this means he really is here to stay. Doesn’t it?
“He’s not going anywhere, B,” Mary voices the very thing I was just thinking.
“I guess.” I shrug, taking a sip of my wine. “Where is Allie, anyway?” I look around the busy restaurant in search of our friend who was supposed to be here nearly twenty minutes ago.
“She was late getting out of work. She text us in our group message.”
“She did?” I grab my cell off the table and tap on the screen. Sure enough, there’s a message from Allie displayed front and center. “I swear, I can’t get the hang of this new phone. I think it chooses when it wants to work. Half the time it doesn’t sound my messages or my calls.”
“It’s probably something with your settings. Here, let me see it.” She holds her hand out and I drop the device into her palm.
She fidgets with it for all of ten seconds.
“There. That should take care of it.” She hands it back to me.
“For a pretty technology savvy person, I sure have a lot of issues with this phone.”
“You’re new to the brand. Give it a while. It’s always hard when you’re used to one type of phone and switch to another. There’s a learning curve.”
“You can say that again,” I agree, setting my phone face down onto the table before reaching for my wine. “Can I ask you something?” I lean back in my chair, lifting the wine glass to my lips.
“Of course.”
“Do you think I made the right decision?”
“I can’t answer that, B.”
“I know. But in your opinion, knowing what you know, do you think I did the right thing?”
“Listen,” she leans forward, resting her elbows on the table, “I think anytime you listen to your gut you’re doing the right thing. And I probably shouldn’t be telling you this, but you’re my best friend so I’m going to anyway. Asher is all sorts of mixed up right now. He asks about you constantly, and even when he tries to act like he’s not worried or anxious because he has hasn’t heard from you, it’s clear to see he is. That man loves you in a way I don’t think I’ve ever witnessed up close. It’s all consuming. You’re the only thing he can think about. It’s taken a lot for him to stay away. As in, he’s called me several times and asked me to talk him out of going to you. He’s trying to respect your wishes and give you the space you asked for, but it’s been a battle every day.”
“He told you that?” I ask, not able to ignore the way my heart flutters in my chest at her words.
“He told me, but girl, even if he didn’t actually say the words I’d know. It’s written all over his face every time I see him.”
“It’s been hard for me too.”
“I know it has.”
“I just don’t want to rush into anything.”
“Is that really it? Or are you too terrified that you’ll lose him again to take that leap?”
“Maybe a little a both.” I shrug.
“You know he came to the church to stop you from marrying Tyler, right?”
“He did what?” I gawk at her from across the table.
“How do you think he ended up at your parents’ house?”
“I hadn’t really thought about it, to be honest.”
“I saw him at the church when I went back to get your stuff. He was pale faced and panicked, thinking he’d missed it and that you were already married. He was there to stop you, B. No matter what it took.”
“He didn’t tell me that.”
“He probably also didn’t tell you that Allie came to see him the day before the wedding.”
“She what?” I draw back.
“She went to see him. Told him unless he was prepared to lose you forever that he better do something before it was too late.”
“Did she tell you that?”
“No, he did.”
“I don’t...” I start, stopping mid-sentence when I catch sight of Allie making her way toward us.
“You went to see Asher the day before the wedding?” I ask before she even has a chance to sit down. “Why would you do that?”
“Someone needed to light a fire under his ass. I was happy to light the match,” she tells me unapologetically, hanging her purse on the back of her chair.
“Allison. That wasn’t your place.”
“Wasn’t it? You’re one of my best friends, Blakely.”
“And that gives you the right to meddle in my life?” I grind out, not sure why I’m upset by this. Truthfully, I’m not sure if her going to see him is what’s really upsetting or if it’s the fact that she didn’t tell me about it and I had to hear it from Mary who heard it from Asher.
“Look, you were ready to marry a man I knew you didn’t want to marry and he was ready to let you even though it would have killed him. What did you expect me to do? Sit back and watch you make a mistake I knew you’d regret.”
“You come to me,” I tell her. “How many times did we talk about Tyler? You never once said, don’t marry him.”
“I couldn’t,” she argues. “At the end of the day it was your choice.”
“But that didn’t stop you from going to Asher behind my back.”
“I knew he was the only one that could stop you. And even though I love Ty and I thought you two were great together, I knew you were only going through with it because you thought he was the safe choice. Sometimes the safest choice isn’t always the best.”
Even though I don’t like her tactics, I also can’t argue with her logic.
“Is there anything else I should know?”
“We both think you need to suck it up and go see Asher,” she says unapologetically.
My gaze slides from her to Mary who gives me a nervous smile.
“I thought you thought I was doing the right thing by taking some time to figure things out.”
“I said it was commendable,” Mary corrects.
“So what, you two just sit around discussing what you think is best for me when I’m not around?” I look back and forth between my two best friends.
“I’m gonna need a drink for this conversation. Where’s our waiter?”
“He’s right there.” Mary points to our waiter, a young guy with big blonde curls, standing two tables over.
Allie holds up her hand and signals to him as he passes and he immediately veers toward us.
“Cranberry and vodka please,” she orders before turning her attention back to me.
“I’m waiting,” I inform her, tapping my foot impatiently under the table.
“B, we love you. You know that. But you’re being a jackass,” she tells me bluntly.
“Excuse me?”
“You know you want Asher. You’ve known it since the instant he came back to town. I understood your hesitation when Tyler was in the picture. But honey, Tyler isn’t in the picture anymore and yet here you are, still insisting on making both of you miserable.”
“I’m not miserable,” I argue.
“Really?” She gives me a look that says she knows otherwise. “It’s been over two weeks, B.”
“Is it so wrong that I don’t want to rush into something I’m not sure I’m ready for?”
“No, it isn’t. But let’s not beat around the bush here. You haven’t been boxing Asher out because you’re unsure. You’ve been boxing him out because you’re scared.”
“So what if I am?” I burst, lowering my voice mid-sentence when the waiter reappears with Allie’s drink.
He doesn’t wait around to see if we’re ready to order. Sensing we’re in the middle of something, he sets Allison’s drink on the table and quickly walks away.
“I think I have a right to be scared,” I continue.
“You do. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t at least try. What do you have to lose?” She takes a quick drink. “I mean, come on, you’re living at your parents’ house for goodness sake.”
“Only until I find a place,” I interject.
“I know that, I’m just saying, you’ve pretty much already lost everything.”
“You just don’t get it.” I huff, growing frustrated with this conversation.
“We’re your best friends. We get it. We saw firsthand what it did to you when Asher left. But he’s here now and he loves you and you love him. I just don’t get the hold up.”
“What if it’s not the same?” My voice falters and I look down, nervously picking at the edge of my cast.
“What do you mean?” Mary asks, leaning forward.
“I don’t know. I’ve got this picture in my head of how Asher and I used to be. What if it’s not like that again? What if we can’t get back what we had?”
“Do you really think that’s going to be the case?” Allie asks.
“I don’t know.”
“Do you feel like things are different?” she continues.
“No. Yes. Both.” I let out a pitiful laugh.
“Of course things are going to be different.” Mary gives me a soft smile. “Six years have passed and time changes people. But I think you’ve spent enough time with him to know that the way he feels about you hasn’t changed.”
“But what if he’s caught up in the girl I used to be? What if we do this, and he realizes down the road that it’s not what he expected? That I’m not what he expected?”
“You can make all the excuses you want, but at the end of the day that’s all they are. Excuses. You’re afraid he’ll leave. You’re afraid he’ll realize he doesn’t like who you are now. It all boils down to one simple fact – you’re afraid in general. And I get it. But being afraid doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try. If you backed out every time you were afraid of something, think about where you would be.”
“It’s time,” Mary interjects softly.
“It really is,” Allie agrees. “Go see him.”
“What? Right now?” I look around the room and then back to Allison.
“No time like the present.” She shrugs nonchalantly, taking a long drink of her cocktail.
“And what do I say?”
“Whatever you want to say.”
“I can’t.” I shake my head.
“Why?” Mary asks. “You know you want to.”
“I do,” I admit. “I really do. He’s all I can think about. I don’t want to think about him every second of the day and yet I do it anyway. I thought that by staying away I was proving to Tyler, and maybe a little to myself, that I didn’t leave him for Asher. When in truth I think I did.”
“Of course you did. And that’s okay. You have a right to fight for what you want. You only get one shot at this life.” Allie smiles, clearly seeing that she’s wearing me down.
“I don’t want to be that girl. The girl who leaves her fiancé and goes running into the arms of another guy.”
“Sweetie, it’s been over two weeks. Whatever point you were trying to make, call it made. Stop making yourself miserable over what you think people might think of you.”
“It’s what I think of myself that’s the problem.”
“It’s normal to feel guilty,” Mary reassures me. “But that doesn’t mean you have to punish yourself forever.”
“You said he’s at his apartment?” I ask, still unsure if I’m ready for this.
“Yep.”
“Screw it.” I throw back the remainder of my wine in one long drink and stand. “Text me the address,” I tell Mary.
“Already on it,” she says, her phone already in her hand.
“Good luck,” I hear Allie singsong as I turn and take off through the restaurant.
