Besides the Sandy dilemma, things couldn’t have been better. Karen and I were now engaged, I had just earned a lot of money doing something that I loved, and one would think that I had some sort of blossoming career on my hands. To top it all off, Karen and I had a chance to stay at the Lux for an entire week after the taping of the “Today’s Morning” show.
Karen and I were enjoying every minute of our extended work vacation. Carl gave Karen the week off from The Manhattan so we could to spend some quality time together in my fancy, complimentary suite. King Life knew how to treat their authors. If this was the beginning, I couldn’t wait to see what was in store for me ten years down the road. Karen and I went for massages, spa treatments, and long lunches. Manhattan was a very different place once you had some money to spend. I still had a problem believing I could afford anything.
One day, Karen took me shopping on Fifth Avenue. There are always a lot of Pink Piggies running around Fifth Avenue, dressed in their beautiful designer clothes, carrying their $5,000 bags. Of course, many of these Piggies are barely old enough to afford any of the clothes they wear or the bags they carry, but that’s what Papa Piggy is for. Pink Piggy screams ‘I want it’ and the Papa Piggy caves, credit card in hand. These Piggies will never understand that they can dress up in $10,000 worth of clothing, but they will still always be the man-sniffing, Cosmopolitan-drinking, reconstructed-nose bearing, insecure girl dressed in pink. I was over wanting a Pink Piggy for my very own. I had my very own, woman now, who was caring, loving, and, most of all, perfect for me.
I called my sister and told her to meet us. I wanted to pay her back for all she had done for me, and to introduce her to Karen. Michelle met up with us at Jean Michelle. The outside of the store was decorated with a clear wrapping of interlocking JMs, and shapes in different blues, reds, yellows and greens that replicated one of their insanely expensive bags. Michelle deserved something nice for putting up with me for the past year.
“Michelle, I’m so glad you could meet us,” I smiled, “Michelle, this is Karen.”
“Well, it’s nice to finally meet David’s fiancé. Hi, Karen,” Michelle walked over to Karen and gave her hug.
“It’s nice to meet you, Michelle,” Karen said.
“Oh my God, you’re so pretty, Karen,” Michelle said, looking Karen up and down, “And I love that coat! We’re going to get along just fine!”
Karen was blushing, “Thanks, Michelle. David never told me how pretty you are!”
“Then you tell me - how have I not met a guy yet?” Michelle asked.
“Oh, I’ll help you fix that. I know plenty of guys.” Karen said. “But, first, let’s get you a wardrobe to die for.”
“And who’s paying for that?” I asked.
“You are,” Karen and Michelle answered simultaneously, pointing at me and giggling.
“Oh, boy.”
We finally walked into the store. Michelle was being sarcastic, as she looked at all the handbags on display, just begging to be bought. “Mom is going to kill you. She’s been trying to call you for a week. Don’t you think you should call her? You just got engaged on national television and got a book deal!”
“I’ll call them in a few days. I need time to just enjoy things before they ruin it,” I explained.
“How are they going to ruin it?” Michelle asked.
“Do you even need to ask that question? They’ll find a way,” I said.
“You’re right. Sorry.” Michelle caught a glimpse of the ring on Karen’s finger. “Oh, my God! Karen, are you still wearing that plastic ring? David, what is wrong with you?”
“Are you going to analyze everything today?” I asked Michelle. That was my only defense.
“David, aren’t you going to get your fiancé a real engagement ring? You can’t let her walk around with a plastic band on her finger! I can’t believe this, Karen? This is my sick brother. Get the girl a ring!”
“Okay, okay, we’ll get a ring this week.”
“That’s better,” Michelle said.
“The reason I wanted you to meet us, Michelle, was I want you to pick out any bag that you want and I’m going to get it for you,” I said. “Then, apparently, we’re going shopping for a new wardrobe.”
“Really? Any bag??” Michelle was flabbergasted. “You’re kidding right?”
“I mean it. Anything, get anything you want in the store. And after you clean out Jean Michelle’s, we are hitting every store on Fifth Avenue. This is payback for all those months of dealing with me on your floor.”
“Michelle, look at this one,” Karen already had a bag in her hand.
“Oh, my God, I love that one. Everyone needs a good shoulder bag. Oh, God . . . but look at this clutch!” Michelle said.
“That one’s great. But it’s really just for going out. How about this top handle? You can’t go wrong with a Jean in classic white.” Karen said.
“Gorgeous!”
Shopping usually killed me slowly, but I was enjoying this. I wanted to make Michelle happy. I also wanted to make Karen happy. Looks like they were both happy, and shopping was quickly becoming a family sport. We ended up with three bags for Michelle and one for Karen. Next stop: Every God Damn expensive store on Fifth Avenue.
By the end of this shopping marathon, Michelle had amassed a wardrobe that would make any Pink Piggy proud. She gave me two air kisses, thanking me for all of her gifts, as I sent her home in a taxi, carrying no less than ten giant-sized shopping bags. There were so many bags that the cabbie was forced to stuff most of the bags in the trunk. Oh, and I paid for the cab, as well. Ain’t I a sport!
After our little shopping excursion, Karen and I took a walk around Central Park. It was the perfect end to our perfect week together. We were running into a bit of a problem, though. People were stopping us on the street, telling Karen how excited they were for her and asking to see her ring. The problem was, as Michelle pointed out, she was still wearing the plastic ring that I had stolen from the Green room. Actually, now that I got a good look at the florescent-green band, Karen’s hand was sporting one, sad-looking, ring finger. I think the saddest part of the whole story was that I hadn’t even thought about buying a real engagement ring, until Michelle mentioned it. I know, very sad. But thanks to the frightening, star-obsessed individuals who watch morning talk shows, I was now reminded on a minute-by-minute basis that Karen needed an engagement ring. And believe me, I know she needed one fast.
We continued to stroll around the park until we found ourselves back on Fifth Avenue. Now was my big chance to right my wrong. I spotted Rose’s, and led us both right up to the door with the iconic ROSE & CO. awning above the entrance. I turned to Karen and said, “Let’s find you a ring.”
Karen bolted, I mean, bolted, to the diamond section. Which was kind of funny, as the diamonds were located on the 3rd Floor. We met up at the elevator.
“Wow, someone’s excited,” I said.
“Are you kidding, this is Rose’s! I’m only human!”
When the elevator opened we were tossed onto an entire floor of diamonds and rings. This was absolutely crazy. How does one find a ring in this place? The selection is overwhelming. Karen pulled me over to one display case with 50 or so rings and a number of loose stones. Jacques, the salesperson, strolled over.
“Beautiful, aren’t they?”
“Oh, my,” was all that escaped Karen.
“These are cushion-cut diamonds. Would you like to see one?”
Karen nodded.
“First time looking at diamonds, sir?”
“I bet you say that to all the boys,” I joked.
“Well, actually, yes,” he chuckled.
Jacques took out a tray of diamonds and started pointing out some of the various sizes, colors, carats, clarity. They all had the same cut. Jacques was educating me on the 4 C’s of diamond shopping. As he was explaining the finer points of the 2.5 carat, cushion-cut diamond in Karen’s trembling hand, he handed her a jeweler’s loupe. Then he interrupted his spiel, and turned to me, “Are you that writer?”
“Yup. That’s me. This is my fiance, Karen.”
“I didn’t want to be rude - though we get famous people in here all the time - but I read your story.”
“And? What did you think?”
“I liked it. Not my favorite story ever, but it was fun.”
Wasn’t this guy supposed to lie? After all, he’s trying to sell me a diamond ring.
“I will tell you this, I’m excited to meet you. You’ve got talent, and that’s something that 90% of the celebrities that walk into this place don’t have. Keep up the good work. Now, Karen, how does that look?”
“Beautiful!”
“Don’t make up your mind just yet, my dear,” Jacques said. “I’ve got some stones over here that will have you positively drooling.”
After we spent two hours examining various stones and settings, we finally found the right diamond and the right setting. Now came the mock-up of the ring. Jacques put the three-carat diamond in the middle of the setting with a one-carat trapezoid diamond on either side of the massive stone. Jacques gingerly placed it on Karen’s finger.
“Isn’t that just divine? It looks stunning on your finger,” Jacques said.
Of course, it’s beautiful. It’s fucking huge and fucking expensive.
“It’s beautiful,” Karen held out her hand in front of her face and was mesmerized by the sparkling stone. “Isn’t it beautiful?” Her eyes were glazed over.
“It is,” I said, “We’ll take it.”
“Oh, my God!” Karen screamed, “Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!”
After three ‘Oh, my God’s!’ I got down on my knee for the second time in less than a week, and asked Karen to marry me. This time I did it the right way, with a three-carat diamond ring on her finger.
As if I needed more attention, folks in the store started applauding.
“Hey, that’s David and Karen from the TV!” One hillbilly tourist screamed out.
Yup, that’s us all right.
When we finally made it back to the hotel, we collapsed on the bed.
“That was the most shopping I have ever done in my life,” I said. “How do women do that all day?”
“Presents. That’s how. Look at all the pretty presents I have,” she stopped dead in her tracks and stared at her ring, “This is the most beautiful present of all.”
“Besides me, you mean,” I teased.
“Of course, besides you. I’m so excited. What a week. I can’t believe we got engaged. I never thought it would happen so soon,” Karen was drunk from all her shopping.
I looked at the beautiful new ring on her finger and said, “You’re telling me? It’s been crazy. I can’t believe you said yes.”
“You make me very happy. I truly can’t imagine being with anyone else,” Karen said. “Did you really plan on asking me to marry you before we got to the show?”
“Well, I planned on asking you, but not on the “Today’s Morning” show. That idea hit me when I was backstage.” I had to chuckle, “I wasn’t sure I could do it.”
“I don’t want to go back to real life. I just want to pass my time here with you.”
“I can’t wait to get back to our real life. It’s only going to get better,” I said.
“That’s what you think. The next step is planning the wedding. You’ll want plenty of time apart when we get back to our real lives and my mother gets involved.”
“You’re wrong, I can’t wait,” I claimed.
“Did you ever see a Jewish mother planning her only daughter’s wedding? I have. It’s frightening. Before you know it, it’s her wedding. You’ll see.”
“Great.”
Oh shit.