That evening Jessica returned to her room after yet another long workout in the hotel gym. As anticipated, her first day had been so gruelling that the last thing she’d felt like was going for a drink. Still, given that she’d never even met ‘Sue’, it wasn’t like she’d be missed and, besides, she needed to make the most of the gym before she moved into Pam’s at the weekend, something they’d now definitely agreed on. She headed for the shower.
A short while later Jessica emerged from the steamy fug of the bathroom to find her cell phone beeping away at her. She had four missed calls, though before she’d had time to check who they were from, it rang again. ‘Hello?’ she answered.
‘Jess? It’s Dulcie. Where are you? I’ve been trying you for ages. Edward told Dad you’ve gone away. Why didn’t you tell me you were going?’
Finally, Jessica thought. Finally she’d stopped yabbering long enough to realize she hadn’t seen or heard from her ‘best friend’ in nearly three whole weeks.
‘I did try to tell you, a few times actually.’
‘Well, where are you?’ Dulcie huffed.
‘London,’ she replied, unable to prevent a happy grin from spreading across her face.
‘What are you doing there? Are you having a vacation? I thought you hated shopping trips?’
‘I’m not on a shopping trip,’ stated Jessica firmly, reaching over for the fluffy robe that was hanging on the back of the bathroom door and manoeuvring herself into it, before lying down on the bed and wriggling into the big, square pillows. No matter how strange things with Dulcie had been lately, she was excited to finally be able to fill her in on what was happening in her life. ‘I’m actually hoping to be here for a while,’ she began. ‘Remember at your drinks how I told you I left my job at the gallery and split up with Shawn? Well, all in all I really felt like I needed a change. To be honest with you, I’d been feeling unhappy for a while and –’
‘Can I ask you something?’ Dulcie interrupted.
‘Sure.’
‘Has you leaving got anything to do with me marrying Kevin? Because if it has, I would understand. I mean, it would be natural, right?’
Wrong, thought Jessica, experiencing familiar stirrings of irritation. Since when did everything have to come back to her getting married? And she hoped Dulcie wasn’t suggesting she might be jealous, because she couldn’t be more wrong. Marriage was something she never planned on doing, given that she was completely against the whole idea of it.
‘My trip has nothing to do with you getting married. Honestly. Though what I will say is that I think we want different things from life these days.’
To this Dulcie said nothing, and Jessica felt like screaming with frustration.
‘What? I swear to you I am not jealous,’ she said, spelling it out.
‘Oh, I’m still focusing on the “what we both want out of life” comment,’ Dulcie said, ‘which is interesting because ever since you screwed up our one chance to be something by turning down Daddy’s Girls I’ve been waiting to find out what better idea you might have. But if running off to England and abandoning me right when I need you the most is it then, frankly, I’m a little disappointed. I mean, you’re supposed to be my best friend but ever since I told you I was engaged you’ve been acting weird.’
‘That’s not true,’ said Jessica.
‘Is so,’ retorted Dulcie. ‘You obviously have something against Kevin and I just wish you’d admit it.’
‘I don’t have anything against Kevin,’ replied Jessica truthfully. ‘But maybe I don’t get why you feel the need to get married so young. You’ve only known him a year, so how do you know you’re doing the right thing?’
‘Because I love him!’ screamed Dulcie, somewhat hysterically.
‘Oh, well, that’s OK then,’ said Jessica, who was starting to feel scared she might say something that would be hard to take back. She swallowed. ‘Look, all I’m saying is why the rush? Is being in love really enough? Look at my parents, for crissakes. Everyone seems to be of the opinion that they were madly in love and look how shitty that turned out.’
‘That’s what it always comes back to with you, isn’t it?’ stated Dulcie, sounding disappointed and fed up. ‘Don’t you understand? Of course nothing is guaranteed one hundred per cent. No one knows how anything is going to pan out. Kevin could turn round and tell me he’s gay. I could get run over tomorrow. Or we could get married and be very, very happy, but how will we know unless we take a chance?’
‘It’s not just that,’ said Jessica. ‘You’ve changed, Dulcie. You’ve gotten so obsessed with the wedding you seem to have completely missed the part about how unhappy I’ve been. And that’s the reason I’m in London, only you’ve been too wrapped up in freaking napkins and tie pins to notice.’ Jessica scrunched her face up in an effort not to cry. This was horrible, but she had to stay in control of what she was saying. ‘I miss you, Dulcie, and I am happy that you’re getting married, but what’s happened to you?’
‘Nothing’s happened to me,’ she said quietly.
‘Look,’ Jessica said, ‘if I haven’t been totally supportive then I’m sorry. Kevin’s a lovely guy and I really hope it does work out for the two of you. At the same time, though, your wedding isn’t the only thing going on in the world and you can’t expect everyone to put their lives on hold till the big day.’
‘But I’m not asking everyone,’ insisted Dulcie and in that awful instance Jessica could tell that her friend had started to cry.
Jessica sighed and, blinking back her own tears, tried to make head or tail of what was going on here. There had to be more to this than met the eye. ‘OK,’ she said patiently, rubbing her face vigorously. ‘I’ve admitted that I’ve been a bit freaked out about things, so now it’s your turn to tell me what’s going on. Because I know you can’t really have transformed into some awful clichéd Bridezilla-type person. So, please, just talk to me?’
And finally, after months and months of strangeness, Dulcie did.
‘Oh, Jess,’ she gulped down the phone in a tone so heartbreaking it quite took Jessica’s breath away. ‘I miss my mom. I miss her so much and getting married without her is so, so hard,’ she finished, now breaking down completely, sobbing her heart out.
Loretta had died when Dulcie was twelve, a terrible day that Jessica still found hard to think about even now. Despite a long illness leading up to it, none of them had been even remotely prepared for the end. When it had arrived Vincent had been utterly devastated, completely floored, and so wrapped up in his own grief that he’d found it hard to be as present for Dulcie as she’d needed him to be. As a result the two girls had ended up clinging to each other more than ever during those tricky teenage years. They’d lived in each other’s pockets and now, partly through her own hang-ups, Jessica felt she’d let her down. Not just as a friend, but as a sister, or even a mom of sorts. God, relationships could be so complicated.
Jessica felt dreadful. Suddenly everything about Dulcie’s recent behaviour wasn’t just explained, it was also excused. Not having her mom around to help pick out her dress, and to decide everything with, must make what should be such a happy time so horribly bittersweet.
‘Oh, Dulcie,’ said Jessica, wishing she was back in the States so she could give her friend a much-needed hug. ‘I’m so, so sorry.’
‘That’s OK,’ wailed Dulcie down the phone. ‘It’s not your fault, it’s mine. I’ve been putting so much pressure on you to be something you’re not. It’s just, I suppose you’re the closest thing I’ve got to a sister, or in some ways … you know … you look after me, Jess. And I know I’m young to be getting married, but I just want a family of my own.’
‘I know,’ said Jessica, who by now was crying just as hard as her friend. She cleared her throat and took a deep breath. There were some things in life that were simply more important than finding out who you were. ‘I’ll come home. I could fly in the morning and be back by tomorrow.’
‘No,’ said Dulcie firmly. To her own surprise she started to giggle, spluttering through the tears. The relief of finally having said out loud what she’d hardly dared to admit even to herself was overwhelming. ‘Of course you have to stay, silly. I want you to and I want you to have an adventure. You deserve one and, besides, I need to pull myself together …’ Her voice cracked again and Jessica’s heart felt like doing the same. ‘I love you, Jess, and I’m really sorry if I’ve been a bitch.’
‘You haven’t,’ said Jessica. ‘Slightly nutty perhaps, a bit OTT about things maybe, but not a bitch and, besides, you’ve had good reason.’ A stray tear escaped, which she wiped away, still feeling guilty.
‘Hey, if you’re going to be there for ages “finding yourself” maybe I should come and see you in London? Have a break from thinking about the wedding all the time?’ said Dulcie suddenly in an inspired tone Jessica knew only too well.
She swallowed, instantly filled with unease. This was her trip and she felt rather possessive of it. Like a small child who didn’t want to share.
‘OK, you’re so obviously not into that idea,’ said Dulcie.
‘No, no, I am,’ rushed Jessica, desperate to avoid another row. ‘But maybe give me a while to settle in, yeah? I just really want to see if I can do things on my own for a bit, you know? I think it would be good for me.’
‘OK,’ agreed Dulcie. ‘But once you’re settled I am so there, just try and stop me.’
Jessica grinned as she realized that having her best friend there for a bit would actually be fun. ‘Great, and we could even make your visit into a hen weekend, one just for you and me,’ she suggested.
‘Cool,’ agreed Dulcie.
Then Jessica couldn’t resist adding, ‘I flew here economy, you know.’
‘No way!’ exclaimed her friend, shocked to the core. ‘Are you OK?’
‘I survived,’ laughed Jessica.
‘Hey, you’d better make it back for your dad’s party, by the way. Dad said Mr G’s climbing the walls without you.’
‘Of course,’ said Jessica, making a mental note to tell Kerry as soon as possible that she needed time off in September while feeling thankful that at last it seemed she had her friend back.