That evening, looking after Grace and Ava went unbelievably well. The children were gorgeous and Jessica found their innocence and simplicity a wonderful antidote to everything that was going on at the moment. The basic practicality required in order to tend to their needs appealed to her too. She enjoyed helping make Grace’s tea, making sure it was cool enough to eat, that she didn’t spill her juice and that she ate her vegetables. After much encouragement from Jessica, she even managed an ‘empty plate’, which pleased Diane so much she allowed the little girl to have ice cream for pudding. Jessica watched, fascinated, as she ate it. She’d never seen anyone concentrate so hard on eating anything before and it seemed to Jessica, at that moment, that children had it right. They lived completely in the present, not having the capacity to do anything else, of course, but were so able to enjoy small things as a result. Sitting at the kitchen table with Grace, Jessica experienced a rare stillness. At five thirty, while the rest of the modern world raced around, battling to make a living, coping with the strains and stresses of everyday life, Grace was oblivious to everything but her ice cream. Whereas Ava’s only concern was how much of her little fist she could cram into her mouth.
‘She was up half the night. I think she’s teething,’ Diane explained, looking even more tired than she had done the previous day. Still, she was also ludicrously excited to be going out and when Jessica had arrived early, saying that she wanted to give Grace her tea, she’d burst into grateful tears, which was a little alarming but understandable given that she’d just been diagnosed with depression.
Bedtime was chaotic. Grace was horribly over-excited by the unusual activity in the house and Ava was screaming, but as soon as the baby was in her cot Mike and Diane left, leaving Jessica to deal with their eldest. With her parents out of the way, Grace immediately calmed down and Jessica read her four stories before tucking her up in bed.
Jessica was just creeping downstairs when her cell phone vibrated in her pocket. Predictably, it was a worried Diane checking on how things were going.
‘They’re fast asleep,’ whispered Jessica, as she went to switch on the baby monitor in the living room. ‘I was just about to text you.’
‘And Grace went to bed OK?’
‘Good as gold.’
‘You’re an angel. Thanks so much and remember, if you need me, please ring, and you’ve got the number of the restaurant in case there’s no reception, haven’t you?’
‘Yes,’ reassured Jessica. ‘Now go and have a lovely evening and try not to worry. They’re fine and I promise I’ll call if I need you.’
Finally able to relax, Diane did as she was told and for the first time in a long time started to wind down and to talk to her husband properly and openly about how she had been feeling. By the time they were on dessert she already felt like she had more perspective on things than she had since Ava was born.
‘You see,’ she said, ‘I don’t actually think I am depressed. Not properly anyway. I mean, I don’t want to harm myself or anything …’
‘Jesus, Diane,’ exclaimed Mike.
‘What? Look, I’m sorry if you don’t like hearing about it, but I’ve been on the Internet and, believe me, that does happen to some women. But, the fact is, I’m saying I’m not that ill,’ she continued. ‘I probably just have a major case of the baby blues, stemming from being so knackered all the time. Do you remember how much blood I lost during the birth? Well, today the doctor told me that being anaemic can contribute towards post-natal depression.’
‘It’s the fact that you’ve felt like this but battled on without saying anything that I have a problem with,’ said Mike, determinedly not hearing the last bit of what she’d said. He was terribly squeamish and at the time had been convinced that childbirth was every bit as traumatic for him as it was for Diane. Still, having voiced this out loud once, he knew if he valued his testicles not to do so ever again.
Meanwhile, Diane was wondering how Mike could have been so dense as to have not realized how low she was. Surely the signs had been obvious? The daily tears, the inability to cope, the lethargy, the permanent bad hair days. Tonight was the first time her bronzer had come out in months, medicine in itself.
Still, Mike knew his wife well enough to suspect what might be going through her mind. ‘I’m sorry, Di,’ he said sadly. ‘I’ll do more to help, I promise. Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it.’
‘Oh, it’s not your fault,’ admonished Diane, trying not to cry. ‘And I know I’m a nightmare to live with at the moment, but maybe having one proper night’s sleep a week would help? That and the pills. I think I need to think about going back to work when Ava’s a bit bigger too. I know I said I wasn’t going to, but I’m not sure I’m cut out to be a housewife.’
‘Well, whatever you decide you’ve got my support, and tonight you’re going up to the spare room. I can give Ava a bottle in the night,’ he said, a few weeks too late, reaching for his wife’s hand.
‘OK,’ said Diane, feeling choked. ‘Gosh, I can’t believe how much just having a tiny bit of a break has helped already. It’s pathetic really. In fact, I know Jessica works for you, but maybe she could come one day a week or something? Or even a couple of afternoons, till I’ve got myself sorted out.’
‘Why don’t we just call an agency tomorrow? There must be loads of great people out there,’ offered Mike, delighted that Diane was finally ready to accept some help, which in turn could only mean that life was going to get better for him. For them all.
‘I don’t know,’ said Diane hesitantly. She knew it was churlish, but she wanted Jessica. ‘It’s just, I like Jessica so much and they won’t all be like her. Maybe I’ll just carry on as we are? I’m sure Jessica will babysit again, so at least we can have another evening out. This has been nice.’
‘It has,’ agreed Mike, who knew what his wife was really getting at. But how could he entice Jessica away from her job without being sued for professional misconduct? ‘Now, coffee?’
‘Oh, yes, something to keep me awake all night, just what I fancy,’ replied Diane sarcastically. ‘No, I’ll leave that to the babies, thanks. Now, we should get back –’ Just then her phone bleeped, signalling a text. When she saw that it was from Jessica she almost leapt three feet out of her seat. ‘Shit,’ she said, panic making her look instantly deranged. Then, ‘Oh …’ Her expression changed to beatific in an instant. Her hand went to her chest. ‘Oh, she is amazing. Look, Mike.’
Mike took her phone and read:
All well here. Ava woke 4 a
min so changed nappy and
rocked back 2 sleep. V happy 2
give her bottle at 11 if you
like? Didn’t give 2 her now as
didn’t want 2 ruin routine.
Enjoy and don’t worry. Both
sleeping like … babies!
Mike looked at Diane’s face and could tell his wife was smitten. Not with him, but with one super, child-friendly, capable Jessica Bender.