CHAPTER 1

“Where is Rube Goldberg?!”

Pearl was at her wit’s end. For weeks she’d worked tirelessly alongside her classmates to revamp Beechwood Middle School’s dilapidated old garden. They gathered every morning, shovels in hand, and dug up that sad patch of dirt like their lives depended on it. Their mission wasn’t just about beautification. It was about building something they could be proud of. It was about planting seeds and watching the chain reaction of nature’s life cycle turn them into a bountiful harvest come the start of fall. Pearl and her friends had helped turn the garden into something very special and they’d done it by working together. It was a source of pride for everyone involved. Especially considering how neglected the garden looked before they got started. Some plants were wilted, others devoured by ravenous groundhogs. The dirt was dry, and the adjoining pond had grown mossy and brown. No frogs. No fish. No life at all. It broke Pearl’s heart. But what really steamed her buns on this airy Saturday morning was something else entirely.

“I’m going to kill that kid . . .” When Pearl told Rube about her plan to refurbish the garden, she hoped he’d help out. Till the soil. Maybe rake a little. But that wasn’t how Rube’s brain worked. When he looked at that dusty patch of land, all he saw were problems that needed solving. Which is a good thing. First and foremost, how would the garden stay hydrated? With fall creeping in and a dry winter right behind it, how could vegetables and plants possibly be expected to grow without a little help? For days Rube burned the midnight oil thinking about this conundrum. Then, after a raindrop splashed his nose on a bright sunny day, the answer came to him. I’ll build a self-watering garden system! He had quickly sketched a design, then scrounged around town for machine parts. After he selected only the finest pieces, a masterpiece was surely forthcoming. But, in true Rube fashion, his simple idea had become lot more complex. And stressful.

“This is so typical of Goldberg. So typical,” Pearl grumbled, pacing back and forth as she cracked her knuckles. “I should have seen this coming.”

Pearl had been beyond excited after Rube signed on to help, and not just because they were close friends. His star had risen considerably in recent weeks. The whole school was talking about Rube’s amazing machine-making skills ever since he had unknowingly taken down an international criminal who just happened to be masquerading as one of their science teachers. More on that later. The students at Beechwood Middle School couldn’t wait to see his next big creation, and all eyes were on the garden project. If Pearl pulled this off, that meant good things for the school and her campaign to become sixth-grade class president. A double whammy.

Once Rube got wind of all that bubbling anticipation, the more pressure he felt. The more pressure he felt, the more stressed out he became. What if I can’t top myself? What if everyone thinks my success is a fluke? What if I’ve lost my mojo? WHAT IS MOJO ANYWAY?! It felt cool to have the admiration of his classmates, but one wrong move and those bloodthirsty vultures would eat him alive. At least that was what he told himself. The imagined pressure had driven Rube to drop the ball completely.

Work stopped just as quickly as it started, and he moved on to something else. The problem was, he hadn’t told Pearl he’d given up. Quite the opposite. Pearl was under the impression Rube was busy building an exquisite monument to nature itself. The future of horticulture! Nothing was further from the truth. In a bid to cover his blunder, he decided to double down on the ruse. The night before the big reveal, using a handful of billowing blue tarps, Rube had erected a small tent around the garden and adjoining pond. A crude sign warned people DO NOT TOUCH. He hadn’t wanted anyone knowing his shameful secret. Not even Pearl. It was a terrible plan, but that was what he had done. Now, on the day of the garden’s grand unveiling, Pearl faced a crowd of classmates, teachers, and local press. She had no idea what to do next. Rube Goldberg was nowhere to be found.

“If he’s not here in five minutes, I’m going to . . . to . . .” Pearl struggled to come up with a suitable punishment, but words failed her. “I don’t know!”

Rube’s best friend, Boob, peeked around the edge of the tent to spy on the growing crowd. “Wow. It’s like a who’s who of middle school royalty showed up for this thing! I see Emilia Harris, Aiden Puterbaugh-Schmidt, and that kid who smells like lunch meat who we call Ham Pockets.”

“But where’s Rube?!” exclaimed Pearl. “I called him. I texted him. What am I supposed to do if he doesn’t show up?! He’s the only one who knows how to operate whatever contraption is under that tarp. Public embarrassment is not on my to-do list for today.”

Boob thought about it for a second. “Maybe he’s been abducted by aliens? Though honestly, if I were an alien, he wouldn’t be my first choice. Love the guy. Obvi. But the kid is a lot to handle.” He spotted a few more familiar faces as the congregation grew larger. “Ugh. Someone let Mike and Ike out of their cages. Why did those dungballs come here? Oh, oh, oh! Davin Drake is in attendance, looking fly as usual. Wow. The guy’s smile can sure light up a room.”

Pearl felt the same, but there were far more important things on her mind. “I need this to go smoothly today. We put a lot of hard work into making this garden sparkle. And, yeah, we don’t have crops yet, but next year we will! We’ll have a beautiful, botanical wonderland filled with delights! Those people out there are here to celebrate that. They came to see the machine demonstration, and . . .” She trailed off. “Rube is a no-show.”

Suddenly an idea popped into Boob’s head. “I bet I can find him with my Li’l Sleuthy Kid Detective Kit. My mom got it for me for my birthday even though I stopped watching Li’l Sleuthy, like, a million years ago. I mean . . . a baby detective?! And his sidekick is a talking magnifying glass?! Total kids’ stuff.”

“Boob . . .” Pearl’s words were slow and purposeful. “I know you’re only trying to help, but please stop talking now.”

Boob nodded. “Copy that.”

“Heyo!” Principal Kim exclaimed, popping behind the tent for a quick check-in. “How’s everything going, Pearl? The crowd is getting antsy. You ready to start?”

“Yep!” Pearl straightened up, put on a happy face, and pretended everything was just fine. Principal Kim had become one of the garden project’s biggest supporters. She didn’t want to let him down. “I just need one more minute, if you don’t mind.”

“Sounds good! We’re all looking forward to your presentation,” replied Principal Kim. “Oh, and if you could mention the merchandise for sale on our school website, that would be awesome. I’ve got a warehouse full of Beechwood Bandicoot caftans that need to move. At twenty dollars each, they’re a steal. Free shipping too! Just sayin’.”

After Principal Kim exited the area, Pearl grabbed Boob by his shoulders and looked him square in the eyes. “I need you to stall,” she said, panicked.

“Me? Really?” Boob began sweating. “You know Ahmed Brooks is sitting in the front row, right? He does magic! He’s not good at it, but he does it. His pockets are always full of sponge balls and handkerchiefs. It’s creepy. You should ask him to stall. He’s way more prepared than I am.”

“Boob!” Pearl stopped herself, took a deep breath, and continued in a calmer fashion. “All I need you to do is talk for a few minutes while I come up with a plan to explain away Rube being a no-show. That’s it. You’re good at talking. Some say too good. Please just do this for me so I don’t lose my head?”

Boob considered the request. “Well, I have thought about pursuing a career in stand-up comedy,” he confessed. “My uncle Rodney was a comedian, you know . . .”

“Great! Tell jokes, do impressions, make balloon animals.”

“What about hand puppets?”

“Anything you want,” Pearl growled. “Just do it!” She pushed him out from behind the tent into full view of the crowd. “Make Uncle Rodney proud,” she said, beaming.

All eyes were on Boob. Everyone quieted as he confidently strolled to the front of the staging area. As Rube’s trusty hype man, Boob was used to hamming it up. He was a natural entertainer whose positive energy was infectious. The kid could make a stone statue crack a smile. But if you put him on the spot? That made him a wee bit nervous.

“So . . . ummmm . . .” Boob audibly gulped, but there was no turning back now. “Did you guys hear the one about the shoemaker who gave away his fortune? Turns out he had a really good sole. Hehe.” A flurry of tiny giggles vibrated through the crowd, putting Boob’s heart at ease. They liked him. In an instant, a switch flipped inside Boob, transforming him into comedian boy. “Ladies and gentlemen, I’m Boob McNutt, and yes, that’s my real name. What can I say? My parents had great taste! It was either Boob McNutt or Nitwit Macadamia VonCashew McNutt. I think they made the right choice.” The giggles turned to guffaws and the jokes came hard and fast.

“Hey, what do you call aliens that eat eggs? Eggs-traterrestrials!

“Are monsters good at math? Of course not!” Boob stuck his finger in the air as if he’d just had a massive revelation. “Unless you Count Dracula.

“What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with a firework? Dinomite!

“Why are cigarettes so deadly? Because they travel in packs! That joke made my aunt Linda laugh so hard, it gave her coughing fits. She’s also a smoker. Well, was a smoker. She passed away from lung cancer last year.” The crowd fell awkwardly silent. “Guess you could say it took her breath away!” The laughter returned once again. “You guys are dark. I’m into it.”

“Boooo!” a voice shouted. “You suck, McNutt!” another called out. Mike and Ike, the twin bully blockheads, loved sharing their opinions, even when no one wanted to hear them. Why they were at this particular event was anybody’s guess. Boob was unfazed by their jeers.

“Oh look, Beechwood’s most famous twins, Mike and Ike, are here! Or, as I like to call them, Copy and Paste. I asked their mom which one was her favorite. Know what she said? Neither. One day those two troublemakers will end up in jail—then they’ll really be cellmates.”

Stunned by the sudden barrage of burns, Mike and Ike sat quietly in their chairs and grumbled to themselves. Boob was on a roll and the crowd was eating him right up.

“Y’all into astronomy? Have you heard the one about Uranus?”

Pearl ran up behind Boob, surprising him. “And thank you, Boob! What a king of comedy! My sides hurt from all the chuckles . . .”

“But I was just getting started. I’m on fire!”

“I’ll take it from here, thanks,” Pearl whispered.

“But where’s Rube?”

Pearl shook her head. “Not here.” With time running out, there was no choice but to press forward without him. Boob moved to the side as Pearl took command. “Thank you all so much for coming. My name is Pearl Williams, and I’m a proud officer of the Greenhouse Guild, Beechwood Middle School’s premier garden club. Like many of my classmates, I was saddened to find our garden in disarray. But my fellow Guild members and I knew that, with a little love and affection, great things could grow here again!” The crowd went wild, clapping and hollering with glee. “Hope everyone likes kale, spinach, broccoli, Brussels sprouts, cauliflower, kohlrabi, beets, and peas! Next year, when our harvest is good and ready, we’ll be selling veggies to anyone who wants them!” Pearl exclaimed, pumping her fist in the air. Sadly, she was met with total silence. The crowd was decidedly unenthused about vegetables.

Except for Ami Sato, the school’s most passionate vegetarian. “Woo-hoo!” Ami shouted. “Give it up for beets!” She clapped her hands so hard, they turned bright red. Pearl stood grinning silently until Ami quieted down.

“I’d like to thank my fellow Greenhouse Guild members for their support and commitment, and I’d also like to thank Lala Palooza for her generous donation that made this transformation possible.” Pearl motioned to Lala, who was sitting in the back looking like a wealthy old widow, incognito in a pair of dark designer sunglasses. If not for the newly dyed purple streaks in her hair, she would’ve been easy to miss. “Lala, please come forward so we can—”

“No, thanks. This is all you, Pearly girl.” Lala stood and gave a half-hearted wave to the assemblage. It was all she felt like doing today. Normally Lala loved being the center of attention but, when it came to matters of charity, she preferred to avoid the spotlight. Give the money and run.

Pearl cleared her throat and continued addressing the crowd. “We are so lucky to have a self-watering garden system built by none other than Rube Goldberg! Who is with us in spirit.” The crowd gasped in shock. “But not dead! He’s very much alive.” The crowd breathed a sigh of relief. “At least until I get my hands on him,” Pearl said under her breath. Her palms were drenched with sweat. “What else . . . what else . . . ? Oh! Please check out the Beechwood Middle School website, where you can find an exciting selection of gifts for Bandicoots of all ages.” Principal Kim waved his arms to get Pearl’s attention, mouthing the word caftan over and over again. “And caftans!” she said joyfully. “Does everyone know the Beechwood Bandicoot fight song? Let’s sing it now!” Even a handful of scattered groans couldn’t stop her from continuing the time-wasting charade. “We are the Bandicoots, the mighty Beechwood Bandicoots . . .”

As the song dragged on, Pearl gazed out into the distance. She hoped to see Rube speeding toward her on his bike, ready to swoop in and save the day. He’d pull up, apologize for his tardiness, then dazzle everyone with his machine-making talents. The crowd would eat it up, and Pearl’s first organized event would be deemed a wild success. But it had become painfully clear that wasn’t happening, and as the song came to a close, she was forced to accept the reality of the situation.

“Show us the garden already!” a voice shouted.

The jig was up. There was no more time to waste. The moment of truth had arrived. Pearl grasped the edge of the tarp. “Here goes nothing . . .” she said, whipping it off the tent and revealing the beautifully reimagined garden. It was an exquisite sight to behold. Vibrantly colored signs, hand painted by art students, adorned each area where herb and vegetable seeds had been planted. A newly constructed trellis stood tall and proud. The once-murky pond had been transformed into a self-watering system, which was primed and ready to go.

Thankfully, Pearl wouldn’t have to try and operate it by herself, because under that tent was a delightful, off-putting surprise. Rube Goldberg was napping peacefully, cuddled up with his machine like it was his blankie. The day was saved. Or so Pearl thought. “Rube!” she exclaimed.

The sleepy boy jolted awake. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. As Rube squinted and adjusted his glasses, he grew petrified by the mass of eyes staring him down. “Oh. Hey. Guess I must have conked out,” he said, wiping away a bit of spittle. He had laid his head down on his history book, hoping to get a couple minutes of shut-eye before everyone arrived. Ugh, such a boring book. Put me right to sleep. He had rolled off it during his nap, ending up facedown in the dirt. The crowd chuckled as he cleaned the crusted soil from his cheek. They must think this is all part of the show. Pearl leaned close to Rube so only he could hear her.

“I was worried—”

“Awww. About little ol’ me? That’s sweet.”

“Let me finish,” Pearl pressed. “I was worried. Then I was mad. Now I don’t know what I am, but that doesn’t matter. What I need you to do is get up, brush yourself off, and razzle-freaking-dazzle.”

“You didn’t really think I’d leave you hanging? Psshhhh. Have faith, girl!”

The night before the event, unbeknownst to anyone, a pit of guilt had begun growing in Rube’s stomach after he had deceptively assembled the garden tent. He’d become overwhelmed with shame for breaking his promise. What’s wrong with me?! Pearl is one of my closest friends on the entire planet. Messing up her big day would make me the Duke of Jerks! So, Rube had pulled one of his quasi-all-nighters. He had stayed up late, then woken up early to make sure the machine was ready in time. The process had left him exhausted, but he was used to that kind of thing. After a final round of tinkering, Rube had begun yawning like crazy as the sun came up. Overwhelmed by the need for shut-eye, he had found a comfortable place in the dirt and curled up. Next thing he knew, the whole world was watching. Give or take a few billion people.

“Don’t sweat it. I’ve got this.” Rube leapt from the ground in a burst of energy. “How’s everyone doing? Ready to see the Irrigator in action?”

“YEAH!!!” The crowd cheered with renewed vigor. Students hooted and hollered like they were at a championship football game. Their hero had risen from the grime to bestow upon them yet another monument to innovation! Pearl still wanted to wring Rube’s neck, but instead she just smiled. The moment was bigger than her feelings. At least that’s what she told herself.

“Let’s get this baby going . . .” Rube calmly hooked a hose up to a pump and turned a nozzle. A cascade of liquid glory was just around the corner! But nothing happened. Not even a dribble. Now everyone was anxious. “Hrrmm,” Rube said, biting his lip. “The solar panels are charged, and the pump from the pond should be working.”

Pearl looked out at the crowd and shrugged. “Even geniuses make mistakes, I guess.”

Boob moved close to Rube and mumbled in his ear, “Did you catch any of my act? Pretty good, right? I was thinking of auditioning for the town talent show, the Beechwood Follies. Wanna be my helper monkey?”

“Back up, please. I’m trying to work,” Rube said, shooing Boob away. Now is not the time for funny business. “Aha. I see the problem.” Rube fiddled and futzed with the Irrigator, hooking and unhooking hoses, until one of them progressively began to feel thicker. That’s good, right? Wait. Maybe not. Uh-oh.

FSSSSSSSSSSS! In an instant, a burst of wild water cascaded across the crowd like a sprinkler. Then another burst. And another. The rowdy hose swung through the air like a snake, spitting pond water in every direction. In a matter of seconds, the entire crowd was drenched from head to toe. They were shocked, speechless, and soggy.

“Ta-daaaaaa!” Boob exclaimed. He’d escaped the liquid assault and was now posing around Rube’s machine like a model from The Price Is Right.

Principal Kim pointed at his assistant, Miss Mary, who took off like a shot to parts unknown. The crowd was irritated and so was Pearl. Some people stormed off in a huff while others sat patiently, unsure of what to do next. A handful of upperclassmen cackled wildly, admiring the prank-y-ness of it all. But Pearl wasn’t laughing. Not one bit.

“I’m so sorry, everyone,” she said softly. “This wasn’t supposed to happen.”

Miss Mary returned, scrambling to pass out towels she’d grabbed from the nearest locker room inside the school. Though the towels looked clean, their odor told a different story. As the crowd dispersed, Rube kept tinkering with the Irrigator. He was determined to find its flaw. Grrrrr. I checked this thing a million times. Okay, maybe not that many. But I checked it a lot! Ugh. Pearl must hate me right now. He reached into the back of his pants, pulled out his notebook, and began double-checking his work. This goes in there. That goes in there. Huh. Now that I think about it, maybe I should have . . .

Pearl stood over him, arms folded, glaring. “Do you even understand how embarrassing this was?! If you doomed my chance to become sixth-grade class president, I’m going to haunt you for the rest on your life, Rube.”

Before Rube could respond, Lala interrupted. “Oh no, sweetie,” she cooed, twirling her freshly dampened locks. “That was exactly what your campaign needed. Do I feel disgusting right now? Yes. Am I sending you the dry-cleaning bill for my outfit? Without a doubt. But that whole scene was kind of amaze. You want people to notice you, right?”

“Well, yeah, but . . .”

“Then be happy! All press is good press. Everyone will be talking about this. Trust.” Lala shuddered with excitement. “Oh, how I live for drama! Great reveal with Rube under the tent. I could really feel the tension and suspense. And Pearl, the look on your face was priceless. Puh-rice-less. You better hope someone recorded a video.”

“Gross, Lala. I’m not trying to go viral. I don’t want this moment out there for everyone to see, even if it does get me noticed. I want to win the election on merit, not likes or views or whatever.”

“Suit yourself,” Lala purred. “But, you know, the Switcheroo Dance is the weekend right before the election. Prime time to do something memorable that’ll put you on a path to victory. But I get it. You want to keep things low-key. I can respect that. But if you change your mind and want to cause a scene, let me know. I’m happy to use my social media to further the cause.”

Rube’s ears perked up. He’d forgotten that the Switcheroo Dance was coming up soon. It was a rite of passage for Beechwood Middle School students. Their first official social engagement of the year. Traditionally, the girls were supposed to ask the boys, hence the “swticheroo.” While some kids thought the concept was cute and fun, most kids thought it was lame and outdated. But that never stopped them from going. Rube tried not to think about it. Stupid old dance, stupid old tradition. You couldn’t pay me to go to that thing. Unless . . .

“Causing a scene isn’t really my style, Lala,” said Pearl. “I’m going to stick to proving myself as the best candidate by sharing my vision for this school.”

“That’s the spirit,” Principal Kim exclaimed as he dried behind his ears. “Integrity first!”

Pearl winced. “I’m really sorry, Principal Kim. Am I suspended? If I am, please don’t tell my parents. They’ll literally murder me.”

“You did fine, Pearl. Embarrassing things happen to the best of us. One time I had to give a speech to an auditorium full of people after I unknowingly sat on a melted candy bar. Everyone thought I had you-know-what on the seat of my trousers. I can laugh about it now, but when it happened, I felt like crawling into a hole and disappearing for the better part of the next century.”

“Principal Kim, that was us, and it was last week,” said Boob.

“My point is, life goes on. The garden looks beautiful and that’s what matters. We have a wonderful, new, environmentally friendly irrigation system courtesy of Mr. Goldberg that, fingers crossed, will be fixed soon. Rest assured, I’ll be showing off your hard work to Superintendent Atwater when he visits. I imagine his heart will swell with Bandicoot pride!”

CLICK! CLANK! CLUNK!

After a bit of dabbling, Rube had successfully located the Irrigator’s malfunction. “You’ll never believe this, but I got my hoses mixed up. Ha! I’m such a dummy sometimes. Shall we fire this bad boy up one more time?”

“That’s not needed,” advised Principal Kim. “Just set the timer or do whatever you need to do to automate the process. We’ll take a photo later for the school paper.”

“AHEM!” Lala had been waiting patiently for Principal Kim to notice her.

“Hello, Miss Pallooza,” Principal Kim replied. “How rare to see you on school grounds these days.”

“I know, right?” Lala said with a smirk. Lately, she preferred staying home and completing her school assignments under the dutiful eyes of her tutor as opposed to attending classes. “But I’ve been around enough to see what’s really going on around here. Remember that gigantic donation I graciously gave our school? Are you going to start putting it to use . . . or no? Because so far, the only changes I’ve seen are this garden renovation and the new teachers’ lounge vending machines.”

Principal Kim gasped. “How do you know about those? The teacher’s lounge is a secret sanctuary,” he said. “You can’t get in without a passcode.”

“I have ways,” Lala said with a smirk.

Principal Kim ignored the revelation. “Moving on, our new district superintendent, Superintendent Atwater, will be visiting soon, and we’ll be discussing how to put your generous donation to good use, Lala. We both want to make sure BMS has everything it needs to thrive.”

“Boring!” Boob whined. “Sorry, Principal Kim. It’s just that my body needs hot dogs and ice cream very badly. Can we go now? Everyone is meeting at the Inside Scoop, and if we get there too late, Mike and Ike will have eaten everything.”

Lala waved to her driver. “C’mon. We’ll take my ride.”

Boob raced over to the waiting limo like a puppy dog. Lala followed close behind, leaving Pearl and Rube to stare at each other blankly. Neither knew what to say. Apologize, Goldberg. You messed up Pearl’s big day. You know you did. Just admit it and move on. Before Rube could open his mouth, Davin Drake surprised Pearl from behind, putting his arms around her and giving her a big, warm hug. “Congrats on the garden, you two. It’s really beautiful.”

Pearl lit up. “Aw, thanks.”

Davin was the kind of kid Rube wished he could be. Smart, silly, genuine. He had great skin and a big heart, and he could talk to anyone. He listened to people too. The guy was fearless. And kind! Davin had next-level swag. The most precious of all the swags. His smile ignited a flame inside everyone he came into contact with. Whether they liked it or not.

“Thanks for the shower, Rube! Haha.” Davin gave Rube a playful bop on the arm. “Your machine is amazing. It’s like you needlessly challenge yourself as a way to grow. Innovation through complication. The way your mind works! What a gift.” He turned his attention to Pearl. “Let’s go skateboarding this week. We could go over to Willie’s and look at decks, or if you want to just hang out and watch Ranma ½, that’s cool.”

“I’ll text you,” Pearl said.

“Right on.” Davin flung his skateboard onto the pavement, took a running leap onto it, then glided down the street like the Silver Surfer. “Check ya later!”

Rube pursed his lips. “I didn’t know you were into anime.” His tone was both suspicious and interested. I thought I was the only one who knew about Ranma ½. “Or is that something you only do with Davin?”

Pearl sighed. “You don’t know everything about me. Just like I don’t know everything about you. And that’s all right. But if you have something you’d like to tell me, I’m all ears.”

Apologize, Goldberg. Do it now. Stop stalling.

“C’mon, you two!” Boob yelled dramatically. “I’m dying!”

Before Rube had a chance to smooth things over with Pearl, a surprise guest appeared out of nowhere. Emilia Harris. “Hey, machine boy!” she chirped in a high-pitched twang. “I’ve been waiting for you to talk to me.”

Uh, okay? Ever since his uptick in popularity, Emilia had been paying quite a bit of attention to Rube. He found it strange. Last year she pretended not to know my name, and now she won’t leave me alone? Something’s up with that girl. Emilia was popular. An “ice queen” to many, she also had a sweet streak. Her fashionable dress and curiously short new haircut made her stand out, but that stuff didn’t matter to Rube. Mostly he humored her out of kindness.

“That water prank was beyond. I’m such a fan. Not that I get the whole machine thing, but it’s cool and everyone loves it. So, I do too!” she said with a pointed giggle.

“Oh. Thanks,” Rube said. “It wasn’t a prank, but, um, that’s nice to say?”

Emilia glared at Pearl. “Are you two together?”

The question caught Pearl completely off guard. Rube couldn’t tell if she loved the question or hated it. As far as he knew, they were just friends. Right?

Pearl’s face scrunched up in a peculiar way. “Us? Me and Rube?”

Anxiety bubbles percolated throughout Rube’s entire being. I would like to crawl into a hole, cover myself with dirt, and never come out, please. The more uncomfortable he became, the more his body language shifted. He put his hands on his hips, wiped his sweaty forehead, then dried his damp hand on his shirt. This is it. This is the end of my life. He put his hands in his pockets, rocked back and forth, winced, folded his arms, and shrugged. Don’t speak. Say nothing. “You mean Pearl and me?” What did I just tell you?!

Emilia nodded.

“No,” Rube and Pearl said in unison. They looked at each other as if they’d just been caught stealing. Neither of them knew what to do next. Then Pearl looked at her watch.

“I gotta go,” she said. “My mom will be mad if I’m not home soon. Chores and stuff. You understand. See you later, Rube.” Pearl grabbed her bike and hightailed it out of there.

Rube suddenly remembered something about Pearl’s watch. That little liar. He filed the bit of information away for later.

“I’m running for sixth-grade class president too, just so you know. Kind of a last-minute decision,” Emilia told Rube. “Can I count on your support?”

Wow. Way to drop a low-key bombshell. The question left Rube stupefied. I’m voting for Pearl, of course. But, in the interest of not starting any conflict, the last thing he wanted to do was upset Emilia. The more he thought about it, the stranger it felt that she was putting him on the spot like that. We’re not even friends! We shared a PB&J once in third grade! That’s all!

Out of the corner of his eye, Rube noticed Boob hanging out the window of Lala’s limo, making wildly animated gestures to get his attention. Instead of respectfully telling Emilia no and saying a formal goodbye, Rube simply left. He ran over to the limo, hopped inside, and slammed the door behind him. “Hot dogs and ice cream! STAT!” And that was that.