I dreamt of Sammy. Not every night, but often enough to leave dark rings under my eyes. Dreams of her haunted me, leaving me drenched in cold sweats. Were they really just random thoughts passing through my subconscious? Or could it be Sammy’s distant memories coming out when my mind was stilled? The nightmares were so vivid, so draining, that most mornings I struggled to even climb out of bed. My muscles protested, my body begging for more rest. My mom kept offering me sleeping pills. Apparently, my night terrors kept her up as well. Tempting as it was for even a few hours of dreamless sleep, I hadn’t tried them yet.
Of course, I never mentioned any of this to Dr. Killian, who leaned back into her leather chair, her hazel eyes appraising me through thin-rimmed glasses.
“So why don’t you walk me through the past few days?” Dr. Killian coaxed, crossing her long legs. “How have you been?”
I stiffened, choosing to pick at the armrest of the faux leather couch next to the chair instead. Like usual, I’d sat in the opposite corner, sitting as far away from my new therapist as possible.
Since I knew about Sammy now, my parents had swapped out my usual therapist for a psychologist. Guess they felt I needed a ‘doctor’ to figure me out. If they only knew how messed up I really am, they’d be sending me to every specialist they could get their hands on. It was why my decision not to tell them about the Dragon Fae world I was a part of was easy. Blake said Tonbo didn’t want the world to know about us, and that was good enough for me. I didn’t care to become a science-experiment freak show anyway.
I’d never been a fan of my old therapist before. Honestly, she’d drove me bananas, always insisting my answers were in my subconscious. She could have just told me I had a split personality and that all the answers really were inside of me—inside Sammy.
However, compared to how I felt about Dr. Killian, my old therapist seemed like a warm sunset at the beach with a lounge chair and book to enjoy. The woman in the button-up blouse, gray slacks, and tight chignon had so far been nothing but pleasant. She was willing to talk about whatever topic I chose. I eyed her warily from my usual spot.
I don’t care if it doesn’t make sense… that woman makes my skin crawl. One thing I’d learned since becoming a damsel was to trust my instincts, and right now, they told me not to trust her.
Dr. Killian gave me a reassuring smile, waiting for my response.
I cleared my throat. “Nothing’s happened. No blackouts. No waking up in weird places.”
“So you don’t think Sammy has been around?” she asked, tilting her head to the side.
“Nope,” I said simply.
She scrawled something into her notebook. I couldn’t imagine what it was. I hadn’t said anything groundbreaking, had I?
“How have you been feeling lately?”
“Great,” I lied. I wasn’t about to tell her how conflicted I felt. Or how utterly exhausted the nightmares left me.
“How have things been with your family? Your mom, for starters?” she asked, breaking my line of thought.
I stared at her. “Good, I guess. Just the same as last week.”
“Mm,” she hummed, again writing something in her notebook. “You wouldn’t say it’s been a bit more strained over the past week?”
My eyes narrowed. What’s she getting at? “No, why? Did she say something to you?”
“Oh no, I wasn’t meaning to cause alarm, Samantha. Of course she hasn’t said anything to me. Our sessions are completely between you and me.” Dr. Killian smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes.
“My mom and I are great. Sure, we disagree at times, but it has nothing to do with Sammy.”
“Wonderful. So glad to hear that. And your dad? It’s much the same, I presume?”
I wanted to shout, You should presume nothing. I don’t know why I’m even talking to you. But instead, I nodded.
“How about your sisters? Jocelyn and Krista?”
“Krista and I are great,” I answered without thinking. It came easily because it was the truth. I felt my face flush, realizing my blunder.
She cocked an eyebrow at me. “Oh? Are things not good between you and Jocelyn?”
Darn. I berated myself for not simply lumping my sisters together. I hated to admit it… to this doctor especially, that I hardly saw Jocelyn lately, and when I did, there was tension between us. I wondered if it had always been there, and I was just more sensitive to it now. At times, I’d catch her staring at me with disdain in her expression. Like she’d tasted something sour. Was she ashamed of me? She’d always known about Sammy; why would me knowing change that?
It brought me to the conclusion that maybe something had happened. And if I have no memory of it, it means someone else does. Sammy. I hadn’t lied to Dr. Killian when I’d said I hadn’t blacked out in a while. I had to fudge a bit when I retold the last time I thought Sammy had taken over. I wasn’t about to tell her I’d been sitting in Tonbo’s theater, watching a production put on by flying dragons and damsels. I’d awoken in Jaxon’s cave after that.
That lapse in memory tormented me. What had Sammy done? I hoped to ask Jaxon since he’d been the one to capture Sammy and throw her, or me, into his cave. But Blake didn’t want me anywhere near his brother, which I could understand. Last time we’d been together, things had gotten pretty hairy. Blake had questioned Jaxon for me, but got little other than he’d found me not far from my own house. For some reason, that was enough for Blake. It wasn’t for me. All it did was solidify my hunch that something might have happened between Sammy and Jocelyn.
There were two others who might have answers—Kory and Mack. However, no one could find Kory, not even Blake, and it wasn’t for lack of trying. He’d gone off grid, moving his ‘bug’ operations underground. A terrifying thought in and of itself. The other option filled my heart with a sad longing.
I missed Mack, more than I cared to admit. The last time Blake had come back from the island, he said he’d discovered Mack in one of Tonbo’s holding cells. There were rules about changing someone against their will, and since Tonbo could hardly hold Sammy, my other half, accountable, Kate and Mack were the ones being punished. Blake had told me that even though Mack’s trial was over, and Tonbo had granted him pardon for his part, Mack still refused to leave his prison cell.
My eyes pricked at the thought that my friend could hold himself so personally accountable for what Sammy had put him up to. That’s going to change, I decided. I can do something about Mack. I’m not a helpless bystander anymore.
A soft cough reminded me I wasn’t alone at the moment. I turned and stared at the woman still waiting for a response.
“Jocelyn and I are even better,” I said firmly, knowing we both saw straight through my fabrication. What happened between my sister and me is none of your dang business, lady, so stop smiling at me like it is.
Forty minutes later, I left my session with a feeling of resolution. I knew what I needed to do. I grimaced, hating to admit Dr. Killian’s questions today might have helped clear my head. A little bit.