I hated to tell Blake I’d hardly tasted dinner when he asked if my food was good. The restaurant we’d gone to was nice. The singer with the guitar in the corner added the right amount of ambience to the steakhouse Blake had picked. Everything was perfect, including the guy sitting across from me, so why did I feel sick inside?
I leaned across the table, taking Blake’s hand into mine. He grinned at my touch. “Blake, I need to talk to Jaxon,” I blurted before I lost my nerve.
His smile melted into a frown. “Sam, that’s not a good idea.”
“Why not? Is he still not doing well?” I timidly asked. I hated to hurt Blake and talking about his brother’s lack of healing pained him.
He sighed. “No. Tonbo has tried everything he can think of.” He hesitated, and then said heavily, “I thought maybe seeing his family would help, so I told Mary, his wife.”
“Wait, what? You did? What did you say?”
“I showed her what I am.”
My eyebrows rose. Blake never told anyone he was a dragon. Not even his parents knew the truth. “Did she freak out?” I asked.
“At first, she seemed relieved when I told her about Tonbo and the Dragon Fae. She assumed that’s what Jaxon was too. With him disappearing more and more with only lame stories of where he’d been, she’d been convinced he was having an affair.”
“Oh, that’s terrible. Poor Mary.”
Blake ran his free hand across his mouth, resting his jaw on his palm. “I wanted to stop there, not tell her more. But she had so many questions and… well, I’d still hoped seeing her would help Jaxon overcome this thing. So she had to know truth.”
“How did she take it?” I asked, fearing the worst.
He frowned. “By the time I’d explained what Jaxon has become, she said she’d rather he’d been sleeping around.” His voice grew quiet. “I don’t think she understands how little control he has when he’s the bug. As soon as she learned what Jaxon had done to others, she said they were finished. That she could never forgive him, and Noah would never see him again either.”
“Oh, no.” I groaned, not sure who I sympathized with more at the moment, Mary or Jaxon. “Poor Jaxon,” I mumbled, realizing who had my true empathy. Not that I blamed Mary. Learning your husband had turned into a literal monster who couldn’t control taking the lives of innocent people had to be completely devastating. I tried to imagine Blake suddenly turning into a monster—programmed to kill. I shuddered as a chill shot through me.
“Maybe with time, when Jaxon’s better, she will feel differently,” I said, squeezing Blake’s hand.
He shook his head. “I hope you’re right. But either way, I’m not telling Jaxon about Mary leaving him right now. And she swore she wouldn’t say anything either. For now, she’s just telling Noah that his dad is overseas doing charity work. Jaxon’s done that in the past, so Noah’s buying it.”
When I heard Jaxon’s son’s name, I remembered how it felt to be in that small body with short limbs and a squeaky voice. Transforming into Noah had been the only thing to stop Jaxon from killing his brother. Or his brother killing him.
“Blake, maybe I can help Jaxon,” I offered with a sudden idea.
His eyes widened a bit, and then he shook his head. “No, Sam. It’s too risky. Jaxon—or the bug in him—still craves you.”
My skin crawled, knowing what that meant. “But I’m also the only person, other than Noah, that Jaxon overcame the bug for,” I pointed out. “In the caves, Jaxon pushed the monster away long enough to try to save me. Maybe seeing me will help him somehow.”
Blake’s lips twitched to the side as he considered my words. “You might be able to influence Jaxon, but the bug’s cravings will overpower it.”
I shook my head. “Blake, you said yourself, Tonbo has tried everything. Jaxon isn’t getting better. We need to at least try.”
He shook his head right back at me. “No. There’s got to be another way for Jaxon to overcome this.”
I wanted to argue, but he held his hand up. “I won’t risk your life, Sam. It’s not worth it.”
We stared at each other. My frustration finally ebbed away with the realization of what my meeting with Jaxon would mean for Blake personally. Asking Blake to let me see his brother put him in a very bad spot. What if things didn’t go well? What then? I sighed in defeat. Guess I’ll have to figure out another way to get that information.
I tried to brighten up a bit, deciding to ask a different question. “Okay, but can you at least take me to the island to see Mack?”
I wasn’t sure if it was hurt or confusion that flitted across his face. Either way, his shoulders slumped. “Alright, but don’t think you can slip away and see Jaxon when my back is turned.”
I bristled, wanting to remind him of how he’d been the one to slip away with Kory the last time we’d been there, but I didn’t want to argue. I was finally going to the island. I didn’t want him to change his mind now that he’d at least relented to that.
“Okay, so now to come up with a good cover story to get me there.”
----------------------------
Turned out, coming up with an excuse was easy. I searched my phone for the next day off from school and discovered there was a teacher workday on January 16. Next Friday. Perfect, gives us a three-day weekend in ‘California’. On the drive back to my house, I called my dad and asked if I could join Blake on his next trip back home, assuring him we’d be staying with Jaxon’s family and in separate rooms.
I hung up and glanced over at Blake’s anxious face. “Guess your shoveling skills today won my dad over.” I grinned. “He said yes.”
Blake grunted. “Glad to know the blisters on my hand were worth it.” He chuckled under his breath as he turned down a road that wasn’t ours. I didn’t ask where we were going. It wasn’t exactly as if I was jumping up and down to go home anyway. I didn’t want to face my sister yet.
When the car stopped and Blake shifted it into park, I glanced out my window. At first, I saw nothing but blackness. Once my eyes adjusted, I made out stars, the mountain’s silhouette, and dark shadowy trees.
“Where are we?” I asked, unlatching my seatbelt.
“Somewhere private,” he said, undoing his as well. He made no motion to open his door, only turned to face me.
The way his eyes danced, I had the feeling he wasn’t thinking about the island at the moment. His gaze lingered on my lips. Funny how the world could seem so bleak and wrong, but right then, with Blake, none of that mattered. I gave him a crooked grin. This was the first time Blake had actually ‘parked’ us somewhere. It felt like such a normal teenage thing to do, despite how unusual our lives had actually become.
“What are you up to?” I teased.
“Well…” He reached over, grinning. I giggled as he easily scooped me up, pulling me across the console and into his lap. He released the seat to lean back, leaving me sprawled out on top of him, my long legs feeling like they were going every which direction.
Feeling awkward, I tried to support my weight with my hands.
He laughed at my attempts and pulled me down closer. “Stop that, you weigh nothing to me,” he assured. “I figured it’d be better if we didn’t get caught right before our big trip and—”
“And you don’t dare make out in my room now that you and my dad are buddies, right?” I finished for him, while part of me wondered just how far he wanted this night to go.
Even with Blake sneaking into my bedroom, we never went much past kissing. Blake would usually be the one to stop and insist on me getting some sleep. It’d become so much our routine that part of me began to wonder if maybe Blake just didn’t really find me all that attractive. What eighteen-year-old could really be that in control of himself? Maybe he was with me out of pity; he felt like he had to watch out for me still.
“Maybe,” he said with a grin, snapping me back to the present. I almost forgot what I’d even said to him, and his answer sent a shot of panic through me before I realized he couldn’t hear my internal freak out. Shifting a bit under my weight, he let my body fall on to the seat alongside him. He tucked his arm under my head, my face easily pillowed by his chest. “That better?”
“Yes, thank you.” I felt like I could breathe again. Being on top of Blake did weird things to me.
He leaned down, brushing my lips with his, and all my earlier fretting dissolved. My stomach dropped down into my toes, my insides tingling. I kissed him back, getting lost in how soft and warm his lips were. It amazed me that it didn’t matter how many times we’d kissed—it always left my head spinning, my insides craving more of him. His hands wrapped around me, pulling me tight against his warm body. Next thing I knew, I was halfway back on top of him.
Okay, this scenario is way worse than being in my room. At least there, the fear of getting caught kept things to a minimum. Cradled in Blake’s warm arms, completely alone, while his lips caressed my skin and lips filled me with the pang of desire. The intensity of the moment slightly terrified me, if I were being honest. This was uncharted territory for me, and being lost in the moment wasn’t exactly the time to grapple with where the line to stop should be.
One thing I did know, my dad expected me to have a ring on my finger before I gave ‘the goods’ away. That’s the line, I told myself as Blake’s hands slipped under my shirt, crawling their way up my back. I shivered, his touch like fire, brushing the goose bumps shooting across my skin. I couldn’t get enough air in; my head was spinning in an intoxicating fog.
When the tips of his fingers landed on my bra strap, I jumped, pulling back. Line crossed.
“Wait… I…” I stammered, my face flushing. In all the times he’d kissed me, he’d never tried to undress me. Did I admit to him the thought terrified and thrilled me at the same time? Maybe he really did want me after all.
Blake shifted back, readjusting the seat upright. With me sitting in his lap, he pulled me into a hug. “I’m sorry, Sam. I got a little carried away. I shouldn’t have done that.”
“No, it’s fine, really. I guess I shouldn’t be… embarrassed. You’ve probably done this with lots of girls,” I said, dreading him confirming my suspicions. My love life had been simply kissing Jeremy, and I suppose Mack, even though I didn’t remember it. That had been the extent of it for me. Or had it? I stifled a gasp from escaping me. I knew I was a virgin, but what about Sammy? I had no memory of what she did when she had the reins. My stomach felt sick at the thought.
“Sam, I’d be lying if I said I never kissed anyone else, but I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember. I guess the thought of you flashing through my head while being with someone else kept anything else from happening.” He pressed a soft kiss to the side of my mouth.
It was a shock to know he might be more like me in the physical department after all. I assumed he’d have gone all the way by now. As I stared at him, I let a small laugh escape me.
Blake’s brows rose. “What?” he asked.
“For so long, I thought what made me weird at school was the fact I’ve never,” I flushed, “well, you know. But I have a split personality and can sprout wings, so being a virgin seems pretty normal right about now.”
Blake chuckled. “Well, we have two of those three things in common. So you’re not that weird,” he teased.
My heart squeezed. For some reason, knowing Blake had never shared that part of himself with anyone else made me happy.
“I promise, I’ll try to control myself around you better,” he said, “Besides, hopefully, we won’t have to wait much longer.” He winked at me, and I could only stare at him.
“What do you mean?” I asked, leaning back a little so I could see his face better. I didn’t want to move that much; his body was warm. Even with the engine idling and the heater vents blowing, the Colorado chill clung to the windows.
“January twenty-eighth, right?” he asked, peering down at me.
“My birthday?” I asked, still not sure I knew what he was getting at. Did he think that when I turned eighteen, I’d be free to do whatever with him?
He grinned and ducked down to nestle his lips under my chin, kissing my neck. I sighed, my skin tingling where he touched.
“Maybe we should skip this weekend’s trip. I think I need to shovel a few more walks with your dad,” he said, stopping his butterfly kisses. He glanced up and met my gaze.
“What? No way! We’re going.”
“Alright. We better get you home then. Don’t want your dad mad at me,” he said, lifting me up easily and helping me across the center console. I didn’t want to leave his arms, but I knew he was right. It was late and time to get home. I angled the heater vents to hit me more directly, feeling the absence of his body.
I let the conversation slide around my birthday, even though I didn’t have the heart to tell Blake that just because I was eighteen didn’t mean my dad, or I, would be fine with me going all the way. Honestly, I secretly wondered if he meant something else. I hadn’t forgotten the conversation in my room when he said he wanted to make me his Mrs. Knightly. The thought of marrying Blake sent my head spinning in a thousand different directions, and my heart in only one. I wanted to be with Blake in every way—that much I was certain. How my parents would feel about their eighteen-year-old daughter getting married was another matter.
I glanced over at Blake. By the way his brow line lowered, I had a hunch he wasn’t thinking about marital vows right now. He seems nervous about bringing me back to Tonbo’s Island. I got the feeling there was something else he wasn’t telling me. Is it just his brother he’s worried about?