I stared at him as the implications of his words sank in. It wasn’t a far-fetched idea. If Sammy and Jocelyn were close, there was a chance Sammy told her about this part of her life too.
“When I changed into a damsel right before the Halloween dance, Jocelyn was fascinated by me, especially my wings. I was so scared she’d figure it out since she catches things pretty fast. It’s hard to get one past her.” I scrunched my eyebrows together. “I wonder how much Sammy had told her before. Did Joc make the connection that night? Realize what I’d become?”
“I don’t know,” Mack offered. “Maybe she’s waiting for you to say something?” I shrugged. “If she is, she doesn’t give me much chance. Most of the time, she rushes away as if I’m diseased. The last time, she accused me of taking a stupid book someone had given her. Like I’d steal a book from her in the first place. You should’ve seen the way she clutched it.”
Mack glanced over at me. “Who gave her a book?” “I have no idea. She wouldn’t say. She’s been acting so strange lately.”
“Well, maybe you should try talking to her again.”
“What do you suggest? I just show up with my wings and be like, surprise.”
“No.” He grinned. “Maybe something a bit more subtle. Like, I know you were good friends with Sammy. Mind if we talk about her?”
“I guess it’s worth a shot.” I sighed and bumped his shoulder with mine. “Thanks, Mack.”
He glanced over. “For what?”
“For listening to me. You don’t know how much that means to me.”
“Anytime, Samster,” he said giving my shoulder a bump back.
“You’re really not going to give up on that one, are you?”
“Nope.”
I giggled until a soft knock on the door made me stop. Mack jumped to his feet. His face flushed. Why’s he so embarrassed? We were just talking.
“You can come in,” I said, not sure if I should stand up or remain sitting. Mack was practically bounding to the door as it swung in.
Blake’s eyes widened at the sight of Mack in my room. Mack greeted him casually, but the way he ducked from the room and disappeared so fast left a different impression.
Thanks a lot, Mack. You just made it look like we were doing anything but talking.
Blake remained in the doorway, but his body turned as if he were getting ready to leave too. “Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt,” he said.
The way his expression fell made me panic. He’s getting the wrong idea here. I’d been so furious with him all night, but seeing the pain in his eyes stirred something inside me. I didn’t want to fight with Blake anymore; I just wanted him to understand where I was coming from. For him to acknowledge that my fears about Sammy could be true was important to me. We just need to talk.
I jumped to my feet. “You didn’t.” I tried to give him a reassuring smile. “I’m glad you came.”
He didn’t move. “You are?”
“Of course I am. Blake, I’m sorry,” I blurted, deciding the best way to begin this talk was with an apology. “I shouldn’t have blown up at you like that.”
His eyes lit up a bit, but he still didn’t move. Well, if he won’t come to me, I’ll go to him. As soon as I drew near, he reached out and took my hand.
“You have nothing to apologize for Sam. I’m the one who is sorry. I guess I didn’t realize how much Mack meant to you.”
“Mack?” I asked, taken back. “What are you talking about?”
Blake’s eyes trailed down the hall, where Mack had dashed away. “Sammy loved Mack, Mack loved Sammy. I guess I assumed that was the extent of it. But it’s obvious to me now you have feelings for Mack. At least on some level. And if you need time to decide things, I’ll give you some space. I’m sure it’s got to be confusing.”
My eyes widened. “You think that’s why I’m upset? That that’s why I want to tap into Sammy’s memories?”
He nodded, eyeing me as if he was afraid I’d erupt on him again. Instead, I pulled him into the room and shut the door.
“That’s not it at all,” I said, frustrated he still wasn’t getting it. “Sammy was in love with Mack, not me. I do care for Mack, but he’s more like a brother.”
He pulled me closer. I could feel my anger ebbing at his touch. Something about him always calmed me down.
“You sure?” he asked, “I’ve seen the way your eyes light up around him.”
They do? I shook it off and jabbed him in the chest with my finger, halfway serious, halfway playful. “That’s only because you keep making me scowl when I’m around you.”
His eyebrows shot up. “I don’t mean to. It’s just this whole thing with Jaxon; it’s not safe for you to see him, Sam.”
“I know it’s not safe for me to see him, but why won’t you even ask him questions for me?”
“I did.”
“Once. And you didn’t push for details.”
Blake considered me for a moment and then ran his hand across his mouth and chin. He sighed. “I don’t like bringing you up, Sam, because every time I do, the bug emerges. Jaxon can’t stop it. And then, all the progress we’ve made is gone.”
I stared at him, stunned. “Oh. Why didn’t you tell me that before? I don’t want to make it harder for him. I wouldn’t have kept pestering you to do it if I’d known.”
“I didn’t want to stress you out. I mean, telling your girlfriend that your brother’s still dying to rip her to shreds isn’t exactly on my top-ten list.” Blake tried to smile, but his words were too near to his heart, even saying them as a joke.
I threw my arms around him. “I wish you’d told me, Blake. I’m so sorry. I won’t pressure you about Jaxon anymore.”
“Thank you.” His voice was soft. I could feel his pain. He sat back a little, so he could look me in the eyes. “And I’m sorry I didn’t explain myself better before. I need to work on being more open with you.”
“Yes, you do.” I jabbed his chest again, this time with a smile. He grabbed my finger and pressed it to his lips.
“So, what was Mack doing here?” he asked, his lips lingering on my fingertip.
“He was trying to make good on his promise to help me sort out Sammy.” Not steal me away like you were thinking… At least, I don’t think he was.
“Good to know,” Blake said, leaning in to kiss my cheek, sending a little thrill through me. “I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions. I’m not usually a jealous guy, but you’ve made a mess of me.”
His lips were inches from mine, and even though my heartbeat had gone erratic just being in his arms, I still needed to explain my side to him. “Blake, wait,” I said, pressing my hand against his chest. “I need to talk to you about something.”
“Sure, what is it?”
His question didn’t feel defensive, so I dove in. “I need you to understand why knowing what Sammy has done, or might do, is so important to me.”
“Sam, I think I do,” His eyes softened. “I can only imagine how hard it is on you. The only reason I try to avoid her is to spare you more pain.”
“No,” I said, my voice firm. “You don’t understand. You may think you do, but you don’t.” I half expected him to say he was only doing what was best for me. How he was only trying to protect me.
Instead, he simply said, “Then help me understand, Sam.”
My heart warmed. I walked to my bed, leading him by the hand. When I sat down, he followed suit, pulling my hand into his lap.
“Okay, I’m listening,” he said, giving my hand a squeeze.
I took a deep breath and told him everything. Even down to how much I detested my new psychologist. It didn’t take too long and, true to his word, he listened without interrupting. When I was done unloading, I waited for him to respond.
I couldn’t understand the tension in his eyes until he said, “I didn’t know Jocelyn was being mean to you.” His expression softened. “That must be tough.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded. “It is, but mainly because it’s driving me crazy. Blake, I can’t describe it, but I know Sammy is up to something. I feel it in my gut. Until I know what it is… I’m scared. I’m scared I’ll wake up one day and not be me. That Sammy will win. She’ll be the one here, not me.”
Blake pulled me into his lap. “That’s not going to happen, Sam. I won’t let you disappear. If you feel Sammy has plans, we’ll figure out what she’s up to, and we’ll do it together.”
I glanced up at him. “Really? You believe me?
“Of course I do. I’m sorry I never gave you the chance to explain it all before. I guess I just got hung up on the idea of you seeing Jaxon being too dangerous. Then when Tonbo announced he could re-incarnate Sammy, all I could think was why on earth would we do that? She’s only caused pain when she’s around. I didn’t want you to experience more pain. You’ve had enough to last two lifetimes.”
He kissed my forehead. “Seeing how you were around Mack, and then you telling me you needed time to sort things out, I thought maybe you had other reasons for wanting to know more about Sammy. I thought you realized you really loved him more. I mean, you’ve known him your whole life. He’s been there for you when I wasn’t.”
I couldn’t bear to let him think I’d choose anyone over him. There was no question for me where my heart belonged. I answered him with a kiss, hoping to reassure him. He didn’t fight me, but deepened the kiss, pulling me tighter against him. I knew I’d have to come up for air, but in that moment, I didn’t care if I suffocated. All I wanted was him.
The desire shooting through my veins left me feeling disorientated. The firm grip of Blake’s hands on my back pulled me closer to him. My entire body felt airy—like it was no longer attached to anything but him. His touch was the only thing my mind registered.
Somewhere in our kissing, we’d lain down next to each other, him leaning over me, his lips making their way down my throat. One second, I was in pure bliss, and then the next, a strange panic ripped through me. I didn’t want him to go any further. Although we’d kissed plenty of times in my room, since Blake had always been the one to insist I get sleep, I’d gotten used to him being the guardrail against us going very far. Remembering the time in the car and feeling the urgency in his kiss now, I began to wonder how much of his self-control had been from being under my parents’ roof.
I pushed against his chest. He leaned back immediately, his eyes searching my face. All I could think was how unattached to my body I still felt, the floating sensation overwhelming me. “Blake,” I said, hating the out-of-body experience I was having. “I can’t… we can’t do this.”
“What? Kiss?” he asked.
“No, I mean. We can kiss, but it’s just… I feel really… strange.” I felt my face heat.
He grinned, his eyes dancing a bit. “Are you losing control of yourself?”
I knew he was teasing, but I was serious. “I don’t know. I’ve never felt like this before. I’m really dizzy. Can we just stop for a bit?”
His smile disappeared. “Of course. Are you okay? Sorry, I didn’t mean to push.”
“No, you didn’t. I’m just feeling weird tonight, that’s all.” I tried to sit up, but I swayed to the side instead, falling back to the bed.
“Sam, are you okay?” he asked.
“I think so.” I actually wasn’t so sure. What I thought was mere hormones had turned into a very bad case of vertigo. Or worse, could it be Sammy trying to take over?
Blake scooped me up into his arms and leaned against the headboard. “No more kissing, I promise. Why don’t you try to fall asleep?”
I let my head fall onto his chest, loving how his fingers felt stroking my hair back. “Thank you,” I whispered. “I’m sorry I’m lousy company tonight.”
He chuckled. “There’s nothing else I’d rather be doing. Just try to relax. It’s been a very long day. I’m sure with some sleep that you’ll feel a lot better.”
As I listened to his reassurance, I wondered if it wasn’t for himself as well. Neither one of us had to say it. We were both afraid that if I had passed out, Sammy would be there.