“You know, James Braid was really on to something when he developed hypnosis,” Tonbo stated, settling into a chair placed near the sofa I was sprawled on.
When we’d gotten back to City, we first showed Tonbo what we’d found at Otto’s office. Even with the papers in his hand, he had a hard time believing the ancients would willingly join forces with Kory. Seeing how agitated he’d become, Blake told him he’d changed his mind about tapping into Sammy’s memories. That news had Tonbo practically bouncing on his toes with excitement.
Tonbo had insisted that we be left alone. He felt Blake and Mack hovering over me would be too much of a distraction. I needed to be able to relax fully for this to work. Tonbo had informed us there might be a way to do it without any drugs involved. Everyone had agreed to give it a try first before sedating me.
“You see, Braid knew there was something about the eyes,” Tonbo continued. I knew I was in for a bit of a history lesson. Maybe that’s how it works; he lulls me to sleep with a lecture. I stifled a grin. Truthfully, I didn’t mind.
“There may be more to the eyes being windows to the soul then you realize, Samantha,” he said in a hushed tone, like we were discussing a secret. “Braid would use a very bright object, hang it slightly above his subject’s head, and then ask them to keep their eyes fixated on the object. Naturally, as they did, their pupils would at first constrict. It’s bright. But as they studied it more, their pupil would dilate, and then constrict, and then dilate. Forming a beautiful wave of movement. Then, with his other hand, he’d move two fingers toward the subject’s eyelids.” Tonbo demonstrated, bringing his fore and middle fingers close to my face.
Not having a bright object for me to study, I wasn’t sure if he expected this to work on me too.
“At this, the subject’s eyes would shut and the deep sleep would begin. Amazing considering he developed this so long ago,” Tonbo said, not seeming bothered that my eyes were still wide open.
“The eyes,” he continued, leaning back into his chair, “take in everything around us. Details we aren’t even aware of are gathered, processed, and stored. The interesting thing for you is that even when Sammy is in charge, your eyes are still gathering that information. Tucking it away, storing it. You may not recall it, but it’s still there, buried in your subconscious.”
“That’s what my therapist kept telling me,” I grumbled, remembering the sessions I’d rather forget. “It’s just frustrating because most of us don’t have ready access to our subconscious, but they all act like I should.”
“They mean well, Samantha, but you are quite right. Tapping into the subconscious is tricky business. And with you having two tenants in that mind of yours, your brain has its work cut out for it,” he added with a wink. “But as you’re already experienced with the sensations of déjà vu and from what Blake said, recognizing Otto’s very office, your mind is trying very hard to call it up. Or,” he added with a shrug, “Sammy really wants you to know.”
I stared at him, my eyebrows lifting. “You think Sammy might not be the bad guy here?”
Tonbo hiked his bony shoulders up until they almost reached his ears. I had to suppress the urge to laugh. He always reminded me of a little munchkin, and that movement didn’t help the impression. Then his eyes widened as he gazed back at me. Staring into their blackness, taken in once more by the silver streaking through them, I remembered how hypnotizing he could be.
Maybe that’s his method. He just says, Stare into my eyes. I think it’d work. Should I tell him?
“I’m not sure at this point, truthfully,” he said, his somber tone chasing away my earlier facetiousness. “You know, I’ve learned a few things in my long years of life, Samantha. Never take something or someone for granted, never take something at face value, and never underestimate your enemy.” He grinned. “And never forget to floss.”
I smiled. “You do have nice teeth for your age.”
He grinned back at me. “Thank you.” He rubbed his hands together briskly. “Now, shall we get down to business? Time to find out what sweet, dear Sammy had to do with all of this.”
“Sure,” I said woodenly. I’d never longed to know something so much, while dreading its outcome at the same time. Wait, I take that back. I’ve felt this way before. The time Blake had begged me to listen to his side of the story when I was convinced he was my kidnapper. The time Mack had finally unveiled the truth, and I hung on to every terrifying word coming out of his mouth. This anxious pit in my stomach, I know all too well.
Since Tonbo continued to frisk his hands together, I began to wonder if that was his weird method of hypnosis. It was pretty captivating how much noise those little hands could make.
“Samantha, we aren’t going to try hypnosis today,” he announced, shattering my concentration.
“But…” I stuttered, “I thought that’s what we agreed to try first.” Fear crept in. Was getting me alone all a ruse so Tonbo could do what the heck he wanted with me? I knew I should give him some credit, but at this point, I was having a hard time trusting anyone, myself included.
Tonbo raised his hand. “Now, now, calm down, my dear. I’m not going to inject you or bring Sammy back. What I should have said is that I have a slightly different method I would like to use. Like I said earlier, Braid was on to something with the eyes. Have you heard of R.E.M., Samantha?”
“Uh, like the old music group?” I asked, trying to settle back down on the couch. My nerves were still fired up. I hated being so paranoid, but the last year of my life had proven to be a rough ride of never knowing, always fearing, and then discovering the worst.
Tonbo cocked his head to the side. “What? Oh no, not them. R.E.M. stands for rapid eye movement. Without boring you with too many details, I’ll give you the skinny on it. During sleep, you go through things called R.E.M. cycles. During which time your eyes actually move rapidly back and forth. Hence the term. It’s hypothesized that during such sleep phases, your memories are consolidated. Organized—tucked together if you will. There are theories saying the memories or information that’s most relevant are strengthened and the ones deemed weaker, or less important, begin to disintegrate.”
“Oh,” I said, not quite sure what he was getting at. “So you want to put me to sleep and see if my memories open up while I’m in R.E.M.?”
“Very good. Yes, exactly.” He grinned, and then added, “Well, not exactly. You don’t have to be asleep. Just relaxed. I’m going to simulate R.E.M. by having you follow this ball.”
He held up a long wand with what looked like a red marble at the end. With one flick of his wrist, the wand proved to be much more bendable than it appeared to be. It sent the ball flying back and forth, the marble becoming a red blur.
“You just have to track the ball with your eyes.”
“Um, that’s impossible. It’s going way too fast. I can’t even see the ball anymore.”
“Even if your physical eye can’t follow it, your subconscious mind will.” He leaned in closer. “Just sit back, let your body fall into the couch. Relax and take a deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth.” I tried to listen, I really did, but this was just getting bizarre. How do you relax when a wand with a ball is being whirled in your face? I could barely look at it without nausea threatening my stomach.
Tonbo kept the wand moving nonetheless. His tone took on a deeper timbre. “I want you to let your mind wander while you keep your eyes on the ball.”
I wanted to argue again that he asked the impossible, but I held my tongue. I needed this to work, so I tried to comply. Let my mind wander… to where? I tried to think of a safe place.
Ironically, that was what he said next. “Picture a place you feel warm, secure, and happy.”
Blake’s body wrapped around mine filled my mind, flooding my body with heat. Embarrassed by my own awakened desires, I tried to think of anything else. I can’t daydream about Blake in front of Tonbo!
I tried to rack my brain for a new image.
Tonbo continued. “It can be anywhere. A place you’ve never been perhaps. But maybe only dreamed of.”
Okay, I can do that. I pictured a warm, sandy beach. Gosh, can I get anymore cliché? Oh well. Don’t have to win the imagination prize here… just play along.
I blinked my eyes rapidly, trying to lubricate them. Watching the blurry wand was drying them out.
“Good, good,” Tonbo said. “Let your eyes do the work as you find your safe place. Where is it?”
Good thing it’s not Blake’s body anymore. “The beach.”
“Wonderful. Describe it to me. Is it a rocky beach?”
“No, sandy. Lots of sand.”
“Wonderful. Describe the water to me. Is it the ocean you’re near? Are you lying on the sand? Are the waves calm right now?”
Better get answering before he gives me too many questions to remember. I wanted to close my eyes, to let my imagination take over more, but I knew I had to track the wand.
“It’s a beach at the ocean,” I said, “And yes, I’m lying in the sand.” My face flushed as Blake’s body was suddenly there, sidling up next to me, pulling me toward his naked chest. Crap.
“I’m alone,” I lied, trying to force him to go away. The image of him in my mind cocked an eyebrow at me before vanishing from view. I glanced around, trying to take in more details of the beach, not wanting Blake’s appearance to ruin the scene I was trying to create. “The tide is low. The waves are calm right now. I can see seaweed left behind. There are a lot of seashells scattered around.” The details were coming surprisingly easy now.
“Excellent. How does the air smell to you?” he asked.
I inhaled reflexively, as if I could really smell it. “Salty. Like seaweed… and fish.”
“Are you next to the seaweed?”
Funny he should ask that because I was. “Yeah, I’m playing with it. It’s slippery and slimy.” I was surprised to hear my own giggle. “It’s fun to play with.”
In my peripheral, I saw Tonbo nod. I kept my eyes fastened on the whirling, red ball.
“How does the water feel to your feet?” he asked.
How does he know I’m near the water now? I wondered as I felt my own feet sinking down into the warm, wet sand.
“It’s cold, compared to the sand, but I like it. It tickles my toes as it comes up and down. It’s pretty cold on my legs though.”
“So you’ve entered the water? How far out are you?”
With each question, I immediately saw myself there. I’m in the water, I don’t have my life jacket on… and my feet aren’t touching anymore. Panic gripped me. Isn’t this my warm, safe place? What am I doing out here?
“I’m too far out,” I whispered. “The beach dropped off too fast. I can’t touch.” With each word, the octave of my voice raised higher.
“It’s okay. Samantha, this is your safe place, remember? You don’t have to be afraid of the waves. They can’t hurt you.”
“Waves?” I asked. My voice sounded strange to myself.
With the mere mention of the word, a rolling wave lifted me up higher and higher. I was carried on it, driven toward the beach with a frightening speed. I felt it crumble below my body as it met the shoreline head on. Sprawling downward, I smacked into the sand with hardly enough time to draw a breath before something was pulling me back again. Back toward the now-tumultuous waters. I was sucked into its undercurrent. I thrashed, clawing at the shore for something to grab. “No, no, no,” I begged. “I don’t want to go back!”
“Samantha, what’s happening? Are you in the water still? Go back where?”
“The ocean, it’s got me! It won’t let go! I can’t get away.” The words rushed out. I knew logically that I wasn’t there, but every part of me screamed I was. I wanted to break my concentration on the wand, I wanted the nightmare to end, but Tonbo kept on flicking it back and forth. Back and forth. I blinked, sucking in air, trying not to go under the water again.
“What’s in the ocean you’re so afraid of? Nothing can harm you there.”
“I’m going to drown! I can’t breathe!” I shouted back at him. What a dumb question!
“Are you under the water now?” he asked, his voice still calm. Obviously not minding I’d just yelled at him.
I was angered by his question, and my body was pulled under again. This time, I didn’t come up. The blackness of the water surrounded me, pressing in. This is it. I’m going to die! I can’t get out. I can’t breathe!
“Samantha, if you are under the water, you don’t need to be afraid. Nothing can harm you, remember? These are only memories. Memories tucked deeply in your mind. Now let your mind show you what happened next. Are your eyes open?”
I wanted to scream. If these are just memories, why do my lungs burn so bad? Instead, I tried to believe him. I forced myself to gulp in air, shocked it wasn’t ocean water filling my lungs.
Slightly pacified, I answered his question, “Yes, I’m under the water… I don’t see anything around me. It’s just black. Cold and black.” Something within me stirred as a strange peace settled over me. It warmed my core, surrounding me, holding me, chasing the fear away.
“She’s here.” My own words sent goose bumps shooting down my arms.
“She?” he gently asked.
“She’s come to save me,” I whimpered as tears sprung to my eyes. “She’s not going to let me die. She can’t. She’s my savior. She will always save me.”
“Is she saving you now?”
I searched the water, desperate to see her, but it was still just me. I closed my eyes, not wanting to see more, but then something grabbed my waist. The pressure on my hips made me want to scream. I withstood the temptation, knowing it would mean immediate death. As I held my breath longer, my lungs immediately protested. Wait, part of me reasoned, didn’t Tonbo just tell me these were memories? I can breathe just fine.
But my body refused to comply. Instead, my mind screamed at me, I’m a survivor! I will save her! My eyes flew open with new resolve. Nothing but dark water surrounded me, but the hold around my middle didn’t let up. I don’t understand it.
“Something has me,” I said breathlessly. The panic and fear from earlier had waned. Which makes no sense, I’m still underwater… I felt a strength within I didn’t before. Cautiously, I reached down, wanting to know what held me. I stifled a gasp, shocked to feel a pair of hands.
“What is it? What do you see now?” Tonbo asked, his voice sounding like it was coming through a long tunnel.
“I don’t know. I can’t see anything. But I feel… someone.” My words trailed off as I allowed my hands to travel up the ones holding me to find two arms and a pair of naked shoulders. Maybe I’m hallucinating. Maybe it’s an angel of sorts. I skimmed up the neck, feeling the features. It feels so human. A faceless face. How is any of this possible? Maybe I really have died. Maybe this is what heaven feels like. The aching burn in my lungs let me know I was holding my breath again. That can’t be right, can it?
The thing that held me didn’t wait any longer, pulling me into it. Feeling a lean, muscular body, I knew it was a boy holding me. Now whether a human boy or an angel, I was still not sure. I didn’t have time to process it more because he propelled us upward toward the surface with such an insane speed that I shuddered, my body feeling like it had collapsed on itself. I couldn’t keep my eyes open. Ducking my head into the invisible chest, I blacked out, convinced an angel had just saved me.
I gasped, this time for real. Only then did I realize the wand was no longer in front of me. My body felt too heavy to move, but I managed a glance at Tonbo. He smiled back at me.
Understanding trickled through me, and I wanted to ask so many questions. I knew who the invisible boy in the water was. This was the part of the story I’d always been missing. The part where Blake first entered my life.
Tonbo reached over, placing a hand on my shoulder. “You, my friend, just experienced Sammy’s first memory.”