Sneaking into Jaxon’s compound proved to be a little tricky. After Blake informed me there were air sensors surrounding the short fence that would go off if we flew through them, I was glad I hadn’t tried to the last time I’d been here. I’d been lucky the delivery boys had shown up when they had.
Which was why I was now waving at the gatekeeper, wearing cargo shorts and carrying a large box. I’d impressed myself with fabricating from memory; I was one of the guys I’d seen before. Kate and Blake remained in camo, silently following me.
As soon as the double doors shut behind us, Blake whispered. “Change back. I can’t handle you being a dude anymore.”
Five seconds later, I was me again and back in camo.
Blake’s fingers wrapped around mine. “I wasn’t about to hold your hand while you looked like Fabio.”
I giggled. “Yeah, that would have been weird for me too.”
The building wasn’t large, and it didn’t take us long to wind back to where Jaxon’s holding cell was. As we got nearer, I could hear Blake’s breathing speed up.
“Kate, what exactly happens now?” he asked.
To my surprise, she appeared before us holding a syringe with a bright yellow label on it. Glancing around and seeing the coast was clear, I opted to become visible too. Blake sighed and did the same.
“An EpiPen?” he asked, frowning. “Pretty sure that’s the last thing Jaxon needs right now.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. When Tonbo created the bugs, he pumped them full of epinephrine, but not enough norepinephrine. So when Sammy altered the serum, she added more.”
“I don’t understand,” I interrupted. “What’s the difference?”
“Well epinephrine, or adrenaline, whichever you want to call it, targets the blood vessels and the heart, leading to the constriction of certain blood ways and the opening of others, all in order for your body to have the fight-or-flight response to stress. Your heart will be beat faster, your lungs get more air, etc…” Kate’s words came out fast.
I nodded along; I knew how an adrenaline spike felt all too well. I was having one right now. Felt like all my blood was in my heart, leaving my fingers, toes, and the tip of my nose cold and numb.
“Norepinephrine stimulates the heart too, but it also acts as a neurotransmitter. Which basically means it arouses the brain. Making you more alert. Spikes the reward centers. Adding the extra norepinephrine to the serum makes it so the Defenders can be reasoned with, which in turn, helps them control their appetites more.”
“So if Jaxon got that same formula, why isn’t it working on him? Why does he need more adrenaline?” Blake asked, pointing at the EpiPen.
“It is working, but not all the way. Jaxon’s is being suppressed.”
Blake just stared at her.
“Your brother’s on Prozac,” she explained. “Or some other anti-anxiety medicine. Who knows which one, but all he needs is a little jump start.”
“How do we know it won’t make him worse?” he cut in. “Tonbo said Jaxon would only have control when he was relaxed, not shooting up adrenaline.”
“Of course Tonbo would say that! When are you going to get it through your head? Tonbo doesn’t want Jaxon to get better!” Kate shouted back at him.
I winced. Someone might hear us! What’s she thinking?
Turned out that someone did. There was a loud crashing sound from the other side of Jaxon’s door. It was followed by a horrible wail.
“Jaxon!” Blake didn’t hesitate. He punched the code into the door lock and bolted inside. When Kate dashed in after him, I steeled myself for the worst and followed after. If Kate’s wrong, this could get ugly fast.
It took my mind a second to register that no one else was in the room attacking Jaxon. The noise we’d heard must have been when Jaxon transformed. I’d never been in here before to know if the bed was usually flipped on its side, with the bedding sprawled across the floor, or if it was just when the bug took over. Next to the torn-up bed, an IV bag hung from a pole, the lines still dancing around from where Jaxon must have just ripped them out.
Blake was in his face, pushing back on his barrel, scare-ridden chest. “Just calm down, Jaxon. We’re here to help you.”
Kate glanced at me, giving me a subtle nod as she tucked the EpiPen behind her back. I knew then why she’d gone to so much trouble to bust me out of Kory’s holding cell and have me here. She needed a distraction to get close enough to inject Jaxon, and I was the perfect bait.
Well, I swallowed hard. Here goes nothing. I took a step further into the room.
The bug’s neck snapped toward me. He let out a roar of triumph, spitting as he spoke. “Finally! You’re here! My witch friend.” His corded wings spanned as he charged forward, taking Blake along with him.
To my shock, Blake didn’t try to put him in a chokehold. He only remained between the bug and me, his hands pushing hard against his chest.
“Jaxon, stop! We can help you,” Blake pleaded.
“I’m here,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady as Kate maneuvered at my side. She was trying to get out and around Jaxon. “And I can tell you what you want to know.”
The bug stopped advancing abruptly a few feet in front of me, Blake still planted between us. Kate froze at the bug’s side. So far, he’d paid her no mind, but that could change at any moment. I needed to draw him closer, give her a chance to get him from behind. Should be easy enough since his eyes were fastened on me. Those horrible black holes—so dead that no light would even reflect off them.
“I know what’s happening to you now, why you feel different,” I said, taking a step toward him.
The bug greedily matched my movement, closing the gap between us, just as Kate slipped behind him unnoticed. The bug tried to swipe Blake out of his way, but Blake’s grip was iron as he wrapped his brother up in his arms. “Now, Kate!”
She didn’t need to be told twice, lunging forward and crashing into the backside of him. The horrible wail that followed let us all know she hit her mark. Jaxon collapsed at my feet, convulsing, screaming, and looking like death itself.
Blake dropped down to his brother, trying to gather him up to keep his head from smacking against the floor. “I thought this was supposed to help him!”
“It will,” Kate yelled to be heard over Jaxon’s horrific sounds. “Just give it a second. He’s been half alive for too long.”
If the bug version of Jaxon was only half alive, I’d hate to see what Kate thought was whole. Seeing how badly he was seizing, panic shot through me. Had we put our faith in the wrong person? Why had I trusted Kate, of all people, over Tonbo in the first place? I trusted Kate over Blake, for crying out loud! No wonder Blake had been at her throat the whole time.
Amidst Blake swearing and shooting accusations at Kate, the bug stopped shaking in his brother’s arms as his eyes rolled shut. Unlike last time when Mack had given him a tranq, Jaxon did not reappear. The enormous, grotesque bug form remained. Motionless.
Oh my gosh! What did we do? I dropped down next to Blake as he shook the bug’s broad shoulder.
“Jaxon? Can you hear me? Come on, big brother! I need you to pull through this.”
Nothing. Blake dropped down to check for vitals. He rocked back, his eyes glaring. “He has no pulse. What the hell did you do to him, Kate?”
Kate backed up. “I swear, it should have worked! Blake, I didn’t mean to hurt him! He should have…” Her words faded as her gaze shifted to the bug.
Glancing down to meet the black eyes staring back up at me, I yelped, making Blake jump. The bug bolted to his feet, leaving Blake and me on the ground, staring in disbelief.
The bug lumbered toward Kate, looking half drunk in his movements. “What did you do?” he slurred as Kate backed up fast. “What’s happening to me?”
Blake and I were immediately on our feet.
“She didn’t do it, I did, Jaxon,” I blurted, and Blake grimaced. At this point, I think he’d be glad to have Kate take the fall for this. Especially if the bug decided to get violent.
The bug stopped and riveted his eyes on me. In an instant, he had me in his arms. Blake tried to intercede, but I waved him off. We could go round and round in circles all night with Blake trying to hold his brother at bay.
“We have unfinished business, you and I,” I said firmly, acting as if his crushing hold didn’t terrify me. “Now, listen. We don’t have a lot of time. Jaxon, if you can hear me, listen in too. What I did healed you both. You and the bug can coexist. You don’t need to keep fighting one another.” The words tumbled out, almost feeling like they weren’t my own. If I didn’t know any better…
“No, no, no,” the bug complained. “You made us weaker! You made us… feel again. I don’t like it!” he growled, and yet, his hold didn’t tighten.
“I gave you a conscience. I reminded you that you’re still part human, not just a monster,” I snapped back, surprising myself at the force behind my words.
The bug reared his head back a bit. “Why ruin what I was?”
“Because you’re miserable! Because it’s never enough for you! No matter how many hunts, how many lives you take, it’s never enough. Even me. You know deep down your obsession with me was only a fleeting thing. Once I was gone, what would you have to live for? You have no purpose. No family. Nothing!”
Was I really saying these things? What had come over me?
The black eyes stared hard at me. “How can I want to kill and protect something at the same time? It makes no sense. Why… why did you change me?”
“I just told you. Now you have to decide if you want to find true happiness or if you’d rather continue for centuries with an emptiness inside that terrifies you. Lie all you want to us, but I know the truth. I know what it’s like to be half a person. A shell of what you could be. Stop fighting who you really are. Let Jaxon be a part of you. Let him influence your decisions. You will be happier and stronger if you do.”
“Sammy?” Blake whispered, drawing closer but not interceding. As much as I wanted to glance over at him, reassure him it was still me, I didn’t want to break eye contact with Jaxon. It was too critical that the bug understand this.
Yet the way he said, ‘Sammy’, sent goose bumps crawling down my arms. The words I’d just told Jaxon felt so confident, so full of truth, and yet… I had never even considered the bug’s happiness coming in here. But as I said the words, I knew they were the right thing to say. How would I know that?
I’m still me, right? I can’t be both people, can I? For half a second, I racked my brain, trying to conjure up memories with Mack. I had to know which ones came to mind. Would I see things only Sammy knew? Memories flashed, but only the ones I’d seen during Tonbo’s therapy and my own version of history. Nothing new flew across my mind’s stage. I tried to picture Jocelyn, and once more, I had the same result. How can I know?
I had no idea how long the bug held me, both of us staring hard at one another. Strangely, the advice I’d just given him was the exact thoughts buzzing through my mind now. Was it possible I’d somehow finally let Sammy in now? Was I capable of that? Were we now one… like I told the bug to be with Jaxon?
Kate touched my shoulder and I jumped, realizing then the bug had released me. Yet, I couldn’t look away from those black eyes. I was too scared to face Kate or Blake. Whose memories would I see? What version of me was I?
The bug nodded back at me. “You feel it too, don’t you?” he asked. “The confusion, the temporary loss of self.” The bug’s shoulders relaxed, his wings falling to his sides.
My mind was spinning in a hundred different directions, thoughts shouting at me that weren’t there before. Foreign thoughts. It’s okay. Relax, Sam. We’ll get through this.
I shuddered. Sammy? Is that really you? I heard nothing back. Okay, I’ve lost it. I’m officially crazy. Maybe I need Dr. Killian after all!
I felt Blake holding my hand, and Kate tugging on my shoulders.
“Come on,”
“We’ve got to!”
“Sam?”
“Sam, are you okay?”
I ignored them, unable to look away from those black eyes. There was something in the dead, yawning holes that hadn’t been there moments before.
A light danced off Jaxon’s pupils. I clung to it as if it was my last hope.