Agent Umber had no good answers for any of the chief’s questions.

“I . . . uh . . . erh . . . ah . . . ”

The chief pulled Umber out from under the desk. He sat Umber in the desk chair and gently took the GUM recorder out of his hand.

“I believe I have recorded some alien activity in your office and saved you, sir.”

“Shhhhh,” said the chief. He squeezed the GUM pack in one hand and instantly crushed it into a pile of wires and twisted metal.

“But that was the recording, Chief,” said Umber.

“Agent Umber,” said the chief. “You have been a great help to me. And you don’t even–”

Umber’s Picklephone® started yodeling again.

“Please make that stop,” said the chief.

Umber pulled out his Picklephone® and slapped it. The phone stopped yodeling and started blinking a red light. Umber put the Picklephone® in his shirt pocket.

“Got it, Chief. Now, let’s track down those aliens.”

The chief stared at Umber and shook his head. “Umber, Umber, Umber. As I was saying–you don’t know what a great help you’ve been to me. So before I destroy you, I thought I should at least tell you what it is you’ve helped me with.”

“I really did think those Little Red Riding Hoods could have been aliens, Chief. And those pizza guys? Still possible. And–”

“Agent Umber?”

“Yes, Chief?”

“I’m talking.”

“Yes, Chief.”

“And I am telling you that you don’t have to worry about aliens anymore, because I AM THE ALIEN!”

The chief punched both fists into the air.

For a split second his entire human shape wavered in the air.

The AEW monitor spiked off the screen.

Agent Umber jumped from the chair, opened his mouth in speechless surprise, and backed away.

“Wha . . . wha . . . what?” stammered Umber.

The chief laughed a crazy evil-genius laugh just like crazy evil geniuses laugh in cartoons. He punched a button on his control board, and the wall screen lit up with a complete diagram of the chief’s evil plan. He happily continued his explanation.

“Yes, I am an alien from the planet SPHDZ. I’ve been hiding in plain sight as the chief of this sorry AAA for years. I finally found three SPHDZ and their Earth-person friends who were smart enough to gather a three point one four million and one Brainwave for me. I have downloaded it into the Containment Globe. And now will use it to bllrrp planet Gonf!”

“What does ‘bllrrp planet Gonf’ mean?”

“It means the planet Gonf will be completely covered. Every living thing will be snuffed out. And Gonf will become the most perfect, the most beautiful, the most expensive-in-the-whole-universe . . . I forget your Earth-language name for it . . . oh, yes . . . parking lot!”

“No!” said Agent Umber.

“Yes,” said the chief. “That has been the plan for the Brainwave all along. And I could not have done it without you helping by messing up every AEW investigation.”

“No,” said Umber, refusing to believe that the chief of the AAA could be an evil alien, refusing to believe his world had just been turned completely upside down, inside out, and frontside backward.

“Yes,” said the chief. “And I could have done this so much sooner if your dad hadn’t been such a problem. But I took care of him. And now there are only two small details that can stop me. One is that SPHDZ-helping kid. The other is you. Good-bye, Agent Umber.”

“No, no, no,” said Umber. He grabbed his head in both hands and stumbled backward.

The chief raised his AAA stapler and fired just as Umber bumped the portrait of J. Edgar Hoover right on the nose.

The secret wall spun open and Umber tumbled out into the hall. The stapler/ray gun blast aimed at Umber’s head missed, and exploded every can of soda inside the Coke machine instead.

Umber scrambled to his feet. He slipped on the Coke-covered floor. He grabbed the edge of a file cabinet and accidentally pulled it over, jamming the spinning secret wall and trapping the chief’s arm.

“UMBER!” yelled the chief, or the evil Spaceheadz or whatever he was. “UMMMMMMBERRRRRRRR!!!” He fired blind stapler blasts up and down the hall.

The hands on the AAA clocks in the hallway spun wildly.

Umber jumped up from the puddle of Coke and ran.

He ran right, down the hall a bit, left, right, straight, right, left, left, right, another right, left, left, right, left, through a door, over a dropped meatball sub, and out a scuffed-up white door into a world that had completely changed for Agent Umber.