room table, Nicole surrounded herself with the array of book cover samples, each one a visual interpretation of what this book meant to her. What her grandmother meant to her. Floating in thought, her fingers traced the embossed details, eyes wandering over the diverse choices that lay scattered across the table. Memories of Ms. Ely resonated in the background as Nicole wrote and photographed each recipe, the book absorbing the essence of the dedication to her grandmother. In quiet moments of contemplation, it was as if Ms. Ely sat beside her, offering insight and encouragement. Lost in the beauty of possibilities laid out before her, the artistic interpretation of her vision mirrored the soul of her work. Nicole found herself drawn to a particular cover that seemed to encapsulate the very essence of Ms. Ely. The design was a tribute, capturing the essence of the woman who shaped her world. As she gazed at the cover, she could almost hear her grandmother’s laughter echoing through generations, the image becoming a portal to the shared stories about food that connected them.
Based on her work as a food stylist, she knew there was an audience for her grandmother’s recipes. The younger generations wanted recipes and food like their grandmothers made when they were young. Her audience were people her parents’ age who knew good food but didn’t have family recipes to pass down to their own children and grandchildren. Her audience were chefs who were driven by a desire to transcend tradition and carve out their own culinary identities, reimagining age-old recipes in modern, innovative ways. It was Nicole’s audience for her book that drove her to finish this labor of love. She refused to postpone the launch. She would work tirelessly to get it done.
Nicole pushed herself away from the table after several hours of working, her muscles tense from sitting all day. She checked her phone and only found a message from Edward. As the evening wore on, it became increasingly clear that tonight, above all nights, was not the one she wanted to confront everyone, especially Edward. Her yearning for Cameron lingered in the air, the echoes of her own company feeling more pronounced, accentuating the emptiness of her space that was often occupied by Cameron. The solitude pressed against her. The longing for Cameron created a tender ache, urging her to seek sleep. Nicole wished sleep would bring her solace to the loneliness that lingered in her heart for him.
Nicole walked into her bathroom, stripped off her clothes, and examined herself in the mirror. Dark circles ringed her eyes, likely due to lack of sleep. However, she had lost some weight, but her muscles were toned. Nicole ran her right hand along her left shoulder, softly caressing her skin, drawing feather-like circles over the middle of her neck, slowly moving down between her breasts. Eyes closed, she imagined Cameron touching her. His touch brought relaxation, satisfaction. His touch was warm and sensual, melting her insides whenever he touched her. The ache of missing Cameron manifested in the tender vulnerability of her tears, each one a testament to the depth of connection she had. Nicole's tears carried the tale of her fairytale love, separation, and a pain that only time and the hope of a reunion could mend.
Once in the shower, Nicole let the hot water pound on her back, slowly releasing the tightness she felt in her neck and shoulders. Turning her body to allow the water to stream down the front of her chest and stomach, Nicole grabbed her favorite body sponge and pumped the magnolia scented body wash onto it. Using her hands to lather the body sponge, she brushed small, then large strokes up and down her skin, all the while the water was still streaming down her body. Nicole scrubbed her entire body until the body wash no longer lathered her skin. She then rinsed off and took her oversized plush towel to dry off. In her tired state, she chose a pair of old gray cotton shorts and a tank top to wear. Feeling a slight chill overcome her body, she found one of Cameron’s sweatshirts and pulled it over her head and through her arms. It smelled of him. She sniffed his cologne embedded in the fabric and wrapped her arms around herself, dreaming it was Cameron. Each step to Nicole’s room carried a weight, as if the air itself held the residue of the emotions she carried. Consumed by thoughts of him, she curled up into a ball on her bed. She lay in that position for a while, envisioning Cameron next to her.
Nicole must have dozed off. The next thing she knew, her phone was ringing. Levi!
“Hello,” Nicole said in a low, sleepy voice.
“Hey, sis, are you home? Are you sleeping?”
Nicole yawned into the phone, then said, “Yes, I’m home. I was just taking a nap.”
“Are you alone?” Levi asked, wanting to be sure he interrupted nothing.
“Yes, I’m alone. What’s up?”
“Checking in. Can I come over?”
“You can come by.”
“I’m on my way. And I’m hungry,” Levi said with a chuckle.
It was 7:30. Nicole had slept for three hours. She got up and walked into her kitchen. Despite not having been to the store for days, she planned cooking a light meal for her and Levi was a great idea. When she didn’t find a combination of ingredients to make a meal, she decided.
“Food delivery it is,” Nicole said out loud.
Flipping through her utility drawer, she pulled out some menus from her favorite local restaurants. Knowing she was ordering for her and Levi, she had to keep his tastes in mind. Having a taste for hummus and pita bread with a nice crunchy salad, Nicole decided on the Mediterranean. Now sitting on her living room couch channel surfing for something to watch, she caught a story about firefighters, how hard they work, and the dangers of the job. She knew Cameron’s job was dangerous. The risk of equipment malfunction, explosions, structural collapse and burn injuries were on the short list. Overwhelm settled in as Nicole grappled with countless thoughts. She didn’t think about how dangerous Cameron’s job was. Without warning, a floodgate of emotion within her, tears began streaming down her cheeks, this feeling sudden and unanticipated. Cameron was in danger each time he went on a call. Tyler entered her stream of thoughts, mourning how hazardous his job was. So much so, he was killed while on duty.
Just as Nicole pulled herself together, she heard Levi pull up. Nicole opened the door, then sat back on the couch.
“What’s wrong?” Levi asked, rushing to her side.
Overwhelmed with emotion, Nicole couldn’t speak. She just pointed to her television.
“What show were you watching?” Levi asked, holding his sister in a tight hug.
“That show. Cameron’s job is dangerous,” Nicole revealed, wiping her tears on Levi’s shirt.
Nicole turned to face her brother, only to fall into his arms again, unable to release him for fear of falling to the floor. Levi hugged her tight until she stopped crying.
“Have you spoken to Cameron?” Levi asked in a whisper.
“No.”
“Don’t you think you should?”
“No, he has my number, too.” Nicole was not going to be the first one to make a move.
“Does he know how you feel?” Levi wanted to support his sister, but he knew she was miserable.
Nicole lacked clarity about her emotions. “How do I feel, Levi?”
“It looks like love to me.” Levi pulled away from his sister to look at her.
Nicole rolled her eyes and stepped away from her brother. The doorbell rang.
“I ordered food. Can you get that?” Nicole asked as she ran into the bathroom.
Levi opened the door to find the food sitting by the door.
“What did you order for us?” Levi asked, carrying the food into the kitchen.
“Mediterranean,” Nicole yelled from the bathroom.
“Yum! I feel like hummus and pita chips,” Levi said, eagerly emptying the bags onto the counter.
Nicole and Levi set their food up on the living room coffee table in front of the turned off television. She caught him up on the progress of her recipe book. Levi made Nicole laugh, feel normal for a short while.
By the time Levi left, Nicole was exhausted. Spending time with Levi always made her feel better. After brushing her teeth and loosening her ponytail, Nicole got into her bed, then reached for her phone to play her calming app. Relishing the sounds of waves on the beach, Nicole closed her eyes and envisioned she was walking along the shore, watching the sand and water bury her feet. Tyler was suddenly walking beside her, not talking, just walking. Nicole reached out to hug him, but he disappeared. She twirled and found herself back in the room, seated on the bed beside Tyler. He smiled at her, rose, walked to the door, and glanced back at Nicole.
“Tyler!” Nicole screamed.
Nicole sat straight up in her bed. Her heavy breathing and damp skin reminded her she had another dream about Tyler. The dreams were becoming uncomfortable now. They used to bring her comfort, but ever since dating Cameron, she felt as if she was cheating on him. Or was she cheating on Tyler? Feeling the weight of stress pressing down on her, Nicole yearned for relief. It was after 4am. Although wide awake, Nicole felt drained. She knew she couldn’t fall back asleep. Being too early in the morning to call anyone, Nicole made a cup of coffee, walked into her dining room, surveyed the table filled with Ms. Ely’s book materials, and went to work.