The average curfew for a 13-year-old boy is 9pm weeknights and 10pm on weekends.
Curfews are often a hot button issue for adults and kids. This is a perfect time for you to work on the art of the compromise. Sometimes parents will let you come in later if they know you are safe when you are out. Work with them on what you would do if, for example, you got to a party and there wasn’t an adult there, or kids were drinking. If they know you have a way to stay safe, they’ll feel better about being flexible with your curfew.
If you and your parents are constantly fighting about rules in the house, ask for more details about their expectations. For example, a common rule adults make is “kids must keep their rooms clean.” Well, to you, “clean” might mean “no fungus growing on the carpet.” To your parents, “clean” might mean that your bed is made every day and that you vacuum twice a week.
Most families have expectations about how kids help out. This might include small things like clearing the table after dinner, or bigger things like housecleaning, or even helping with a family farm or store. These expectations can be a source of conflict between boys and parents, especially if boys feel like helping around the house cuts into their social time too much.
Luckily, there are some ways to negotiate about chores so that both parents and boys will feel like they are getting some of their needs met.
If you and your parents are feeling frustrated around the subject of chores, ask for a family meeting to discuss things. Prepare for the meeting beforehand by thinking about what areas need to change and what compromises seem reasonable to you. It might help to come armed with some additional areas of chores that you might be willing to do to help the house run smoothly in exchange for having less responsibilities in another area. For example, if helping with dinner puts too much pressure on you to get home quickly after sports practice, maybe you could ask what you could help with in the morning instead.
BOYS SAY:
I GET AN ALLOWANCE FROM MY PARENTS BASED ON THE NUMBER OF CHORES I ACCOMPLISH EACH WEEK. IF I WANT TO HAVE MORE MONEY, I HAVE TO DO MORE CHORES. THAT SEEMS FAIR TO BOTH ME AND MY PARENTS.
Dwayne, Age 13
If your parents complain that you are not doing a good job at the chores you are doing, ask for more details about exactly what they expect to be done. Try making an actual list: break the chore down to its smallest parts and check each of them off as you do them.
Brothers and sisters can be really fun, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy for siblings to get along. Some things that might help:
It is common for younger kids to feel like their older siblings get to “have all the fun” and do whatever they want. Older brothers and sisters often think that the baby of the family gets more than his or her share of attention. Try and remember that there are good things and bad things about whenever you came into your family, and most times these things are pretty even in the end.
If you are sharing a room with a sibling, keep one small section (even if it is part of a closet or the top of your desk) as yours. Having a private spot to keep private things can help you feel safe.
Don’t be confused if you feel both proud AND jealous of your siblings, sometimes even at the exact same time. If you are feeling jealous of what your siblings have done, remind yourself that you have special skills and talents that they don’t have.
Did you know you can make “just between siblings” rules? For example, if you and your brother have run into problems when you tease each other, you could agree never to tease each other where other (non-family members) can hear. Or you can agree never to tease each other about certain things.
Older brothers and sisters can really help make this time in your life easier if you ask them. If you’re the oldest, remember to be there for your younger siblings when they get to be your age.
You might not believe it now, but your brothers and sisters may be the best friends you have throughout your life. If you invest in your relationship with them now, it will really pay off later on.