The best place to get information about smoking, drugs, and alcohol is from an adult you trust. They especially need to know if someone asks you to try these things. It’s important—but not always easy—to say “no” to drugs.
It’s especially hard if there are lots of drugs around you. If this is true for you, talk with the adults that are responsible for taking care of you about changing things in your environment (like where you live, where you go to school and what adults you are around) to help you stay drug-free. Even if you can’t move or change schools, they can help you think up ways to make your environment safer; for example changing how you walk to school or finding different activities to be involved in after school.
One of the ways boys are pressured to use drugs is by someone presenting drinking, smoking or getting high as an adult thing to do. But facing your problems head on, and being “in the moment” (instead of being tuned out by illegal substances) is the best way to show how grown up you are.
The Expert Says
Lots of boys at this age like to try things that adults consider to be “risky” behavior. If you are looking to gain more independence, keep in mind that there are safe, constructive ways to do it. Don’t feel like drugs or alcohol are the best way to “test your limits.”
Every family has stress, but some families have much more stress to deal with than others. For example, some families have to cope with having very little money, someone in the family drinking too much or using drugs, homelessness, or living in a neighborhood with a lot of crime. Sometimes (not always) situations like this make it hard for the adults in the family to be consistent with discipline and providing for kids’ needs, even if they are trying very hard. Sometimes these adults need help so that they can be the kind of parents they want to be.
If you are afraid of someone in your family, or aren’t getting your basic needs (clothing, food, going to the doctor) met, or your family is super-stressed in some way, it’s very important that you talk to someone. Your school guidance counselor or school nurse can be good people to start with. It might be really hard to ask for help, but it is very brave. Kids from stressed out families do NOT have to be messed up.
Hopefully not too many boys reading this book will find themselves in the super-stressed family situations we just talked about. Even so, most boys have some things in their lives that make them feel anxious and stressed out.
If you find yourself having trouble managing the feelings of worry about things in your life, you might want to ask your parents to help you come up with coping strategies to help you deal with stress. Sometimes even using very simple tools can help you feel a lot better.
BOYS SAY:
TAKING TESTS STRESSES ME OUT SO THE NIGHT BEFORE A BIG TEST I TRY TO GET ALL MY OTHER WORK DONE QUICKLY SO I CAN TOTALLY CONCENTRATE ON MY STUDYING. I ALSO TRY TO REMEMBER THAT IT’S MY OVERALL QUALITY OF WORK THAT WILL MAKE MY GRADE, NOT JUST ONE TEST.
-Tony, age 14
For example, sometimes it can be helpful to keep a stress log, which is basically a mini calendar where you write down what’s bothering you when you feel especially worried. This can help you find patterns of what causes you to worry. Here’s an example, if you’re always stressed out on Thursday nights and you didn’t know why, keeping a stress log might help you realize it’s because you have pop quizzes on Friday in math, your hardest subject. If you know that, you can use that information to figure out a way to lessen your stress trigger. In this case, you might decide to get extra help in math so it doesn’t seem so hard and make you so stressed out. You could also approach this situation in another way: you could do all the rest of your homework for the week before Thursday night so that you would be a little calmer on Friday since you have less to do. The key is to figure out what is causing your personal worries and try to make them a little easier on yourself.
Part of being a good friend is helping your friends through their stressful times. One great way to do this is by just being a good listener. Most of the time your friend won’t need you to give them advice and won’t need you to come up with a solution. They probably just need you to really sit still and listen to what they have to say.
You can also help your friends deal with their personal stress by offering to assist them with tasks that might be overwhelming for them. You might have to help them figure out what you could do that would be helpful. For example, if your friend breaks his arm and has to spend a few days in the hospital, you could offer something like, “I could help you by going and picking up your homework at school or I could bring you some magazines to read. Does one of those sound like something that would make this day better?”
Just as your friends should expect you to be there for them during stressful times, you should expect the same things from your friends. If you need help, call them. If they need help, be there. Together you will make it through all the challenging times that growing up can dish out.
Earlier in this book we talked about the extra hormones in your body and how they might make you feel moody. You may feel cranky and ready to run away from home one minute, and want to hug everyone and do a little happy dance the next. No matter how much your teachers, your parents, and even this book reminds you “this is normal,” it’s still no fun.
There are things you can do with this extra emotional energy though. Some things that many boys find works for them:
• Try not to get too overtired or too hungry. Hunger and tiredness can cause crankiness all by themselves, and adding them to your hormonal mix makes things much worse! If you feel like you are starting to lose control of your emotions, get yourself a healthy (read: non-sugary) snack and a big glass of water. Sometimes just sitting down for a minute to eat and drink is enough to let your emotions settle back to normal.
• Remember that feelings are not good or bad, they just are. Yes, it’s more fun to feel happy than to feel sad. But it isn’t wrong to feel sad. In fact, feelings give you information about yourself and your world. For example, if you always feel irritated or angry after you spend time with a certain friend, maybe there is something happening that you need to talk with that friend about.
• Writing in a journal can help you deal with strong emotions. Writing about what is going on with your feelings not only can help release some of the extra emotional energy but also can help you figure things out. If you are worried about someone reading what you’ve written, find a good hiding spot for your journal and get one with a lock on it. It may not be the best idea to take it to school with you because if you lose your backpack, you could lose your privacy along with it.
