Playing Doctor

Eloise Chagrin

Julie and Andrew were a new couple when they first came to me for counseling. They were married for only three months, and already were having problems that were serious enough to rock their marriage to the point that they were having thoughts of separation. They were both twenty-three and had dated in college before getting married after their graduation. They came from a Baptist background, and both their sets of parents were deeply religious. When I first saw them together, it became evident to me that they were very much in love and that their problems, like the problems of so many couples, had to do with issues of insecurity and jealousy. To help them better, I first wanted to see them individually, separating them so that they could be frank with me about what really bothered them.

I began by first seeing Julie, alone, for one hour twice a week. I wanted to create an atmosphere of comfort and safety so that she would not hesitate to tell me all of her issues, and we made quite a bit of progress in the first two weeks. She told me that Andrew was her first love, and that she had never been with any man but him. She revealed that she was bored with her life and had a curiosity about the world, traveling, living in other places, and, finally, being with other men. She said that she sometimes had glimpses of what that life could be like, especially when she was doing some routine household chore with Andrew sitting in the next room. These hints at another life made her doubt her marriage and built up resentment in her. At times she was mean to him (she realized that), but somewhere deep inside she actually enjoyed being mean. This bothered her because she loved him very much and wanted a happy life with him as well. In another session, she talked about how she did not feel that Andrew was a good listener and that the friendship part of their relationship was stagnating. She thought that they had trouble talking about anything that mattered and would argue about sundry things. She said that she was afraid to come to him with her innermost fears and insecurities because she thought he would mock her and hurt her even more. These were serious issues.

I asked her next about their sex life, and her response disturbed me. Julie said that she enjoyed having sex with Andrew but that she could “take it or leave it.” She was rarely if ever excited, and had never had an orgasm with him in any way (which included oral sex). She described having sex with him as follows: Andrew would announce that he was going to have sex with her. She would strip off her clothes and lie on her back with her legs spread open, her knees raised. He would rub his favorite water-based lubricant on his penis and masturbate to erection. He would then mount her and thrust into her for about five minutes until he came inside of her. They would then get up, clean up, and go on with their day.

When I asked her how often this happened, she told me about once a week, usually on Sundays when they had time during the day. I asked her then if she masturbated, and she said that she used to occasionally when she was younger, but had stopped over the years.

Talking with Andrew I discovered some of the problems that he had with Julie. He felt that she was mean to him and enjoyed being mean. He thought that she wanted to start fights because she “hates me deep inside.” He said that, nevertheless, he loved her and wanted to work through these issues. When I asked him about the bedroom, he told me that he was not entirely satisfied with Julie because she was not adventurous. She seemed to take sex with him for granted and did not know how to express herself sexually. He admitted that she was his first and only sexual partner.

This revelation surprised me as Andrew was a handsome twenty-three-year-old, and I expected him to have had some experiences. His physical appearance was not unattractive; he was a thin 5′7″ and looked like he would fit into the culture with other young men his age. His conservative upbringing may have been a significant factor in his inexperience.

When I probed a little about his sexual past, he became very reticent but managed to reveal that he always felt sexually shy with girls. He told me that he had always feared that he had a very small penis and that girls would mock him for it. As I saw that this line of discussion was making him uncomfortable, I tried to reassure him that we were in a therapeutic environment and that he was safe to tell me anything he wanted to here, without the fear of it being repeated anywhere else. These sessions were for him, for his happiness, and for Julie. He seemed relieved and then asked me a question that was new to me. He asked if I would look at his penis and tell him if it was indeed small. I told him that it would probably be of no use because flaccid penis size is not a good indicator of erect size and that there was a range of sizes that were considered average. However, I was touched that he was comfortable enough with me to reveal himself this way.

My explanation did not dissuade Andrew. He said that he could make himself erect if I would tell him about his size. I thought then that he might be an exhibitionist and that the session had veered into inappropriate territory but also feared that he was earnestly trying to come to terms with a deep-seated issue, and, as his counselor, acquiesced. He took off his pants and underwear and showed me his very little flaccid circumcised penis. At that state of flaccidity, only the little pink glans showed itself. He started manipulating himself but was having trouble, so I told him that he could sit on the examination table that I keep in my office (since I am an MD). He sat there, pulled on his glans for a few minutes, and then said that he was having trouble and asked if I had some lubrication. I hesitated, but then, since we had gone this far, brought out a tube of K-Y Jelly. He took a few drops out and started masturbating until his penis began to grow. In a few minutes, I could see the shaft extend a few inches, and he held his penis proudly in his hand, looking at me.

The length was approximately three inches and the girth was thin—maybe a little thicker than a finger. He was still masturbating it then, and asked me if it was small. I said that it was hard to tell without measurement, to which he responded that I should measure him. I took out a ruler that I had in my desk and held it against the top of his penis. I had to hold his organ between my thumb and forefinger as he let go of it when I took out the ruler. It was exactly three inches long from the base to the top of his glans. I said aloud, “Three inches,” and as I was holding the ruler to it with my right hand, my left hand holding it up, I felt it jerk and saw a drop of pre-cum come out of the tip. He blushed red as I took my hand off him and he put his hand back on it. He asked me then if I minded if he could finish. I said that this was fine but that we had better collect the sperm in a cup so that we could run some tests on it. I brought him the cup and held it over his glans as he masturbated. He asked me while he was masturbating whether the size was small. I told him that it was below average yet not so far below that it would be a detriment in his love life. He was on the boundary of a condition known as micropenis, but I did not want to alarm him now. He looked a little dejected when I told him that it was on the smaller side and asked me how big mine was. I told him that was irrelevant and a question that I could not answer. Within a few minutes he ejaculated, I collected the sample, and he got dressed and left the session.

My next session was with Julie. This time, she wanted to talk more about her sexual dissatisfaction with Andrew. She said that she wished for an experience with another man, if only so that she could teach Andrew how to make love to her in a way that would excite her. She asked me if I would describe some techniques to her so that she could take them home. I went along and started to explain how Andrew should manipulate her, focusing on her clitoris, until her vagina was wet, so that she was excited to have sex. Amazingly, she did not know what her clitoris was. She asked me if I could show her, to which I replied absolutely not, as it would be a breach in our relationship. She then said that Andrew told her about how I measured his penis for him and assisted in his masturbation and said that she was not getting fair treatment from me. “After all,” she said, “you don’t have to do anything to me; just show me how I could do it myself and what to teach Andrew.” I agreed with this, and Julie started to take all of her clothes off. I have to admit that I found her very attractive. She was a thin blonde with pert breasts, which were a little large for her size. I asked her to sit on the observation table, which she did with her legs spread. I took out a mirror and had her hold it between her legs as I pulled back her clitoral hood and pointed out her clitoris.

She said that she had never masturbated by rubbing it directly; instead she thought that masturbation necessarily had to have penetration. I replied no, that most women masturbate by rubbing their clitoris in combination with some penetration. As I was holding her hood back, she took her hand and began to rub her clit gently. I could see that she was getting very wet, and her eyes took on a glazed look as she moaned, “You do it, you show me.” I was also getting very excited and didn’t see what the harm was of a little more help, so I moved my finger down from her hood to the sensitive little flesh and rubbed it up and down. She began to gasp and bucked a little. I took my other hand, inserted a finger into her vagina, and rubbed the upper wall as I massaged her clit. That brought her to a new level of excitement as she continued to buck harder and harder until, in just a few minutes, she was clenching her vagina tightly around my finger in an orgasm.

As we were cleaning up, she thanked me repeatedly, saying that she had never felt an orgasm like that. When she was younger and used to masturbate, she experienced little orgasms, but nothing like that one. She told me that the session was very helpful and wanted so much to continue. She said, “I can’t wait to go home and explore with Andrew. You’ve really given me something to work on in our marriage. I feel like our relationship has hope.”

Although at first I felt ambivalent about the session at best, I came to understand that I was performing a sexual service for these people and that they were both grateful. The state of their relationship also appeared to be improving.

Our next session was for both members of the couple. The two of them began simultaneously, telling me how important the last sessions were for them and that they felt much closer to each other now. They had more in common as they shared in their experiences. They also said that the instructions that I provided Julie were extremely helpful, and that they spent the entire last week practicing them at home. They said that their sex life had never been better.

I asked them how they were experimenting, and Julie answered, “Just the way you showed me in your office last time. I sit on the edge of the bed with my legs spread. Then Andrew rubs my clitoris with one hand while massaging the inside of my vagina with the other. I usually have an orgasm within minutes. Then he takes out his penis and masturbates in a cup that I hold over the tip. That also takes a few minutes. It has made us so much happier together.”

I noticed that Andrew was masturbating exactly the way he had in my office, that he was replaying that experience with Julie and that she was imitating our session exactly. I thought to myself that this couple might have some kind of “sexual disability” and that their lack of creativity and paucity of experience might have given them a developmental disorder when it came to sexuality. I was experiencing a lot of transference then, as I felt that I had a tremendous power with these two, who would do what I taught them, exactly the way that I taught it. I felt a rush, thinking that I had the power to “mold” their sexuality, but I also felt burdened by the responsibility.

They asked me then if I would teach them anything new. I asked what they had in mind, and they answered that they wanted to feel pleasure simultaneously. Their mutual masturbation was good, but required the performance of both people to make one of them experience an orgasm, one at a time. I told them that I would assist them, and they immediately took off their clothes. I brought out the lubricant and asked them to sit next to each other on the examination table. I then said to them, “I want you to relax and hold each other’s hand. I will try to help both of you achieve orgasm together. It would be good if you start by gently stroking and kissing each other, as that is a common way that people start their intimate relations.”

They did as I told them, kissing and holding hands as I rubbed lubricant on both of my hands. Andrew was sitting on my right and Julie on my left, and I began by lightly stroking Andrew’s penis with my slippery right hand while lightly manipulating Julie’s clitoris with my left. Andrew’s little penis instantly got hard, and I felt Julie become wet. They stopped kissing to focus on their pleasure but held on to each other’s hand, their grip getting tighter. I felt that Andrew was on the verge of his orgasm, and as Julie was not quite there yet, I leaned my mouth between her legs and took her clit in my mouth while my finger slipped inside her vagina. All the time I was stroking Andrew’s penis with deliberate but slow strokes. Then, I lightly flicked my tongue over Julie’s clit, rhythmically. She moaned, “Oh my god!” and I knew that she was just starting to cum—so with hard fast motions I increased the intensity of my strokes on Andrew’s little penis. He gasped a breath of air and shot a stream of semen while Julie pressed her clit into my mouth and ground her hips. When it was over, they were spent, but thanked me weakly. They left the office holding hands, telling me that they would be looking forward to the next session in two days.

I could not wait for them to leave as I had a throbbing erection. As soon as they left the room, I took out my penis and masturbated where I was standing with my still-lubricated hands. I, too, came in minutes, and as soon as my orgasm was over, I realized what I had done, the extent of the indiscretion—and how it would look if I was ever found out. I also realized that, in the way I handled that last sexual experience with them, I had made myself a necessary part of their sex. There was no way for them to repeat that experience together because they needed a third party to masturbate the both of them. I knew that what I had done was considered abuse from the point of view of my profession, but that the way I handled myself involved me much further with them, and almost guaranteed the situation’s recurrence.

When two days had passed, Julie and Andrew arrived as planned. They began the session by discussing their sex, saying that they wanted to know what more they could do to spice it up. Julie said that Andrew tried to imitate what I did with her clitoris the last time, but that his mouth never seemed to have the same effect. Andrew also asked if I could teach him how to use his mouth on his wife. Then he said that he wanted to know if there was anything else that Julie could do to please him. I answered that I would teach him, but Julie interrupted by saying that she wanted to learn first. I asked her what it was that she wanted to learn, and she replied, “You know, how to please a man.”

I said, “You mean perform fellatio?” but when I saw that she didn’t know what I meant I explained, “You know, give a blow job?”

She said, “I was always told that it’s not sanitary.”

“No,” I replied. “Not at all. It’s perfectly natural; I’ll teach you.”

I told Andrew to get undressed, and Julie followed the example, without being asked. Next I told her to begin by touching and rubbing Andrew’s penis with her hand until it got hard, then I would tell her how to use her mouth on it. Andrew got instantly excited, and his penis shot up to its full three inches in Julie’s hand.

“Now Julie,” I said, “get down on your knees so that you are eye level with his penis from where he’s sitting on the table. Then start by putting the head in your mouth.” As I was saying this, Julie was still stroking Andrew, and as soon as I mentioned putting it in her mouth, he shot off a little stream of cum that dribbled down Julie’s hand.

“Andrew!” shouted Julie, “now how am I going to practice?”

Andrew dropped his head and said, “I’m sorry. I just couldn’t help it. Maybe you could practice on him,” and he pointed his finger to me.

“Would that be all right?” Julie asked. Now at this point we had gone so far that I saw my input as just a part of the counseling. I honestly believed that I was helping the couple, so I said, “That would be fine.”

I took off my shirt first. I work out regularly, so the two of them were visibly admiring my muscles, which made me feel sexy. Then I took off my shoes, socks, and my pants. I stood there in my underwear and then slowly took them off. My penis came out and dangled down between my legs. My penis is of above average length and girth and I am not circumcised, so the entire scene may have been astonishing for the both of them. Although I was not erect, my penis was hanging longer than Andrew’s did when he was erect. Besides that, it was significantly thicker, with the extra flap of foreskin where Andrew had none.

“It’s so…different,” Julie said.

“Why do you have so much skin at the tip?” Andrew asked.

I went on to explain how it is customary for many people of our culture to cut that extra flap of skin off newborn babies, and that Andrew had had that done to him, while I hadn’t. I saw the surprise in his eyes, the look that not only did he have a small penis, but, in addition, his parents had cut part of it off. I could see that he was envious and didn’t think that his penis was as good. I was afraid of what would happen in his mind when I got erect and he was able to see just how big it was.

I told Julie to stroke me, which she did. I started to grow instantly—I had been attracted to her since the beginning, and with the intense sessions, that attraction had only grown.

“Oh my god,” she said, “it’s growing.”

I soon reached my full stiffness in her hand. Andrew was eyeing me jealously, obviously affected by the display. Julie, however, was enthralled, taking her time feeling me in both her hands, trying to feel every last inch, carefully exploring all of me.

“It’s so much fun with the extra skin!” she squealed. “And it’s so big. How do you have sex with women, Doctor? Don’t you cause too much pain for them to bear?”

I explained that although I was above average in length and girth, it was not too much for any vagina I had ever encountered. “A woman’s vagina can stretch to accommodate most men, Julie,” I said. She looked up from my organ in her hands and looked into my eyes. She curled a corner of her mouth up in an impish little smile, as if saying, I’d like to try that out.

Instead, she said, “What do you need me to do now, Doctor?”

“Keep stroking my shaft, and take the head of my penis in your mouth.” She did as she was told. “Now,” I said, “tighten your lips and use your saliva to stroke the head with your mouth.”

She was a very fast learner and was bringing me close to orgasm as I was extremely attracted to her at this point. I looked over at Andrew and saw the look of awed envy, his eyebrows furrowed. At the same time, he had another erection, his hand masturbating his small penis feverishly.

In a few minutes, I said, “Good girl, Julie. Now I’m going to cum!”

She pulled me out of her mouth and I shot stream after stream of hot cum on her face forcefully. I heard Andrew cry out, and looked over to see his orgasm dribbling out of his miniature organ.

“There’s so much!” Julie called out. “I never thought that there could be so much—and I love it.”

That last sentence was too much for me, and without instruction or preparation, I pushed her onto the table, leaned her back, spread her legs, and dropped my head down into her very wet pussy. She let herself be taken, using a hand to wipe my cum off her face, and then, as I looked up, I saw her lick her fingers. That made me want her even more, and I licked her pussy as if it was my life’s goal to make her cum. Andrew tried to look and learn how I was licking her, but I couldn’t explain, I just needed to make her cum. He could learn by watching. I used my hand, rubbing her inside, licking her with fast, light, regular motions, until she was pushing her hips into me with her hands on my head, pulling me into her pussy, screaming out, “Oh god!” in a tremendous orgasm.

When the session was over, they thanked me again and left. I was learning to suppress my doubts at this point. I saw the session as successful and looked forward to the next one. I thought of myself as a rogue therapist, using unorthodox sexual techniques that would result in unprecedented benefits. I was also becoming more attracted to Julie, sexually and emotionally. That night I dreamed of her, and in my dream, we were having sex with a knowing intimacy between us. We were not client and therapist anymore; we were two people in a relationship.

The next time the two of them came in, I knew the direction that I wanted to take the session. As always, they began by telling me how valuable the last session was and how much better their lives were. Julie said that she loved giving Andrew blow jobs, but that he was usually so excited that she only had to put her mouth on it and stroke him several times for him to cum. He said that ever since our sexual sessions started, he had been so attracted to his wife that he had not had any control over his orgasm. He said that he would become erect at any thought of intimacy with her, that he thought about their sexual adventures all day and had an erection all the way home from work.

I said that it was great that he was so excited by his wife and that in the next part of the lesson I was going to teach him how to make love to her so that it was more pleasurable for her. They were very happy to hear this and quickly took their clothes off as usual. I noticed that Andrew was already hard. I then told them to show me what they had learned in our time together, to get each other excited but not to cum. Julie started to stroke Andrew’s penis, but he stopped her as he was coming too close. Instead, he had her sit on the table and started to flick his tongue on her clit. He must have learned well from our last session, because she was moaning in minutes. Then I told her to get on the table with her legs spread and him to get between her legs and slowly enter her vagina. He put himself inside of her but I would not let him thrust yet. I told him that I would teach him how to thrust. The key, I said, is thrusting in with your penis with enough pressure from your body that you rub her clit in the process. What I wanted him to do was thrust in and then grind with the motion, upward against her. He tried but was so excited that he was able to manage only a few short motions before stopping to avoid an orgasm. He did this a few more times with the same effect.

He said, “Maybe if I cum once, I’ll be able to hold it better the next time.”

Julie agreed, took his penis out of her, leaned forward, slipped it in her mouth, and with a few strokes had him shoot off. She took his cum inside her mouth and swallowed it all. He sat down and took a deep breath. Then he said, “Doctor, I don’t think that I understand what you were saying about how to thrust into her. Could you show me?”

“Yes. Could you show him?” said Julie. “Please show him.”

I did not need any more encouragement; I took my clothes off right away. Julie, still on the table, put her hand on my penis and gave me a few strokes, and Andrew stood up and took a step closer.

“Do you mind if I touch it and help?” he asked. “I’ve never touched a dick that was so big, and I wanted to know what it must feel like to have one.”

I let him stroke me a few times, and he surprised me by going down and taking it in his mouth. He got back up and said that it was just such an incredible feeling for him, touching it. He said that I was more of a man than he was and that, although he was envious, and still might be a little, he had more admiration for me than envy. He said that he was accepting it and, as part of his acceptance, wanted to show his admiration. Before I could thank him, Julie pulled me up to the table. I started to insert myself into her and saw the look of pleasure in her eyes. I pushed myself completely into her soft wetness and she moaned a little. “It feels so huge.” I started to thrust gently and slowly, lightly grinding into her clit.

“Oh my god,” she said. “It feels like you’re splitting me open!”

She was breathing fast, very wet, coming closer. I increased my pace and intensity, holding her body close to mine, and looked into her beautiful blue eyes. She leaned forward and kissed me passionately, which only made me fuck her harder. We thrust into each other this way, her moving with me and coming up for my thrusts, rubbing herself into me as I ground into her. All of a sudden, she increased her pace, let out a whimper, and started to cum over and over again, having her first multiple orgasm. I kept up my pace, waited a little, and then let go, cumming hard inside of her.

The next few sessions were similar. I had sex with Julie in multiple ways and for longer periods. Andrew took on more of a helping role as time went on. He would start by fellating me and would masturbate while I had sex with his wife. Sometimes while I was fucking her, especially from behind, she would let him put his penis in her mouth and would give him a few strokes, which was usually enough to make him cum. When we were done, he always had another erection, and Julie would either let him cum on her or take him in her mouth again. When she was feeling especially generous, she would let him fuck her even though I had just cum inside of her. Andrew didn’t seem to care, and I suspect that he actually liked feeling my cum.

Sometimes, when he would put his penis inside her, Julie would smile devilishly and ask, “Is it in yet?” She may not have actually felt it since this was usually after a long session of my loosening her with my much bigger dick. Still, I thought that she said this on purpose, out of the impulse to be mean to Andrew. What was still more surprising was how he took it. Those words would usually put him over the edge and he would cum. In fact, Andrew seemed to be learning to be excited by the idea that he was inadequate. It was a kind of emotional masochism, and it fit well into our relationship. He actually liked being a cuckold.

Julie took it further too. One time, after an especially rough session of my fucking her pussy until it was raw, flipping her in various positions, thrusting and grinding into her like she was a rag, she came multiply for many minutes. Then when Andrew wanted to finish inside of her, she let him enter her. As he was fucking her, she rolled her eyes and said, “You can cum any time. It’s not like I’m going to get anything out of this.” He came immediately.

These sessions went on for several weeks, and I started getting tired of Andrew always being there, watching us and masturbating his hard little dick. I was past the point of trying to make his marriage with Julie work exclusively. As I saw it, what was best for them was having me fuck his wife with Andrew as a cuckold. However, I still believed that these were therapeutic sessions and that I was doing them a service. As such, they had not paid me since the first few sessions.

The next time we met, I addressed the both of them about my feelings. I began by telling them that I felt that it would be good for Julie and me to spend some time alone together, without Andrew. That way he would better learn his role as an assistant and our relationship (Julie’s and mine) would get stronger. I also said that it was apparent that, in the course of our sessions, Andrew had developed a strong attraction for men and that there was nothing wrong with this kind of sexual feeling. I told them that if he was to be truly happy, he should try to see some gay men. I told him that there was a strong homosexual side to him that needed exploring. Then on the question of money, I brought up that they had not paid me since the first few sessions and that what I was doing with them was still therapy.

Julie looked at Andrew and smiled, a different smile from any I had seen on her face before.

“Can you believe it?” she said. “This one wants it all.” She then turned to me and said, “Doctor, you are really very daring asking this all at once. Trying to get me all to yourself, turn my husband gay, and be paid for it! Incredible! But let me tell you how it’s going to be. These sessions that we’ve been having were all recorded—we both had recording devices in our clothes. If you don’t do exactly as we say, you will never practice psychology again in your life. You will be writing us monthly checks now for amounts that we will later specify. These will be, of course, in the thousands, but we feel that your career is worth that, don’t you?”

“You mean this has been a game to you all along?” I yelled incredulously. “What about how he can’t please you? What about the little penis?”

“He can please me just fine,” she answered. “Of all people you should know that size isn’t everything, but you are too deluded by your ego. These are the roles we play. I am the cheating wife, and he is the cuckold. We like our roles, and they’re very convincing, don’t you think?

“As for the homosexuality,” she continued, “there’s one more thing that you will be doing before we leave. Take off your clothes, please.”

I was in shock, but understood that I had better do as I was told, or else my career was over. We all got naked, throwing our clothes on the floor. I saw Andrew rubbing his penis with a lubricant.

“Now, Doctor, I want you to stand up against this counter and stick out your ass so that Andrew can fuck it,” Julie said.

I looked at her wide-eyed, but she just smirked.

“Don’t worry, you’ll like it,” she said.

I stood as she told me to, and Andrew came up beside me. He rubbed lube inside me with his finger, which felt very uncomfortable, and started to push his penis into me. I was very glad that it was small. As I stood there being entered, I noticed that my penis was starting to get hard.

“Good boy,” Julie said. “Looks like someone’s been learning from all the lessons we’ve given. Don’t worry—I’m going to make you like this.”

As she said this, she moved down between my legs and slipped the head of my dick in her mouth. She began to stroke me expertly until I was hard and ready to burst, Andrew still pumping my ass. I heard Andrew say “Okay” to her, and she increased the speed with her mouth and hand so that I started to cum. At the same time, I felt Andrew’s spasms inside of me.

We separated and rested for a minute. Julie and Andrew were getting dressed by the time I looked up.

“Now, Doctor,” she said, “you seem to have developed a strong attraction for men over the course of our sessions with you. If you want to be truly happy sexually, then you should start seeing some gay men socially. There is a strong homosexual side to you that needs exploring.

“We’ll be in touch. Come on, Andrew,” she said as she walked to the door, with an emphasis on “Andrew” that made me realize that it probably was not his name.

ELOISE CHAGRIN

on “Playing Doctor”

It surprises me to no end that the sexual fetish of cuckoldry, once thought of as a disability, could be shared by so many people. The cuckolding fetish has an element of surprise, along with a bittersweet emotional masochism.

Another key to the fetish, from the perspective of the cuckold, is that of eroticizing as a defense mechanism. When someone you care about expresses their interest in another person, you wrestle with your inadequacies. This fight may take on different forms, in many cases with the ultimate rejection of your lover.

However, if your bond is strong, and you’re able to put aside that sense of self, then it’s possible to experience pleasure vicariously.

Many people may think of this as abhorrent, as tantamount to abuse, while others believe it’s an essential part of their sexual health. I don’t know; I’m only trying to describe something that I’ve thought about for a long time.

Some may find putting oneself second to be deleterious to one’s emotional health; others find something beautiful in the idea of loving your partner so much that you become attracted to whatever role he or she plays, whatever the two of you become. I leave the benedictions to others.

A third ingredient to the mix is homoerotic. There is no way to avoid this with groups of three. Even in the most repressed situations, at least two out of the three people are of the same gender, and all parties are interested in the situation, else they would stop participating.

In my story, as in my perceptions of cuckoldry from real life, betrayal is on the horizon. There’s a real possibility that any pair may break off from the group and form a greater intimacy. That prospect keeps the game competitive, and the players had better give their best performances, bank on everything they have in their bag of tricks—because, ultimately, someone must lose.