AUTUMN was taking the place of summer’s light evenings and mornings and Helena was regretful that the golden days during which she’d first met Blake were drawing to a close.
Yet she knew she shouldn’t be. She needed to be grateful that she’d been given the chance to get to know him. They’d moved on a lot since the morning of her father’s death and their relationship would progress even further if he would stop holding back.
But whatever happened between them in the future she would still have the pleasure of working alongside him at the practice. That wasn’t going to change, and she wished that the rest of what was going on in their lives was as certain.
Blake was as caring and considerate as ever, but that was it. If she was seeing a lot of him during the daytime it wasn’t so in the evenings. He rarely called round at the cottage and if he did, he didn’t stay long.
She had decided that any more forward moves had to come from him. He knew what her feelings were. She’d made it plain enough, but he was obviously putting the brakes on where his were concerned.
He was busy, of course, as always, taking his turn to man the clinic at the prison for the benefit of sick inmates needing the care of a GP, dealing with callouts from the police and pulling his weight at the practice into the bargain.
They did talk sometimes, but it was usually about everyday things. She asked him once about the family living next door to him and he said, ‘They seem to be blending in all right among the other people in the cul-de-sac, which I’m sure is what Jean McIntosh wants. Her husband has his new job to keep him occupied and if it’s a promotion, as it usually is in these instances, he’ll be engrossed in proving himself, while she is left to see to the basics.’
‘I wonder what she’d say if she knew what the house had been used for previously,’ Helena said pensively.
‘I don’t think she’d be very happy,’ he replied, ‘but don’t forget they are only temporary occupants.’
He thought afterwards that no one would have lived there for a shorter time than Helena. He only had to look at the place and it brought it all back. But if he couldn’t get away from it, at least she was free from the constant reminder, tucked away in the cottage. It was one of the reasons why he’d never invited her back to his house since those first traumatic days after their meeting…
If he’d met her under normal circumstances he wouldn’t be holding back. He would have kissed the breath out of her when she’d said she loved him and had a ring on her finger before she could blink. But as well as the circumstances of their meeting, there was his widower status to consider. He had to be sure that he was ready to take the step that might lead to heartache as much as happiness. He didn’t want Helena to have to cope with a man who couldn’t let go of the past. She deserved better than that.
One evening after Helena had been to see Jane’s husband, who was now recovering after surgery, a chauffeur-driven Daimler pulled up beside her in the gathering dusk. As she looked at it in surprise the window was wound down and she found Rowena observing her smilingly from inside its luxurious interior.
‘Helena!’ she said. ‘It is you, isn’t it?’ When Helena nodded, she went on, ‘I thought it was. I’m so glad I’ve seen you. Did you know that it’s Blake’s birthday on Saturday? I wondered if you’d both like to come for a meal.’
Helena hesitated. She didn’t know what to say. Blake might not want to take her. He might prefer to dine with Rowena alone.
‘It’s very kind of you to suggest it,’ she said uncomfortably, ‘but maybe you’d better ask him first.’
Rowena got the message. ‘Yes, all right, I’ll do that, but I really would like to meet you again. Can I give you a lift?’ she asked.
‘I’m only a matter of yards from my front door,’ Helena told her. ‘But thanks for the offer.’
As the big car pulled away into the night she found herself smiling. If she hadn’t seen Rowena she wouldn’t have known that Saturday was a special day. Would Blake want her to dine with him at Rowena’s, though?
* * *
‘I saw Rowena last night,’ she told him, the following morning.
He was opening the mail and looked up briefly.
‘Yes, she rang me afterwards. Where had you been?’
Helena stared at him. Why the sudden interest? He didn’t want to share her evenings, so why ask.
Blake could tell what was going through her mind, but it didn’t mean that because he kept away he didn’t think about her all the time. In fact, he was beginning to feel that he was crazy, denying himself when there was no need.
‘I’d been to see Jane’s husband, when Rowena’s car pulled up beside me.’
‘Yes. She says she wants us to dine with her on Saturday. Are you free, Helena?’
‘Yes, of course, I’m free,’ she replied flatly. ‘What else would I be doing?’
Her Saturdays of late had been made up of shopping, an early meal, followed by the first showing at one of the town cinemas and then home to bed.
‘So you’ll go with me?’
‘Yes, of course. I’d love to,’ she said, perking up by the moment, but she couldn’t resist saying, ‘What do you see it as? A chance to build bridges, or mend them perhaps?’
‘What are you on about?’ he said with dry amusement. ‘I would say that communications between us are rock solid.’
‘Huh! As far as you’re concerned, maybe. I’ve told you exactly how I feel, which gives you the advantage as you’re not very forthcoming about your own feelings.’
‘How many times do I have to tell you that all I’m asking for is patience on your part?’
‘I would have said that you already have it, which just goes to show how ‘‘rock solid’’ our communications are. I could go back home to live now that I’m free of the situation Dad was pushed into. All my friends are there, but instead I’m wandering around in a strange place like a lost soul, all because I can’t bear to be away from you.’
‘Come here, Helena,’ he said softly, beckoning her across the room. When she went to stand beside him he took her hands in his, knowing that once again they were in the surgery, which was the worst possible place for serious talking.
‘I didn’t know you were homesick,’ he said in a low voice. ‘You never said so. Have I bulldozed you into staying in this place when you’d rather be somewhere else?’
She sighed. ‘Of course not. Haven’t I just told you why I don’t want to leave here?’
‘And I’m flattered, but…’
‘I know what you’re going to say. I’ve got to be sure. You’ve got to be sure. I thought falling in love was supposed to be heady and exciting.’
His hold on her tightened. ‘It is, but it’s also about caring and sharing, putting the other one first. From what you’ve told me you’ve never had a serious relationship and it’s a different dimension altogether compared to flirting around.’
‘Thanks for the vote of confidence,’ she said coolly. ‘It’s nice to know that you think me incapable of any deep feelings.’
‘I don’t remember saying that.’
She was drawing away from him. ‘Let’s just look forward to Saturday and forget the rest. I’m sure you’ll feel that’s a suggestion in keeping with my butterfly mind.’ And before he could argue she’d gone bustling back to her own domain and the patients who were slowly filling up the waiting room.
* * *
On Saturday afternoon Helena went shopping for a birthday gift for Blake. It was the first chance she’d had and would be the last as she would be giving it to him that evening.
She would dearly have liked to have bought him a ring but had already scrapped the idea, feeling that it might be seen as too presumptuous. But she still ended up in a prestigious jeweller’s in the town centre, searching for a tasteful frame for the photograph she’d just had taken at a fast print shop.
Maybe always having her face in front of him would make Blake forget all the pros and cons, she thought wickedly when she’d found what she wanted. It was after she’d paid for it and was about to leave the shop that the pleasant afternoon became a nightmare.
As she was going through the door three men with faces covered pushed past her. One of them lunged towards her but she pushed him away and flung herself through the door and onto the pavement outside, only to come face to face with a fourth man who was trying to catch up with the others and cover his face at the same time.
It was a strange and frightening moment and would have been more so if he’d been armed, but just the sight of him was enough to send her running in the opposite direction, though not before she’d had a good look at his face.
As she fled past the shop window Helena could see the men smashing glass cases and grabbing handfuls of jewellery, while the shop assistants and a couple of customers lay face down on the floor.
‘Ring the police!’ she told the startled owner of the menswear shop next door. ‘The jeweller’s is being robbed!’ As he scurried to obey she ran to stand in the shadows by the door.
The robbers were leaving. A van was pulling up outside and the thieves were flinging themselves and their booty into it.
When they’d gone she ran back into the shop and saw that the manager was gazing around him in stunned disbelief, one of the women assistants had fainted and the rest were slowly getting to their feet.
Rage was gripping her. Once again the innocent were being terrorised by the wrongdoers, and when the police came bursting in a little later she told them, ‘I saw one of them with his face uncovered.’
‘Would you recognise him again?’ she was asked. ‘You appear to be the only member of the public who was around at the time.’
‘Yes. I would know him,’ she said steadily, as the implications of what she was saying began to grip her. She was the only one the constable had said. It was history repeating itself. Her dad had been a witness and he’d ended up having to move to another part of the country.
The officer was asking for her name and address and even with dismay spiralling inside her she didn’t hesitate.
‘We’ll be in touch,’ he said, and went to see if anyone else had any information, but as the staff had been forced to lie face down and the robbers had covered their heads it wasn’t likely.
* * *
As Helena wrapped Blake’s present her hands were trembling. Until her father had told her about him being under witness protection because he’d given evidence, she’d never had any contact with the law or the lawless, but now it seemed as if they were everywhere she turned.
It didn’t help, being in love with a police surgeon. She was on the fringe of it because of that. She still felt that there was more to it than Blake had told her regarding the woman who’d fallen from the balcony, but she supposed if he’d wanted her to know he would have told her, and he was committed to keeping his dealings with the police under wraps.
And then this afternoon the last thing she had expected to happen had brought her into the web of crime again. What would Blake say when she told him that she’d been pushed into the same sort of situation as her dad had found himself in?
As she gazed unseeingly into space she couldn’t possibly visualise how he would react. He might think it all a big bind, having rescued her from one set of dangerous circumstances only for her to be involved in another. The word ‘nuisance’ sprang to mind.
He would be horrified when he knew that it had been when she had been buying him a gift that she’d become involved. It wouldn’t go down well at all, especially with his continual insistence that he didn’t want any thanks. But the photograph and frame weren’t a thank-you present. They were a birthday gift.
She decided that Blake wasn’t going to know about the afternoon’s happenings until after they’d had the birthday meal. The last thing she wanted was to spoil his evening with Rowena.
When he picked her up he said immediately, ‘What’s wrong? You look pale and peaky.’
She managed a smile. Having dressed with special care in one of her favourite evening outfits and applied a liberal mount of make-up to conceal her pallor, she’d hoped to get away without Blake noticing that she wasn’t exactly sparkling, but typically he’d picked up on her drained expression right away.
‘I’m fine,’ she fibbed. ‘Just a bit tired, that’s all.’
She’d decided to keep her birthday greetings until they got to Rowena’s. That way, if their hostess was intending it to be a surprise birthday meal, she wouldn’t be letting the cat out of the bag in advance.
Tonight Blake looked more gorgeous than ever. He was in casual clothes, a black cashmere sweater and grey trousers that achieved a lithe sort of elegance that would have had her heart beating faster if she hadn’t been so worked up about the robbery.
Rowena was radiant in a long blue evening dress that made the silver of her hair glisten in the light of the lamps. They were all dressed to kill, Helena thought wryly, and would do justice to the beautifully set table and the food being placed upon it, but as far as she was concerned the evening had been spoilt. She’d been touched again by something unpleasant and couldn’t get it out of her mind.
At the end of the meal Rowena picked up a package lying on a nearby chest of drawers and passed it over to Blake.
‘Happy birthday, my dear,’ she said.
‘Oh! Thank you,’ he said. ‘I’d almost forgotten what day it was.
‘What’s this, Rowena?’ he exclaimed, as he eyed its contents.
‘It’s papers for you to sign, Blake,’ she said softly. ‘I’m giving you the house and the land. I’ve decided to go into a very nice nursing home not too far away and nothing would make me happier than to know that one day your children will play in the gardens and sleep in the bedrooms. A family is what this place has been short of for many years. It’s up to you to do something about it.’
Helena’s mind was whirling, her face warm with embarrassment at being present on such an occasion. Was Rowena presuming too much, or did their hostess know something she didn’t?
‘I can’t let you do this, Rowena,’ he said incredulously.
‘Too late,’ she said calmly. ‘I’ve done it, and, please, don’t end up living here alone as I’ve done.’
And what was that supposed to mean? Blake wondered. Was he being given a nudge in the right direction? Rowena knew he was in love with Helena and what had just happened made it clear that she approved of his choice, but what of the young nurse who was sitting transfixed beside him?
Was she going to want to live here with him and fill the house with the children that Rowena longed to see? Helena had told him she was in love with him but they’d never got around to discussing the implications of it.
Had she been having thoughts of them living together? A partnership instead of a commitment, which would leave them free to break away if they wanted to? He’d been so busy keeping her at a distance he hadn’t a clue about her thoughts on marriage. But he knew what his were.
‘I have something for you, too,’ Helena said, breaking into his thoughts, and she placed a flat parcel in his hand.
‘So you knew it was my birthday, then,’ he said with a smile.
She nodded. ‘Rowena told me.’
‘That’s lovely, Helena!’ he exclaimed, when he saw her face smiling up at him out of the ill fated frame.
‘I’m glad you like it,’ she said weakly, and thought that it was as well that he liked something she’d done today, because he wasn’t going to be too pleased about the rest when she told him. She would be bringing back all his anxieties and yet what else could she have done other than agree to help the police? If her dad could do it, so could she…
* * *
‘Will you come in for a moment?’ she asked flatly when they got back to the cottage later.
‘Only on one condition,’ he said smilingly. ‘That you tell me what’s wrong. Something’s been bugging you all evening and if it’s to do with what Rowena said about me filling her house with children, don’t feel that I’m going to take her up on it and have you for evermore with a child at your breast. Just a couple will do.’
He was happier than she’d ever seen him. Talking as if he wanted to marry her. That he felt the same as she did. She wished she didn’t have to tell him about the robbery. It would ruin his evening, but as long as Blake saw it from the same angle as herself they would cope.
He didn’t. He was aghast.
‘You were caught up in the middle of a robbery?’ he cried. ‘And came face to face with one of them?’ He was pacing up and down her small sitting room like a caged beast. ‘And you’ve told the police you would know him again. You realise what this means, Helena. You could be in the same position as your father if they get them. Stressed out, on the move all the time, forever looking over your shoulder.’
‘Yes, I know,’ she admitted stubbornly, ‘but they terrorised the manager and everyone else who was in the shop. I owe it to them to speak up.’
‘And supposing they were a gang similar to the Kelsalls. What then?’
‘They operate miles away from here, in the town where we used to live,’ she protested.
‘I know that,’ he said grimly. ‘I’m not suggesting it was them. I said like them. And they are known in these parts. Kenny Kelsall was nearly imprisoned here. I suspect he would have been if your father hadn’t been moved to this area.’
‘How do you know?’
‘It came up in conversation when I was at the prison the other day.’
Helena felt her face stretch. ‘And you never thought to tell me!’
His jawline was tight, eyes cool. ‘Why should I want to alarm you? And in any case it’s water under the bridge. But you remember the body I was asked to examine at the hotel?’
‘Yes.’
‘The woman was the only witness in a big criminal case, and you saw what happened to her. She was got at within hours. So, you see, I’m not going to allow you to get involved in this robbery case. If they ask you to testify or identify this fellow, you must refuse.’
Helena was observing him in angry amazement.
‘That is the last thing I expected you to say. I will decide if I’m going to get involved,’ she said coldly, ‘and if you’re so concerned about my safety, why didn’t you tell me what you’d heard about Kelsall and that the woman at the hotel was going to be a prosecution witness?
‘I’m not a child, Blake. I might have behaved a bit like one in those first days after I lost my dad, but I have to fight my own battles and I think it’s insulting that you weren’t straight with me. I knew that night when you’d been called out to the hotel that there was something wrong, but you kept fobbing me off with excuses instead of telling me the truth.’
‘Have you quite finished?’ he asked in a voice that was dangerously calm. ‘Maybe you see now why I haven’t been falling at your feet. I’ve had too much on my mind concerning other aspects of your life. But my halo’s slipping now, is it? Shall I take off my socks so that you can see my feet of clay? I’m sorry that I disappoint you. But if caring and protecting you is a crime, I’m guilty. I’ll talk to you again, Helena, when you’re in a more reasonable mood.’
‘That’s not likely to happen,’ she snapped, and with an angry lift of one eyebrow he went, leaving her to think disconsolately that he’d forgotten to tell her to lock up. Not that she needed reminding. After what she’d just heard, there was no possibility that she would forget.
As the minutes ticked by her bravado oozed away. Choking back tears, Helena thought that if this was how it was going to be all the time, she would be better off going back to Australia. She would at least have peace of mind out there. But there would be no Blake.
Maybe there was already no Blake. She’d never seen him angry before and he’d certainly been that. He’d gone stomping off and she would be lucky if he had anything to say to her the next time they met.
She’d been right when she’d thought it would spoil his evening but hadn’t expected it to be to such a degree. When she closed her eyes she could see Rowena’s smile when she’d told him that the house was going to be his. There was a deep affection there and she felt it would have been extended to herself in a less complicated situation.
Her heart twisted at the memory of how he’d spoken as if they might live there one day…with their children. There was nothing she would love more than to be able to give him a family to make up for the one he’d lost.
But they were always bogged down by the misdeeds of others. She’d walked into a robbery that afternoon and become enmeshed in the aftermath of it, and after what had happened previously she couldn’t blame Blake for being angry.
She wasn’t going to make any moves towards contacting the police, she decided. It would be up to them to get in touch with her, and if and when they did she would make her decision then. No one could force her to testify. Just as no one could make her not testify.
In the midst of her troubled reasoning her main concern was the damage that it had caused to their relationship. Blake had belittled her love for him by saying that he’d had more important things to think about, and she’d mocked his concern for her. What a mess!
Maybe on Monday, back at the practice, they could patch things up, but she wasn’t hopeful. They’d damaged the idyll, the precious thing they’d created, and she prayed that what they’d done would be repairable.
On Sunday Helena got up full of good intentions. Monday was too far off. She had to speak to him now. Make things right between them. If she loved Blake she should be prepared to consider his wishes, she told herself, even though he’d taken a stance that she hadn’t expected.
Her determination lasted until she went into the hall and saw an envelope on the mat. Her name was on the front in a familiar bold scrawl and as she read its contents she groaned.
‘I’m at a medical conference in Bristol for three days from tomorrow and have decided to drive down today. We both need a cooling-off period. But I do repeat, don’t get involved, Helena. No one can make you.’
He’d just signed it ‘Blake’ and her comment about mending bridges came back to mind. Bridges didn’t come any bigger or more broken than this one.
* * *
As Blake had driven home the night before he’d been seething. He’d been basking in his success at keeping Helena safe and secure, and as if an imp of mischief had been following them around she’d walked into an armed robbery.
He’d been on top of the world until she’d told him that and for once his habitual calm had deserted him. He admired her desire to do the honourable thing, but it could be very risky, as he’d told her in no uncertain terms. Surely she understood that he couldn’t bear it if anything happened to her too. He was strong in every part of his life but that. Didn’t she see that he could only endure so much? But it had ended up with Mr Perfect not being so perfect after all.
His smile was wry. He’d fallen off his pedestal all right. He supposed that as he worked with the police he should be on their side, but this time he wasn’t. He was on his side…and hers.
He was in love with the green-eyed stranger from the far north and instead of telling her so he’d just alienated himself from her.
The conference wasn’t an excuse. He’d intended telling her last night that he would be away for a few days, but all thought of that had been banished by what she’d had to tell him. Maybe by the time he got back she would have seen reason, and if she hadn’t, what then?
It wasn’t the same without him, Helena thought as Monday dragged by. Jane was back and they were busy enough, but it still felt as if every moment was an hour and she thought dismally that this was what life would be like without him.
The other two partners were coping with Blake’s patients and Maxine wasn’t feeling too chirpy either. She’d heard from somewhere that he was going to get Rowena’s house and fancied herself playing the hostess there. But if the way he looked at the young nurse who’d come muscling into the practice was anything to go by, he had other plans.
She wasn’t exactly antagonistic towards Helena, but Maxine always made sure she knew that her face didn’t fit as far as she was concerned, and now she was making a point of Helena being within earshot when she announced to Darren, ‘Blake and I spoke on the phone before he left. I’m having him over at my place for a meal when he gets home on Wednesday.’
‘Get that,’ Jane said in a low voice. ‘Methinks it was for your benefit.’
‘Probably,’ Helena remarked flatly.
It would just make it longer before she saw him again, but see him she must, at the first opportunity, even though she didn’t know what she was going to say when she did.
* * *
‘So how is everything at the practice?’ he asked Maxine on the Wednesday night as they ate the meal she’d prepared.
Dining with her was the last thing he’d wanted to do, but she’d been so insistent when he’d spoken to her before leaving for Bristol it had been difficult to refuse. Yet it hadn’t stopped him from thinking that here was a woman anxious for his company, and the one he was longing to see hadn’t been in touch. But he was going to put things right the moment he saw her. He was going to ask Helena to marry him. She’d told him how she felt. Now it was up to him.
‘Fine,’ Maxine said in answer to his question, adding after a moment’s hesitation, ‘Though we’ve been short on practice nurses.’
He nodded.
‘Jane still off with that husband of hers, then?’
‘No, Jane is back,’ she said casually. ‘It’s the new one. The Harris girl. She’s in hospital.’
He almost dropped his knife and fork. ‘Why? What’s happened to her?’
‘Run-of-the-mill sort of thing,’ she said, still adopting a casual tone.
‘What, for heaven’s sake?’ he bellowed.
‘An ovarian cyst…that had ruptured.’
‘Ruptured! Helena must have been in some pain, then. When did this occur?’
‘Yesterday. She was operated on last night.’
‘And you never mentioned it when I rang this morning to confirm what time I’d be back?’
‘What would have been the point? You were miles away. You couldn’t have done anything.’
‘I could have gone straight to the hospital instead of coming here, which I imagine was the very thing you wanted to prevent. Helena has no one, Maxine, and yet you begrudge her my time and care. Stay away from me in future!’ Grabbing his belongings, he strode out of the room with a haste that left her in no doubt where his affections lay.