I remember the stairs to the turret room so well. The shallow steps curling around the stone pillar, finishing with one deeper step at the top – careful with that one, it can trip you.
The bedroom door is the same too. Mock medieval castle to satisfy Michael’s regal delusions. And on the other side of the door …
My little girl.
Liberty sits on the turret room bed, curled over Skywalker. She looks up when the door opens and cries when she sees me.
‘Liberty.’ I feel myself smile. ‘You’re okay. Everything’s going to be all right.’
‘It’s not all right,’ says Liberty, eyes on fire. ‘It’ll never be all right again.’ She grips Skywalker’s fur.
Michael pushes hard metal against my spine. ‘Don’t you have something you want to tell her, Lorna?’
The words come out in a gabble. ‘I’m not your real mother, Liberty.’ My face crumples into tears. ‘And your real mother – something real bad happened to her. And I left her. I ran.’
So much for marching in here and taking my daughter back. Michael is in charge, just like always.
‘You left Liberty’s real mother to die, didn’t you, Lorna?’ says Michael. ‘She burned to death.’
I close my eyes and when I open them again, the world spins a little. I nod. ‘Yes.’
Just like the old days.
Liberty starts to sob, hugging the furry mass on the floor. ‘You lied to me my whole life. And he hurt my dog. You’re both monsters.’
I turn to Michael, spinning away from the gun. ‘You hurt her dog? How could you do that?’
‘Careful now, Lorna. You’d better manage that temper of yours. You don’t want this rifle going off. It would be a terrible thing for Liberty to see, wouldn’t it? A real trauma.’
‘What did you do to Skywalker?’
‘Nothing. He must have eaten something out in the woods. I had nothing to do with it. I love animals.’
‘Like hell you do.’
‘How about you should have come quicker,’ said Michael. ‘If you had, her doggy could have got help in time. Poor little Liberty. Quite the day she’s had. Finding out the real wicked witch around here is you. And now her pup dying.’
‘Let Liberty go now. Let her go. You’ve done enough damage. I’m here. I did what you wanted.’
‘Liberty can leave whenever she likes,’ says Michael, pushing the door wider. ‘I’m not a kidnapper, despite what the press might say on the subject.’ He gives me a meaningful look. ‘It’s not like I’m locking her in.’
‘You did,’ says Liberty, lifting her head, chin out. ‘The door—’
‘I told you, this door gets stiff sometimes,’ says Michael. ‘You’ve got yourself confused. Don’t let Lorna make me out to be the bad guy, now. If it weren’t for Lorna, your real mother would still be alive. Lorna lied to you your whole life.’
Liberty scrabbles to her feet, chest heaving. ‘The door was locked. It was locked.’
‘There’s no need to look so angry, love,’ says Michael. ‘I thought you were happy up here, looking after your doggy. I brought you food. Don’t make out like I’m some big bad jailer.’
‘So … I can leave now, then?’ Liberty asks, voice suspicious.
‘You could always have left. Like I said, the door does get stiff sometimes. You know, Lorna had this same room. She’ll tell you. Off you go then, if that’s what you want. Lorna and I will stay here and catch up.’
‘Go, Liberty,’ I tell her. ‘Go.’
I want to say something profound. Some big motherhood wisdom. But I’m not wise. I messed everything up. She’s better off without me.
Liberty scoops Skywalker’s bulky body into her arms. I wonder if she knows she’s never going to see me again.
‘Liberty.’ My eyes soften. ‘Sweetheart. Leave Skywalker here. If he really is in such a bad way, he deserves a peaceful end. If you’re carrying him—’
‘Leave him here with you two maniacs?’ says Liberty. ‘I’ll be with him until the end. No matter what.’ She staggers to the door, legs impossibly skinny under Skywalker’s weight. ‘I hope you two are very happy together.’
I watch Liberty walk sideways down the stairs. A moment later, she’s on the moat bridge. I see her through the turret window, long body heading into the trees, half walking, half stumbling with Skywalker in her arms.
‘Happy?’ I ask Michael. ‘Now you’ve destroyed me completely?’
‘I’m never happy,’ says Michael. ‘But today I’m something like content. Having you home again after all this time.’
‘So what happens when Diane comes back? I hear she took a plane today.’
‘Yeah, another trip abroad. More handbags.’ Michael scratches his chin. ‘I’m not worried about Diane. I’ve got pretty good at clearing up messes. She won’t even know you were here.’
‘How can she not have seen through you by now?’
‘Don’t make me out to be the bad guy,’ says Michael. ‘It was you who started this war. You took my daughter.’
‘She’s your daughter in name only,’ I say. ‘What kind of life would Liberty have had with you? You lost your mind when she was born. Having something real blew your image apart. It sent you mad. How could you have taken care of her?’
‘Will you shut up, Lorna? For the love of God. Jabbering away. What happened to you? You were so much quieter before.’
‘I want to see Liberty walk out that gate.’ I go to the window.
‘You know, once upon a time I thought you were perfect,’ says Michael. ‘You did everything I told you. But then you ruined everything. You were one big lie.’
‘I wasn’t a lie. I was obedient. But I grew up pretty quick the night you threw a baby into my arms. Why did you do it, Michael? Why did you let Annalise give birth, then take her baby away?’
‘I wasn’t going to leave the baby with her birth mother, was I?’ says Michael. ‘No – you had to be the one to take care of her. You were an extra-marital affair but at least you were over sixteen. If people thought the baby was yours, PR could do damage limitation. A crazy one-night-stand groupie pregnancy.’
‘You’re disgusting,’ I say. ‘You kept a pregnant fifteen-year-old a secret in that horrible, half-built cottage for months. You let her give birth out there alone. All to protect your image. And when she tried to run away—’
‘Look, it was her own fault,’ says Michael. ‘She wouldn’t get an abortion. And then she blabbed to you about the pregnancy. What did you expect me to do with her? She was a ticking bomb.’
‘If you wanted her out of the way, why not just kill her before she gave birth?’
‘I couldn’t do it,’ says Michael. ‘I thought about it and I couldn’t. You know what, Lorna? Maybe I’m not a complete monster. Liberty is the only thing that’s ever made me human.’
‘Very touching.’
‘Annalise should have done as she was told,’ says Michael. ‘If she hadn’t run out of the cottage it never would have happened. I warned her what I did to the other girls.’
I feel sick. ‘Other girls?’
Michael lowers the gun. ‘Girls I met at the shows and took to the cottage.’ He watches the window. ‘Why isn’t she at the gates yet?’
‘The gates are closed,’ I say, following his eyeline. ‘Why are they closed? You need to open them. How will Liberty get out?’
Michael doesn’t say anything.
Realization dawns on me. ‘You’re not going to let her out.’
‘Of course not. Come on now. What if she talks?’
‘You separated us.’ I feel furious with myself. ‘In case we fought you. You couldn’t have two against one.’
‘Very good, Lorna. You’re getting how it works.’
‘The police know Liberty’s here—’
‘According to the testimony of a crazy woman.’
‘Let her go, Michael. Open the gate.’
‘Are you telling me what to do now? Where do you think that will get you?’ He lifts the gun.
‘Nowhere,’ I say, my voice breaking. ‘But … you had a party yesterday. People will have seen her here—’
‘So what? Liberty came to my house. Then she left. There’s nothing to suggest any harm came to her here. Everyone at the party saw us getting on like a house on fire. And you know how the police feel about searching my woods. They wouldn’t want to offend me by doing that, would they?’
I lunge for Michael, my hands finding his throat. He struggles to move the rifle under my chin but I press my body against his so he can’t get a good angle.
‘You can’t do it, Lorna,’ says Michael. ‘You might be stronger now, but you can’t kill another human being. It’s wired through you like writing in a stick of rock.’
‘You’re wrong. I could do it for Liberty.’
‘Do it then.’
‘You really think I won’t?’ My hands tighten.
‘You can’t kill me,’ says Michael, his voice becoming raspy. ‘You know why? Because I’m not real. There’s nothing here to kill, Lorna. And you know it. This is just a body. Michael Reyji Ray lives beyond this body. The idea of him is loved by millions. You kill me and I’ll become a martyr. Liberty’s mother will have caused the death of a legend. The world will tear your daughter apart. The fans will hunt you both down like dogs.’
I feel my hands fall and hear a scream of frustration – mine. He’s right. Always so many moves ahead. The brilliant chess player. Defended on all corners.
‘Let Liberty out the gates,’ I say. ‘Make her look crazy. Tell the press she’s a liar. You know you can do that. Just let her go. And I won’t fight you anymore.’
‘That’s a given.’ Michael looks out the window. ‘The problem right now is Liberty’s not at the gate.’
‘What?’
Michael whips around to face me. ‘Where is she?’
‘I don’t know.’
His shoulders turn into a furious hunch and he lifts the rifle, taking aim. ‘What are you two playing at?’
‘Nothing. I don’t know any more than you.’
Michael shoves me hard onto the bed and points the rifle. For a minute, I think he’s going to do it. I think he’ll shoot me. But instead he turns and marches out of the room, slamming the door behind him.
I leap off the bed and run to the door, but it’s locked or stuck. Immovable.
Goddamn it!
I pull on the metal-studded oak door, fists pounding, trying to smash through solid oak. But it doesn’t work.
It’s just like the old days.
I’m trapped and Michael holds all the cards.