We must raise the political and social
status of teachers. They should command
the respect not only of their students, but
also of the whole community.
DENG XIAOPING
After classes, after lunch. A consecrated time of languishment. A flopped, dead-eyed hour. Our beds damp oases, narrow paradises of our own orificial excretions. And here we wallow in moist, sweat-clammy bliss, until the study-hour triangle rings us back to bondage.
One siesta—hark—treason! A boy (ruffian! villain! bandit!) whistles—loudly—as he wanders by Obadiah’s open bedroom window. The insomniac inside just so happens to be asleep this day. (Taped to Obadiah’s screen, facing out for the world to be inspired by, is a photo of Mandela after his release: that peppered hair, that raised fist, that loving-even-my-jailers smile.) But Obadiah, now that he is awake, is no gentle spirit of the nation today. He’s belligerent. Nonetheless, to temper his fury, he uses the language of diplomacy. Hence, the following resolution is translated from the French:
Be it known that Head Teacher Obadiah Horaseb of the Goas Primary School RC calls upon all boys of Goas to heed the following… That Head Teacher recognizes the need for spontaneous joy in young plebeians who do not yet comprehend that life on earth amounts to nothing but sorrow, regret, failure, and, ultimately, humiliation. Furthermore, that Head Teacher reaffirms such young plebeians’ inherent, nay, inalienable right to express such bonhomie in certain proscribed instances, such as the Lord granting me a decent night sleep. However, be it known that Head Teacher henceforth forbids the expression of any such jollity—particularly by way of infernal whistling—at any time during siesta, which, be it also known, is the only remaining solace for those who do understand that life on earth amounts to nothing but sorrow, regret, failure, etc., etc. The Head Teacher decrees that punishment for whistling—which may, in the instant case, be defined, to wit, as: to emit or utter from the mouth or beak a shrill sound or series of sounds—shall be the SEVERANCE of said offender’s lips from said offender’s mouth, through the deployment of Theofilus’s unsharpened sickle.
Mindful of this day of non-repose,
Head Teacher Horaseb
Adieu.