THE maid returned before anything more could be said. A small woman, in her forties, Rachel estimated, she was wheeling a trolley on which resided cups and saucers, cream and sugar containers, and a tall pot of coffee. There was also a glass of Coke, clinking with ice, for Hannah, and in the warming compartment below were scones already oozing with butter.
Hannah’s eyes lit up at the sight of a plate of home-made chocolate chip cookies. She had always loved the crunchy biscuits. In fact, they were one of the few things she had eaten after the accident, when for months she’d turned her face away from other food.
Gabriel rose to his feet with the maid’s arrival and helped her to unload the trolley onto the table. Rachel had the feeling this was typical of him, and wondered why she felt she knew him so well. After all, they were hardly close acquaintances. Yet, for all that, she sensed she could trust him, in spite of what her mother had said.
She had cause to revise her opinion a few moments later. To her dismay, he chose to sit beside her, and not beside his mother, and because the sofas weren’t large he couldn’t help but sit closer to her than she would have wished. So close, in fact, that she could feel the heat of his body along the length of her thigh, couldn’t help but inhale the clean male scent of him every time she took a breath.
And she took many breaths during the next few minutes. She was suddenly breathless, her lungs seemingly incapable of absorbing any air. Which was ridiculous, she knew. He was only sitting next to her, for God’s sake. If his hip was pressing against hers, he wasn’t aware of it. And if she foolishly imagined that he exuded an unconscious sensuality in everything he did, that was her problem, not his. He was just a man, after all. An older man than she was used to, perhaps, but what of it? Surely it was all the more reason for her to get a hold of herself before he noticed her dilemma. He was Andrew’s father! And she had no difficulty at all in picturing his reaction if he ever found out what was going on. Dear Lord, he would never believe that she could be sexually attracted to the man who had sired him.
She suddenly became aware that Gabriel was speaking to her now, and she was forced to turn her head and look at him. She had never seen him this close before, and her feelings of apprehension multiplied. God, she could drown in the dark intensity of his eyes, she thought weakly, hardly aware of anyone else in that moment. Her mouth had dried and she was sure the pulse in her temple must be audible to his ears as well as her own. She was aware, too, of pulses in other places, that weakened her knees and caused a hot feeling of dampness between her legs.
‘I’m—sorry,’ she got out breathily. ‘What did you say?’
‘My mother was enquiring how you like your coffee,’ he replied, and she wondered if it was only coincidence that made him choose that moment to run his hand over his thigh. Whatever, she had to steel herself not to react when his closest finger brushed her leg, and the impulse to grab his hand and imprison it between her thighs was almost overpowering.
What was happening to her? With heat beading on her upper lip, Rachel struggled to respond. ‘Um—as it comes,’ she said, deciding that taking her coffee black might bring her to her senses. ‘Thank you.’
If Signora Webb was aware of the silent interchange between her son and his guest, she chose to ignore it. Instead, she poured Rachel’s coffee with an enviably steady hand before adding casually, ‘Caro, I am puzzled, no? How did Joseph lift the wheelchair into the house? It is heavy, e?’
She was speaking to Gabriel, and he looked at his mother now with cool guarded eyes. ‘How do you think he did it?’ he countered. ‘I helped him, of course. You wouldn’t have had me let Rachel do it, I am sure.’
‘Forse no. And yet she might be better equipped to lift a heavy weight than you are,’ replied his mother flatly. ‘You know what the doctors have said—’
‘I do not wish to discuss it now,’ broke in Gabriel, clearly irritated by this unsubtle attempt to inform Rachel he wasn’t a well man. He turned back to Hannah, who was drinking her Coke through a straw. ‘When you’ve finished, we’ll go and find the stables, hmm?’
‘Bene, ma fa’ attenzione, Gabriel,’ exclaimed Signora Webb, offering the plate of scones to Rachel almost absently. ‘I do not wish to see you in the ’ospital again.’
Rachel politely refused the scones, her mind racing with what was being said. She didn’t understand all of it, but enough to confirm that Gabriel had indeed been ill. ‘Um—if it’s too much for you,’ she began awkwardly, and Gabriel’s mouth compressed.
‘I’ve been overworking,’ he told her shortly, clearly no more pleased by her enquiry than he was by his mother’s. ‘I’ve been advised to take a holiday, that is all.’
‘No!’ His mother was indignant. ‘You had a heart attack, Gabriel,’ she exclaimed fiercely, and Rachel caught her breath.
A heart attack! She was amazed at how distressed she felt at this news.
‘I did not have a heart attack,’ Gabriel was contradicting his mother now, and she fluttered a protesting hand.
‘Cosi buono come,’ she retorted obstinately. ‘As good as. Why not be honest with yourself, caro? You have been told to rest, to avoid all stressful situations, to take things easy. Perche, you have even resigned from your job with the company.’
‘I have taken leave of absence,’ Gabriel corrected her, obviously getting angry, but his mother seemed indifferent to his censure.
‘You see,’ she said, turning to Rachel, and although Rachel would have liked to dismiss her words as scaremongering, there was genuine concern in her suddenly drawn face. ‘He will not listen to me. Perhaps you can make him see sense, no?’
‘Well, I—’
‘Do not try and enlist Rachel’s support, Mamma,’ broke in Gabriel harshly. He took a deep breath before turning to Rachel again with evident strain. ‘I am sorry. My mother has no right to try and involve you in our personal disagreements.’
Rachel shook her head. ‘I’m sure your mother only has your best interests at heart,’ she said awkwardly, and his mouth twisted.
‘Are you?’ he essayed grimly. ‘I wish I had your optimism.’ Then, getting to his feet, ‘I believe you have a lunch appointment, Mamma. I expect we will meet again at supper.’
‘Bene.’ Signora Webb took her set-down with good grace, briefly reminding Rachel of her son. ‘I am sorry if I have embarrassed you, Gabriel. But I think your guests should be aware of—of the situation.’
‘What situation?’ Gabriel snapped, and Rachel had never seen him so angry. ‘There is no situation, Mamma. Enough! Let us hear no more about it.’
Hannah had finished her Coke now, and set the empty glass on the table. Then she looked at her mother with worried eyes. She didn’t like arguments of any kind, and Rachel sometimes wondered if she remembered the rows she and Larry used to have. Whatever, any upset frightened her, particularly when she didn’t understand what was going on.
‘Are you all right?’ Rachel began with a smile, trying to reassure her, but Gabriel had noticed the child’s anxiety himself.
With what must have been a supreme effort of self-control, he forced a smile and said, ‘Well, Hannah, are you ready to go exploring?’
‘Yes, please.’
Hannah looked up at him with excited eyes and Rachel sighed. It was ironic, she thought, that the only man her daughter had really taken to had to be someone whose interest in them could never mean more than it did today.
‘I want Mummy to come, too,’ added Hannah, as Gabriel took hold of her chair, and his mouth thinned into a weary line.
‘If she still wants to,’ he said, his meaning obvious, and Rachel got instantly to her feet. Whatever the future might hold, she was prepared to grab the present with both hands, however foolhardy that made her.
‘I’m looking forward to it,’ she said, fighting the wave of wild abandon that enveloped her. And he looked so relieved she wanted to hug him. Which just proved how reckless she was.
The way to the stables was through gardens already bright with the exuberance of early summer plantings. Herbaceous borders were already overflowing with flowering plants and shrubs, and in shady corners roses and honeysuckle were budding.
There was a swimming pool, protected by a hedge of conifers, and Hannah stared at it in amazement. ‘Is this all yours?’ she asked, looking up at Gabriel with envious eyes, and he nodded.
‘Why?’ He glanced at Rachel. ‘Does Hannah swim?’
‘She did,’ said Rachel in a low voice. And then, because he was obviously waiting for her to go on, ‘Before the accident. Not since.’
‘But surely water therapy—’ began Gabriel at once, and then frowned as if at his own audacity. ‘I’m sorry. I know nothing about it, of course.’
‘No, but you’re right,’ conceded Rachel, with a sigh. ‘Hannah’s therapist was keen on the idea, but I’m afraid we only took her a couple of times.’
‘Oh?’ Gabriel arched an enquiring brow and Rachel was forced to continue.
‘Yes.’ She hesitated. She felt awkward discussing it with him. ‘I—as you may or may not know, Kingsbridge doesn’t have any public swimming facilities. We had to take her to the nearest town. And—well, I was at college during the day, and my mother had to take her. And as she—my mother, that is—doesn’t swim—’
‘I understand.’ Gabriel interrupted her, his tone conciliatory. ‘It was thoughtless of me to say anything. I’m sure it has been difficult for you since your husband was killed.’
Rachel stiffened. ‘We manage.’
She was defensive again, and Gabriel shook his head. ‘It wasn’t a criticism.’
‘No.’ Rachel found herself giving him a rueful smile. ‘I suppose I don’t like talking about my personal problems either.’
‘Ah.’ Gabriel’s dark gaze swept her face. ‘You think I’m too hard on my mother?’
‘I think she’s concerned about you,’ said Rachel, with a slight shrug of her shoulders. Then, diffidently, ‘Have you been ill?’
‘Do you really want to know?’
‘If you want to tell me.’ Rachel dipped her eyes from his disturbing gaze. ‘It must have been serious if you had to give up your job.’
‘It was my choice,’ said Gabriel flatly. ‘I didn’t want to do it. Not then. But it was impossible for me to rest and remain CEO of the company.’
‘Your mother said you had a heart attack,’ Rachel reminded him cautiously. ‘You denied it.’
‘Because it wasn’t a heart attack,’ declared Gabriel, not without a trace of the impatience he’d shown earlier. ‘Stress, yes. I’ll admit to that. I hadn’t been sleeping well and I was finding it hard to concentrate. I guess I’d lost some weight, too, but that’s all.’
‘Then why—?’
‘Why has the old lady got it into her head that I had a heart attack?’ Gabriel sighed. ‘You can blame the medic for that. I collapsed one day at the office, and as he’s an old friend of the family he offered the opinion that if I didn’t take a break—’
Rachel stared at him. ‘Oh, Gabriel!’
She hadn’t realised she’d used his name until his face creased into a lazy smile. ‘You see,’ he said. ‘I knew you could do it.’ And, when she frowned, he added, ‘Use my name. Mr Webb makes me feel even older than I already am.’
‘So—so is that why you’ve come back here? To rest?’ she asked quickly, thus avoiding his attempt to divert her. ‘I’d have thought this was the last place you’d choose. With the plant just a couple of miles away. Didn’t you fancy somewhere else, somewhere warmer, perhaps? Like—Italy?’
Gabriel gave her a wry look. ‘I guess you’ve heard that I’ve been seeing a specialist at a hospital in Oxford,’ he said cynically. ‘Who told you? Your friend, Joe?’
Rachel’s face flamed. ‘It—it was my mother, actually. Joe has nothing to do with it.’
‘Doesn’t he?’ Gabriel sounded sceptical. ‘I’m sure he wouldn’t agree with you. He was itching to tell me to keep away from you yesterday afternoon.’
Rachel gasped. ‘That’s ridiculous! Joe—Joe’s a friend, that’s all.’
‘You like Joe,’ said Hannah suddenly, hearing a name she recognised and distracted from trailing her fingers through the ferns that grew beside the path. ‘Grandma says so.’
Grandma would, thought Rachel grimly, wishing her daughter didn’t have such sharp ears. Though perhaps it was just as well that she did. She had the feeling she was getting into waters that were both deep and dangerous.
‘I do like Joe,’ she said now, aware that she was feeling too intense. But being with Gabriel did that to her, and the quivering in her stomach was just a manifestation of the turmoil in her head. ‘I’ve known him a long time.’
‘I don’t think your liking is what he’s aiming for,’ remarked Gabriel softly. ‘I don’t blame him.’
Rachel shook her head. ‘This is a pointless conversation,’ she said tightly. And then, seeing an arched gateway in the distance, she took the opportunity to draw her daughter’s attention to it. ‘Oh, look, Hannah. I can see some horses in the paddock.’
A clematis-hung wall divided the kitchen garden from the fields and paddocks beyond. The gateway Rachel had pointed out to Hannah led into a yard flanked by white-painted stables and tack rooms, and, as well as the horses visible in the paddock, a young female groom was busy currying a chestnut mare in the stable yard. She looked up with a smile when Gabriel and his guests came into the yard, and it was obvious from her greeting that he was a welcome visitor.
‘This is Katy Irving, Hannah,’ Gabriel declared, bringing her chair to a halt and going round it to speak to her. ‘And this mare is called Siena, which I’m sure your mother will tell you is a city in Tuscany. It’s also where my mother was born.’
‘Tuscany?’ said Hannah doubtfully, and Rachel quickly explained.
‘It’s in Italy, sweetheart. That’s in Europe.’
‘I know where Italy is,’ replied Hannah scornfully. Then, looking up at Gabriel, she added shyly, ‘She’s very big, isn’t she?’
‘But she’s very friendly, too,’ put in Katy before Gabriel could respond. ‘I’ll take you to see some of the other horses later. They’re not all as big as Siena.’
‘Perhaps.’ Gabriel was non-committal, and Rachel was glad he was giving the little girl time to get used to her surroundings. ‘Right now, I think I’ll introduce you to her foal. The one I was telling you about. He’s still inside.’
‘The one I’m going to choose a name for?’ demanded Hannah eagerly, and Rachel marvelled again at the ease with which Gabriel won her daughter’s confidence. ‘Where is he?’
‘I’ll show you.’
Taking hold of the chair again, Gabriel wheeled Hannah across the yard, and although she glanced back once, to assure herself that her mother was following, it was obvious that she trusted him completely.
Inside the stables the air was warm and musty. The mingled scents of oats and pine disinfectant, of horses and coarse leather, were potently sensual to Rachel, and she decided she was allowing this man to have far too much of an effect on her senses. With him, she was aware of herself—of him—in a way that she’d never experienced before, and every inch of skin, every nerve in her body, responded to his sexuality.
Not that he’d actually done anything to warrant these feelings, she acknowledged tensely. Apart from expressing his attraction to her he had never laid a hand on her—not in any sexual way anyway. And she felt sure that the raw intimacy she felt in his presence must be totally self-induced.
The foal was a delight. His coat was a darker shade than his mother’s, and he balanced on spindly legs that didn’t seem to have strength enough to support his weight. He was shy, too, evidently unused to being separated from his mother, but, as with Hannah, Gabriel seemed to have no difficulty in persuading the foal to trust him.
‘Oh!’ Hannah clasped her hands together. ‘Isn’t he pretty!’
‘He is a handsome beast,’ agreed Gabriel humorously. ‘Do you want to stroke him?’
‘Oh, yes.’
Indeed, Hannah was desperate to get close to the foal herself, but her chair had been left at the entrance to the stall, and as Rachel watched with disbelieving eyes the little girl started to lift her feet onto the floor of the stable, as if she intended to stand up.
‘I—wait—’ Rachel began, certain she should intervene, but Gabriel glanced round at that moment and instantly saw what was going on.
‘Hey, Hannah,’ he said, his soft voice as soothing as velvet on Rachel’s tender nerves, ‘let me help you.’ And, before anyone could object, he lifted Hannah out of the chair and into his arms. He carried her across to where the foal was waiting, nuzzling a bag of hay, and then shocked all of them by setting Hannah on her feet.
Although Rachel stepped forward almost instinctively, to stop him from letting go of the child, she needn’t have worried. Gabriel had no intention of letting Hannah fall, and the little girl was so entranced by the delicate little animal that she was hardly aware of what she was doing.
With Gabriel supporting her weight, she stretched out eager hands to the foal, touching his jerking head almost reverently, smoothing her small fingers over his shining coat. ‘Oh, look,’ she exclaimed, as the foal turned his soft mouth into her hand. ‘He likes me! He really likes me!’
‘That’s because you’re the same size he is,’ said Gabriel gently. ‘You’re not too big. You don’t threaten him in any way.’
‘Is that true?’
Hannah turned her head to look up at Gabriel again, and suddenly seemed to realise what she was doing. Rachel saw her sag against him, and once again, before she could panic, Gabriel swung her up into his arms.
‘How about that?’ he said, injecting an admiring note into his voice. ‘You were standing and you didn’t even know it.’
Hannah swallowed and looked back over her shoulder at her mother, and then, in a shaky voice, she said, ‘Yes. Yes, I was, wasn’t I? Did you see me, Mummy? I was standing.’
‘I saw you,’ said Rachel, trying not to show any of the panic she had felt when she saw what Gabriel was doing. Trying not to feel any resentment either that her daughter should have allowed him to help her to stand when neither Rachel, her mother, nor the therapist had been able to achieve as much. She looked at him now with guarded eyes. ‘But I think Mr Webb ought to put you back into your chair now.’
‘Does he have to?’
Hannah was liking being in Gabriel’s arms. She was so much higher than she usually was, and she could see so much more. Besides, it meant she was the centre of attention.
‘I’m afraid so,’ said Rachel firmly, ignoring her daughter’s pursed mouth and the inward knowledge that she was being unnecessarily strict. ‘I’m sure Mr Webb’s doctor wouldn’t approve of him carrying you around all day.’
Gabriel’s mouth tightened, but he only spoke to Hannah as he set her back in the chair and adjusted the footrests. If he was annoyed with Rachel for using his illness against him again, he chose not to say so, and Katy Irving’s arrival provided a welcome distraction.
‘D’you want to come and see some of the other horses now?’ she asked, squatting down beside the little girl’s chair, and Hannah nodded enthusiastically before launching into an account of how she’d stood to stroke the foal.
‘I might show you later,’ she added, but Rachel couldn’t have that.
‘Not today,’ she said firmly, aware that she was loading her fears onto the child. Then, looking at Katy, ‘But I’m sure she’d love to see the horses. I’ll come with you.’
‘No.’ Now Hannah chose to be awkward. ‘I don’t want you to, Mummy. I’m old enough to go on my own.’
‘All right.’
Rachel couldn’t help feeling a lump come into her throat at the child’s words. Hannah was old enough; of course she was. Heavens, she went to her school on her own. But Rachel couldn’t help the unworthy belief that it was Gabriel who had inspired this sudden bid for independence, and she didn’t like it.
Katy pulled an apologetic face as she took charge of the wheelchair, and Rachel forced a smile for her benefit. ‘I’ll look after her, Mrs Kershaw,’ Katy added, after exchanging a brief glance with her employer. ‘We’ll just go over to the paddocks. Okay?’
‘Okay.’ Rachel realised the young woman had recognised her misgivings. And that Gabriel must have told her their names in advance. Just another reason for resenting his high-handedness, she brooded. ‘Bye, darling. Be good.’
‘I’m always good,’ muttered Hannah crossly. Then, ‘G’bye, Mummy.’ And this time she didn’t look back as Katy wheeled her away.
However, when Rachel would have followed them out of the stables, Gabriel caught her arm. ‘Wait!’ He came fully out of the stall and secured the gate. ‘Give them time. You don’t want Hannah to think you don’t trust her, do you?’
Rachel wrenched her arm out of his grasp. ‘I don’t think I need you to tell me what to do where Hannah is concerned,’ she declared coldly. ‘I suppose after that little—exhibition—’ she gestured towards the stall ‘—you think you’re the expert!’
Gabriel released her arm, but he had moved into the aisle that led out of the stables so there was no way she could beat a retreat. ‘I think you’re allowing your resentment towards me to blind you to the fact that I didn’t actually do anything,’ he retorted mildly. ‘For a few moments Hannah stood on her own two feet. What’s so terribly wrong with that?’
Put in such a way, Rachel found it hard to think of any objection. But she couldn’t allow him to have the last word. Holding up her head, she said, ‘You’re building up impossible expectations in Hannah’s mind.’
‘Impossible?’ His brows arched in speculative enquiry. ‘Didn’t you tell me that Hannah’s paralysis was only temporary? That her doctor believes it’s more psychological than physical?’
Rachel pressed her lips together before replying. ‘I shouldn’t have discussed Hannah’s condition with you.’
‘Why not?’ To her dismay, he moved to narrow the gap between them. ‘Are you afraid that if Hannah does get her mobility back she won’t need you as much?’
‘No!’ Rachel was horrified. ‘How dare you suggest such a thing? I want Hannah to walk again just as much as—as anyone else.’
‘All right.’ To her alarm, he put out his hand and tucked an errant strand of hair behind her ear. ‘But it would be quite natural if you had misgivings. After all, it must have been quite a blow when you lost your husband.’
‘What are you implying?’ Rachel dashed his hand away. ‘Do you think I’m using Hannah as a prop to boost my own self-esteem, is that it? That because Larry died I’m lacking any other purpose in my life?’
‘You tell me,’ he said softly, his hand falling to his side, and Rachel was suddenly incensed.
‘I have no intention of telling you anything,’ she stated angrily. ‘Now, please, get out of my way!’
She stepped forward then, expecting him to do the decent thing and move aside, but he didn’t. Instead, he remained where he was, so that her impulsive action brought her into contact with his hard unyielding body. For a moment they were chest to chest, hip to hip, and the heat of his flesh rose to meet hers. Then Rachel recoiled again, and came up painfully against the wall of the stall behind her.
Her head banged against the solid oak and for a moment she felt dizzy with the pain. She couldn’t prevent the cry she emitted, but even as she lifted a hand to rub her bruised skull Gabriel forestalled her. His exclamation was much less polite than hers, and his hands came to cradle her head, pushing aside the silken weight of her hair, massaging her scalp with long probing fingers.
‘Are you all right?’ he demanded, his frown deepening when his fingertips found the tender spot at the back of her head and she winced. ‘God, Rachel, don’t you know I wouldn’t hurt you? Dammit, there was no need for you to behave as if I’d attacked you.’
Rachel moved her head cautiously from side to side. ‘It was my fault,’ she said tightly, unhappily aware that inside she was panicking again. He was so close to her, and in the ripe humidity of the stables she couldn’t help but be aware of him in a purely physical way. The collar of his shirt was open, exposing the brown column of his throat, and his scent, that clean male scent she had noticed before, was now over-laid with a trace of sweat. ‘It was an accident, that was all.’
‘An accident I instigated,’ he said harshly, his thumbs moving to the sensitive hollows of her ears. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘Please…’
Rachel didn’t know how much more of this she could take without betraying herself. She doubted he was aware that his thighs were against hers, that his wrists were brushing her neck, or that her anger—the anger, she realised now, she had induced to escape being alone with him—had been engulfed by other, more complicated emotions.
It would have been so easy to put up her hands and grasp his wrists. Or even to cup his dark face between her two palms and trace the sensual contours of his mouth. What would he do, she wondered, if she reached up and touched his lips with hers? If she parted her legs and drew his hand to that throbbing place between her thighs…?
‘Don’t look at me like that,’ he said suddenly, and she realised that something of what she was feeling must be evident in her face. ‘For God’s sake, Rachel, don’t make me hate myself any more than I do already.’
‘I don’t know what—’
‘Of course you do.’ He was savage. ‘You’re feeling sorry for me again, aren’t you? And I thought I’d explained all that. I’m not an invalid, Rachel. I’m a man. I don’t want your sympathy. I want—ah, God, if you only knew.’
‘Gabriel—’
She said his name softly, lingeringly, and, with a groan that mingled naked frustration with raw desire, he moved his hands to the back of her neck. He groaned again as he jerked her towards him, as his mouth searched for and found her own, but Rachel was overwhelmed by the hungry ardour of his kiss. She had never expected this, she thought incredulously, but she couldn’t prevent the instinctive response that made her clutch at the neckline of his shirt and part her lips to the possessive invasion of his tongue.
Now she was glad of the barrier of the stall behind her. Without it, she was fairly sure she’d have slipped bonelessly to the floor of the stables. Maybe even taking him with her, she acknowledged dizzily, as the weight of Gabriel’s hard body pressed sensuously against hers. God, what was she thinking? There were grooms and other stable hands around. Did she want the world and his wife to know that she wanted this man to—to—?
To what?
His hands had moved from her nape to the collar of her shirt, his fingers probing the hollows of her throat as his tongue probed the moist recesses of her mouth. Beneath the thin fabric her breasts felt tight and swollen, and she didn’t object when he wedged one leg between her trembling thighs. Indeed, she was glad of the support, although she was half afraid the hot wetness she could feel there would communicate itself to him.
But that awareness alone was enough to convince her that she was only fooling herself in pretending she didn’t know what she wanted from this man. Crazy as it seemed—crazy as it undoubtedly was—she wanted him to make love with her. Here, now, on the stable floor if that was what he wanted. She didn’t care. She just knew she was aching for him to do it.
‘God, Rachel!’
His strangled use of her name was sobering. That, and the realisation that he was trembling, too. Although his mouth was still delivering burning, urgent kisses over every inch of her face, his fingers were now biting into the bones of her shoulders. She had the feeling he was as fiercely angry with her now as he had been with his mother earlier, and she swallowed her chagrin when he abruptly thrust himself back from her yielding body.
‘We can’t do this.’
‘No.’
How Rachel got the denial out she never knew, but somehow she managed to articulate the word. And to gather her scattered senses. At least to the extent that she was able to stiffen her legs and draw herself up against the wall behind her with an element of dignity. But inside she was in turmoil, and she didn’t know how she was going to get through the remainder of the visit pretending that what happened had meant as little to her as it had apparently meant to him.
‘This wasn’t meant to happen,’ he continued, raking hands that shook a little through his dark hair. Hair that was damp along his hairline, Rachel noticed, not sure whether that was a good sign or a bad one. ‘God, you’re going to think I had this in mind all along.’
‘And you didn’t?’
Rachel didn’t know why she’d said those words, unless perhaps she’d sensed that he wasn’t quite telling the truth here. And although she’d spoken barely audibly he heard her, and a look that mixed anger and self-contempt in equal measures spread over his lean, harsh face.
‘All right,’ he conceded after a moment. ‘Of course I’ve thought about it, about how you’d react if I touched you. If I’m totally honest I’ll admit I’ve thought of little else since—well, since I got to know you, I suppose. But I was fairly sure you’d never agree to go out with me, so I was able to keep my baser instincts under control.’ He lips twisted. ‘Pathetic, huh?’
Rachel bent her head. ‘I wouldn’t say that,’ she ventured softly. ‘Not unless you’re sorry you touched me.’
Gabriel stared at her. ‘What’s that supposed to mean? I’ve just told you how I feel.’
‘No, you haven’t.’ Rachel lifted her head to look at him. ‘All you’ve done is berate yourself for giving in to something that—well, that seems perfectly natural to me.’
‘Yeah, right.’ Patently he didn’t believe her. ‘Any minute now you’re going to tell me you understand why I did it. Why I behaved like a—like a sex-starved savage the minute I got you alone.’
Rachel shook her head. ‘You didn’t behave like a sex-starved savage,’ she protested. ‘You—kissed me, that’s all.’ She hesitated. ‘It was no big deal.’
‘Really?’ Gabriel’s expression had darkened now. ‘Does that mean you’re in the habit of letting men put their hands all over you? That you don’t see anything wrong in the fact that I practically tried to seduce you?’
‘Of course not—’
Rachel was horrified, but Gabriel didn’t give her a chance to explain that she had been trying to reassure him. ‘I’m obviously behind the times,’ he said harshly. ‘I’d forgotten that women today pride themselves on being equal to men. In every way.’
‘I’m not like that,’ Rachel gasped, but he wasn’t listening to her.
‘I guess this is the way Andrew treated you, right?’ His lips curled. ‘Perhaps I should have taken some advice from my son before embarking on such a perilous course. I’m sure he wouldn’t have attempted to apologise for something that was—no big deal!’
‘Oh, Gabriel!’ Rachel closed her eyes against the pain in his. ‘Don’t do this! What happened between us has nothing to do with Andrew. Not as far as I’m concerned, anyway.’
Gabriel was bitter. ‘You expect me to believe that?’
Rachel felt suddenly weary. ‘I don’t expect anything from you,’ she replied, opening her eyes again and drawing herself up to her full height. ‘I don’t even understand you. I particularly don’t understand what you want me to say. But, just for the record, I never went to bed with your son, whatever he may have told you. Now, if you’ll step out of my way…’
Gabriel groaned. ‘God, Rachel—’
‘I mean it,’ she said, almost at the end of her strength. ‘I want to go and find my daughter.’
‘Not yet.’ Gabriel looked exhausted himself, deep lines etched beside his mouth—the mouth that only moments before had been giving her so much pleasure. ‘We have to talk—’
But he never finished what he was going to say. As he stepped forward to detain her, a bucket clattered behind them. One of the stable hands had come into the building to water the animals and he waved cheerfully at his employer.
‘Not disturbing you, am I, sir?’ he asked, and Gabriel was forced to move away from Rachel to speak to him.
It was the chance she needed. Dragging the sides of her jacket across her chest, because she wasn’t absolutely sure all the buttons on her shirt were fastened, she walked swiftly along the aisle and out of the stables. If the man who’d disturbed them was surprised at her exit, he knew better than to show it, and Rachel stood outside in the paved yard, dragging the bracing air into her starved lungs.