CHAPTER SEVEN

It was Jordon’s idea to go to the park, but I thoroughly approved. The weather was beautiful and we were both in the mood to be some place else. So I picked him up, and we drove to the state park, a few miles out of town.

Because it was a spur of the moment thing, neither one of us had brought anything to do, so first we walked around and then we settled down under a tree and waited for something to happen to us.

“We should have brought a frisbee,” I said, conversationally.

“Sorry,” Jordon said. “It didn’t occur to me, and even if it had, I don’t have one.”

“How about a baseball?” I asked. “Do you have one of those?”

“I never went in for sports,” he said. “Except gymnastics. You do that alone.”

“Too inner-directed for sports,” I said.

“What does that mean?”

“Nothing,” I said. “It’s from a book Marion told me about. All about how people are inner-directed or outer-directed.”

“Which was better?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “I think inner, but maybe not. I never read the book.”

“I thought you’d read everything,” he said.

I looked at him, and tried to fathom his mood. There was no reason why he should blame me if he was bored, but that had never stopped Jordon before. I leaned over and kissed him. We were still kissing when the frisbee hit us.

“The sky is falling,” Jordon muttered, as he picked it up.

“Hey, give me that back,” a little boy said. “That’s mine.”

“Sure,” Jordon said. “I’m no frisbee thief.”

The boy looked at him suspiciously. “Give it back,” he repeated.

Jordon tossed it over to him. The frisbee spun in space and landed by the boy’s feet.

“I didn’t say throw it,” the boy said.

“Sorry,” Jordon said.

The boy took his frisbee, walked a few feet away from us, and started tossing the frisbee in the air and catching it. Jordon watched a little, then walked over to the boy.

“Don’t you have anybody to play with?” he asked.

“Naw,” the boy said. “I’m all alone.”

“Care if I join you?” Jordon asked.

“You’d rather kiss,” the boy said.

“I can kiss later,” Jordon said. “Come on, let’s play catch.”

“May I join you?” I asked.

The boy looked at the two of us. “Okay,” he said finally. “You can play. But no kissing.”

“I never kiss when I play,” Jordon said. I giggled.

The boy tossed the frisbee at me. I was caught off guard, since I was sure he’d toss it to Jordon first, but managed to catch it off balance. Jordon applauded.

“That was nothing,” the boy said. “She almost missed it.”

“I didn’t though,” I said. “I think I deserve some credit for that.” The boy scowled, so I threw the frisbee over his head. He ran, but couldn’t catch up with it.

“That’s not fair!” he shouted. “You’re not supposed to throw it that far away.”

“He’s right, Paula,” Jordon said.

“I don’t want to play with her,” the boy said.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I drop out. Come on, Jordon.”

“No,” the boy said. “He’s okay. I want to play with him.”

“Be the audience,” Jordon said to me. “I’ll play for a while.”

I went back to the tree, and watched them throw the frisbee around. Jordon really seemed to be having fun. He was running around, trying overhead and backhand catches, and once when he couldn’t catch up with the frisbee he fell down flat on the ground and threw it while he was lying there. And the boy was laughing and chasing the frisbee and doing a pretty good job of catching it. After a spectacular catch, Jordon would cheer, and pretty soon the boy did too. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but their “Yah Team!” reached my ears.

After about a half an hour of frisbee throwing, Jordon and the boy walked over to me. I smiled, and Jordon kissed me on my forehead.

“This is Tommy,” he said. “He’s eight, and doesn’t have any brothers or sisters. Tom, this is Paula. She’s seventeen, and has a sister.”

“I’m very pleased to meet you,” I said. “Sorry I wasn’t much of a frisbee player.”

“That’s okay,” he said. “You’re a girl.”

“I beg your pardon,” I said. “Girls can throw frisbees just as well as boys. I’m just not very good at it.”

“If you say so,” he said. “Jordon said he was going to show me how to do a handstand. Come on, Jordon.”

Jordon smiled at me. “Duty calls,” he said, and walked away with Tommy. Pretty soon they were both standing on their hands. I stifled an urge to go over there and tickle their feet. Then I thought about going over there and trying to do a handstand too, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to do it and I didn’t want some strange eight-year-old laughing at me. So I stayed there watching, as they perfected the handstand and began work on somersaults. Kid stuff, I thought, and wondered why Jordon was enjoying himself so much. I didn’t know anybody less like a kid. I’d never heard him laugh so much though. I suddenly thought about what kind of father Jordon would be. He was messed up, but he could be so gentle and loving that maybe he’d be a good one. I allowed myself a quick fantasy with the two of us living together, in a fieldstone house with a garden full of roses and two kids, a girl and a boy who looked like Jordon. Jordon was a teacher, which he only did because he loved the work. His parents had died in an accident and left him exactly one half of their fortune. The other half they left to Jonny who lived nearby and came over to play with the kids. Every time the boy got in trouble Jordon would laugh and say “He’ll outgrow it. After all I did, thanks to you, Paula.”

“Paula?”

I looked up and saw Jordon. “Oh,” I said. “I guess I was thinking about something.”

“I guess so,” he said. “Tommy has to get home, and I told him we’d give him a lift back. Okay?”

“Sure,” I said. I got up and brushed the grass off my jeans. Jordon gave them a quick brush too, then ran over to Tommy. I joined them and we walked to my car.

Tommy lived a few blocks away. He and Jordon talked about baseball the entire trip back. When we reached his house, he didn’t want to get out, so we sat in the car for a few more minutes while he and Jordon kept talking. I looked pointedly at my watch, but Jordon ignored me in favor of the pennant race. Finally I yawned.

“You’d better be getting in,” Jordon said. “Your mother might start worrying.”

“Okay,” Tommy said. “Will I see you again?”

“Sure,” Jordon said. “You gave me your phone number, didn’t you? I’ll give you a call.”

“Okay,” Tommy said. “Good-bye Jordon.”

“Good-bye,” he said.

“Bye,” I said.

“Oh,” Tommy said. “See you around.” He got out of the car.

“I thought he’d never leave,” I said as we drove away.

“He’s a lonely little kid,” Jordon said. “His parents are divorced and he never sees his father. His mother works and he doesn’t have anyone to play with.”

I looked at Jordon. “You really liked him, didn’t you?”

“Of course I did,” Jordon said.

“Do you like all kids?”

“No,” Jordon said. “Why should I?”

“I don’t know,” I said, thinking of our imaginary family. “I just never thought of you liking kids, that’s all.”

“Well, I don’t like all of them,” he said. “But some I like. Kids like Tommy.”

“Lonely ones?”

“I guess so,” he said. “Don’t you like kids?”

“I guess so,” I said. “I don’t feel too comfortable with them.”

“That’s a pity,” Jordon said. “Kids are the only people I really do feel comfortable with.”

“Do you want to go to the cottage?” I asked.

Jordon looked at his watch. “I can’t,” he said. “I have to get home in time for supper. My mother got really upset the other day when I came in late.”

“Oh come on,” I said. “So you get there a little late. Supper will wait.”

“Paula, I can’t.”

“Dammit, I didn’t see you at all today,” I said, surprised by my own anger. “All you did was play with that kid. And now you have to go back to that prison of yours. I want some of your time too.”

“It’s okay,” Jordon said. “Don’t shout, Paula.”

“I’m not shouting,” I said. “I’m sorry, I’m behaving like a jealous kid. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” he said and kissed me on the cheek.

“Can’t we go to the cottage?”

“No,” he said. “You know I want to, but I just can’t. Come on Paula, I’ll be seeing you tomorrow night. Let’s go back now.”

We drove for a few minutes in silence.

“Sandy wants to meet you,” I said. “She keeps badgering me.”

“Let her badger.”

“That’s exactly what I mean,” I said. “You can spend your time with some dumb kid or with your stupid parents, but I make one little request and you ignore me.”

“Okay, okay,” Jordon said. “I’ll meet Sandy. Now are you satisfied?”

“I thought about it today, while you were playing with Tommy, and I thought maybe you and I and Sandy and Jonny could all go to the fair next week.”

“Sandy and Jonny?” Jordon said. “Do you really think they’d like each other?”

“I don’t know,” I said, not wanting to tell Jordon that Sandy was as curious about Jonny as she was about him. “But it should be fun. Is it okay?”

“I don’t know,” Jordon said.

“You said we could double date,” I said. “In the beginning you said so.”

Jordon sighed. “All right,” he said. “If it’s okay with Jonny.”

“You won’t try to talk him out of it?”

“I promise,” Jordon said. “Now may I go home?”

“Okay,” I said and smiled. Jordon waved good-bye ruefully once he finally got there.

When I got to my house, I heard what sounded like a fight. At least voices were raised. Curiosity overcame discretion, and I walked right in.

“Gary, there’s nothing more to say,” Marion said. She heard the door close and turned around to face me. “Oh hi, Paula.”

“Hello Paula,” Gary said. “How are you?”

“Fine,” I said. Gary had shaved his beard since the last time I’d seen him, and he looked older. “How have you been?”

“Okay,” he said. “I came to talk some sense into your sister.”

Marion sighed. “Gary, my mind is made up. I don’t see why you keep at it.”

“Because I love you,” he said. “Marion, I need you so much.”

“Well, I’ll be going now,” I said.

“No, stay,” Marion said. “Gary’s leaving now anyway.”

“I’m not going until we’ve talked,” he said. “Really talked.”

“What do you think we’re doing now?”

“Nothing,” he said. “You’re not communicating. You’re not listening. You have your answers manufactured before I even open my mouth.”

“That’s because I’ve heard what you’re going to say so many times already,” Marion said. “Gary, there’s no point continuing. I’m not coming back and that’s it.”

“I’ve spent this summer crying,” Gary said. “I go to work every day, pretending I care about it, go through all the motions, and come home and cry. Every day, Marion.”

“It hasn’t been a bunch of roses for me either. But I’m not going to live the rest of my life in a mistake.”

“Every single day,” he said. “All our friends want to know what’s happened. Ted and Betsy, just the other day, said they couldn’t understand it. We were such a good couple, they said. Remember the way we helped them last summer? They’re very upset.”

“I’m sorry for them,” Marion said. “I didn’t mean to upset them. But that still doesn’t change anything. Why don’t you go, Gary? Before I get angry.”

“Please Marion,” he said instead. “Have I made that many demands on you?”

“Yes you have,” she said. “More than you’ll ever know.”

“And what do you mean by that?”

“If you don’t know by now …”

“How can I know?” Gary said. “You never tell me anything.”

“I tell you things,” Marion said. “I mean, I told you. You just never understood.”

“How am I supposed to understand riddles?”

“That’s right,” Marion said. “Anything that’s not blatant is a riddle to you.”

“Look, folks,” I said. “I really have to go now.”

“I’m sorry, Paula,” Gary said. “I didn’t mean to do this in front of you.”

“It’s okay,” I said. “It’s been nice seeing you again.”

“Same here,” Gary said. “You’re looking fine.”

“Thanks,” I said, and ran upstairs before Marion could stop me.

I heard them quarreling for a few more minutes. It was funny about the house. It never carried sounds. When I was a kid, and wanted to eavesdrop on my parents, I had to be in the next room to do it. But Gary and Marion I heard all the way in my room. Of course, I wasn’t used to hearing fights in the house. Even when Mom and Dad argued, they rarely raised their voices. I decided the house wasn’t as soundproof as I’d always assumed, and tried not to listen. It wasn’t easy. Things got really loud, and then quiet, and I hoped Gary had gone until I realized somebody was crying. The scary thing was I didn’t know who it was.

I called Sandy, to drown the silence out, and to tell her about the double date. She sounded amused by the idea. I would have preferred outright enthusiasm, but that was probably too much to ask of her. We left it that we would all go next Wednesday night, unless something came up.

When I hung up, I could still hear Gary and Marion. I couldn’t make out what they were saying, which meant they weren’t screaming. I tried to listen, and then I tried not to listen, and looked through some magazines instead. After a few more minutes, I heard the front door opening and Dad shouting “I’m home!” Then there was some more murmurings, and one “Gary!” very clear from Marion, and the sound of the front door closing.

“You can come down now,” Marion shouted up to me. “He’s gone.”

“That’s okay,” I said. “I have a headache. I think I’ll stay up here.”

“What about supper?”

“I’ll take some later,” I said.

“Okay,” Marion said. “I don’t give a damn whether you eat or not.”

“Marion,” Dad said, but I could see Marion running upstairs to her room. I closed the door to mine, sat down on my bed, and worried.