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I recalled the other time I’d laid on the ground with my head in Zemi’s lap. That’d also been a time when I’d felt as if I was going to die. Then, her boyfriend and his friends had beaten the crap out of me outside of a restaurant after a school trip. Zemi had held me and cried afterward and her long curly hair had wiped her tears from my face. I’d begged her to take me to Mama Julia and I remembered her cradling my head as her best friend’s boyfriend had driven us to Fox Hill.
***
HER PERFUME SMELLED like vanilla and wine, and though it was subtle, I could tell it was very expensive. It was a new scent and I hadn’t had the time to ask her what it was. Usually, she wore floral perfumes. This one was bolder and more mature and she’d probably sprayed it on while thinking about our night together. I never thought it would turn out like this. I hadn’t known there would be trouble until Adrian and his boys had followed me outside the gate. I had planned to leave before anyone else did so no one saw which direction I went in and no one would suspect when Zemi followed me. Adrian had been watching and my being alone had provided the opportunity for him and his boys to jump me. I didn’t have a chance against six boys who hated my guts. While they beat me my only thought was that I was going after them with my Fox Hill crew and there would be hell to pay.
I could barely see or talk when Zemi knelt over me but I managed to tell her that I wanted to go home. I don’t know when Mama Julia called Kirk but by the time he got there, the ringing in my ears had stopped, and whatever invisible demon had been punching me in the head with brass knuckles had decided I’d had enough.
I laid in Mama Julia’s guest bedroom with my head in Zemi’s lap. Mama Julia had cleaned my cuts and lathered me in ointment and prayers.
“Who the fuck did this to you?” Kirk asked when he burst into the room.
“It was my boyfriend and five of his friends,” Zemi said before I could say anything.
“Your boyfriend? You have another boyfriend? So what the fuck are you doing with my son?”
“Don’t talk to her like that, Kirk.”
“I can talk to her however the fuck I want. She let you get jumped by six guys. Did you know she had a boyfriend?”
“Yes, so you can’t blame her for this.”
“I want their names, we’re going to the police,” Kirk growled.
“You know the police won’t do anything,” I said.
“Then we’ll start a war,” he said.
“No, please don’t.” Zemi lifted my head, got up, and rested my head on a pillow. She walked over to my father. “Please don’t try and solve this with more violence.”
“Six boys beat up my son. He hasn’t been in remission for a good year yet and they almost beat him to death. How do you think I should handle it then, little girl?”
“In remission? He’s in remission from what?” Zemi asked.
I watched the color drain from Kirk’s face. “He didn’t tell you?”
Zemi looked at me with eyes wild with shock. She called my name softly and I closed my eyes against the hurt in her voice.
“I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to feel sorry for me, and I’m in remission and didn’t want to talk about it. I was diagnosed with acute lymphocytic leukemia when I was ten. Thanks to Mama Julia, I went into remission just before we started talking.” Zemi and I had only gone to high school together so she had no idea that I’d miss so much school when I was younger my mother had hired a tutor so I didn’t fall so far behind. Being alone and being sick had been so normal for me. Prescott had dedicated himself to being a fool to make me smile and I don’t know how I would’ve survived my childhood without him.
Zemi walked over and dropped to her knees in front of me. Pain and sympathy swam in her eyes. “You should’ve told me.” She rested her head on my chest and cried. “I want them to pay for what they did to you.”
“Oh don’t worry, they will,” I assured her.
Zemi lifted her head. “Fighting is not the answer.”
“It’s our only choice,” I said.
“I agree with Zemi.”
We all turned to Mama Julia who stood in the doorway.
“Did you see this coming?” Kirk asked Mama Julia.
“You both asked me to not pry into your lives. Now I only look when you give me permission. If you want my full protection, then let me do things my way. Come here, child.”
She sat at the dresser and Zemi walked over and stood in front of her.
“I want you to give me the full names of all of the boys who hurt my Fifi.”
Zemi gave her their names. “Adrian Albury, Steven and Seth Carey, Luca Butler, Kareem Rolle, and Jeremiah Mendoza, and I hate them all.”
Mama Julia was quiet for a second and then smiled. “Sometimes the people with the ultimate power don’t live behind fancy suits and security gates. Leave this to me.” She gave Kirk a withering look. “Do you hear me, Kirk? I will handle this.” She got up and left the room.
Not even my father was big and bad enough to disobey Mama Julia.
A month later, Adrian and the Carey boys’ fathers’ were fired from the high-profile law firm where they worked. They packed up their families and left the island. Adrian’s family moved to Miami and the Careys moved back to Eleuthera. Mama Julia wouldn’t tell us what she did. Instead, she asked about Zemi.
“Was she sleeping with the other boy?
Her question smacked me in the face. “What? No!”
“Are you sure? Is that what she told you?”
“Yes, it’s what she told me and I believe her. Is she lying to me?”
“I don’t know. You told me to not interfere in your relationship after I said you were too different.”
“I didn’t want to hear it because I know Zemi and I are very different. That’s not enough to keep me from loving her.”
“Fair enough. Just know that love always comes with consequences.”
“Whatever they are we will deal with them if and when they come. Please, Mama Julia, let me have her. I don’t think I can deal with anything else right now.”
“As you wish, my boy.”
When things started falling apart, that love wasn’t strong enough to cushion the pain, which was unlike anything I’d experienced in my short time on earth even after battling cancer.
***
“KOFI, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, baby?”
Zemi’s voice penetrated the fog in my brain. I blinked and focused on her beautiful face. Was she really there or had I imagined her like I used to? Her warm hand on my sweaty brow confirmed that she was real. What the hell was she doing in my bar?
“Kofi, are you all right, baby?”
The voice sounded different the second time. I followed the sound of it and realized that it was Leah who’d called me baby, not Zemi, even though I’d heard her voice as clear as day. Zemi was there with three other women I didn’t know. Most of the crowd had gathered behind them and most of those faces I did know. Talk about embarrassing. How the hell had I passed out on stage? I tried to sit up.
“I think you should lie still for a second.”
Yeah, this time it was definitely Zemi speaking.
“He’s fine,” Leah said.
I could feel the tension between them and I wondered if they knew each other. I sat up and even though Leah took my hand and pressed against me, I felt Zemi’s presence. Our eyes found each other and no one else in the room mattered.
“Do you feel dizzy?” Zemi asked.
Someone handed me a bottle of water. I unscrewed the cap and took a long sip while I tried to collect my wits and thoughts.
“Do you want me to call an ambulance?” she asked.
I shook my head. “I’m fine.”
“You prefer Mama Julia anyway, right?” she asked.
I nodded. “My preferences haven’t changed. It’s good to see you, Zemi. How are you?”
“I’m fine. Are you sure you’re all right?”
I struggled to my feet and it was embarrassing to have to lean on Leah who placed her hand over my heart like she owned it.
“He’s fine,” she insisted.
“Okay.” Zemi seemed to give up whatever war she and Leah had been fighting. “It was good to see you, Kofi, take care.”
“It’s good seeing you too, Zemi.”
I stared at her as she walked back to her table and picked up her purse. She and the three other women walked out.
“Did you invite her here?”
I turned to Leah. “Why do you sound jealous?”
Her eyes flashed. “She’s no good for you. Everybody knows how she and her family treated you.”
“Remember your place, Leah.”
“I am remembering my place. You’re not my man but you are my friend, and friends tell each other when they’re making mistakes.”
“I’m not making any mistakes, Leah. I didn’t know Zemi would be here. I haven’t spoken to her in twelve years.” I ran my hand over my hair. “I think I’m going to call it a night.”
“You should. Let me drive you home,” Leah offered.
“No, I want to be alone. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine.”
“Kofi, you fainted.”
“I’ve been running around all day and I didn’t eat much. I’ll get something from a food truck and eat before I go. Will that make you happy?”
Leah pressed her ample breasts against me. “It will make me happy if you let me eat with you.”
I kissed her cheek. “I want to be alone.”
She took a step back. “So you can think about her?”
“Good night, Leah.”
I didn’t get the food I’d promised Leah I’d eat. How could I eat after seeing Zemi? I drove to the beach where we’d spent our first night together and sat in the cave with my memories of what had happened after I’d been beaten half to death.
***
ADRIAN HADN’T GONE blabbering to Zemi’s parents as I’d feared. Doing so would be admitting he was the one who’d beaten me up and his parents would not have been happy with that. I missed two weeks of school and stayed with Mama Julia because I couldn’t deal with Carl and my mother. I refused to tell them what had happened because I knew Carl would start making calls and making heads roll and the story would get out and my friends, a lot of whom were in gangs and drug dealing, would retaliate and we’d have a war. As long as Adrian and his goons kept their mouths shut, I’d let Mama Julia handle it. I’d seen how she dealt with people who’d wronged her and I’d never want to be on her hit list.
Zemi came by to see me the day after the beatdown.
“I told my parents about us,” she said.
I was propped up in bed with my song book which was the only place I could release my anger. I closed it and stared at her sitting on the edge of the bed with dark circles under her beautiful eyes. “What did they say?”
“That you didn’t deserve me and that I was ruining my life with you. Mom said that if I didn’t leave you alone she would make life very difficult for your family.”
“Meaning?”
“She didn’t say, but Camille Darling can be ruthless when she wants to be.”
I searched her face. “Do you want to break up with me, Zemi?”
She closed her eyes and tears spilled out. “I love you, Kofi.”
“But?”
“My parents are threatening to cut me off if I stay with you.”
I sat back. “I see.”
“Do you? Do you see what I’ll have to give up to be with you? My parents can put me through medical school. I’ve wanted to be a pediatrician since I was three years old. I don’t want a life of struggle; I’m not used to it.”
“My life is not a struggle, Zemi. I have everything I need right here in this community. The only thing missing is you.”
She stared at me. “You don’t expect me to live here like some barefoot island girl following you around town while you play for pennies, do you?”
I smiled even though my heart was breaking. Kirk Rollins, you were so right. I was never going to fall in love again. “I guess we didn’t think about the long-term, no teenager does.”
Zemi scooted closer to me and took my hand. “I’m not thinking long-term now.” She pressed my hand against her heart. “All I know is that I love you and I want to be with you, right here and now. Can you accept if that’s all I can give you?”
I nodded and she collapsed against my chest. I sighed and caressed her head. “I’m sorry, Kirk,” I whispered into her hair.
Zemi came to see me every day and we enjoyed a few precious hours together. She didn’t talk about her parents even though I could see in her eyes that they were still on her case. I didn’t ask because I wanted to enjoy our time together. We wrote songs and sang. She had a terrible voice, and I loved it. I couldn’t imagine my life without Zemi’s terrible singing.
Everything changed once Adrian’s and the Carey boys’ fathers were fired. The domino effect from the fallout didn’t leave anyone standing and the carnage would change my life forever.
***
MY PHONE LIT UP WITH a call from my mother who’d gotten a call from Leah. I assured her that I was okay and then headed home. Leah took every opportunity to suck up to my mother when she knew that being fourteen years older and bisexual meant that Tennille Morley would never accept her as a daughter-in-law, even if I was interested in going down that route with her. I wasn’t in the least bit interested. I parked in my driveway and then headed next door to talk to Mama Julia who always had a pot of tea brewing.
The hot fragrant tea was what my stomach and nerves needed and I drank half a cup before I started talking.
“Carl confided to me that you told him he wasn’t going to make it.”
Mama Julia shook her head. “He wanted to know. Looking back at everything that’s happened in your life, do you wish you’d known?”
Her soft question opened a door I didn’t need to open. “What if I could’ve saved them?”
“You’re still angry at me because I didn’t tell you.”
I leaned in closer. “If there was one time for you to disregard my wishes, that was it.”
“I didn’t know. I wasn’t looking because you’d asked me not to and when I did look after the fact, I saw that there wasn’t anything you or anyone could’ve done.”
“Zemi said it was my fault. She said I put too much stress on her.”
“You’re not the one who stressed her out; it was her parents who never wanted you together.”
I held up my hands and pushed against the vehemence in her voice. “Let’s leave that, Mama. I don’t want to talk about Zemi, but, I passed out at the bar tonight, right in front of her. I haven’t seen Zemi in twelve years and I faint in front of her.”
“Perhaps it was from the shock of seeing her.”
I grunted. “I didn’t see her until after I kissed the floor.”
Mama Julia sipped her tea and watched me with those hypnotic eyes.
“Do you know why she’s here?” I asked.
“She was probably celebrating before her wedding in a few weeks.”
“She’s getting married?”
She nodded. “Camille paid for a full-page article in The Nassau Guardian newspaper months ago announcing the engagement of Dr. Zemi Darling to Dr. Adrian Albury.”
I almost dropped my cup. “She’s going to marry Adrian? How come you didn’t tell me they were together?”
“You said you didn’t want to hear anything about her. Everyone in your family knows and didn’t tell you because we knew that after all that’s happened, the fact that she went back to him would be like a dagger to your wounded heart.”
I rested the cup on the table and stood. “I’m going to bed. Thank you for the tea.”
“We need to talk about this, Fifi.”
“Not tonight. I don’t have the strength for anything else.”
I walked back to my house and fell into bed fully clothed and prayed for sleep which came with dreams of things I needed to forget. I drifted between sleep and being awake and each brought the same nightmare of a past I couldn’t bury deep enough to forget.
