I was in Major Nathaniel Peabody’s apartment. His monthly Spendthrift Trust remittance rested safely inside my jacket pocket, patiently waiting for delivery as soon as the hands of the clock told us it was after midnight and the first of the month had arrived. We sat there, silently watching the flames in the fireplace reduce the wood to coals. The Major began a one way conversation.
“When in the field,” he began, “the sportsman constantly faces a serious danger. He is always aware of the potential for some unforeseen circumstance to arise and destroy the expedition. The form of such an ominous threat cannot be fore-cast, but there are many events that can ruin a pleasant hunt.
“The best organized adventure can be interrupted by the development of a sudden illness or some other adversity. If someone’s dog decides it would be a good idea to grab a porcupine by the neck and give it a good shaking, the grouse hunt will probably be ended. The plan to spend a week on South Dakota pheasant land can be prematurely disrupted by some completely unforeseeable disaster like inadvertently bringing 16 gauge shells and a 12 gauge shotgun. An evening in a cottage on a lake known to contain ducks can become an agony if you are forced to listen to a hunter’s unending whining about ammunition that doesn’t hit what he aims at or the occurrence of gale force winds and sub zero temperatures.
“Adversity of any nature can destroy any hunt,” Peabody concluded. “A hunter must always be alert. Let’s say someone brings a newspaper into camp. Immediate action is required. It is important to understand media financial success is dependant upon reporting stories of dreadful catastrophes and frightful calamities. Hunters tend to be a simple and naïve lot. If they are left to their own devices, they may read the newspaper and actually believe what is printed in it. If so, an atmosphere of dejection will surely pervade the camp and it will no longer be a happy place.
“Don’t get me wrong, young man. I’m not one of those in the vast majority of the population who are convinced the newspapers are worthless rags. The Supreme Being did not create newspapers without intending some valuable purpose for them. Newspapers are useful in starting fires in the camp wood stove. In addition, newspapers be cut into four or five inch strips and rolled up. Appropriate sized lengths may then be torn off and used for a worthwhile purpose if someone forgot to bring the toilet tissue. One must remember, however, that newspaper ink will leave a black smudge on the Gluteus Maximus.
“Another danger is represented by soggy playing cards. When confronted with such an outrage, one must not dissolve into a mass of blubbering hysteria. If he is to defeat adversity, the poker player must keep his wits about him. He must face up to the challenge and exercise the most careful of attentions to avoid misdealing. Misdeals can result in accusations of incompetence and fist fights. Fists fights, if allowed to get out of hand, could destroy the friendly camaraderie necessary to all hunting camps.
“An unforeseen death is yet another example of an adversity that could distract from the joys of the occasion. If a man dies in the middle of a grouse hunt, his camp-mates may become mildly depressed and forego the following morning’s hunt.
“The failure to deal with adversity has destroyed more hunts than the failure to bring insect repellant to the springtime Canadian tundra. The experienced hunter is quick to recognition potentially disruptive situations. He is conditioned to resolutely confront and overcome whatever camp-destroying danger that might arise.”
The Major rattled the ice cubes in his glass. I performed my function and re-filled it. Peabody sipped, nodded his approval and then continued his story.
“Last year I was invited to travel to the southern shore of Hudson Bay to hunt geese and waterfowl. I knew two of the three other men in our group. They were experienced hunters.
“Steve and Mike and I had developed the kind of special relationship enjoyed only by men who have hunted together or shared the same cell for a number of years. The fourth member of the group - Henry Something-Or-Other - was unknown to me.
“After three or four changes of airplane, we landed at an abandoned Canadian air force base at Winisk near the shores of Hudson Bay and were driven to our base camp. That’s when adversity raised its ugly head. Steve, Mike and my shotguns arrived safely, but Henry’s weapon did not. It was probably in the unclaimed baggage section of the Timmins or the Moosonee airport. Being an experienced hunter, Steve immediately recognized how the man’s misfortune could have a dampening affect on the pleasure of our shoot. He took immediate action.
“He put his arm around Henry’s shoulder, demanded he stop his whimpering and tried to comfort him. He told him it could have been much worse - it could have been his, or Mike’s or my shotgun that had been left behind. In spite of Steve’s friendly attempt to help him, the man continued to snivel. Steve was forced to turn and walk away in order to avoid having to listen to his miserable complaining. It became clear that Henry was unable to deal with adversity.
“Mike, too, tried to deal with the danger resulting from Henry’s bad luck. He convinced one of our Cree Indian guides to let Henry rent his twelve ga. The guide’s shotgun was a 1930’s vintage humpbacked Remington version of the Browning automatic. The weapon’s rust and split but duct taped stock proved it had seen substantial service. The rental figure was a bit high and was phrased in US, not Canadian, dollars.”
Peabody sipped from his drink and slowly shook his head as he considered Henry’s lack of appreciation. “You just can’t please some people,” he said. “Can you believe it? Henry complained about the rental price. Privately, Mike asked me if he should reduce Henry’s cost by the twenty percent commission the overjoyed guide gave him for negotiating such a favorable rental agreement. Of course, I told him ‘No’. It would have been unworthy of Mike to change the terms of the contract by sacrificing his own well-earned commission.
“The owner of the gun decided to be Henry’s personal guide. He wanted to make sure his Remington was not abused. He stuck to Henry just like the pine pitch that filled the cracks in the boat’s seat impregnated and stuck to the seat of Henry’s $275.00 Serac Gore-Tex nylon hunting pants. As is the case with all complainers, Henry voiced his unhappiness whenever he sat down and was stuck to whatever he sat down on.
“The guide didn’t speak much English and Henry hadn’t had the foresight to learn the Cree language. Communication between the two of them was tenuous at best. I’m sure the guide tried to tell Henry that members of the Cree Nation were not subject to the Canadian duck hunting regulation requiring plugged automatics and three shell limits. Henry had often fired five shots at retreating ducks and had re-loaded the Remington many times. He knew the weapon was not plugged.
“Had he learned Cree, Henry would have been able to tell his guide why he desperately tried to hand the weapon to him when he saw the Mounted Policeman coming toward him to check for game violations. Given the communication problem, you can’t blame the guide for thinking Henry was trying to reduce the cost in the hourly rental contract by handing him the gun. The Cree shoved the Remington back to him every time Henry tried to put it in his hands.
“In another effort to soften the effects of adversity, Steve, Mike and I commiserated with Henry about the exceptionally heavy fine he had to pay. Nevertheless, Henry was inconsolable. His incessant whimpering and complaining nearly destroyed the hunt. It would have been ruined for lesser men, but Steve, Mike and I knew how to overcome adversity.
“We paid no attention to Henry. We ignored him during the daylight hours and, when back in camp, we avoided him as men in the Middle Ages would avoid a leper. One dark and stormy night, we threw him out of our tent. He had to move in with the guide where he was able to whine and complaint at length. (The reason the Cree guide never bothered to learn English became apparent. He just smiled, said nothing, and went to sleep.)
“This is an excellent example of how experienced hunters like Steve and Mike and me will not allow adversity to spoil our hunt.”