Tess

Tess was signing in at Clearview when Gigi came up behind her, and held her briefly in a light embrace that might have seemed overfamiliar if it wasn’t Gigi making it, but, since it was, it just felt nice.

‘Hello, lovely.’

‘Hello yourself. Coming or going?’

‘I was going, actually. You?’

‘I just got here. Traffic’s rotten.’ She’d meant to come earlier, in truth, but, for the first time, after last time, she’d almost dreaded it. She’d procrastinated at home – Donna wasn’t there – and so she’d put on a wash, unloaded the dishwasher and dawdled for too long. That, and then the traffic, had put her back.

‘Really? I might hang around a bit longer, then – let it clear a bit.’

‘Good idea.’

‘Don’t fancy a coffee, do you? I don’t want to keep you away from your gran …’

‘Actually, I didn’t have breakfast. I’d love to grab something.’

‘Deal. Come on, then.’ Gigi linked arms with Tess companionably and pointed them in the direction of the cafeteria.

‘They might still have some croissants or something. Too early for lunch.’

The cooking smells hit Tess sideways, once she was in the room, and she settled for a cup of mint tea, which could usually head off a wave of nausea.

Gigi noted the change of heart, and raised an eyebrow as they sat down.

‘I thought you were hungry?’

‘I am. And not …’

Gigi looked at her, a small smile forming.

Tess laughed. ‘I’m pregnant, Gigi.’

The small smile broke into a beam. ‘Oh, Tess – that is happy, happy news. Congratulations!’

Tess smiled shyly back. ‘I thought you might have guessed already. You being a midwife …’

Gigi put her hands up in a gesture of surrender. ‘Occupational hazard.’

‘It’s okay. I’m glad to say, actually.’

‘How far along are you?’

‘Around five months. The baby is due at the beginning of August.’

‘Wow. That’s brilliant. Summer babies are a joy. Twenty weeks or so?’ Tess nodded. ‘And still sick?’ Professional curiosity had obviously kicked in.

‘Mostly fine now – it was never too bad, actually. But every now and then something just … gets me … and then I don’t fancy anything. Believe me, highly out of character – normally no pastry is safe in my vicinity, but I’d honestly heave if that pain au chocolat came anywhere near me right now.’

Gigi laughed conspiratorially. ‘I was the same with raw meat. Couldn’t stand it.’

Tess blew out her cheeks and smiled ruefully. ‘Yup. I get that.’

‘You need something, though, to go with that tea. If you haven’t eaten all day. Forgive the bossiness. Mother, grandmother and midwife, so you’re buggered. Think you could manage a ginger nut?’

Tess smirked, knowing resistance was probably futile. ‘I could try …’

Gigi took out her purse and stood up. ‘I’ll grab some.’

She ate two small packets, in fact, while Gigi made small talk, and was amazed to find that they did help.

‘Better?’

She nodded gratefully. ‘Better.’

‘It’s rotten.’

‘It’s not so bad. I’d been dreading being one of those women who are really ill all the time – like poor old Kate Middleton.’

‘That’s grim. Particularly, one imagines, if one is so much in the public eye.’ She said it in a faux posh voice. ‘But hyperemesis is quite rare. With most women it passes in the first few months, and it isn’t even every day.’

Tess nodded again. ‘In time for stretch marks, swollen ankles, haemorrhoids, breasts the size of zeppelins …’

‘Sometimes! But don’t forget the glow, the thicker hair … the baby you get at the end of it …’

‘God, I sound negative, don’t I? Sorry.’

‘Nothing to be sorry for. Some women love being pregnant. Some women don’t. It’s all okay.’

Tess smiled gratefully at Gigi. ‘You’re very kind.’

‘Just telling it like it is … It’s a lot – a lot of changes – not just the physical ones, although they can be overwhelming on their own. It’s other stuff too.’

‘And that’s if you’ve got your life sorted.’

‘And you haven’t?’

Tess ran her fingers nervously around the edge of her empty teacup. ‘Not really.’ And then, she didn’t quite know why, except that Gigi was so lovely, she said, ‘Not at all, actually …’

‘Oh, love.’ Gigi stroked her shoulder.

‘It’s a bit of a mess. I’m not with the dad. I mean, I was, when I got pregnant. I’m just not now. And I’m not going to be. I don’t really know how he’s going to fit into the baby’s life. I’m being a total coward about sorting it all out, to be honest, but we’re not going to be together …’

‘Are you sure about that? Babies can change things.’

Tess’s face was very serious. ‘I’m sure.’ Her tone brooked no argument, and Gigi nodded, no doubt wondering what on earth had gone on between them to make her so sure.

‘And he’s moving to New York anyway. Which isn’t the why, by the way.’

‘Okay.’

‘So breaking up with Sean – that was his name, Sean – meant I was homeless. We’d been living together, but it was his place. I’d given up my flat to move in with him. Idiot. So I’m back at my mum’s house. In my damn thirties …’

‘And how is that?’

Tess shrugged. ‘It’s okay. Better than I thought it would be. I mean – it’s good of her to have me. We haven’t exactly been close these last years. Ever. Iris has been more like my mum. But Donna did want me to stay, and it’s been okay. Still, it’s not where you’re supposed to be, is it, when you’re having your first child? You’re supposed to be married to someone you adore, in your own place, painting a damn nursery and hanging mobiles, aren’t you? Not kipping in your mum’s spare room while you try to figure out what kind of flat you can afford.’

‘You’re still working?’

‘Yes. And I’ll get the full maternity, and all that. I mean, I can afford something … but I’ll be alone there, with the baby, and, frankly, the thought scares me to death.’

Tess looked tearful. Gigi squeezed her hand.

‘You know, unsolicited advice can be the worst thing in the world, but –’

‘I’m soliciting it, I think.’ Tess half laughed.

‘Well, then, I’d say this, Tess. One thing at a time. One thing at a time. It’s too much, if you try to sort everything all at once. You’ve got to prioritize. Right now, what matters is you and the baby. Staying well and healthy, rested. You’ve got your mum, you’ve got your job, you’ve got somewhere to stay …’

‘I must seem such a flake to you.’

‘Not at all.’

‘You’re sweet, but I don’t believe you. You’re so sorted.’

Gigi laughed more bitterly than she had expected to. ‘Appearances can be deceptive, lovely.’

Tess snorted. ‘You’re lovely. Lovely husband. Lovely kids. Lovely home, I bet. Lovely job, which I know you must be brilliant at …’

Gigi looked into her eyes. ‘I left that lovely husband.’

‘What?’

‘I left him.’

‘Oh God. I’m sorry! Wow. Big mouth. Sorry … sorry.’

‘Why should you be?’

‘I’ve been going on –’

‘And that’s fine,’ Gigi interrupted. ‘I asked. I just wanted you to know my life wasn’t exactly all squared away either. I don’t think anyone’s is, truthfully. We’re all just faking it, aren’t we, to some degree?’

Tess smiled gratefully. ‘Are you okay?’

Gigi took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. ‘Not yet. But I will be. So will you.’ She squeezed Tess’s hand.

‘Do you want to talk about it?’ Tess felt awkward suddenly. She remembered how little she knew Gigi. And for how short a time. It just fast-tracked things, being in here, having this common bond. All of them a bit vulnerable and upset, a bit of soft under-belly facing upwards. And she was grateful. Gigi had been so kind. And maybe she was even a little desperate – for the connection.

‘Not really. Not to anyone. You’re sweet to offer. I’ve got to organize my own thoughts before they can be words. I’ve done something so extraordinarily out of character, I think I’m still in shock. Can’t say what I mean about it, because I’m not even sure what I mean. If that makes sense?’

‘Such sense you cannot imagine!’

They looked into each other’s faces and understood each other, without facts or explanation, and both were surprised by how much comfort there was in that.