Leon Goes to Church

I’ve been blessed to meet a lot of good folks from cooking on ranches and traveling the country catering. A very special person and someone I call a dear friend is a man by the name of Leon. He is a fifth-generation cowboy, and, if you look up “cow­boy” in the dictionary, Leon’s picture should be there.

He is one of the most devout Christians I’ve ever been around, but surprisingly, he’s never set foot inside a church. Leon would tell me, “You know, Kent, the pew I sit on is my saddle. The pulpit I hear a sermon from is my saddle horn. That’s where I feel closest to God, just sitting there on horseback.”

Well, it was several years ago that Leon had to move off the family ranch, near Mountainair, New Mexico, to a smaller place in Elida due to health concerns. It was hard for him to leave the ranch that he had lived on forever. He called me up and asked if I wouldn’t mind helping him and his wife, Darla, move things from his old ranch.

When I pulled up to their house in Mountainair, I noticed Leon had two black eyes. Leon is not a man to fight, so I couldn’t figure out what might have happened. When I got out of the truck, I asked him, “Leon, where’d you get those black eyes?” “You ain’t going to believe this, Kent. I got them in church.” Well, I knew I had to hear this story.

Leon went on, “I was bringing seven yearling bulls out of that pasture on the backside of the ranch, and you know that little country church that sets just across the road? I heard the most beautiful music coming out. Well, I just decided I’d leave them bulls there and go into that church. I took off my hat and my spurs, so I wouldn’t be making no racket, and found an open spot in the back. Well, as soon as I got settled, the preacher said, ‘Ya’ll stand and we’ll sing Hymn 368.’ Now, Kent, it was really hot in that church and I noticed that a tremendously large woman was standing in front of me. Due to perspiration, her dress had gathered there on her in a most unbecoming spot. I thought to myself, I’ll help this poor woman out. So ever so slowly, I plucked her dress out of where it had stuck. When I did, that woman swung around and clocked me right there in the eye!”

“Well, Leon, that explains the one black eye, but what happened to the other one?”

“Kent, I just cowboyed up, ’cause she didn’t want it out of there, so I just pushed it right back in!”