Why write a new edition of Overwhelmed? In 1989, when it was originally published, Google did not exist, 9/11 meant nothing, Internet dating was unheard of, talking on cell phones on every street corner was nonexistent, househusbands were hardly a blip on the landscape, and the issue of grandparents raising grandchildren—four million of them—was not addressed.
We have survived an overwhelming attack on our security, many have faced job loss, there is no longer the assurance that working hard and being loyal to the company will result in promotions, most families no longer have the opportunity to choose to work or stay at home, and an increasing number of people cannot afford health insurance. Furthermore, the Internet has changed our lives. In addition to instant communication, people are falling in love over the Internet. In short, people are facing new challenges as they try to balance work and family, loyalty to a workplace and loyalty to themselves. As sociologist Phyllis Moen wrote, “Millions of Americans . . . [have] too much to do and too little time to do it, often with the need and desire to be at two places at once.”1 As one young woman said, “I wish I could clone myself. I need to be two people.”
I remember the overwhelming pressures I felt when working full time as a professor, raising two children with my husband Steve, and caring for two parents when each was terminally ill, thinking, “If I am having such stress, what about people who do not have secure jobs with pensions, what about the single parent, recently divorced, with little financial resources, but with family obligations?”
The pressures people experience—in all walks of life—require a new look at Overwhelmed: Coping with Life’s Ups and Downs. No matter where I went, I heard stories of people feeling pushed to the limits. Whether it is the woman supporting a family of four on limited income; the single parent by choice; the man supporting and physically caring for his mother and disabled sister; the retired professor suddenly thrust into caring for grandchildren; the writer dealing with rejection; the friend not understanding why a relationship has dissolved; the lover of sixty years putting his wife in a nursing home; women feeling pressure to be “perfect moms,” work performers, and attentive lovers; the woman who discovers her husband has been having an Internet affair with a “bimbo” whom he later marries—these and others highlight the universal feeling of being overwhelmed.
The ability to tackle this, to handle it, to turn it into an opportunity is what is crucial—now more than ever. So the decision to update Overwhelmed was made. Overwhelmed is a book that is unique in the way it helps people make sense out of the enormous transitions they face in everyday life. It is the only book on transitions that is based on years of research—studies of people moving, adults returning to school, people whose jobs were eliminated, retirement, non-events like not having a baby or not getting promoted, and so on. These studies resulted in the development of a generic framework for understanding any type of transition. Based on this research, Overwhelmed presents a step-by-step approach to turning overwhelming transitions into challenging experiences. By systematically sizing up transitions and one’s resources for dealing with them, people can learn how to build on their strengths, cut their losses, and even grow in the process. In other words, this book is more than inspirational. It provides a person with tools for understanding and action. In summary, my work on transitions provides a systematic approach to any transition that is based on a theoretical framework but written in everyday language.
The basic model that takes the mystery—not the misery—out of change remains the same. There are new cases and many sections have been expanded. There is a new chapter on non-events. The final chapter, “It’s Your Turn Now,” includes the Transition Guide, which helps identify your resources for coping with life’s ups and downs. I hope these additions will enhance your understanding of your own transitions, offering clues to more creative coping.