Frankie
The next day, I couldn’t seem to get that clinic bill out of my mind. What was taking so long?
As I rose early and energized, empowered by the glimpse of hope Lila had given me the night before, I decided to try and clear my head and pounce on work like my life depended on it. Halfway through the day, however, the universe decided to derail me with another unexpected visit from Gus.
I was with our ranch vet—examining the young calves and making sure they were up to date with their medications and vaccines—when my younger brother marched into the space with loud steps, clearing his throat.
“Frankie,” he hollered. “Hey, doc!” Tipping his hat as a greeting for the vet, he gestured for me to come closer. “Got a sec?”
“Uh, now?”
“Yes, please.”
Shrugging, I took off my work gloves and put them down, stepping away to where he stood.
“Our friend Bon-Bon ain’t even pregnant,” he whispered, narrowing his eyes as if to tell me that there was more to the story.
“What?” I raised my eyebrows, extremely relieved. “How’d ya know?”
“Just got back from town.” He scoffed, “Apparently, it’s a scam she’s runnin’ with ‘er new beau. They’ve been tryin’ it on every guy she’d been with in the past few months, makin’ a quick buck here ‘n’ there.”
“Jesus!” I exhaled sharply, relaxing my shoulders that had been killing me with stress pain for days. “And who’s that asshole?”
“Who cares, man?” He smiled. “I’m tellin’ ya, you’re off the hook. There is no baby to begin with.”
“That’s why that bill never arrived.”
“Exactly.” He looked around, checking as the men joined the doctor in their diligent endeavor. “I told ya somethin’ smelled funny ‘bout that whole thing. What’s your move now?”
“I—” I shook my head in disbelief. “I dunno, maybe I should go to the sheriff.”
“Maybe…” He shrugged, scratching the tip of his nose in deep thought.
“No, y’know what?” I then turned around to the men, “Boys, I gotta go for a while. Do whatever the doc says. Sorry, doc!” I quickly headed for the door, marching on while Gus followed in my steps.
“What?” he impatiently asked.
“I gotta go see Bonnie myself,” I declared. “I need real closure on this, right now.”
“I’m comin’ with yah.”
“Why not.”
Hopping on our horses, my brother and I rode as fast as we could over to the town—to where Bonnie lived.
As soon as we approached her house, things seemed twice as dismal as I had remembered them. The lawn in her front yard clearly hadn’t been mowed in a while, and the flowers in the corner beds were almost wilting.
No car was parked outside, which made me wonder if her new boyfriend rode anything at all.
After a couple of knocks, Bonnie finally came to the door, looking pale and it was quite clear that she had been crying.
“F—Frankie, whatcha doin’ here?” she stuttered.
“Aren’t you gonna let us in?” I challenged her, although she already looked pitiful.
“Uh, sure…” Her voice trailed off as she opened the screen door and stepped aside.
Proceeding into the house that once had a cheerful spirit to it, I instantly caught a sense of how Bonnie’s life had suddenly gone south. Her previously clean walls now had a few stains here and there. The entire living room was messy, with the man’s belongings tossed around haphazardly.
I scanned the space to notice that her kitchen sink was filled to the brim with filthy dishes and pots. Empty beer bottles were everywhere, and the rug on the floor screamed that it hadn’t been cleaned in ages.
Turning around to look at Gus, who was two steps behind, he shrugged and mindlessly examined the place before quickly excusing himself.
“I’ll wait for ya outside.” He turned to Bonnie with a courteous, albeit forced, smile. “Good to see ya, Bon-Bon.”
Then, we were alone and I couldn’t help but feel sorry for the woman and how that man was evidently treating her.
“Never got that bill from the clinic, Bonnie.” I confronted her.
“I—uh…” She wrung her hands, her lower lip trembling as if she were barely keeping herself from crying.
“Where’s your boyfriend?” I pointed to a pair of men’s home slippers by the door.
“Out.” Her eyes moved quickly from one side to the other. “Frankie, I’m sorry. I ain’t pregnant… and I ain’t happy, either.”
Her voice was breaking and so was my heart. Was that poor soul far too lost for saving?
“No shit.” I solemnly looked into her eyes, slowly lowering myself onto her sofa.
“I’ll break up with ‘im, I swear I will.” Eager, her voice suddenly gained a higher pitch as she hurried to sit next to me, her hand landing over my knee. “He’s nothin’ like you, Frankie.”
“No two men are the same, sugar.” I chuckled, patting her hand in a friendly gesture reminiscent of the old days.
“But,” her eyes grew wider and she tried too hard to be convincing, “you and I got along just fine, now, didn’t we, hon?”
“Yes, Bonnie, but I never lied to you ‘bout anythin’.” Blame began to drip from the look I gave her. “I never said we’ll be a long-term thing. Never claimed to want kids. And you… you just gone tell me you were pregnant, Bonnie!”
As hurt as I was by being deceived, I knew that her suffering was tenfold. At least I was the man of my own story—I had the brains and the means to run my own life, while she was allowing a lowlife loser to steer hers.
“I’ll never lie to you again, I swear,” she begged.
The whole situation was far too painful, and I had to do something to make it more bearable for the two of us.
“Listen.” I dipped my hand into my pocket, pulling a significant sum of money that I had carried in case of this scenario happening. “I want you to have this.” I opened her palm and placed the money there, watching her eyes widen in astonishment. “And don’t give it to him, ya hear me? Hide it, open a bank account, whatever it takes, Bonnie. That guy’s bad news.”
“Okay,” she quickly nodded, tears rolling down her cheeks, “okay, I promise. I’m gonna kick ‘im out, I swear to you.”
Standing up, I gradually pulled my hand away from hers. “That’s somethin’ you need to promise yourself, Bonnie.” I shook my head. “You can do so much better than him.”
Slowly standing in turn, she nodded, the look on her face revealing that she was beginning to understand that there could never be anything between us anymore.
“And listen,” I cleared my throat, “if you ain’t happy at your job, let me know. I can throw in a good word for ya anywhere in town, you know that. You’re a bright woman, Bonnie, and you can do well for yourself.”
“Thanks, Frankie.” Shame seeped through her voice and the expression on her face.
Deciding to put her out of the misery and save myself any more heartache, I turned toward the door and we said our goodbyes.
Walking out, I saw Gus standing next to our horses. He had a sorry look on his face, as if he, too, felt terrible for her state.
“Can we leave now?” he mocked.
Nodding, I walked past him and got up on my horse without uttering a word.
After a few minutes of riding in silence, I sharply exhaled. “She said she’ll dump ‘im. I sure hope she does.”
“What did you do in there anyway?”
“She apologized and I gave ‘er somethin’ to get ‘er back on ‘er feet.” I turned to him, the sun hitting my eyes. “If you get wind of a job for her anywhere, you let me know.”
“Sure you wanna vet for a liar?” He smirked.
“She was my friend for a while, Gus, and people make mistakes.” I looked ahead, musing over my last statement. “We all make mistakes.”
The whole thing got me to thinking—you never knew what life was going to throw at you. One day, Bonnie was the town’s favorite fun mate, the next, she was being driven by an abusive jerk who forced her to lie to her exes to collect hush money.
If you wanted to survive this harsh world, the only option was to take the bull by its horns. You had to identify what you wanted, make sure that you truly wanted it, and go for it, no matter how much fighting it took.
Leading a happy life was all that mattered, and if I wanted my version of that, then I had to do something about it.
Taking initiative with Bonnie just now proved to me that I could turn a situation around and come out a winner if I really put my heart to it. Not only did I reach the closure I had wanted, but I also ended up helping a woman in need instead of falling for her lies or causing her any more pain.
As if he could read the thoughts budding in my mind, Gus sped up a little and caught up with me.
“Say, Frankie… how ‘bout I take care o’the ranch for a few days?”
“My ranch?” I turned to him. “What for?”
“So you could climb Everest,” he scoffed. “What d’ya think, genius? So you can go see Lila!”
“Wha—”
“Look,” he shook his head, a serious expression suddenly taking over his face, “we can do this the hard way or the easy way. It’s up to you. The way I see it? You wanna be with ‘er. Why else did you go see Bon-Bon just now? You wanted to be sure that that page’s been turned over for good, so you could have a fresh start with ‘er.”
“Really?” I mocked, drawing it out and raising an eyebrow in an attempt to conceal my true emotions. “Didn’t know you inherited Freud’s empire.”
“Ridicule me all you want,” he chuckled, shaking his head before gazing ahead, “y’know I’m right,” he said matter-of-factly.
“Well, even if—”
“Even if you wanna see if you still had a chance with Lila,” he interrupted me, raising his voice an octave, “a phone call ain’t gonna cut it. You gotta go over there, see ‘er, give her real face-time. Remind ‘er of why she was attracted to ya in the first place. Nothin’ beats a real-life encounter. God, Frankie, just fuckin’ do it!”
He was clearly running out of patience and I couldn’t blame him. Not only did I have no excuse—I had his offer and Walker wasn’t going anywhere—but I was also acting far too conservatively for my own nature. The Frankie my brothers knew didn’t fear a thing. He would jump on the first train and go get the girl.
But this time was different. I didn’t only want to be with Lila, but I was secretly considering making her mine for the long haul. This whole baby ordeal actually changed something inside of me, inciting thoughts of starting my own little family, propelling them to the forefront of my mind.
Was I even capable of becoming a decent father?
With butterflies in my stomach, the excitement that filled my entire being stopped me from contemplating any further questions. As we rode back to my estate, all I could think about was sharing a celebratory bourbon with Gus and preparing myself for the journey of my life toward Lila.
Back in the house, Gus made his way straight toward the kitchen and started fixing us a drink. Again, he was reading my mind.
“I’ll hop in for a quick shower,” I announced. Without waiting for a response, I took the stairs two at a time.
As soon as I undressed, I felt a weight coming off my shoulders. It was as if my work clothes were weighing me down with the memory of a tough situation that could have landed me in a miserable marriage with Bonnie forever.
The moment the cool water drops made contact with my hot skin, I felt every muscle relax. Only now, I could finally see what my brothers’ problem with my lifestyle was. While I thought I could go on forever, sleeping with women and forgetting about it, they were considering the worst-case scenario—one very much resembling what could have been.
Inhaling, I let the fresh smell of soap diffuse through the air in my nostrils, while the lather worked its magic, cleaning more than just dirt and sweat. For the first time ever, I saw this bath as a means to cleanse myself of all the loose ends before I could see my love.
Would Lila allow me this chance? Could she accept the responsibility I so eagerly wanted her to carry? I was drowning in a lonely ocean of ill-fated decisions, and she… she was the anchor that could keep me from being washed away into the depths of this ominous whirlpool.
After I dried off, I wrapped the towel around my waist and headed downstairs. I wanted my skin to breathe, to really soak up the air, before I went on and faced her.
In the living room, Gus was sitting back in the armchair, relaxing with his legs crossed and a newspaper in his hand. In the other, he clutched a rather expensive glass of whiskey.
“Celebratin’ already?” I chuckled, joining him as I leaned over to pick up my glass and settled down on the couch.
“It’s worth it,” he scoffed. “I called the ranch, told ‘em I’ll be stayin’ here for a few days.”
“Yeah,” I sighed. “Thanks, man.”
“Hold your horses, don’t thank me yet.” Raising his glass, he winked before taking a sip.
I followed suit, secretly wondering if I should drive or take the train.
When we were done and feeling refreshed, I picked up the phone and called Walker to let him know that Gus was taking over.
“Everythin’ alright?” He sounded concerned.
“Yeah, everythin’s great,” I reassured him. “Just gotta go outta town for a while.”
“I wish you all the luck in the world.”
Much to my surprise, both his statement and the tone with which he said it carried a deeper meaning I thought I recognized.
Walker was a clever man, but I didn’t think I was that obvious.
Hanging up, I decided to go back to my room and work out a balance between packing just enough and not too much. I had no idea how Lila was going to receive me, nor was I certain if I could even stay in her town for long. There had to be an inn of some sort—every little town had one of those.
After a few minutes of considering everything, I had decided on a pair of jeans—in addition to the ones I would be wearing—and a couple of clean shirts. As I began to pack my socks and underwear, Gus appeared at the doorway, stopping and leaning with his shoulder against the wooden frame.
“What’s that?” He gestured with his chin toward the little bottle of fragrance on my bed.
“Cologne.”
“You switched for her?” He tittered, his hand rubbing his jawline in sheer amusement.
“I—it’s a long story.” Shaking my head, I grabbed the bottle—slightly violently as if I was still trying to reaffirm my position as a macho man—and tossed it into the duffle bag before covering it up with a pair of boxers.
“Well, I gotta go meet with Walker now—” He hastily turned around, clearly deciding to give me some space. “I’ll be at the shed if ya need me!” he hollered, his voice trailing off as he went down the stairs.
Drawing a deep breath, I pulled the bottle out again and held it in my hand, cradling it as the sun rays hit it at an angle that made it shine. This was the only thing that Lila had left behind—the only indication that she wasn’t a dream. My Sky Lady was real, and suddenly, thoughts of her turning me down began to creep into my mind, hurling my heart into a raging fit of palpitations.
“No.” I quickly shook my head, straightening up and putting the bottle back into the bag.
Another deep breath… and another. I turned around and faced the large window, looking out to where the horizon met the sky in a bright blue and dark grey combination of hope and desolation.
Taking a step back, my mind followed my gaze as it crept upward, examining every detail in the spotty heavens and their imperfections. I could have gotten lost analyzing the view ahead if it weren’t for the fact that my eyes were now fixated on the window frame. Then the wall. Then ascended to Orpheus and his Eurydice.
In my journey to win back Lila, my underworld was my own history. My Aristaeus was my careless acts and their consequences. My Hades was my pride, and my binding condition was that I had to truly open up and let a woman see me… really see me, no matter what.
The only way for me to get Sky Lady back was by making her believe that I was in love with her. And the only way to do that was by telling her my truth—all of it, genuine and unabridged.
With that conviction, my legs sliding into my jeans became my means to reach Eurydice. My fingers buttoning up the shirt over my heart were my promise to keep her safe from harm.
And the splashes of cologne from the gift she had unwillingly left behind… that was the branding of her love on my bare wrists, marking me as hers in an unspoken vow of loyalty.