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I awoke in my pea green bedroom at the mansion, not completely remembering laying down in the first place. As I sat up and rubbed my eyes, bits of the end of the council meeting came back to me. Lang had carried me to bed, which I now had the sense to feel humiliated by. I didn’t want to fall apart, but some things couldn’t always be helped.
Low mumbling caught my attention, and I realized that was what had woken me up. I swung my feet off the bed and tapped them on the carpet, softening when I saw that Lang had taken the time to remove my shoes. It was the little things that felt like sweetness, reminding me that though I felt very much afraid, I had family here who cared about the big things without forgetting the little things.
I tiptoed out of my bedroom and followed the mumbling through the empty, unlit hallway to Danny’s room. My fist lightly rapped on the door, and I heard a “Go! Go!” whispered before he opened his door. I was just glad he was talking to someone. His eyes were focused and his face sane when he poked his head out. “Hey, kid.”
When he stood back to let me in, I was surprised to find there was no one in the room. I guessed he’d been talking on his cell, and had hung up for me. I don’t know why that made me feel guilty – my emotions were all over the place. I stood in the middle of Danny’s usually military-perfect room that was always in order and free of dust or clutter. Only now it, like Danny, was broken. There was crap everywhere, clothes on the floor, and Mariang’s things thrown clear off her desk and scattered about the room. It looked like moshers had come through and trashed the place.
I knew he was expecting me to say something, but I still didn’t have the words, so I just stood there like a shell-shocked dummy, staring up at him so my eyes could do the talking. My daughter’s bones had been stolen. I knew Danny couldn’t have heard about Mariang’s finger going missing, because he looked like he’d showered recently. He was dressed, clean and looked more balanced than I’d seen him in a month. Mariang’s bedroom, on the other hand, was an utter disaster. I mean, her lamp was broken and in shattered pieces on the ground. Her dresser had been rifled through. The closet had piles of her never-been-worn clothes spilling out of it.
I’d never seen Danny disorganized, and wasn’t sure what to make of it. He was grieving, so I guess cleaning his room hadn’t been at the top of his priority list.
His caterpillar-like eyebrows pushed together as he frowned down at me. “You need something? I think Von’s downstairs with Ezra and Mason. He stopped yelling not too long ago, so I’m guessing they’ve finally knocked a bit of logic into him.”
I blinked up at Danny, not sure why I was here or what I expected him to say to me that might help. I opened my mouth, but no sound came out. I shook my head and lowered my chin, banding my arms around my stomach to hold myself together.
“I heard they told you about September. You still checked out?”
I guess me looking up at him without speaking for so long answered that question.
Danny’s shoulders drooped, and dang if he didn’t soften as he watched me not know what to do with myself. I hated that he was more together than I was. He moved his dirty clothes and dusty books with that same vellum paper Finn’s books had off the bed, and onto the chair at his desk. Danny was flustered, not sure what to do with himself at having a guest in the room he’d shared for so many years with Mariang.
“Hold on, hold on. I wasn’t expecting anyone.” Danny quickly made the bed while I stood in the center of the chaotic room, unsure what to do with my hands. I scraped at the flesh once just out of habit, but the pain didn’t center me like it used to. I couldn’t feel anything. I dug my nails deeper, but still registered nothing.
When Danny deemed his disaster of a room passable, he took my arm with his other hand wrapped around my back and slowly lowered me to sit on the side of his bed. The sheets smelled like man feet, which is to say, totally gross. “You should rest for a bit, yeah? It’s been a long time you’ve had too much happening. The council’s mostly gone, so you don’t have to worry about running into them. Lang’s still here, and I think Mason and Carter, but that’s all.”
I said nothing to this, so Danny continued, swallowing hard as I blinked up at him. He ran his hand through his messy hair, just as befuddled as I was that he was the one I came to, mute as I was. He finally sat down next to me on the bed, hesitating, but then raising his hand to rub a circle into my back. He gave me a small pull I wasn’t expecting. I could tell by his exhale that he needed the job just as much as Mariang had needed him. “Oh, that’s better,” he murmured, as if I was the one pulling for him. He was like me – lost without a purpose to drive him forward. He cleared his throat. “Kabayo’s upset that he let something bad happen to your family. Left you a leather cuff to wear on your wrist.”
My eyes conveyed that I couldn’t guess why Kabayo would leave me that, or what I was supposed to do with it.
“I think it was supposed to cheer you up, to let you know that he understands he mucked up. Kabayo doesn’t know much about human women, so pretend the leather cuff is a vase of flowers or something.” When my hand mindlessly raked at my arm again just to see if now I could feel something, Danny stole my hand and linked his fingers through mine atop his knee. “Stop that. You know it drives me mad.” Danny played with my fingers, examining each one carefully. When he spoke again, his voice was gentler. “I never got to thank you for standing in front of me at the funeral. I mean, I knew what was coming, so I was prepared for it, but to have you throw yourself in front of me to save me from public humiliation? I don’t know how to thank you for that. I was barely hanging on that day. You saved me.”
I’d saved him, but I couldn’t save my daughter, who’d been just a short walk away. Tears welled in my eyes, and I couldn’t stop the flow. It was like losing her all over again.
“Hey now, that wasn’t meant to make you cry. It’s alright. You stopped them. No one’s going to spit on me anymore.” Danny mistakenly thought I was distraught about his public shaming. He shifted on the mattress beside me, bringing up the edge of the pink comforter to drape over our shoulders. He covered us and made what felt like a small fort we could confess our worries in. His arm wound around my hips, drawing me to his side so my cheek rested on his shoulder. When he planted a kiss to the top of my hair, that’s when the floodgates really opened. I clutched his shirt and wept into the material, hating myself for leaning on someone who was probably having his first day of normalcy in a month.
I couldn’t help it. Von was just as lost and stressed as I was, Ollie was always somewhere else, and Allie was still sleeping. Life was crumbling to pieces around me, and I was barely able to assemble enough sanity to stand on my own.
“Shh. It’s alright. Man, I hadn’t pegged you as a crier. I’m not all that great at this part of the job. Um, there-there?” He guessed at the right thing to do, awkwardly patting my back as I sobbed all the more. He kissed my forehead, making me feel five years old. I was so far from young anymore. I hadn’t been a child in ages.
When Danny stiffened, my tears cleared just enough to look around to see what had startled him. I made out a glowing white blur floating before us, but Danny’s hand went over my eyes, obscuring my vision. “Danny, what is that?”
“Nothing. You look tired. Are you falling asleep?” He sounded scared, forcing the idea of sleepiness on me.
But then I suddenly did feel drowsy, my eyelids drooping. “That’s right,” Danny cooed as he pulled too hard. “Go to sleep.”
I shrugged out of his embrace. “What? I’m not tired. I’m in the middle of a breakdown. You’re pulling way too hard, Danny.” I heard a crash, and whipped my head to see the source of the sound. Danny tried to keep his hand up to block my eyes, but clear as day I saw her.
Floating two inches above the floor like a translucent apparition near the closet was a woman dressed in a long, flowing white gown. It was tattered at the edges, but still so pure a white that the dress itself appeared to be glowing.
Her sleek black hair was pulled into a bun on the top of her head like a ballerina. Her arms were thin and translucent, and I could see blue veins through the skin.
My racing heart seemed to stop at the face of Mariang staring out at me. Her cheeks were blushed with pink, making her arms appear that much paler. She was streaked in blood from her hairline to her chin.
It was then I realized Mariang wasn’t staring at me – she was glaring with malice and purpose. My mouth fell open as a haunted house-worthy scream belted out from my diaphragm, filling the mansion with my horror.
“You’re seeing things! You’re so tired,” Danny insisted, wrestling me down onto their bed as he shot waves of bliss through me. I thrashed and fought as best I could, but Danny’s Duwende abilities, coupled with his brute strength, were no match for even the strongest will to escape.
It wasn’t until Mariang appeared floating a foot above me, her dress hanging down on Danny’s back that I stopped struggling. She was pissed, but all I could see was my sweet sister dripping with the blood she seemed to have no end of. It dribbled down on me, making me shriek with fear and a renewed desire to get the crap out of there. “What’s happening? You’re not supposed to be here!” My scream reached new heights when her docile hand struck out at me, her sharp nails raking the skin on my cheek until I tasted blood. Her ghost-like body could touch things hard enough to damage them.
I wasn’t sure what hurt worse – the torn skin or that Mariang had raised her hand to me.
Danny was frightened as he turned to bark quietly at Mariang. “No! You can’t do that! I told you that you could stay if you could control yourself. You can’t hurt her!”
“You kissed her!” Mariang’s voice was furious, but behind the sound there was a metallic edge that was grating and inhuman. Her delicate voice was now braced with steel, making her sound like herself, but not.
“I kissed her head! October’s like a sister to me. You know I’ve only ever loved you.”
“Help!” I yelled over and over, hoping anyone was near enough in the massive house to hear us.
Danny clamped his hand over my mouth in fear. “No! They can’t take her! I need her!”
My terror was washed away in ripples until Danny panicked and shot a tsunami of peace through me. I wilted on the mattress, swaddled in feet-smelling sheets as the world and all of its problems left me in a blustery wave.
In that surreal moment, my eyes closed as I felt myself leave me, too.